Chantal Sarault / Foodie Beauty - 400+lb delusional Canadian mukbanger in a constant cycle of making and breaking promises.

GargoyleGorl

Token SJW
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
You can roughly estimate how much water a human displaces by converting their weight to kilograms and assuming 1 kg displaces one L of water.

If Chantal weighs 400 lbs (we know she weighs more but just saying), she weighs 181 kg, which will displace 181 L, or roughly 58 gallons of water. If the average bath contains 45 gallons, Chantal will displace ALL the water in the bath.

But that’s assuming she tried to fit her entire body into it, laying down and everything with nothing sticking up above the rim of the bath (an impossible feat for Chantal and her giant ball-shaped body). If we assume she lowers herself into the bath (by some hydraulic miracle) and only the lower half of her body is submerged (legs, arse and fupa), we can generously say only slightly more than half her weight is displacing the water.

Meaning if Chantal tries to sit in a bath, she will displace approx 27 gallons of water, leaving 18 gallons in the bath with her. Not an awful lot.

However, if she weighs 450 lbs, as I strongly suspect, then applying the same parameters, she would sit down in the bath and displace all the water except for 9 gallons.

But I strongly suspect she’s incapable of actually fitting into the narrow bath in the first place. She may just sit on the side with her feet in it.
I'm sure she just runs the tub and throws in the bath bomb as a combination tub-cleaner/air freshener.
 

Angry New Ager

Election special: Kiwi Margaritas--Extra Salty!
True & Honest Fan
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I'm putting it in writing now so I can feel satisfied later, but Peetz is going to come out as ~ trans ~ in the near future. Just wait. I guarantee it.
At the very least, he'll come out as non-binary, and take to wearing dresses on occasion, while changing nothing else about his appearance. Maybe he'll attempt to wear makeup and nail polish, but the hair and beard will remain as they are.
 

GargoyleGorl

Token SJW
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I haven't done one of these in a while. Guess I need to tithe.


  • Bizarroworld Chantal, professional YouTuber extraordinaire, washes her hair, applies makeup, and waits for the dishwasher and pressure cooker to finish so she isn't drowned out with obnoxious background noise and has to "talk louder". In our world, none of these things happen.
  • Dinner is cooking in Instant Pot. Dinner video forthcoming.
  • So exciting. Magazines she never reads and coupons she never uses. Promising start.
  • She used to be sponsored by FFF, but something happened. She seems unclear as to what, exactly. "They probably saw that I'm a mess and probably got some trolls emailing them or something". She's not holding a grudge.
  • First item and she's immediately baffled by socks. Our French queen informs us they're "barra" socks and they're non-slip, "which I need in my house, except for the carpets". She reaches out to her viewerbase for more information on the socks because she's really super confused by them and presumably Peetz will need help figuring out how to wrap them around her trotters.
  • Pauses because her shirt is caught in her armpit. Takes the opportunity to read her shirt aloud for anyone listening at home.
  • Item two: Cleanser with "sa-licks-ill-ick" acid. She's skeptical, since we know her and she "mostly only" uses Lush. This only has two natural-sounding ingredients and neither are food related, so... She'll give it away to one of her many friends.
  • Item three: Daily Concepts daily facial brush. She repeats for us that it's a Daily Concepts daily facial brush, then goes on to explain that it's small, so you can use it on your face. Daily, I would imagine, but she didn't repeat that part enough so who knows. She's definitely always wanted one though. And if it was bigger, she could use it on her body. But it's not. Because it's a facial brush.
  • Item four: "What's this?" she asks, holding up a wallet, "Some kinda wallet? I don't know what it's used for. I guess I could always look it up."
  • Omg, she's actually looking it up in the magazine that she never reads.
  • Why am I doing this.
  • Wait, the magazine might tell us about the socks as well!
  • They're workout socks. She doesn't even pretend she'll get any use out of them.
  • "Daily Concepts daily face brush: Use the brush on your forehead, nose, chin, cheeks, and neck to stimulate lymphatic pathways and reduce puffiness." We're gonna need a bigger brush.
  • Finally, the wallet will be explained. It turns out it's a wallet.
  • Chantal is very taken with the wallet. Having read a single sentence about the wallet, she's now an expert and explains how her own wallet gets so big and full of garbage that having a smaller wallet with her most-used cards would make her life easier. So now she'll have two wallets, I guess, one with cards she uses and one as a receptacle for garbage.
  • Item five "looks like a makeup product" and she loves makeup. Oh boy, oh boy.
  • Oh, liquid eyeliner. She doesn't seem very enthusiastic, but then again, she is clearly struggling to breathe. Sam's tail makes an appearance from stage left. I wonder what will come of this.
  • Turns out Sam isn't impressed by the eyeliner either and tries to take over the screen. My god, that cat needs to be brushed in the worst way. His fur is in clumps.
  • Several moments of Sam and some idiotic noises from Chantal. A few cuts later Peetz appears to remove Sam from the frame. Chantal hasn't stood up but somehow she has food? A bowl of oatmeal or something.
  • "I'm showing them my Fab Fit Fun box," she explains to Peetz as he hauls Sam away.
  • One cat removed from one counter; other cat jumps onto other counter. Balance is restored.
  • Item six: Champagne flutes. She loves champagne flutes!
  • Peetz: Why do you need champagne flutes?
  • Chantal: Because I drink champagne sometimes.
  • Peetz, man of the people: Drink it out of a mug.
  • Chantal: *huffs disparagingly, or else just can't fucking breathe*
  • "OMG THEY'RE SO KYUUUUUTE. They're so chic! I dunno, are you supposed to drink from the low end or the top end?" My head hurts.
  • Item seven: Sixty-nine dollar scarf.
  • Chantal of the people: Would you pay $69 for a scarf?
  • Peetz: No.
  • Chantal: Me neither.
  • Finally notices the cat dangerously close to the steam pouring out of the Instant Pot. Snaps at Peetz to do something about it. Peetz removes a second cat from the video by tossing her off-screen.
  • "She's not hurt, she's just whining." Yeah, lots of elderly arthritic animals whine over being manhandled. Bunch of babies.
  • Item eight: Cutting board set. "Which we need. We have two, but you can never have enough."
  • Item nine: Box for the cats. "Aw, I like those boxes... I guess the cats can have it." WTF, why do you need boxes? "Sam has, like, three boxes... It looks messy but it keeps the cats happy... It's just clutter, nbd."
  • Bonus item: She's bought a cake pan for brownies. There is currently a cat in the cake pan. The pan was too big, you see, so she put a blanket in it and made it into a cat bed. Because it didn't look that big on the internet. And it's deep. It didn't look deep on the internet.
  • Chantal: Because I'm not gonna make a cake that big!
  • Peetz: Why not?
  • Why not indeed.
  • Peetz can't get over the size of the cake pan. Keeps going on about how he'd love to see an enormous cock cake. He's really into this cake pan. It's the size of his torso! And it's thicc. Chantal is visibly annoyed, doubly so when he rejects her gift of the pore cleanser she didn't want. She laughs about the socks she'll never use. She loved the flutes because she wants more classy home decor. She's suddenly hyper -- dinner must be almost ready.
Well, that was painful.
 

KrissyBean

Hi Sham!
kiwifarms.net
I fucking loved how Chantal was all butthurt when she asked Peetz if the beef was tender, and he was like "Hell no, it's tough as shit!"

And she kept trying to insist that it was perfectly tender. "I guess it's just a matter of preference, because mine is really tender to me." (i.e. Stop making me look like a shitty cook in front of my 80,000 loyal fans.)

And again, Peetz was like "Nope, it definitely sucks and needs to be more tender." Haha, you could tell she was pissed throughout the rest of the video after that.

And she was a total bitch attacking his mom for her "small kitchen" after he mentioned how his mom was a good cook. "Your mom has the smallest kitchen I've ever seen" (while she was still seething over his insult on her overcooked beef). Maybe I'm reading too much into that. But to me, she was saying, "Your mom is poorer than my mom, so there!" as a desperate attempt of getting the upper hand like the vindictive cunt she is.

ETA: Also, "I've been craving cooked carrots?" WTF? Nothing wrong with cooked carrots, but who randomly gets a craving for that? Is there anything this hog doesn't "crave"? I'm so sick of her overuse of that word.
 
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Turd Blossom

A mug-o-gravy a day keeps Lord Beetus away
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
"What's this?" she asks, holding up a wallet, "Some kinda wallet? I don't know what it's used for. I guess I could always look it up."

Daily Concepts daily facial brush. She repeats for us that it's a Daily Concepts daily facial brush, then goes on to explain that it's small, so you can use it on your face. Daily, I would imagine
Not only are these subscription box/haul-type vids a nice brief respite from the horrific smacking, cackling manic mukbangs where Clotso manages to sputter out roughly 3 words at a time before stuffing in another overflowing gob-full of food and losing her train of thought while dribbling gravy down her front, but they beautifully showcase how utterly terrible she is at her "job".

Her one job here is to display her new products while ostensibly making it entertaining/informative. Per usual, our professional YouTuber put forth exactly zero effort. She sat on her perch in her dirty kitchen, with her filthy hair shoved into a bun, and when not shouting things like "what are THESE FOR??? HEEHEE", dryly read the descriptions/labels of the items and couldn't even be bothered to figure out how to pronounce the items.

She offers absolutely nothing of value that couldn't be garnered from their website, except maybe her expert opinion that the non-skid bottoms of the socks she'll never be able to squeeze over her fat feet "might attract hair", and that she thinks FabFitFun may have dropped her as a sponsor because haydurs probably emailed them!
(Correct me if I'm wrong here any of you Clotso Historians, but I could swear she was never actually sponsored by FabFitFun. I feel like the most she did was maybe offer the occasional discount/affiliate code, but I could be mistaken.)
At any rate, I just can't imagine why any company wouldn't want to be associated with our Ogress.

This video is a perfect example of Clotso's utter ineptitude. Like all of her non-gorging vids (with the exception of humiliating try-on hauls stuffing herself into too-small clothing), this one will likely do poorly which should probably scare the shit out of her. It's only a matter of time before Mukbangs are phased out (either from disinterest or YT itself) and she's absolutely useless at anything not involving shoveling heroic amounts of grease and/or cheese in her Arbys-Hole.
 
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GargoyleGorl

Token SJW
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net

INSTANT POT BEEF STEW FIRST TIME TRYING​

What's with the back to back uploads?

This video is not worth a detailed recap.

She made stew. It looked relatively edible, compared to a lot of the shit she produces, but nothing special. Kinda dry and plain, really. She and Peetz made incredibly awkward, boring conversation. Peetz brought up the enormous cake pan again. The last few minutes were almost complete silence and shed some light on what these two are like when they're not on camera: Kind of like a couple who are really over each other but are stuck in a lease together. Shocking revelation there, I know. Just monosyllabic grunts, half-formed thoughts about conversations they had earlier that day, vague niceties without real engagement. I hate the eating noises and I hate the farts and I hate the storytimes and the tee-heeing, but this? This was somehow worse.

But this video does solve a small mystery. All the cuts in the FFF video when Peetz was wrangling Sam? They actually stopped to film her making "slurry" out of cornstarch to add to the stew to thicken it. That's what the sudden bowl was, not oatmeal.

So she recorded two videos in the space of an hour or so. Nothing very interesting, but in case anyone was wondering.
 
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solidus

Fission Mailed
kiwifarms.net
She makes such basic bitch food. A stew... Really? It’s your run of the mill week night dinner. Not something worth filming and uploading to YouTube.

To her though this is gourmet because it’s home made and not the normal fast food sodium and fat bombs she normally eats.
 

Petty_Crocker

kiwifarms.net
I love how irritated she is about the beef not being tender. She keeps asserting how tender hers is and maybe its a matter of taste. This is a awkward and boring video. I don’t see the point of the instant pot, its the same amount of effort when she does it on the stove. Peetz is so contrary and deadpan, but a least he shades Chinny and makes her angry.
 

soulless guarantee

melanated blaq latinx trans* womxn
kiwifarms.net
instant pot comment.PNG
instant pot.PNG

She fucked it up, the meat wasn't tender but she won't admit that part.
 

katebushnightcore

Cw cooking
kiwifarms.net
I spotted that black knife box on the island. She used the knife to cut her calzone in yesterdays video, then put it back in the box for safe keeping without cleaning it off. She just dumped it on the island like she does with everything else. I'm 100%, 0% sure she hasn't cleaned it yet.
What kind of fat fuck has a cutlery box? Is this a thing?
 

Rasputin's Side Piece

What's a farm without a ho?
kiwifarms.net
So I wanted to take a shot at a recap. I am posting this because I did it, but it is definitely NOT up to par with the other recaps I see on this site. I just didn’t want to throw it away. In my own defense this video was so boring. Recapping is hard, guize. Be gentle, this is my first time. What am I saying? This is the Farms.

Open with cats sitting amongst the horrid clutter on the countertop

Shoos away cats from prep area saying she doesn’t want hairballs.

Instructs us on how to prepare ingredients for stew.

“Worster sauce?” What, bad, worse, worster? Try again—not even close to Worchestershire sauce.

Commence the steaming. Finish cooking.

Evidently Bibi used to say “corn snatch” instead of corn starch. Which is kind of cute, but then Peetz starts making his weird pervy noise indicating that the word “snatch” is very triggering to him.

Peetz is being unusually annoying or I am becoming less tolerant. The more I know about him the more he makes me MOTI.

She wipes her forehead and comments about hair soot running down her forehead, like Rudy Giuliani. Says she can’t make fun of him, because. Then Peetz informs her that she is not the lawyer for the President of the United States of America. As though that makes them both better than he is and so oozing hair soot is okay for Chinny but not inferior human beings who don’t do mukbangs on YouTube for a living.

“That’s true.” She nods.

Ask Peetz if he likes bread and butter. He doesn’t. How the hell does she not know the least little things about him when they were engaged and living together for over a decade?

“Sandwiches/bread taste better when cut in half.”????

Commence the smacking.

MMMMM. Mwammm yummm yngong yam yam gurgle slub snark. You get the idea.

“Is the meat tender?” “Naah. Could be tenderer.”

She shakes her head and makes a frowny face. Waves her floppy bread at the camera before biting.

Been craving cooked carrrots????? I don’t believe that, unless they’re shredded into a cake.

“So, next time it will come out even better.” Right, Peetz. Next time. I would be surprised at a “next time.” Requesting viewer hints. I would say that slow cooking is the best thing for tough meat and you don’t have ANYTHING BETTER TO DO.

“Mine is tender. Maybe certain pieces are tender.”

Smack smack smack smack

Pickles. Have to resort to Bycks. Putting hand in jar hasn’t killed me yet.

Why would that kill you?

“Bacteria, duh.” Well, actually pickling process kills a lot of bacteria, but useless against the slime from your hand. So dig away.

“Bacteria.” She is scornful. “Whatever, I do what I want. Heh Heh.” She literally said that.

Peetz pooh-poohs the notion that she shouldn’t stick her hand in the jar.

Peetz holds up his glass to show us what water looks like. He uses his fork like a toddler.

So no ring light. “Because it sucks.” Peetz interjects forcefully. He sure likes to use that wordl So bright in the face, she says. Way too bright.

Every now and again you just want a good stew. Yeah stew good.

“Ever eat Campbell’s stew in a can?” Peetz: No, cause my mom can cook better than canned stew. But now she has a tiny tiny kitchen.

Chins: Potatoes stay hot for a long time. Maybe the inspirations for the song “Hot Potato.”

I love intelligent conversation. Back to talking about tiny kitchen.

Not the size that matters, says Chins.

Peetz, the woman-hater: That’s what women say. They are always lying.

Chins: No the men lie saying they know how to use it.

She should know.

Peetz: When women say size doesn’t matter it’s a lie. Just trying to make guy feel better.

When you’re love it doesn’t matter she says.

Chantal: You should have some bread to sop that up. Change the subject. He doesn’t like bread he just told you.

Should have had a nice salad

Booo, says Peetz. Salad with a stew? Doesn’t sound good.

“A nice garden salad??” What’s with Chinny extolling the virtues of salad nowadays?

She is so hideous sitting there smacking away at her stew and telling her cat he’s a righteous man.

Peetz: Then you say “he’s a bad boyeee. He’s not.

“He’s a beezer. So, by definition a bad boy” Speaking the language of Moronia.

Peetzo opens a KitKat bar and displays it professionally. “How about a sponsorship deal, Nestle? Send us free KitKats.” I’m sure they would love to have you as a representative.

He waxes ecstatic over the notion of KitKat memorabilia.

Peets gives two thumbs up.

People want me to make something that will make you say “this is good. Really good”

Evidently he isn’t enthusiastic enough.

So he says it.

She gives a half-hearted shh-I said shhh. Guess the food wasn’t that great.

Peetz wants a giant cake with cat hair in it. As though that isn’t a basic ingredient in all the food they eat around that house. They have a giant baking pan that they use as a cat bed. I’m not lying.

A lady she used to work with had lots of dogs and every year she would bring in Christmas treats and Chantal would get the first crack at them. They would be covered in dog hair.

“How could she not know? There was nothing wrong with her vision.”

Bye
 

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