Chef Amberlynn and her creations - Post about her food creations or recipes here!

Guest69

an idiot who should be ignored
kiwifarms.net
That porridge she made on thursday looked absolutely disgusting.

alporrige1.png
alporrige.png


Its has this weird slimy texture, I mean, compare it to the following

15261219751548392.gif

15261223791548359.gif


I also looked on the official website and some people are complaining that its to sweet, you can also check the nutrition facts and this stuff is full of sodium and sugar. Oats have almost no sugar, just 1/10 of the sodium and around 1/6 of the calories (google).

Goddamit gorl, making porridge is little less than boiling the water, this is even more ridicilous than precooked bacon, is there nothing you can do right?!
 

meepmapmop

some bitch
kiwifarms.net
That porridge she made on thursday looked absolutely disgusting.

Goddamit gorl, making porridge is little less than boiling the water, this is even more ridicilous than precooked bacon, is there nothing you can do right?!
Porridge is probably one of the easiest things to make. AL I know you're reading, so here:

1/2 cup of oats
1 cup of water

Chuck it in a pot. Add healthy things like flax seed, nuts, cinnamon, raisins etc. Put on medium-low heat on the stove and stir occasionally until it's not so watery. Add a bit (a BIT not a freaking cup) of brown sugar. Add tard cum.

Seriously, these are skills that children learn... I can't believe she still claims to know anything about nutrition but doesn't realize the increased sodium/sugar content of pre-packaged things. You work from home. Learn a skill. Make your own shit.
 

HIVidaBoheme

Holly Jolly Hoe
kiwifarms.net
That porridge she made on thursday looked absolutely disgusting.

View attachment 447631 View attachment 447632


I also looked on the official website and some people are complaining that its to sweet, you can also check the nutrition facts and this stuff is full of sodium and sugar. Oats have almost no sugar, just 1/10 of the sodium and around 1/6 of the calories (google).

Goddamit gorl, making porridge is little less than boiling the water, this is even more ridicilous than precooked bacon, is there nothing you can do right?!
And she even NUKES it in the microwave? Oats isn't so hard to make in a goddamn pot. If anything this shit will add more weight with that shitton of sugar.
 

DuckSucker

kiwifarms.net
And she even NUKES it in the microwave? Oats isn't so hard to make in a goddamn pot. If anything this shit will add more weight with that shitton of sugar.
Dude she cant even cook bacon. Think about that. It doesnt even take thought or any degree of skill and she still cant or refuses to do it.

Fucking Thadd, the missing link could probably figure out how to cook bacon. You could give a chimpanzee a piece of raw meat and show it fire, and it would put the two together after watching other people do it. I could really sperg about this but it fucking baffles me.

Is it laziness? Like she cant possibly go without eating the length of time it would take bacon to cook? But then she overcooks the (already overcooked)bacon anyway. She's cooking it for 1:23 because it said 1-2-3 on the cover, so it's like, can she not read directions? Is that too much time and effort between her and stuffing her maw, is she just that lazy, is she too stupid? Maybe she can't tolerate the smell without binging?

What is fucking going on in her head?

You can get muesli and add like half a cup of that to a cup of water and all you have to do is manage to keep it in the pot and put the pot over the stove and she cant even manage that without resorting to Corporate America to sell her a solution.

She somehow manages to make those ridiculously over-acted infomercial scenes where the guy cracks an egg and it violently, ridiculously explodes and shoots egg everywhere - she manages to make them not only look believable, but competent on top of it.
 
Last edited:

sperginity

fuck xmas and fuck you
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Dude she cant even cook bacon. Think about that. It doesnt even take thought or any degree of skill and she still cant or refuses to do it.

Fucking Thadd, the missing link could probably figure out how to cook bacon. You could give a chimpanzee a piece of raw meat and show it fire, and it would put the two together after watching other people do it. I could really sperg about this but it fucking baffles me.

Is it laziness? Like she cant possibly go without eating the length of time it would take bacon to cook? But then she overcooks the (already overcooked)bacon anyway. She's cooking it for 1:23 because it said 1-2-3 on the cover, so it's like, can she not read directions? Is that too much time and effort between her and stuffing her maw, is she just that lazy, is she too stupid? Maybe she can't tolerate the smell without binging?

What is fucking going on in her head?

You can get muesli and add like half a cup of that to a cup of water and all you have to do is manage to keep it in the pot and put the pot over the stove and she cant even manage that without resorting to Corporate America to sell her a solution.

She somehow manages to make those ridiculously over-acted infomercial scenes where the guy cracks an egg and it violently, ridiculously explodes and shoots egg everywhere - she manages to make them not only look believable, but competent on top of it.
People who are on low calorie diets obsess about recipes and food preparation, often feeding other people, to compensate for being unable to eat it. People put on liquid diets, even those with adequate nutrients and calories, are less satisfied than people on identical diets who get to chew the food. There is some human need to experience food, most people don't indulge every craving so they read about food and nutrition, or put care into their meals or meal planning to increase the satisfaction derived from healthier food. Maybe the inverse is true too, a person on a high calorie diet already has enough satisfying interaction with food so putting effort into preparing it is a waste of time because it brings no additional pleasure to do so.
 

vanilla_pepsi_head

Heavens to Spergatroyd!
kiwifarms.net
People who are on low calorie diets obsess about recipes and food preparation, often feeding other people, to compensate for being unable to eat it. People put on liquid diets, even those with adequate nutrients and calories, are less satisfied than people on identical diets who get to chew the food. There is some human need to experience food, most people don't indulge every craving so they read about food and nutrition, or put care into their meals or meal planning to increase the satisfaction derived from healthier food. Maybe the inverse is true too, a person on a high calorie diet already has enough satisfying interaction with food so putting effort into preparing it is a waste of time because it brings no additional pleasure to do so.
That is psychologically interesting actually. It makes sense that starving people (or people whose brains perceive them to be starving) would obsess over food but the relationship obese people have with it is more confusing. This article (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4711027/) provides pretty convincing evidence that obese people tend to be literal food addicts... I guess it isn't that dissimilar to amphetamine or cocaine for a lot of these people. No wonder they relapse so often. :heart-empty:
 
  • Informative
Reactions: sperginity

Gunslinger

Libera tutemet ex inferis
kiwifarms.net
I've tried that abomination. It's vile, too sweet and doesn't even taste like porridge to me. Doesn't have any maple flavor either.
I like the maple and brown sugar variety but I'm not a fan of maple syrup, so I'm guessing it has a very light maple taste and must be disappointing to someone who does.
And she even NUKES it in the microwave? Oats isn't so hard to make in a goddamn pot. If anything this shit will add more weight with that shitton of sugar.
Quaker oats, the flavored kind at least, works better if it's put in the microwave. I think it's designed to break down easier than regular oatmeal? I can understand some people thinking it's too sweet--even the healthier varieties have a ton of sugar. Instant oatmeal is definetly mushier and has a different texture than regular oats, so if you're used to eating the real stuff it's probably pretty gross.

Also, I know I'll probably get flak for this, but you can cook bacon pretty effectively in the microwave. I know, I know! It's not gonna be as crispy and it's basically an affront to bacon lovers everywhere, but you can layer it with paper towels and it's super easy. The paper towels absorb a lot of the grease and it's got to be better than that pre-cooked shit AL makes. Does anyone know why she is against cooking bacon in a pan? Is she afraid of the splatter? Also that fully cooked bacon always reminds me of these:
51b9TLMOolL.jpg

Edited for spelling
 

Guest69

an idiot who should be ignored
kiwifarms.net
Does anyone know why she is against cooking bacon in a pan? Is she afraid of the splatter?
She doesnt want to clean, neither do Becky and Eric, so my guess is that again Ricky shat on them for not cleaning up their filfth so instead of cleaning up they try to use as little kitchen equipment as possible, or she is disgusted by dirty pans herself but still cant be bothered to actually clean, ergo she gets everything in a bag she can simply throw away and eats out all the time.
 
Tags
None

About Us

The Kiwi Farms is about eccentric individuals and communities on the Internet. We call them lolcows because they can be milked for amusement or laughs. Our community is bizarrely diverse and spectators are encouraged to join the discussion.

We do not place intrusive ads, host malware, sell data, or run crypto miners with your browser. If you experience these things, you have a virus. If your malware system says otherwise, it is faulty.

Supporting the Forum

How to Help

The Kiwi Farms is constantly attacked by insane people and very expensive to run. It would not be here without community support.

BTC: 1DgS5RfHw7xA82Yxa5BtgZL65ngwSk6bmm
ETH: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
BAT: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
LTC: LSZsFCLUreXAZ9oyc9JRUiRwbhkLCsFi4q
XMR: 438fUMciiahbYemDyww6afT1atgqK3tSTX25SEmYknpmenTR6wvXDMeco1ThX2E8gBQgm9eKd1KAtEQvKzNMFrmjJJpiino