Chef Amberlynn and her creations - Post about her food creations or recipes here!

DefCon Dumb

Confronter of Cryptoid Cuntiness
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Pretty sure they were canned, (& unrinsed); dried beans would have taken considerably longer to soften. A lb. of uncooked bacon with all the included salt, no rendering, no developing taste through rendering & RAW onions on top? I have no idea exactly what kind of soup he was trying to make but there are few cultures that don't include hearty, nourishing, flavourful soups in their cuisines. Whatever he made - it hardly fits any of those descriptors.
 

SAVE TWINKIE!

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True & Honest Fan
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Not AL, but fucking ERIC put an entire pound of uncooked bacon in a pot of soup beans and I am beside myself that he did not saute it and render off the fat first. If he actually used canned beans (and I suspect he did) I may need to be hospitalized.

Not an aromatic in sight!
holy shit, and this was becky's birthday dinner that she wanted? I thought she was supposed to cut the salt?‽ also amberlynn is about to gain 25 lbs of water weight, that fupa is going to be hanging heavy tomorrow
 

StrawberryDouche

True & Honest Fan
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Pretty sure they were canned, (& unrinsed); dried beans would have taken considerably longer to soften. A lb. of uncooked bacon with all the included salt, no rendering, no developing taste through rendering & RAW onions on top? I have no idea exactly what kind of soup he was trying to make but there are few cultures that don't include hearty, nourishing, flavourful soups in their cuisines. Whatever he made - it hardly fits any of those descriptors.
Soup beans is southern peasant food, not really a soup per se. It can be any kind of beans really, but are traditionally made with pintos, and they were/are usually made with fatback or ham hock (lol) for flavor. They're just dried beans you've put up for winter (and then soaked) and whatever you had on hand to throw in there.

But, yes. Rendered bacon, throw in some onion and carrots, celery, garlic, etc and they're so delicious.
 

DuckSucker

kiwifarms.net
Soup beans is southern peasant food, not really a soup per se. It can be any kind of beans really, but are traditionally made with pintos, and they were/are usually made with fatback or ham hock (lol) for flavor. They're just dried beans you've put up for winter (and then soaked) and whatever you had on hand to throw in there.

But, yes. Rendered bacon, throw in some onion and carrots, celery, garlic, etc and they're so delicious.
Theyre actually really delicious, you eat them with cornbread. You also eat black eyed peas or cowpeas on New Years day for luck, although that's served with cabbage and ham as a main course.

Using a ham hock in beans is fine, the leftover meat cooks off the bone and adds flavor, and you can toss some cooked bacon in there. When you simmer it for a long time, it thickens up and if you made it with half-broth half-water in addition to the hambone, all you need is the beans, salt and pepper, cooked bacon and the hambone and it's really tasty.

I dont know about onions but you would probably caramelize them and put them in and brown them in the pan or stockpot before you add the beans you soaked overnight and some new liquid to cook it in--so they cook into the broth and help it thicken and add flavor.

They butchered this recipe and its one of my favorites. They even grow up broke-ass in the South, they should be ashamed.
 
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DefCon Dumb

Confronter of Cryptoid Cuntiness
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Peasant cooking can be some of the best cooking, especially when some effort is put into it & that's what puzzles me. I thought Becky was Eric's friend yet every aspect of that "celebration" seems last minute & more of an irritation than trying to make a friend's birthday a pleasant day. Gifts ordered at the last minute & no effort put into what I expect would be a tasty me if done right. Eric seems to be taking increasing pride in acting the brainless twit & every month, it seems he tries harder to become Amber-Lite... bitches about the lighting, his hair, zits, misplaced trivialities & other mindless nonsense. I expect him to fall into a proper swoon, have an old fashioned fit of the vapors any time now. If he's ever looking for a costume party idea, he might consider dressing up as Aunt Pitty-Pat from Gone With the Wind... he displays about as much sense as that vacuous older lady did in her day... it wouldn't be a stretch.
 

xoxo_gossipgorl

kiwifarms.net
I just don’t understand. You’re that fat and you clearly do not care about being healthy. You also have money to eat out. Why aren’t you getting good food. I’m sure Lexington has SOME upscale restaurants. But then again, I’ll never be able to think like Amber.
 
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I just don’t understand. You’re that fat and you clearly do not care about being healthy. You also have money to eat out. Why aren’t you getting good food. I’m sure Lexington has SOME upscale restaurants. But then again, I’ll never be able to think like Amber.
HamHockLynn doesn’t care about taste other than that her food has to be laden with salt, sugar, and/or fat.

Gorl is afraid of adding obvious fat like butter or olive oil which enhance or build flavor, but putting 4 oz of shredded cheese in one Amber-sized serving of her broth concoctions is no problem. And you know she goes back for at least thirds.
 

Moonpie

Ride the Lightening
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Slight PL. I grew up in the South eating many meals of soup beans, fried potatoes and onions and cornbread. Never have I ever seen anyone add uncooked bacon.
With all the fat from that unrendered bacon and a ton of raw onion- I'm sure that whole house was pretty fucking miserable the next day.
Whiny ass Kermit needs to go back to lighting candles and fiddling with his fro. He can't cook for shit. Like his big idol- Amber.
 

DuckSucker

kiwifarms.net
HamHockLynn doesn’t care about taste other than that her food has to be laden with salt, sugar, and/or fat.
The other half of it is that she doesnt want to wait long enough for it to cook. Her stupid ass soup-chili that isnt even close to real food, it could still thicken up if she let it simmer for like an hour and a half. That would also add flavor to her food since it has time to come together.

You arent just tasting boiled ground turkey, raw onion, a can of mushroom soup, and partially chopped tomatoes or whatever--youre tasting a cohesive whole, albeit a bad one.

On another note, boiled meat has to be one of the grossest abominations known to man. That shit needs to be in the Geneva Conventions as a war crime.


Those cookies today were fairly tragic. It defeats the purpose of rolling out the dough when every cookie is of a different, random thickness.

View attachment 1051632
I had a long drawn out post about how even her arms have ballooned up since I last noticed them when she pointed at something, then I noticed this and I cant unsee it and now Im ruining it for everybody else. Her hand looks like a weird meaty dick.

In fact Im almost suspecting someone of photoshopping this; like putting a weird dick over somebodys normal arm and hand. Its not a normal looking dick but I apparently have the maturity of a twelve year old.

Human anatomy can NOT get this weird. We're through the looking glass, this is fascinating.

fingers.jpg ->im twelve years old and this should be on the bathroom wall at a middle school AL why do you d...jpg
This shit belongs on a bathroom wall, not in your kitchen Amberlynn!!! >: (
 
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Wyzzerd

Each post now contains 37% more magic!
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I would love for her to do some more cooking videos. They are my favorite ones because they are a glimpse into kitchen madness, a culinary trainwreck if you will.

They all start out fairly normal, a few ingredients you can kinda see working together, then the stove gets cranked up to 11, and our jaws hit the floor as she dumps in whole bottles of mrs dash and green olives for her chicken soup recipe.

Plus she has the knife skills of a small child so there's always a high chance of injury! :optimistic:
 

Okami Green

Negative Person™
kiwifarms.net
I would love for her to do some more cooking videos. They are my favorite ones because they are a glimpse into kitchen madness, a culinary trainwreck if you will.

They all start out fairly normal, a few ingredients you can kinda see working together, then the stove gets cranked up to 11, and our jaws hit the floor as she dumps in whole bottles of mrs dash and green olives for her chicken soup recipe.

Plus she has the knife skills of a small child so there's always a high chance of injury! :optimistic:
She doesn't even have to turn the stove on to fuck up. Her "healthy snack" cucumber boat recipe was loaded with bacon and deepthroated while Becky stashed away the food shopping haul.
 

mekalekahi

I feel like off of lexapro my vlogs are better.
kiwifarms.net
I would love for her to do some more cooking videos. They are my favorite ones because they are a glimpse into kitchen madness, a culinary trainwreck if you will.

They all start out fairly normal, a few ingredients you can kinda see working together, then the stove gets cranked up to 11, and our jaws hit the floor as she dumps in whole bottles of mrs dash and green olives for her chicken soup recipe.

Plus she has the knife skills of a small child so there's always a high chance of injury! :optimistic:
Amber pouring too much liquid into her chili the first time she made it and then passing it off as her own special recipe has always been incredible.
 
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