Change 3 Moments in Lolcow History -

[Governor Jeb Bush]

1. Tonka and KKK Grand Dragon Andy "Race"Warski do have their fight, which Andy wins. He leaves Youtube and starts a new career in MMA only to get his shit kicked in by either Michael Page or Jon Jones.

2. John Walker Flynt does get elected.

3. H3H3 never gain relevance.

H3H3 is into kids and it will leak out someday... keep watching nigga... keep watching...

 

[Bunny Tracks]

1: Terry lived, and accepted the help he so desperately needed.
2: Susan Schofield permanently loses custody of Jani and Bodi, and/or Michael actually saved them from her by filing for custody.
3. Some faggot doesn't tipoff Nulyu so the troon doesn't go completely DFE, and under complete lockdown, and the actual complete story of the ProJared Saga is revealed.

 

[BlueArmedDevil]

1. Deagle nation never went away
2. Sick Nick pulled a hero via police
3. ADF became a proud boy

 

[D_Tractor]

Hitler may have had a few cowish tendencies himself but would the modern day lolcow exist if he had won the war?
Without Jews, Troons, or homosexuals, there certainly wouldn't be nearly as many.

 

[whatever I feel like]

He wanted to dispose of retards, so probably not. Thankfully he lost.

 

[The Iconoclast]

1. Jerry Peet never gets into MLP and does something productive with his life (or probably commits suicide)
2. Kraut actually does research and beats down the alt-right and JF, his gay Discord ops are a success and we read about them in history books
3. Zoey kept it in her pants and never started Gamergate, preventing vapid fucking morons like Matt and Sargon (and their imitators) from gaining traction

and fuck it, one more for the road.

4. The Quartering either stuck to MTG and/or put down those quarter pounders and decided to do something productive with his life

 

[Pee Wee Herman]

Barbara Chandler dies instead of Bob Chandler
Terry A. Davis doesn't die
Boogie2988 shoots Frank Hassle and is arrested

 

[Pee Cola]

1. Terry never received a drum kit from randoms on the internet.

2. Desmond's parents died when he was a baby, leaving his grandparents to raise him as a normal kid.

3. Twitter was never invented.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Chris doesn't win the sweepstakes.

(can't think of any others at the moment)

 

[Jeff_the_Thriller]

1. Lowtax knocks out Uwe Boll
2. Chris doesn't troon out and insists he's straight despite never touching a vaginer.
3. Jace doesn't get in that car accident and Busey up his brain

 

[Captain Manning]

1. Terry doesn't die, and instead gets help.

2. Jim doesn't get cancer and spend his remaining days turning into Spoony on Twitter.

And, speaking of...

3. Spoony doesn't experience... whatever the fuck it is that completely fucked him up... and he continues to make good content on the Spoony Experiment and Counter Monkey.

All three of these are with sincerity and heart. Not designed to fuck with the cows and make them more miserable. All three were fun people in their prime, and I recognize them as such.

Honorable mention (if I got a fourth pick): Tonka doesn't royally fuck up the Morning Kumite. It was a good show while it lasted.

 

[JEB!]

1. Chris actually shut that God damn thing off. He then improved his life without the twolls hounding him

2. Boogie died on the operating table before he could shit all over his fake image

3. Terry never saw his bird watching the computer screen. He would have never given up hope

 

[LordofCringe7206]

1. All major horrorcows and terrorists that have threads here are never born. This leaves a ton of people not getting harmed by pedos, killers and other abusers

2. The entire Kraut discord scandal never comes to be because he never starts that server up. Skeptic drama is much slower and much smaller compared to what we got. IBS never happens. Jim's decline is much slower and smaller. We may lose out on a lot of lulz but we also lose out on a lot of ugly drama that ruined a lot of people

3. Chris's autism is handled better than it was by his parents, leading to him becoming a productive member of society

 

[Hello Gordon]

1.) Shoot Nick Bate before he touched his kid sister.
2.) Wings of Redemption goes on the PKA trip. Kyle got sick day 1 but at least he didn't pussy out.
3.) Kingcobrajfs never does youtube and finished Job Corp. He eventually become an apprentice somewhere and eventually moved out of that hick town Casper.

 

[JuanButNotForgotten]

1. Professional male escort Carlos Chantor gets a real call from someone other than a troll and follows through. The caller gets so fucked up from this experience, that she (he?) jumps to CWC-wiki and spills the beans.
2. When Bryan Dunn gloats about 8chan fucking with Ethan Ralph, they suddenly recall all the instances of him whoring himself there and decide to fuck with him too. He has a very fun time explaining to the mother of his child why some randoms on the web send her her pictures covered in semen. She leaves him and he never posts video with his daughter here. Her mother finds new husband and the little one has 0 chances to find out who her father is and lives happily ever after with healthy psyche. Bryan visits 8chan and KF a month later under new sock. Of course, he fails to keep it for long.
3. Zoe Quinn contracts HIV before she enters game industry. She either ends up being avoided like a plague or years later cries that she contracted it from one of the 5 guys. They of course blame her.
4. Baked Alaska gets canceled by every major platform after visiting Charlottesville. His IRL streaming fails miserably, because he gets kicked out of every platform in the matter of hours. He quietly falls into obscurity. Otherwise, his pepper spray fails and he gets beaten on stream so hard, that he is unable to walk long enough for that shit.

a lot of ugly drama that ruined a lot of people

That was their fault. It would've happened with or without IBS, that shit only sped up the process.

 

[PhoBingas]

1) Chris never troons out
2) The Maddox / Dick shit devolving into a fist-fight in the Something Awful parking lot, ending with both looking like fools
3) Shane Dawson getting arrested and then punked out by the AB in prison for raping his cat.

 

[DesperateForAJelq]

1. WingsOfRedemption wins his 1v1 on Bog vs Syndicate.

2. Onision sued the correct Chris Hansen.

3. The pandemic never happens and DSP's bankruptcy case goes on as normal eventually leading to him shutting down his channel.

 

[Peru oso donas]

1. The Man on the Pickle Suit steals Chris date, but Chris had a gun.
2. Chris and Barb run over Snyder, but Chris had a gun.
3. Chris maces that one GameStop employee, but Chris had a gun.

 

[OttoWest]

1. Jake’s parents never split up.
2. Rhys is denied tenure.
3. Hillary wins.

 

[Westerlund 1]

1. Chris dies of an infection caused by the Unclit.
2. Nick Bate is never allowed to meet Amber or go near her.
3. @FuckYou decides not to throw his life away and 2 others.