Chris and the Father Call -

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The Joker

Does not have a girl penis
kiwifarms.net
My favorite part. Poor Chris has to mow the lawn and pulls weeds in the hot sun! Borb overworked him. XD

  • Matthew: You have to stand up to play guitar! Oh, wow! That's...why don't you...that's just pathetic. You think that's exercise? Do you play a real guitar? I think the real Chris could play a real guitar.
    Chris: [indignant] I work, I work hard for my father in his, in his gar-, in his gar-, in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!
    Matthew: Pulled weeds? My grandma pulled weeds! My grandma had arthritis and she pulled weeds every day!
    Chris: [short sigh] Well, I'm sorry to hear that your grandma had ar-, had arthritis. But I, but I, I am, I am very strong sir. And I tell you, it was very hard and torturing work to pull, to pull, to, I was working under the hot hot sun, it was, those were very hot days!
    Matthew: And you still look like a, I dunno, you look pretty fat to me. I mean, my Kacey, Kacey exercises. And she lost weight, she looks, you know, she looks wonderful. And you? I mean, do you even know...what is the hot sun? I've been in the Middle East. You don't know hot until you've been out in the fuckin' shit.
    Chris: Okay, yes, okay, yes, I will agree with you that I cannot, I cannot understand heat, truly understand heat, until I'm truly in the middle of a desert. But still, it was, those were very hot days. And I pulled those weeds. And I even, I even, I even placed lumber around the edges of that garden, and I hammered labels of those flowers, and my, that my, that my father hand-wrote accurately, and figured, and, pat out the, and he showed me where to place them, I even helped him a little bit with placing them. And I placed, I hammered those labels hard into those pieces of lumber.
    Matthew: That's, that just sounds like basic chores. Lumber, pulling weeds, on a good day I had to do 200 push-ups. And I saw those push-ups you did, whatever you call them. Push-ups? That's not push-ups. That was, I dunno, you looked like you were flopping around like a... fish. Actually kinda looked like you were humping the floor or something.
    Chris: [unfazed] I even mowed the lawn!
    Matthew: Mowed the lawn! [laughs] Wow.
    Chris: Yeah, and again, those were very hot days, too. And sometimes the lawnmower would quit on me! And I'd have to practically kick-start it, with my foot, I had to kick it to start it up again!
 

MysticMisty

kiwifarms.net
Holdek said:
regularjohn said:
it sounds like a really thick american accent to me. deep and slow.

Heh, I never even thought of what a "thick American" accent would sound like, being American myself.
The "thickest" regional accent I can think of is Southern. And...Boston?
 

sethrutgers22

kiwifarms.net
I just discovered the call thanks to this thread, and it's been great. I read through the transcript and have listened to the audio for the most part.

I really loved when he said, "I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!" It sounds like he's listing what goes up his butt or vagina or something, just his phrasing. Thankfully Chris doesn't do that kind of thing, though.
 

Henry Bemis

just a fragment of what man has deeded to himself
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
Like any of his other major interactions, Chris is frustrated that real people don't abide by a script.

Meeting an SO's parents is a staple of the romantic comedy, whether it's a breezily confident conversation (which is how Chris starts out/wants the call to go) or a heart-to-heart spiel about your virtues and shortcomings delivered with enough passion to warrant having a brass band playing underneath (which is how Chris ends up, failing all the way).

In regards to the latter, Chris doesn't get that yeah, you can say you're TRUE and HONEST and PATRIOTIC till you're blue in the mouth (hell, you can actually BE all those things), but that doesn't mean anything in the context of real life, of concrete, practical questions about sustaining a household.

"AW, C'MON, YA SHOULD BE CONVINCED!" And Matt should be, because the kind heart is always supposed to win over the douchebags who can provide, and it should override the girl's ability to choose what's best for herself.
 

BillRiley

Good GOD, my emotions!
kiwifarms.net
hellbound said:
But it was Matthew who first said "ex-Marine," and even smart Americans may not know the traditions of the title.

He doesn't sound or talk like any marine I've ever heard. It's a good thing Chris-Cha­n is such a naive little butterball.

Henry Bemis said:
"AW, C'MON, YA SHOULD BE CONVINCED!" And Matt should be, because the kind heart is always supposed to win over the douchebags who can provide, and it should override the girl's ability to choose what's best for herself.

Good point. Chris sounds utterly baffled at the end of this conversation, the stockpile of rom-com cliches he'd carefully marshaled in his muddled noggin spent to no avail. Like an autistic Napoleon he's sent packing, back to his lonely island of misfit toys, his fat ass handed to him by a fake-marine dudebro who spent most of the conversation playing vidya.
 

Chrus Chundlur

Shaved orangutan
kiwifarms.net
sethrutgers22 said:
I really loved when he said, "I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!" It sounds like he's listing what goes up his butt or vagina or something, just his phrasing. Thankfully Chris doesn't do that kind of thing, though.

(...probably)


Matthew: Really? I must say, I'm not really impressed, but, uh, let's move on. Let's talk a little bit about what you think about my lovely daughter. What was the first thing you liked or noticed about Kacey?
Chris: I noticed her beautiful face.
Matthew: Her beautiful face.
Chris: Yeah. And her blue-green eyes are like a pair of swimming pools that I would just like to swim around and bathe myself in.

The swimming pool thing grosses me out...as if I can almost see Chris fat ass swimming and leaving a brown trace of :briefs: in Kacey's iris...

Matthew: [extremely uncomfortable laughter] So the first thing you noticed was her appearance.
Chris: [Interrupting] But also I definitely like to take note over time, over talking to her, one day that she was very smart and very fun to hang around with, and she definitely knows what she's talking about. If anything [laughs] she could be a little bit sm- she could be smarter than me on some things.

<sigh>
 

EzioCanLeapofFaith

kiwifarms.net
I loved that call
Chris' responses kept getting worse and worse. Specially the comment he did about Matthew carrying his dead soldier friend. I thought that was one of the most offensive things he said in that call.

Also,am I the only one who noticed how Matthew kept repeating the sentences sometimes? like he would say "...with my pinkie if I wanted to" then he would say again but more quietly. Gah! it's hard to explain.
 

nathan_grantham

kiwifarms.net
The only thing that bothers me was the ending of the call was when matthew asked chris: "So what are you going to do now?"

Was there a continuation of the call or was that just it?

Was there atleast some closure?
 

TheCrotchGobbler

kiwifarms.net
EzioCanLeapofFaith said:
Also,am I the only one who noticed how Matthew kept repeating the sentences sometimes? like he would say "...with my pinkie if I wanted to" then he would say again but more quietly. Gah! it's hard to explain.
i've yet to listen to it, but that sounds like it might be an echo caused by skype, chris's mic setup (i thought he had a headset?), or whatever program recorded the whole thing
 

Holdek

Down to where? All that is down is only my unclit.
kiwifarms.net
BillRiley said:
Henry Bemis said:
"AW, C'MON, YA SHOULD BE CONVINCED!" And Matt should be, because the kind heart is always supposed to win over the douchebags who can provide, and it should override the girl's ability to choose what's best for herself.

Good point. Chris sounds utterly baffled at the end of this conversation, the stockpile of rom-com cliches he'd carefully marshaled in his muddled noggin spent to no avail. Like an autistic Napoleon he's sent packing, back to his lonely island of misfit toys, his fat ass handed to him by a fake-marine dudebro who spent most of the conversation playing vidya.

Speaking of, was this call made before or after he drew the comic where he rescued Kacey from Liquid?

It's funny because Chris conceptualizes the fathers of his fiances, and their bestowal of their approvals, as similar:

Ivy's father:

SchuComicSP3P1.jpg


Kacey's father:

Md.PNG
 

The Joker

Does not have a girl penis
kiwifarms.net
DrChristianTroy said:
I'm just glad he calls out Chris on his sighing. Which brings more sighing.
Which brings stress, which can lead to :briefs: .
Nope, I swear Chris sighed after every sentence in that call.
What I loved though was how he tried to make simple yard work seem like it was worse than anything a marine could go through.
THOSE WEEDS ARE HARD TO PULL!
 

CatParty

Boo
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
The Joker said:
DrChristianTroy said:
I'm just glad he calls out Chris on his sighing. Which brings more sighing.
Which brings stress, which can lead to :briefs: .
Nope, I swear Chris sighed after every sentence in that call.
What I loved though was how he tried to make simple yard work seem like it was worse than anything a marine could go through.
THOSE WEEDS ARE HARD TO PULL!



To be fair, he has pretty much no muscle at all. :lol:
 

The Joker

Does not have a girl penis
kiwifarms.net
CatParty said:
The Joker said:
DrChristianTroy said:
I'm just glad he calls out Chris on his sighing. Which brings more sighing.
Which brings stress, which can lead to :briefs: .
Nope, I swear Chris sighed after every sentence in that call.
What I loved though was how he tried to make simple yard work seem like it was worse than anything a marine could go through.
THOSE WEEDS ARE HARD TO PULL!



To be fair, he has pretty much no muscle at all. :lol:
True, very true. Bob could have offered him a new vidya for the work and suddenly those weeds would be gone.
 

Holdek

Down to where? All that is down is only my unclit.
kiwifarms.net
You know, about 3/4s through the father call, Matthew says he might consider Chris if Chris were to "really turn [his] life around:" get a job, move out of the house, and lose 50 pounds.

Even though it would have ended up just being a big trolling the whole time, and Chris would never marry "Kacey," he still would have been better off having completely followed through with the trolling on his end.
 

Marvin

Christorical Figure
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Holdek said:
BillRiley said:
Henry Bemis said:
"AW, C'MON, YA SHOULD BE CONVINCED!" And Matt should be, because the kind heart is always supposed to win over the douchebags who can provide, and it should override the girl's ability to choose what's best for herself.

Good point. Chris sounds utterly baffled at the end of this conversation, the stockpile of rom-com cliches he'd carefully marshaled in his muddled noggin spent to no avail. Like an autistic Napoleon he's sent packing, back to his lonely island of misfit toys, his fat ass handed to him by a fake-marine dudebro who spent most of the conversation playing vidya.

Speaking of, was this call made before or after he drew the comic where he rescued Kacey from Liquid?

It's funny because Chris conceptualizes the fathers of his fiances, and their bestowal of their approvals, as similar:

Ivy's father:

SchuComicSP3P1.jpg

Kacey's father:

Md.PNG
If memory serves, he drew the comic after he spoke with Matthew. I guess he thought that rescuing Kacey would make up for all the flaws that Matthew pointed out. Or maybe he just didn't remember/couldn't tell how little Matthew liked him.
 

Descent

Shiny Hunter
kiwifarms.net
At the begining of the call Kacey tells Chris that she gave her parents a letter (I assume from Chris). What was that supposed to be?
 

The Joker

Does not have a girl penis
kiwifarms.net
Holdek said:
You know, about 3/4s through the father call, Matthew says he might consider Chris if Chris were to "really turn [his] life around:" get a job, move out of the house, and lose 50 pounds.

Even though it would have ended up just being a big trolling the whole time, and Chris would never marry "Kacey," he still would have been better off having completely followed through with the trolling on his end.
All Chris had to do was keep throwing his tantrums in front of the camera and jumping around. That would help burn some calories.
bdzdnq3
 
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