Chef Amberlynn and her creations - Post about her food creations or recipes here!

Situation Type Deal Gorl

Fuck your feelings, nancypants
kiwifarms.net
Is it my poor memory or does she always use only the "high" setting on the stove top? I can't rcall ever seeing her reducing heat once something is up to the boil or using anything other than high under any culinary circumstances. I have to wonder how many concoctions she ends up burning?
It isn't just you - she seems to think that's the usual burner temp for everything. Since so much of her concoctions are heavy with liquid, I imagine most just reduce a little as she keeps the temp cranked rather than burning into sludge at the bottom of the pot.
 

Okami Green

Negative Person™
kiwifarms.net
Is it my poor memory or does she always use only the "high" setting on the stove top? I can't rcall ever seeing her reducing heat once something is up to the boil or using anything other than high under any culinary circumstances. I have to wonder how many concoctions she ends up burning?
All of them, I'd imagine. It's a decent excuse to just order takeaway instead.
 

twi1992

Buckle the Fuck Up Slut, We're Geting Shitfaced.
kiwifarms.net
There are some things she makes that I see and think can't be completely inedible - she basically randomly throws things into pots a majority of the time but the turkey kielbasa with peppers and onions is something I'd fuck with - but my main irritation is that she eats the slop and creams her panties about how good it is every time. That chili soup on occasion may not taste like a salty pot of shit but you're not at a Michelin star restaurant girl. There's no way that what is essentially tomato juice with beans in it can be THAT good. That turkey keilbasa and PLAIN baked potato can't be THAT good. You're not fooling us.
 

Turd Fergusson

kiwifarms.net
There are some things she makes that I see and think can't be completely inedible - she basically randomly throws things into pots a majority of the time but the turkey kielbasa with peppers and onions is something I'd fuck with - but my main irritation is that she eats the slop and creams her panties about how good it is every time. That chili soup on occasion may not taste like a salty pot of shit but you're not at a Michelin star restaurant girl. There's no way that what is essentially tomato juice with beans in it can be THAT good. That turkey keilbasa and PLAIN baked potato can't be THAT good. You're not fooling us.
Agree. What she is making is the kind of meals any sleep-deprived university student has made once in a while while trying to save money. Nothing posh but it would provide a cheap meal. Most people graduated to something better when their income rose.
 

twi1992

Buckle the Fuck Up Slut, We're Geting Shitfaced.
kiwifarms.net
Agree. What she is making is the kind of meals any sleep-deprived university student has made once in a while while trying to save money. Nothing posh but it would provide a cheap meal. Most people graduated to something better when their income rose.
Mhm. And she literally cooks to fill her stomach. I get making a vegetable soup. That's fine. But she has to add potatoes, rice AND pasta? There's no rhyme or reason to it. Artichoke hearts? Olives? She's just trying to eat as much as possible because anyone who's gone to a grocery store knows that you can't even buy soup with artichokes or olives in it.
 

DefCon Dumb

Confronter of Cryptoid Cuntiness
kiwifarms.net
One possible reason she boils the snot out of everything, rather than turn down the heat to simmer for some time to develop flavor... once she gets a whiff of cooking food, she's consumed with eating it as quickly as she can cram it dowen her gullet. She doesn't have the discipline to wait until something is properly done.
 

Situation Type Deal Gorl

Fuck your feelings, nancypants
kiwifarms.net
One possible reason she boils the snot out of everything, rather than turn down the heat to simmer for some time to develop flavor... once she gets a whiff of cooking food, she's consumed with eating it as quickly as she can cram it dowen her gullet. She doesn't have the discipline to wait until something is properly done.
Even the tiniest bit of discomfort will not do.
 

Slagar The Cruel

kiwifarms.net
There are some things she makes that I see and think can't be completely inedible - she basically randomly throws things into pots a majority of the time but the turkey kielbasa with peppers and onions is something I'd fuck with - but my main irritation is that she eats the slop and creams her panties about how good it is every time. That chili soup on occasion may not taste like a salty pot of shit but you're not at a Michelin star restaurant girl. There's no way that what is essentially tomato juice with beans in it can be THAT good. That turkey keilbasa and PLAIN baked potato can't be THAT good. You're not fooling us.
i wonder if its because of how much fast food she eats. i bet anything that isnt made like that is so much better. Like anything must taste amazing after a million pounds of greasy food.
 

DefCon Dumb

Confronter of Cryptoid Cuntiness
kiwifarms.net
Because they see so much 'wear & tear', the various cells in your mouth, including the tongue, are replaced quickly. She could 'reset' her taste buds by cutting way back on fats, sugars & salt for a few weeks. The new cells would be set far closer to 'baseline' sensation & ability to pick up tastes. Adding back those ingredients to her food - she'd fine she needs far less to get the same taste she previously... 'enjoyed'.
 

Daisy

I have a complicated relationship with Mondays
kiwifarms.net
There are some things she makes that I see and think can't be completely inedible - she basically randomly throws things into pots a majority of the time but the turkey kielbasa with peppers and onions is something I'd fuck with - but my main irritation is that she eats the slop and creams her panties about how good it is every time. That chili soup on occasion may not taste like a salty pot of shit but you're not at a Michelin star restaurant girl. There's no way that what is essentially tomato juice with beans in it can be THAT good. That turkey keilbasa and PLAIN baked potato can't be THAT good. You're not fooling us.
Maybe she thinks if she orgasms over boring health foods on camera, she'll convince herself she's "eating healthy" and losing weight.

As for her methods, one-pot cooking and improvisation can lead to some tasty dishes-my mother does it all the time, and I used to do that in college. But even that involves actually THINKING about what goes together and trying to make it taste good. That "grandma's soy spaghetti" thing looks like she made it from the last few items in the kitchen because she was too lazy to demand Necky drive her to the market for more stuff.
 

Moonpie

Ride the Lightening
kiwifarms.net
She boils the shit to get it done faster so she can shove it in the gaping maw.
She uses ingredients that don't even mesh together. Zucchini, olives, artichoke hearts, carrots, ECT...
That slop does not make a good meal.
Her taste buds must be shit.
And orgasming over any food is fucking sickening.
She's a shameless glutton.
 

Fascist Ferret

reporting for duty
kiwifarms.net
She boils the shit to get it done faster so she can shove it in the gaping maw.
She uses ingredients that don't even mesh together. Zucchini, olives, artichoke hearts, carrots, ECT...
That slop does not make a good meal.
Her taste buds must be shit.
And orgasming over any food is fucking sickening.
She's a shameless glutton.
The way she cooks reminds me of bloo...

"If the recipe says it takes 20 minutes to bake the cookies at 250 degrees... it should only take two minutes at 2500 degrees!!"

 

Gorlax

kiwifarms.net
You know, a wise chef my mommy once said to cook while you're hungry because you'll be guaranteed to do it right. But with Amber's fucked up honger psychopathy, she's probably better off cooking when she's full so she's not tempted to add a bunch of shit that doesn't go together for Moar Food. Then she'll be able to cook with patience and consideration, and when she's done she can save it in a container so she can just pop it in the microwave ASAP when she does get hungry.

This would all be ideal if she wasn't a 600lb landwhile with a stomach so fucked she is literally always starving. She's like that documentary about prader willi syndrome with the kids who ate toothpaste and cat food because their brain's starvation mode never switches off. Her intellect is pretty on par with the defect too. Poor Hammy, she never had a chance...Let us all count our blessings, dear kiwis.
 

Fascist Ferret

reporting for duty
kiwifarms.net
She's like that documentary about prader willi syndrome with the kids who ate toothpaste and cat food because their brain's starvation mode never switches off.
That sounds awful ): I might have pitied amber if she had a condition like that...

Might...
 

Bees

No Mods No Masters
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Prader-Willi people like puzzles and are retrded, :thunkful:
 
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