Chloe Wilkinson / DissociaDID -

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mom's sperghetti

kiwifarms.net
BTW, does anyone else feel like if DID was a real thing (which it might be), there would be like, 2 "alters" only: the "host" and the "trauma holder"?
At the very least, they would all be at least somewhat relative to the host and the trauma (e.g. one that protects, a companion that shares the age the host experienced the trauma, etc), I really can't fathom how a werecat (whatever the fuck that is) character could help a childhood trauma victim, especially when such an alter just randomly appears during the "host's" adulthood. It all reads like fanfiction. Which sucks, because when I stumbled upon the phenomenon it sounded really interesting and now I'm just embarrassed that I ever entertained the idea that these YouTubers were being sincere.
 

4Macie

The Cow Dullahan
kiwifarms.net
So some things just seem odd when you watch the twos videos on the same timeline.

one will have an “integration” and then the other one will. One will “find” a new alter in the “headspace mansion” and then the other will too. Then one will have an alter split into two alters and wouldn’t you know it... the other will too. They claim to have alters of alters in their head. Fucking bullshit.

and to top it off... Nan’s “system” had a freak out the other week because the one call Jeremy integrated. The others needed him or something and he couldn’t handle life. Got triggered by cold weather and integrated into someone else. But suddenly a few days later Jeremy is back.

Nan also had a few episodes where an alter has vanished and then had been kidnapped by another alter. Another alter was a cat who no one liked who then merged with another alter to make a werecat...and the ‘headspace’... when you hear the describe the inner world... it’s nuts. They act like it’s real life Sims
 

QueenBitchFit

kiwifarms.net
Nan also had a few episodes where an alter has vanished and then had been kidnapped by another alter. Another alter was a cat who no one liked who then merged with another alter to make a werecat...and the ‘headspace’... when you hear the describe the inner world... it’s nuts. They act like it’s real life Sims
Somehow that sounds implausible, the 22+ people living in one head and somehow making a functioning person made sense along with the amazing acting but the wearecat is were the line is drawn
 

4Macie

The Cow Dullahan
kiwifarms.net
Somehow that sounds implausible, the 22+ people living in one head and somehow making a functioning person made sense along with the amazing acting but the wearecat is were the line is drawn
Nan in particular makes every video some HUGE story.

For example:
Ace, an alter created to hold trauma, has their BFF betray them in some unknown way... and that makes this new alter. So an alter makes an alter... and then just disappears. So "everyone else" inside the system is freaking out and this new alter is left to pick up some pieces. This new alter started "feeling" her and then magically made a basement in their inner world. And then bam, this new alter is able to tell everyone that Ace is being hostage because they're being "amnesia blocked" which they describe is like a wall of amnesia...

Then someone else (the brother of Nan I think) joins and seems just as confused as everyone else. I'm not sure if he's in on the fakeness or if he's just falling for his sibling's lies. This person is the one that tells us that Ace is now someone's slave in the innerworld.

Two weeks later;
The story is told that there are at least three "new" alters besides the one from above; one holding Ace hostage, another which was a child also held hidden/hostage, and one that came to rescue them.

I haven't come across any crazy stories from Nin/Chloe. Just random daily stuff. No fantasy like what Nan has done; but it wouldn't surprise me seeing how she's been the last couple weeks with the new alter due to Trisha Paytas of all people.
 

GenociderSyo

Syo
kiwifarms.net
Posted this in the tumblr thread ages ago but it fits here too well to rewrite it all:

I will use the word they in here only due to the fact that I want to be as careful as possible to not disclose any information.

It's crazy that people would pretend to have a disorder caused by extreme abuse. I work with severe mental illness and disabilities and in the entire time I've only had two clients who could be diagnosed with D.I.D. and one who was diagnosed DD-NOS. They did not come in a different person every day and every one of them was diagnosed with PTSD as well. The DD-NOS diagnosis was specifically made because they showed signs of dissociation, but they lacked the age of abuse and inability to remember events, specifically in childhood, required for D.I.D.

If they were triggered during our talk yes they would state change, but it's hard to explain how it presents in real life cause its not some showy thing like media says. Think of having a discussion with someone and they get to a topic and blank slate on you. Their affect would either be blunted or exaggerated and when the memory was over they may have been a bit disorganized, but it was not suddenly another person in the room.

This is a very controversial diagnosis, and you see surges of people self-diagnosing it after media comes out focused on it. After United States of Tara came out we had an influx of people who were self-diagnosers. And there are doctors who will never diagnose it because you don't "treat" for D.I.D. you treat for the symptoms it causes the PTSD aspects. There is no medication that is going to magically stop dissociation or depersonalization, its therapy and a hell of a lot of it to deal with the situations that happened.
 

heterotic

kiwifarms.net
i didn't wave it completely, i suggested it as a reason and I could easily be wrong. Not every single video she makes has a switch in it, most do not.
I understand you watch Chloe's channel and have found a lot of her content to be quite helpful in learning about the disorder, and thus, tend to believe her. I do not, and I think her channel, and others like it, are adding to the stigma of the disorder and are otherwise harmful to the mental health community.

I have dissociative amnesia stemming from various childhood abuse (most of which has been told to me, I have a total of three memories from before the age of around 12, one of which is a recurring nightmare). According to my psychiatrist, because I used amnesia as a coping mechanism while my brain was developing, this is now how I deal with trauma and stress as an adult as well. I have a child, for example, and do not remember giving birth to her. I did not know I was in labor, because my brain dealt with the pain by suppressing it, and the only reason I managed to have my child in a hospital was because I had a doctor's appointment the morning after I went into labor. Sometimes I remember events, but see them in third person, and the memory itself feels more like a dream than reality. I tend to trust others' understandings of events rather than my own as a result.

She has brought up DID as a possibility (I was diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress disorder and borderline personality disorder by a previous psychiatrist, and bipolar disorder type I eleven years ago) because the more we talk, the more she expresses concern that the way I experience reality and my difficulties with my identity is extremely atypical and worrisome.

Imagine if I told you I had DID and all you have to go on in terms of what that means are these YouTube videos. They are making a traumatic coping mechanism into a theatrical performance of world building, instead of understanding how the loss of time creates functional issues that interfere with daily life. If I told you, hey I cannot recall major life events, even ones that you SHOULD remember, and often have hours of time missing on a day to day basis causing me to take medications more than once or pay my mortgage multiple times, you might be a bit more empathetic, right?

Do I believe it's possible there are two versions of my consciousness made up of two different sets of memories? Neurologically, yes, that's possible. If this is the case, do I believe this other consciousness is an age-sliding werecat or an eternal ghost? Fuck no. That's ABSURD. Our memories make us who we are, and while I don't recall a significant portion of my life, I'm fully fucking aware that I am a human being. People suffering from total amnesia from brain injuries know that they are human.

It's equally absurd (and frankly offensive) that these alternate identities may be of a different ethnicity. Again, who we are is based on our memories. This really just pushes this notion that these "alters" are really just characters that they have created.

These YouTubers focus on a single symptom of DID, having alternate states of consciousness, and in my opinion, they do so in a highly sensationalized way. The core of this disorder, and other dissociative disorders, is 1) the traumatic childhood which triggered the internal coping mechanisms, and 2) the inability to cope with stress and new trauma in a healthy way with proper support. It doesn't appear to me that any of these big YouTubers are seeking psychotherapy to process their trauma, nor learning coping skills to retain memories in the future.
 

comrade666

kiwifarms.net
Someone over at Guru Gossiper found an old Tumblr post where Chloe addressed the controversy around her native witch alter. It's long and I barely skimmed it but it's here for those interested.

More pressingly I also found that Nan has a sneezing kink. She makes sneezing erotica and uses her channel occasionally to post sneezing content for her underage fans which when you think about how she feels about sneezing is some predatory shit.
Some of her work includes a series about three small women who live in another woman's nose where they make her sneeze with feather dusters. I wish I was fucking with you. There's also some furry shit with an 'adult' dog and a 'baby' dog and I'm more convinced than ever that Nan is a pedophile.

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Nan in particular makes every video some HUGE story.

For example:
Ace, an alter created to hold trauma, has their BFF betray them in some unknown way... and that makes this new alter. So an alter makes an alter... and then just disappears. So "everyone else" inside the system is freaking out and this new alter is left to pick up some pieces. This new alter started "feeling" her and then magically made a basement in their inner world. And then bam, this new alter is able to tell everyone that Ace is being hostage because they're being "amnesia blocked" which they describe is like a wall of amnesia...

Then someone else (the brother of Nan I think) joins and seems just as confused as everyone else. I'm not sure if he's in on the fakeness or if he's just falling for his sibling's lies. This person is the one that tells us that Ace is now someone's slave in the innerworld.

Two weeks later;
The story is told that there are at least three "new" alters besides the one from above; one holding Ace hostage, another which was a child also held hidden/hostage, and one that came to rescue them.

I haven't come across any crazy stories from Nin/Chloe. Just random daily stuff. No fantasy like what Nan has done; but it wouldn't surprise me seeing how she's been the last couple weeks with the new alter due to Trisha Paytas of all people.
It just blows my mind to think that people really sit there and watch that and think yeah, that all adds up, sure hope Ace can be saved from the head-basement, good luck.

As for whether Chloe's done anything similar, she talks in one of her videos about how Kyle has had to 'put alters to sleep' at times. Like metaphorically chloroforming the kids. He talked about how that was really hard for him to do but it had to be done to protect them or some shit. I know Chloe has an inner world too which seems pretty extensive; Omega the ghost was trapped in a large forest in the inner world for a long time.
 

4Macie

The Cow Dullahan
kiwifarms.net
As for whether Chloe's done anything similar, she talks in one of her videos about how Kyle has had to 'put alters to sleep' at times. Like metaphorically chloroforming the kids. He talked about how that was really hard for him to do but it had to be done to protect them or some shit. I know Chloe has an inner world too which seems pretty extensive; Omega the ghost was trapped in a large forest in the inner world for a long time.
I went down the youtube rabbit hole and now I can't leave. I've started to see a pattern of Chloe's weird stories. So she'll bring up the inner world as if it's a mansion tied to a river with a forest and shit. Like some fairy tale mansion area. But Chloe constantly talks about alters "finding" other alters. Like she'll say that Kyle and the others found an alter just in the woods. Or that they found an alter in some unknown backroom of the mansion. She talks like these people just have their own day to day life inside her head. Like the goddamn Sims. She legit tells stories of how one alter will have a discussion with another alter and how some alters like other alters but not others. Her 'main self' Chloe and Nadia (I think?) apparently fight because Nadia wanted to do something Chloe didn't.

So while Nan makes up huge drama for her alters, Chloe makes her alters have their own worlds and lives. Like how kids describe their imaginary friends. In the end, neither one of these two seem interested in 'fixing' themselves or getting over their 'trauma'. They just want to sit around playing make believe.
 

GenociderSyo

Syo
kiwifarms.net
Those that truly have DID wouldn't be plastering it all over the internet since the cause of these "alters" is to protect them from the severe abuse they had as a child (core diagnostic of did is there has to have been severe abuse, usual sexual in nature during the early formative years). DID is also usually not diagnosed until adulthood because once again the alter job is to make them appear normal. It is so rare that dsm-v prevalance data just says 1.5%, but has to state it was done on one specific community which skews the results unlike other data which is quite broader.

The DSM even has an entire section on fakers stating just what you see in these videos:

"Individuals who feign DID do not report the subtle symptoms of intrusion characteristic of the disorder; instead they tend to overreport well-publicized symptoms of the disorder, such as dissociative amnesia, while underreporting less-publicized comorbid symptoms, such as depression. Individuals who feign DID tend to be relatively undisturbed by or may even seem to enjoy "having" the disorder. In contrast, individuals with genuine DID tend to be ashamed of and overwhelmed by their symptoms and to underreport their symptoms or deny the condition. Sequential observation, corroborating history, and intensive psychometric and psychological assessment may be helpful in assessment.

Individuals who malinger DID usually create limited, stereotyped alternative identities, with feigned amnesia, related to events for which gain is sought. For example, they may present an "all-good" identity and an "all-bad" identity in hopes of gaining exculpation from a crime."
 

Jewthulhu

In his house in Tel Aviv, Cthulhu lies scheming
kiwifarms.net
Ace, an alter created to hold trauma, has their BFF betray them in some unknown way... and that makes this new alter. So an alter makes an alter... and then just disappears. So "everyone else" inside the system is freaking out and this new alter is left to pick up some pieces. This new alter started "feeling" her and then magically made a basement in their inner world. And then bam, this new alter is able to tell everyone that Ace is being hostage because they're being "amnesia blocked" which they describe is like a wall of amnesia...

Then someone else (the brother of Nan I think) joins and seems just as confused as everyone else. I'm not sure if he's in on the fakeness or if he's just falling for his sibling's lies. This person is the one that tells us that Ace is now someone's slave in the innerworld.

Two weeks later;
The story is told that there are at least three "new" alters besides the one from above; one holding Ace hostage, another which was a child also held hidden/hostage, and one that came to rescue them.
So an imaginary friend creates an imaginary friend and is then kidnapped (presumably by an imaginary enemy?) and held in an imaginary basement with an imaginary child until the imaginary friend's imaginary friend psychically locates the original imaginary friend and an imaginary SWAT team rescues them. Did I get that right?
 

Sierra-117

kiwifarms.net
Spent some time scrolling through her tumblr archive - some of her reblogs from 2016 seem to imply she was either a sugar baby, or was looking to be one? A weird fucking choice for someone sexually abused so severely it caused DID Links:
http://archive.li/mVMSh
http://archive.li/3ZDo4
http://archive.li/6OTmN
http://archive.li/M8NXf

just lol at 'platonic sugar baby' Almost like she was looking to make money for doing absolutely fuck all :thinking:
When/where did she say she was raped? I saw the archive too, and I found some posts where she explicitly said shes never had that experience. Unless this happened after 2014?

 

Lurk

Lurking 4 lulz
kiwifarms.net
When/where did she say she was raped? I saw the archive too, and I found some posts where she explicitly said shes never had that experience. Unless this happened after 2014?
I don't know if she ever said she was raped. She has said, however, that she was the victim of severe child sexual abuse, by virtue of the fact that that is the primary cause for DID (if it exists). Pretty sure she has said it specifically in relation to herself also, but there's no way I'm re-watching her bullshit videos to find out which ones but she's said it multiple times without disclosing any details of the abuse (understandable if there's any truth to it).
 

comrade666

kiwifarms.net

Nan has a new alter, Cliff, an alcoholic construction worker who eloquently describes his appearance so Jeremy can draw him in between lamenting about his inability to drink in Nan's body. He spends most of this video talking about how he is very confused and doesn't really understand DID. He already knows words like alter and uses 'we' pronouns. Despite his confusion and struggle to connect with other alters he's more than happy to make a video introducing himself and talks in depths about DID despite being less than a week old and apparently not thrilled to exist.

Highlights include:
3:30 he talks about how he doesn't know the other alters but he says does know "the cat man" without any hint of irony which made my fucking day.
4:30 we get a dramatic close up for "Do not call me Clifford!!1!" which leads one to question why he introduced himself as Clifford in the first place.
4:40 he describes his life as a construction worker before he became a part of the system.
5:40 he describes his appearance and shows off some art of himself.
6:58 he talks about his first memories in Nan's body and explains that he literally exists because he wanted to take care of Chloe and cuck on Nan.

Fucking hilarious to me that DID is supposedly developed to protect yourself during trauma but this guy shows up to protect Chloe and her system instead of Nan and hers. Is that really how this shit works? Thoughts are with the Better Help therapist smiling and nodding through this car crash.

Meanwhile, Chloe is posting about her #eatingdisorder during #quarantine. To ensure that her impressionable teenage fans with eating disorders feel particularly bad about themselves she's helpfully highlighted her weight and weight loss. Still no news about her new alter but I've got my fingers crossed for a dyke from the same construction site as Cliff.

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TheWombSlayer

kiwifarms.net
When/where did she say she was raped? I saw the archive too, and I found some posts where she explicitly said shes never had that experience. Unless this happened after 2014?
I don't know if she ever said she was raped. She has said, however, that she was the victim of severe child sexual abuse, by virtue of the fact that that is the primary cause for DID (if it exists). Pretty sure she has said it specifically in relation to herself also, but there's no way I'm re-watching her bullshit videos to find out which ones but she's said it multiple times without disclosing any details of the abuse (understandable if there's any truth to it).
She has not said she was raped, but she did say she had sexual trauma and that there was (unrelated to the sexual trauma probably) burning involved. Also touching which may have been sexual but may have been just physical abuse.
Something I thought about was that she faced abuse from her "primary caregivers" but lived with them during college or after she was supposedly expelled from college? Please do correct me if I am wrong.

EDIT (because I did not want to make a new comment): She often says that all alters are separated by amnesia walls, but frequently claims to be co-conscious? Shouldn't that not be a thing due to these amnesia walls? And doesn't having an "inner world" completely defeat the purpose of having "amnesia walls", as alters could just communicate these things in the "inner world"?
 
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mom's sperghetti

kiwifarms.net
More pressingly I also found that Nan has a sneezing kink. She makes sneezing erotica and uses her channel occasionally to post sneezing content for her underage fans which when you think about how she feels about sneezing is some predatory shit.
Some of her work includes a series about three small women who live in another woman's nose where they make her sneeze with feather dusters. I wish I was fucking with you. There's also some furry shit with an 'adult' dog and a 'baby' dog and I'm more convinced than ever that Nan is a pedophile.



So like, what the fuck?
 

ChloeTheMalingerer

kiwifarms.net
When/where did she say she was raped? I saw the archive too, and I found some posts where she explicitly said shes never had that experience. Unless this happened after 2014?

@23:10
 

comrade666

kiwifarms.net
She has not said she was raped, but she did say she had sexual trauma and that there was (unrelated to the sexual trauma probably) burning involved. Also touching which may have been sexual but may have been just physical abuse.
Something I thought about was that she faced abuse from her "primary caregivers" but lived with them during college or after she was supposedly expelled from college? Please do correct me if I am wrong.

EDIT (because I did not want to make a new comment): She often says that all alters are separated by amnesia walls, but frequently claims to be co-conscious? Shouldn't that not be a thing due to these amnesia walls? And doesn't having an "inner world" completely defeat the purpose of having "amnesia walls", as alters could just communicate these things in the "inner world"?
Do you know where the burning thing came from? I've never heard her mention that.

I know she's hinted that an ex-partner was abusive whether that was sexually, physically, or otherwise I don't know. I know of one ex boyfriend, Jamie Martin who seems to have humoured Chloe's exceptionalism until he reached a breaking point with it but he was very supportive of her channel and everything she did.
I'm fairly certain that she was in a relationship with a guy called Kennedy at one point in 2014-2015 though I haven't had much time to look into him. His Twitter is here and he interacted with her a lot in a way that would suggest they were together but I can't confirm. If she made that post in late 2013 it's possible something happened afterwards but who really knows.

@23:10
Thanks.
So, she says Nina has been around since Chloe's first sexual experience which was non-consensual and also says she has "been around for a while" as of March 2019. A while is subjective so who really knows but there were five and a half years between the post where she said she'd never been raped and the video where she said she had. Plenty of time for her to have been raped but if DID forms in childhood as a result of some kind of extreme trauma usually sexual I'm doubting her. She would have been 17 when she said she'd never been raped. Way beyond her 6-8 threshold which is bullshit anyway.

As someone else pointed out if she isn't lying about being raped or assaulted then it's understandable that she'd not want to share that. But if that was the case why would she be go on to share it so flippantly in that video?

EDITED TO ADD
Someone asked recently if she'd ever mentioned introjects. She talks about them at 7:17.
 
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