Chef Amberlynn and her creations - Post about her food creations or recipes here!

C3PBRO

YOUR AND IDIOT
kiwifarms.net



"But you already did a chili recipe C3PBRO."
If repeats are good enough for Amberlynn's fat ass, they're good enough for me.

Recipe:
Black pepper
Minced onion (not to be confused with actual onion)
Garlic salt (not to be confused with actual garlic)
Minced garlic (not to be confused with actual garlic)
Table blend Mrs Dash
Original blend Mrs Dash
Garlic and herb Mrs Dash (not to be confused with actual garlic)
Onion and herb Mrs Dash (not to be confused with actual onion, or herbs actually)
Ground cumin
Cayenne pepper
The chili packet, because without it what even the fuck is all of this, really
A can of black beans
A can of kidney beans
A can of chick peas. Yes, chick peas
A fuck-off sized can of tomato sauce
A can of tomato juice
Two cans of tomato paste
A can of diced tomatoes
An actual tomato (lol just kidding)
  • One punnet of unwashed, pre-sliced mushrooms
  • Chicken broth
  • Two godless amalgams of turkey (about 1 pound each)
  • Canoil oil

Method:

  1. Prepare your nonstick pan to make soup by spraying it with canoil oil.
  2. Shit the turkeys out of their tube and into the pan, mashing them back to their goo origins with your spatula.
  3. Apply seasonings randomly throughout the cooking process.
  4. Apply the various tomato-based products and beans.
  5. Let it all "marinate with each other."
  6. Really put that canoil oil to work.
  7. Motherfucking eNjOy!
 

Munchma Quchi

kiwifarms.net
A Becky recipe:

From video "DECORATE FOR CHRISTMAS WITH US & A DRINK RECIPE!!!"

19 November 2018

Splashberry Drink

Per serving:

about 1/2 cup of Great Value Sliced Strawberries With Sugar - 110 calories
1 cup Tropicana orange juice - 110 calories
1 cup Sprite - 150 calories

Mix and enjoy. One serving = 370 calories.

Edited to clarify this recipe comes from Becks
 
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alpro slut

kiwifarms.net
For those of you that are curious about how much our gorl actually eats, here's a great video for you.

This is one of her horrible sirracha rice dishes but you really need to see it in video to get a proper grasp of her actual portions.
Here's the link:
https://youtu.be/LL-Q6S31FEU?t=5m55s

To give a recap:
- Begins with condescending and passive aggressive jab at Destiny's mom's cooking
- Adds that she's only ee-un one meal today
- Without exaggerating, shows what seems to be about 6 servings of rice with fake meat crumbles and sirracha (and she's already had the same thing for breakfast)
- Lectures about the health benefits of white vs brown rice. Bitch doesn't realize brown rice will make you just as fat as white rice.
- White rice has made the scale love her for sure though
- Ends by proving to the haderz that she is capable of shaving her legs.

All in all, classic AL video.
10/10 would watch again:optimistic::optimistic:
old post but the best part of this video is the last minute where density is bobbling about trying to swat a moth and AL is yelling 'DON'T SWAT IT ON MY CLAAAAAATHES' and 'YOUR MAAAAAHM JUST PUT UP THOSE BLINDS!'
 

damoneva

kiwifarms.net
i honestly think she doesnt like food. this is like "how many calories can i eat" type of thing. she just likes to feel stuffed. like if ur obese and dont give a shit about yourself at least eat some good food you know? we all know she has money for it. why pretend to be "healthy" with those home cooked slops? just order yourself good restaurant/ fast food and enjoy digging your grave girl!
 

BhertMern

kiwifarms.net
i honestly think she doesnt like food. this is like "how many calories can i eat" type of thing. she just likes to feel stuffed. like if ur obese and dont give a shit about yourself at least eat some good food you know? we all know she has money for it. why pretend to be "healthy" with those home cooked slops? just order yourself good restaurant/ fast food and enjoy digging your grave girl!
She does indeed only like to feel stuffed, but that's also why she won't eat nor learn to cook good food. AL genuinely doesn't know what good food is and could never appreciate it. Imagine trying to serve this hamplanet a normal portion of home roasted chicken cooked with vegetables and fresh herbs. She'd be pissed. Good/healthy food doesn't have nearly the amount of sugar and sodium that she's used to, and it's not nearly as filling as fast food and Reese's cups. Instant gratification will win every time. Even meat-eating-vegan Chantal once said that she wouldn't eat a pizza if she could only have one slice. It's about quantity, not quality.
 

C3PBRO

YOUR AND IDIOT
kiwifarms.net


Ingredients and tools;
  • Two servings of salmon (0.6lbs).
  • The shittiest looking pan in your oven drawer.
  • Aluminium foil for maximum waste.
  • PAM spray.
  • Several tablespoons each of garlic salt, pepper, and onion powder, with which to form a blistering sodium concentrate.
  • Leftover rice, broccoli and cauliflower from yesterday's Chinese delivery.
Method;
  1. Line your pan with foil.
  2. Remove the salmon from the tray in the most exceptional way possible; by stabbing it with a fork.
  3. DO NOT touch the salmon; the salmon is lava.
  4. Mash it into the salmon with a fork, because this fucking fish hasn't suffered enough.
  5. Spray the brine layer with additional PAM so that we can achieve maximum "golden," without doing stupid complicated shit like using a frying pan.
  6. Throw your Chinese leftovers into the microwave because who the fuck cares.
  7. While everything is cooking, take a moment to execute a two-pronged attack at the ego of your haydurs with an impressive display of your outstanding mobility and recent tarp acquisitions. #notsponsored
  8. Enjoy! Well except for the best fucking part of the fish skin, because eWw icKY poO p0o, no thank you.




 

Moonpie

Ride The Lightening. Fade To Black.
kiwifarms.net
I'm curious. Had anyone heard of tube turkey/chicken before Albert?
I sure hadnt. Nor would I eat the disgusting shit.
What is her problem with lean ground beef? Not from a tube either. I mean, hell, if she's going to eat meat.
@C3PBRO you're a genius.
 
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FigMePhilthy

Weapons Grade Autism
kiwifarms.net
I'm curious. Had anyone heard of tube turkey/chicken before Albert?
I sure hadnt. Nor would I eat the disgusting shit.
What is her problem with lean ground beef? Not from a tube either. I mean, hell, if she's going to eat meat.
@C3PBRO you're a genius.
In college it was used for sloppyjoe meat because it was always on sale, and because poor.
 

hamburgerlardraid

spinnage sodiums
kiwifarms.net
I'm curious. Had anyone heard of tube turkey/chicken before Albert?
I sure hadnt. Nor would I eat the disgusting shit.
What is her problem with lean ground beef? Not from a tube either. I mean, hell, if she's going to eat meat.
@C3PBRO you're a genius.
Sometimes they are sold in meat departments before Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Easter if the warehouse is low on regular ground turkey/chicken. But why someone would buy it as their first choice? I have no fucking clue, most likely the 'tism.
 

SAVE TWINKIE!

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Sometimes they are sold in meat departments before Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Easter if the warehouse is low on regular ground turkey/chicken. But why someone would buy it as their first choice? I have no fucking clue, most likely the 'tism.
I think she buys it because she's grossed out by looking at/touching raw meat tbh. Which is stupid, but I suspect that's her reasoning.
 

Whatthefuck

kiwifarms.net
I think she buys it because she's grossed out by looking at/touching raw meat tbh. Which is stupid, but I suspect that's her reasoning.
Well, she doesn't wash her hands, does she? I'd be icked out at having raw meat on my hands and only wiping them off on either a paper towel or my clothes. However, I think this is another one of those things she thinks is cute and quirky. No, bitch, not cooking for yourself and not know how to is in no way cute.
What is her problem with lean ground beef? Not from a tube either. I mean, hell, if she's going to eat meat.
Apparently ground beef is the devil incarnate and totally unhulthy. My suspicion is that she doesn't want to have to drain it before moving on in the cooking process because, well, fat. Also, she could surely open up a pack of fresh ground anything without touching it and slap it into a pan if it's that big of fucking deal. She buys convenience food and I suppose she finds that to be convenient. It's best not get too far in the well with it. It's Hamber and she's a fucking idiot.
 

hamburgerlardraid

spinnage sodiums
kiwifarms.net
I think she buys it because she's grossed out by looking at/touching raw meat tbh. Which is stupid, but I suspect that's her reasoning.
Part of me believes that she does not care if she touches raw meat, she just wants to front that she is this refined, prim, and proper person that actually cares about their hygiene. But one look at her will tell you everything you need to know.
 
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