Prison Letters Chris Chan responds to another Twitter user's letter - November 20, 2021

[Professor Iris]

Next to that, your claims of being visited by Hubby-chan and a Gardevoir are almost credible, Chris.

The only Pokemon I think ought to visit Chris is a Houndoom, because when you're that knee-deep in hell, you might as well have the devil escort you out.

 

[Executive Petrel]

This is probably the most interesting sentence here.

Maybe the friendly Jerkops used him as a mole when he was still allowed to connect with other prisoners.
You know, speculating they won't suspect the slow-in-the-mind to be a double agent.
Chris obviously failed and got angry, yelling out something like: "Oh wait, NOW you 4-cent-garbage FAGGOT i will se - uh... I will sent my personally trained Policemen Force at you." and they were about to beat him up so the delusional had to be put into solitary confinement for his own safety.

 

[NynchLiggers]

Damn, I wonder what kind of retarded shit he did to the inmates.

He probably disliked a random for a reason only he knows and tried to curse him using his tranny goddess powers.

 

[MarineN*423543]

He probably disliked a random for a reason only he knows and tried to curse him using his tranny goddess powers.

guess thye got him in time before he was shanked like the pig he is

 

[Chazzed Up]

Is there a rule against misgendering Chris on Onion Farms or something? I don't know much about them over there but if they're willing to call him a tard I'm not sure why his gender fantasies need to be protected.

 

[idosometimes]

Re: barb
The most obvious answer is not suicide, but a certain goddess using his powers to eliminate witnesses against him.

Maybe the letters asking about sonichu are the only ones Chris is answering.

Or people who write about other stuff are not posting them onilne.

 

[Everything Beagle]

She probably just rear-ended whatever vehicle she hit. Old and hit the brakes too late.

Or she didn't get through an intersection as fast as the truck driver assumed she would.

 

[Pointless Sperg]

This is probably the most interesting sentence here.

What I find interesting is his use of "disbarred". Has he ever used that word before? I wonder if he picked it up from Heilberg by asking him to do something really stupid, with Heilberg laughing in response "Haha, no I can't do that, I'd be disbarred!", and Chris liked the word so much that he picked it up.

 

[Josterman]

Just speculation, but old folks drive badly.

However many also drive slowly, so it may not be a bloodbath.

They should have their liscense revoked at some point

 

[ToroidalBoat]

I am in a cell "by myself", but I am not alone, for I have Magi-Chan, Cryzel, Sylvana, Mewtwo, and everyone else within my reach (with my hubbychu chillin' with I and our highest Rank Gardevoir in this cell at the moment), and I work Out of Body in my continued hard work, duties, and efforts with Everyone of our Allies and Friends, during these events and Everything.

So Chris spends most of the time alone, rocking back and forth, while daydreaming and having imaginary conversations with imaginary friends?

 

[BigTubboWithLittleChina]

And shits himself.

Yep, apart from the lack of toys and vidya, it's pretty much business as usual for Chris, plus he doesn't have to worry about debts or where his next meal is coming from.

He's got it made in the shade. Right now, anyway.

 

[Chazzed Up]

It's curious that he specified "male and female occupied facility" again. I had originally speculated that he must be considering a male facility to be mixed gender because he's there. But I wonder if there are male and female staff and thus he considers it mixed gender...? I don't expect he's honestly seen women as inmates there. Unless there are other transgender inmates. If he's in isolation though I can't picture he's even seen most of the people who are housed there, unless there are others like him within protective custody that he's caught glimpses of.

 

[Aegeus]

Unless there are other transgender inmates

Chris probably saw another bald skullet sporting horrendously ugly, morbidly obese deformed subhuman tranny freak MAN just like he is, and Chris thought: "dats so gweat dis mus' be da male and da female pwisson."

 

[Your Favorite New Friend]

It's curious that he specified "male and female occupied facility" again. I had originally speculated that he must be considering a male facility to be mixed gender because he's there. But I wonder if there are male and female staff and thus he considers it mixed gender...? I don't expect he's honestly seen women as inmates there. Unless there are other transgender inmates. If he's in isolation though I can't picture he's even seen most of the people who are housed there, unless there are others like him within protective custody that he's caught glimpses of.

The part of the jail where he's housed is actually mixed gender.

Barb has apparently been involved in a car accident on the 24th of November and undisclosed family members have stepped in to help. Son-Chu is wrecked.
https://www.onionfarms.com/threads/...arbara-injured-in-a-automobile-accident.2011/

Did anyone find any confirmation of this? I assumed it would be easy to find news about a car crash, but it turns out that there are a lot of them.

 

[Sir William Gooch]

Chris probably saw another bald skullet sporting horrendously ugly, morbidly obese deformed subhuman tranny freak MAN just like he is, and Chris thought: "dats so gweat dis mus' be da male and da female pwisson."

Chris is one of about 60 inmates in a rather rural county lockup. It'd be pretty unusual if there were more than one transgender inmate in CVRJ at a time. If he's in AdSeg, he may have seen female inmates in AdSeg being escorted past his cell.

 

[stonic10]

Ill take a look online and see what i can find. At this point its unconfirmed and the contents of the letter are not public but this came from Kengle who would have no reason to make it up.

Did anyone find any confirmation of this? I assumed it would be easy to find news about a car crash, but it turns out that there are a lot of them.

 

[Ophelia]

It’ll come in handy whenever he makes his trip to GenPop.

Why do you think he’s going to GenPop?

 

[Pointless Sperg]

Did anyone find any confirmation of this? I assumed it would be easy to find news about a car crash, but it turns out that there are a lot of them.

American towns are designed around the car, making the US super car-dependent, with terrible or non-existent public transit in most places. Consequently, as a car is needed just to survive, they hand out drivers' licenses to *everyone*, making the US one of the few places in the world where the drivers license is the de-facto government ID. This means that people who have no business driving, like the extremely elderly, teenagers, and people with just terrible driving skills in general, all have the ability to drive. Moreover, driving without a license, insurance, or under the influence is punished far less harshly than in other countries, because there's a certain sense of sympathy given that you can't even get groceries without a car.

This is why car crashes per capita is among the highest in the world in the US. We actually don't have the highest fatality rate, thanks to very strong safety requirements (crash testing, all cars must have airbags, electronic stability control, etc), but the rate of crashes is so high that it's completely not newsworthy.

 

[Yksi_Toveri]

In most cases, sexual offenders are in a segregated unit, even when awaiting charges and never even sit with regular prisoners even in booking. In a bigger/busier jail linke Chicago or Denver, there would be a wing that would hold sex crimes and crooked Jerkops but I imagine CVRJ isn't holding a lot of rapists or Vic Mackeys, so our special little Jebus B. Tardheart Godless of the Amiga and Consecrated Fanta (Blood of Chris) doesn't have to share a room.

But does he know the trailer for Sonic 2 just dropped?

 

[Muncie Anderson]

Damn, I wonder what kind of retarded shit he did to the inmates.

It was probably nothing more than being really annoying while babbling about dimensional merges and My Little Pony until one or more of the other people in earshot either began crudely questioning his sexuality, or threatening to beat the shit out of Chris just so they could get a little peace and quiet.

Chris probably "became allies" with the authorities on site after he went and tattled on the men who threatened to put him in his place, leading to Chris being held in his own cell for his protection.

Whatever it was, Chris is probably relieved to have as little interaction as possible with the other men in jail, probably because he's too weak and timid to defend himself should one or more of them decide that it's time to put the long haired weirdo with a Jesus complex in his place.