Chef Amberlynn and her creations - Post about her food creations or recipes here!

SisterChristian

Tranquilo
kiwifarms.net
Forgive me for posting slightly unfresh content, but the way she told us about the meal gets me every time.

Scrambled ayygs and turkey sausage

"just an fyi, don't add the everything but the bagel sesame seasoning until your ayyyygs or your chicken is on the plate or it'll burn...I've never used it before so I didn't know"

"it's really good! if you've had the everything bagel then you know exactly how this is going to taste!" (but if the seasoning burnt how can you taste it???)

View attachment 484836

Voila, three turkey logs and two "scrambled" ayygs. That either taste like a confused everything bagel or like burnt sesame seeds...*sigh*
The turkey looks like turds.
 

C3PBRO

YOUR AND IDIOT
kiwifarms.net



So we're gonna make something super simple, so let's do this thing!

Ingredients;
  1. A giant fucking onion because wtf Becky loves onions now?!
  2. Zero calorie spray oil.
  3. 1lb of turkey in tube-form, like God intended.
  4. The following seasoneens; Black pepper, Garlic Salt, Onion and Herb Mrs Dash, Original Blend Mrs Dash, Garlic and Herb Mrs Dash (not to be mistaken for Garlic Salt, or Onion and Herb Mrs Dash), Table Blend Mrs Dash, End the Suffering Mrs Dash, and Have You Ever Considered Using Actual Herbs Mrs Dash.
  5. A bag of 5-minute quinoa and brown rice with garlic.
Tools;
  1. A handy-dandy spatula.
  2. A pan.
  3. A giggling faggot to wander the kitchen, for added salt content.

Method;
  1. Put the massacred onion into the pan, and then spray the oil directly onto the raw onion for about three full seconds.
  2. Thanks @freebecky for the gif
    I'm dead serious, dump that shit in there like one of Amberlynn's Hindenburg-like turds dropping into the shitter.
  3. While your concoction is cooking, microwave your quinoa and rice. When it is done, pour it into the pan.
  4. Stir, then allow to "cook into itself."
  5. BAM!

@Zachary Michael, you know what to do.
 

Turd Blossom

Yo, She-Bitch. Let's Go.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net



So we're gonna make something super simple, so let's do this thing!

Ingredients;
  1. A giant fucking onion because wtf Becky loves onions now?!
  2. Zero calorie spray oil.
  3. 1lb of turkey in tube-form, like God intended.
  4. The following seasoneens; Black pepper, Garlic Salt, Onion and Herb Mrs Dash, Original Blend Mrs Dash, Garlic and Herb Mrs Dash (not to be mistaken for Garlic Salt, or Onion and Herb Mrs Dash), Table Blend Mrs Dash, End the Suffering Mrs Dash, and Have You Ever Considered Using Actual Herbs Mrs Dash.
  5. A bag of 5-minute quinoa and brown rice with garlic.
Tools;
  1. A handy-dandy spatula.
  2. A pan.
  3. A giggling faggot to wander the kitchen, for added salt content.

Method;
  1. Put the massacred onion into the pan, and then spray the oil directly onto the raw onion for about three full seconds.
  2. Thanks @freebecky for the gif
    I'm dead serious, dump that shit in there like one of Amberlynn's Hindenburg-like turds dropping into the shitter.
  3. While your concoction is cooking, microwave your quinoa and rice. When it is done, pour it into the pan.
  4. Stir, then allow to "cook into itself."
  5. BAM!

@Zachary Michael, you know what to do.
I feel like there's got to be ketchup, sriracha and olives in there somewhere. Maybe she snuck them in when she was lovingly dumping this masterpiece in the (paper) plating/garnishing segment she forgot to show us.

Also, bless you for this, @CP3BRO. You are a goddamn treasure.
 

C3PBRO

YOUR AND IDIOT
kiwifarms.net
I feel like there's got to be ketchup, sriracha and olives in there somewhere. Maybe she snuck them in when she was lovingly dumping this masterpiece in the (paper) plating/garnishing segment she forgot to show us.

Also, bless you for this, @CP3BRO. You are a goddamn treasure.
I would hope so, because otherwise there are more varieties of sodium-dump seasoning than there are actual food ingredients in this veritable slop. I'm tempted to believe she threw this together because she's embracing the cringe lately, and you know... I don't even care. Because her cooking is hilarious, ironic or not. Shes the one eating it, and happy to carry on being planet fatass.
 

DarkSydePundit

Women Are Not Funny
kiwifarms.net
I would hope so, because otherwise there are more varieties of sodium-dump seasoning than there are actual food ingredients in this veritable slop. I'm tempted to believe she threw this together because she's embracing the cringe lately, and you know... I don't even care. Because her cooking is hilarious, ironic or not. Shes the one eating it, and happy to carry on being planet fatass.
Fuck it’s 1:30 am here and I am waking up all my neighbors because your Writing is so.
Fucking.
Funny.

:achievement:
 

497

kiwifarms.net



So we're gonna make something super simple, so let's do this thing!

Ingredients;
  1. A giant fucking onion because wtf Becky loves onions now?!
  2. Zero calorie spray oil.
  3. 1lb of turkey in tube-form, like God intended.
  4. The following seasoneens; Black pepper, Garlic Salt, Onion and Herb Mrs Dash, Original Blend Mrs Dash, Garlic and Herb Mrs Dash (not to be mistaken for Garlic Salt, or Onion and Herb Mrs Dash), Table Blend Mrs Dash, End the Suffering Mrs Dash, and Have You Ever Considered Using Actual Herbs Mrs Dash.
  5. A bag of 5-minute quinoa and brown rice with garlic.
Tools;
  1. A handy-dandy spatula.
  2. A pan.
  3. A giggling faggot to wander the kitchen, for added salt content.

Method;
  1. Put the massacred onion into the pan, and then spray the oil directly onto the raw onion for about three full seconds.
  2. Thanks @freebecky for the gif
    I'm dead serious, dump that shit in there like one of Amberlynn's Hindenburg-like turds dropping into the shitter.
  3. While your concoction is cooking, microwave your quinoa and rice. When it is done, pour it into the pan.
  4. Stir, then allow to "cook into itself."
  5. BAM!

@Zachary Michael, you know what to do.


That recipe was only for one serving BTW. the onion wasn't for Becky it was to keep Becky away from the food.
That's why Amber has that smile :)
 

Ohhhamburgersss

kiwifarms.net



So we're gonna make something super simple, so let's do this thing!

Ingredients;
  1. A giant fucking onion because wtf Becky loves onions now?!
  2. Zero calorie spray oil.
  3. 1lb of turkey in tube-form, like God intended.
  4. The following seasoneens; Black pepper, Garlic Salt, Onion and Herb Mrs Dash, Original Blend Mrs Dash, Garlic and Herb Mrs Dash (not to be mistaken for Garlic Salt, or Onion and Herb Mrs Dash), Table Blend Mrs Dash, End the Suffering Mrs Dash, and Have You Ever Considered Using Actual Herbs Mrs Dash.
  5. A bag of 5-minute quinoa and brown rice with garlic.
Tools;
  1. A handy-dandy spatula.
  2. A pan.
  3. A giggling faggot to wander the kitchen, for added salt content.

Method;
  1. Put the massacred onion into the pan, and then spray the oil directly onto the raw onion for about three full seconds.
  2. Thanks @freebecky for the gif
    I'm dead serious, dump that shit in there like one of Amberlynn's Hindenburg-like turds dropping into the shitter.
  3. While your concoction is cooking, microwave your quinoa and rice. When it is done, pour it into the pan.
  4. Stir, then allow to "cook into itself."
  5. BAM!

@Zachary Michael, you know what to do.
So...she "made" hamburger helper. All of her food reminds me of hamburger helper. Fucking slop.
 

MaoBigDong

Pamela Swain Gave Me Ass Cancer
kiwifarms.net
So...she "made" hamburger helper. All of her food reminds me of hamburger helper. Fucking slop.
At least you can actually somewhat tell what’s in hamburger helper with the naked eye. All of her food looks like it’s been eaten, thrown up, re-cooked, and then eaten again. This dish in particular looks like what I envision “mystery meat” to be.
 

Soda Sink

my dietitian blocked me
kiwifarms.net



So we're gonna make something super simple, so let's do this thing!

Ingredients;
  1. A giant fucking onion because wtf Becky loves onions now?!
  2. Zero calorie spray oil.
  3. 1lb of turkey in tube-form, like God intended.
  4. The following seasoneens; Black pepper, Garlic Salt, Onion and Herb Mrs Dash, Original Blend Mrs Dash, Garlic and Herb Mrs Dash (not to be mistaken for Garlic Salt, or Onion and Herb Mrs Dash), Table Blend Mrs Dash, End the Suffering Mrs Dash, and Have You Ever Considered Using Actual Herbs Mrs Dash.
  5. A bag of 5-minute quinoa and brown rice with garlic.
Tools;
  1. A handy-dandy spatula.
  2. A pan.
  3. A giggling faggot to wander the kitchen, for added salt content.

Method;
  1. Put the massacred onion into the pan, and then spray the oil directly onto the raw onion for about three full seconds.
  2. Thanks @freebecky for the gif
    I'm dead serious, dump that shit in there like one of Amberlynn's Hindenburg-like turds dropping into the shitter.
  3. While your concoction is cooking, microwave your quinoa and rice. When it is done, pour it into the pan.
  4. Stir, then allow to "cook into itself."
  5. BAM!

@Zachary Michael, you know what to do.
She made that face before in a video where she was gorging on ice cream, and I swear it makes me clench my fist. It's unbelievably hittable.
 

El_Guapo's Sweater

Mental things is scary!!!!
kiwifarms.net
No wonder she hates cooking ... has she ever made anything legitimatly edible? If she could actually eat her own cooking maybe she'd lose weight .. but I honestly think it's her excuse to get Beckster to take her out instead .. gotta keep packing on the elbees to make that $$
 

Whatthefuck

kiwifarms.net
I wish she would do more cooking videos honestly. They are much more entertaining than watching her giant fupa swing around while she dances and screeches at the camera. Bring back the grockpot gorl! I want to know what kind of slop creation you'll cook up next!
Oh, man, I'd forgotten about the poor grockbot. She used it all of once. Poor thing, a generally useful appliance rendered utterly useless. That seems to be a theme around Hambert.
 

FitBitch

kiwifarms.net
Oh, man, I'd forgotten about the poor grockbot. She used it all of once. Poor thing, a generally useful appliance rendered utterly useless. That seems to be a theme around Hambert.
Yeah bit we criticized her for making grody slop because she'd ad chicken broth to chicken meat and make a bland "soup.... type.... deal". Instead of learn how to use her grockbot it got quietly tucked away to never be heard from again. A bit like the air fryer she tried substituting oil with water and made a soggy mess and we got told the air fryer "don't work".

Kitchen appliances are wasted on this gorl because she already knows everything there is about using them so she refuses to learn how to use the correctly.
 

Xanax

Viva la constipacion!
kiwifarms.net



So we're gonna make something super simple, so let's do this thing!

Ingredients;
  1. A giant fucking onion because wtf Becky loves onions now?!
  2. Zero calorie spray oil.
  3. 1lb of turkey in tube-form, like God intended.
  4. The following seasoneens; Black pepper, Garlic Salt, Onion and Herb Mrs Dash, Original Blend Mrs Dash, Garlic and Herb Mrs Dash (not to be mistaken for Garlic Salt, or Onion and Herb Mrs Dash), Table Blend Mrs Dash, End the Suffering Mrs Dash, and Have You Ever Considered Using Actual Herbs Mrs Dash.
  5. A bag of 5-minute quinoa and brown rice with garlic.
Tools;
  1. A handy-dandy spatula.
  2. A pan.
  3. A giggling faggot to wander the kitchen, for added salt content.

Method;
  1. Put the massacred onion into the pan, and then spray the oil directly onto the raw onion for about three full seconds.
  2. Thanks @freebecky for the gif
    I'm dead serious, dump that shit in there like one of Amberlynn's Hindenburg-like turds dropping into the shitter.
  3. While your concoction is cooking, microwave your quinoa and rice. When it is done, pour it into the pan.
  4. Stir, then allow to "cook into itself."
  5. BAM!

@Zachary Michael, you know what to do.
I'd honestly have a shot at it to farm Islamic ratings, but I have no fucking idea where I'd get tube turkey. Even in the grimiest of poverty-tier shops in the UK I've never seen anything that gross.
 

Captain Ahab

kiwifarms.net
I'd honestly have a shot at it to farm Islamic ratings, but I have no fucking idea where I'd get tube turkey. Even in the grimiest of poverty-tier shops in the UK I've never seen anything that gross.
Just buy whatever turkey scraps you can find and pulverize it, skins, small bones, and all, in a food processor until it turns into something kinda-sorta resembling pink slime.
 

HIVidaBoheme

Holly Jolly Hoe
kiwifarms.net



So we're gonna make something super simple, so let's do this thing!

Ingredients;
  1. A giant fucking onion because wtf Becky loves onions now?!
  2. Zero calorie spray oil.
  3. 1lb of turkey in tube-form, like God intended.
  4. The following seasoneens; Black pepper, Garlic Salt, Onion and Herb Mrs Dash, Original Blend Mrs Dash, Garlic and Herb Mrs Dash (not to be mistaken for Garlic Salt, or Onion and Herb Mrs Dash), Table Blend Mrs Dash, End the Suffering Mrs Dash, and Have You Ever Considered Using Actual Herbs Mrs Dash.
  5. A bag of 5-minute quinoa and brown rice with garlic.
Tools;
  1. A handy-dandy spatula.
  2. A pan.
  3. A giggling faggot to wander the kitchen, for added salt content.

Method;
  1. Put the massacred onion into the pan, and then spray the oil directly onto the raw onion for about three full seconds.
  2. Thanks @freebecky for the gif
    I'm dead serious, dump that shit in there like one of Amberlynn's Hindenburg-like turds dropping into the shitter.
  3. While your concoction is cooking, microwave your quinoa and rice. When it is done, pour it into the pan.
  4. Stir, then allow to "cook into itself."
  5. BAM!

@Zachary Michael, you know what to do.
Goddamn my sides:story::story: i know it's super fucking late but you made me laugh so much i think i might break an aneurysm. Solid gold!

I'd honestly have a shot at it to farm Islamic ratings, but I have no fucking idea where I'd get tube turkey. Even in the grimiest of poverty-tier shops in the UK I've never seen anything that gross.
Look for turkey bologni, or cheap ground turkey meat. Last resort chicken bologni.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: A Owl
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