Charting Lolcows - The Science and Arts of Autism


Hehe xd
True & Honest Fan

I got a notification from this thread and it got me thinking. We have alot of disorganized data and theories that can't be proven. What if we organized the data so that it was useful?

Actually creating a database on cow information would be an interesting project. This would allow us to make and prove theories about lolcows and ourselves.

What kinds of data do you think a project like this should look for? Place of origin and weight (skin, medium, obese, deathfat, etc), type of cow? How they became a cow? Gender identity?

We have a pretty unclear definition of lolcow and quite a few questionable OPs so this is sortof a pipedream . However, I don't see any harm in discussing this idea.


True & Honest Fan
We should keep track of all known ailments the cow has ever claimed to have vs. actual diagnoses, though I don't know how we'd prove most of those unless the lolcow's ever shown doctor's notes, bills, or prescription bottles to where we can read the label. How common is that, anyway?

It'd be fun to correlate cows with special gender identities to big cities, to see just how much more likely you are to go trans if you live in a city with over 1,000,000 people.

Height and weight would be fun, too, so we could see the average BMI of cows. Are female lolcows on average fatter than male lolcows?

Sexy Senior Citizen

What's the big deal? It's called a fetish!
Sorting cows by any category- location (i.e., is there a relatively even distribution between inbred hillbillies and tranny city slickers?), how many years they've had an active internet presence, thread tag (e.g., Horrorcow, Lolcow, Schizocow, etc.), whether or not they're still being covered, etc.- would make an interesting project for someone with too much time on their hands, but I don't know how this will help us catalog them.
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now in green
True & Honest Fan
I wanted to make a thread on this particular theory but I guess it could belong here. Emp Lemon uploaded a video on Matt Watson (the guy from the first adpocalypse) where it is expanded that he had ties to ChapoTrapHouse and BreadTube and acted as a corporate shill, both arent mutually exclusive as we have seen over the past years. My first theory was (aluminium hat on) that they are implanted by influences ulterior to the platform but as I realized how utterly retarded that is I settled on BreadTube using their own arguments against the Alt-Right, primairly the PewDiePie pipeline, and weaponizing it the same way they claim to fought against. If any kiwis have any experience on Reddit, you can confirm that it is a milkable as fuck site to harbor this type of mentality. Im bringing Emps video because it draw some connections that overall have made me want to share this "theory".


archive what you want to remember
This idea seems like it could be a good start to the resurrection of the lolcow wiki.

If you named it something like 'internet famous' and kept mockery out of it, enforcing a hard rule of only allowing sourced, proven statements about things they've said or done, positive or negative (example), you could probably harness a lot of offsite autism to do most of the data-entry gruntwork for you especially if you provided a nice template for completionists to fill out. Lots of larger threads desperately need something like this and nobody has time to update the OPs for every major happening.