Chris-chan's funeral -

[2_CUTE_2_BOLT]

Death sucks. Even if we try to put it out of our minds, it still happens to all of us. This is especially true with our precious lolcow. Even if Chris has inhereted Bob's longentivity genes, his current lifestyle does more to quicken his fate than nature can prolong it
Odds are everyone here on this board will outlive him, which brings me to my question:

Who would attend Chris-chan's funeral? Would you go if you could? What would it be like and what would the eulogies and elegies be like?

 

[Immortal Toothbrush]

Re: Our Pet Lolcow's funeral

Scared the hell out of me.. I though he died.

I wouldn't, but honestly, I'd be kinda sad. Barely anybody would attend, if that. He'd be buried in a lonely grave, maybe make the local papers, and then ignored for the rest of eternity.

 

[2_CUTE_2_BOLT]

Re: Our Pet Lolcow's funeral

Scared the hell out of me.. I though he died.

I wouldn't, but honestly, I'd be kinda sad. Barely anybody would attend, if that. He'd be buried in a lonely grave, maybe make the local papers, and then ignored for the rest of eternity.

Oh god! I didn't mean to scare you!
Yeah, I can see that this title can be misleading.

 

[Julaay]

Re: Our Pet Lolcow's funeral

If I could, I would seriously attend, unless it was 20 years from now and he would be out of my memory if there was no new sagas. To me, he is like a celebrity. I know, its weird. I'm sure a few "trolls" would there too. I may even shed a few tears, as he was the most entertaining thing on YouTube in 2010.

Now, I'm not sure if the forums would outlive him. I see him living to be about 50. I think he would probably die of a heart attack due to his obesity. If he lives that long, then I really don't see anyone being at his funeral. Even a hardcore Christorian would have forgotten about him by then.

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

Re: Our Pet Lolcow's funeral

If he died while we were still watching him, I'd raise a glass of Orange Fanta and let out a hearty JULAY.

 

[Bridechu]

Re: Our Pet Lolcow's funeral

If Virginia laws are like my local ones, his siblings will be called if someone can get a hold of them, and if they don't pick up or won't shell out he goes to the state department. They'll likely cremate him and store him in a basement until he eventually times out and his ashes will get buried in a mass grave. Maybe Cole would at least have him cremated and fly him out to LA and say a few kinds words or something before spreading him. Either way, I can't see a funeral happening.

 

[zoltan6561]

Re: Our Pet Lolcow's funeral

If Virginia laws are like my local ones, his siblings will be called if someone can get a hold of them, and if they don't pick up or won't shell out he goes to the state department. They'll likely cremate him and store him in a basement until he eventually times out and his ashes will get buried in a mass grave. Maybe Cole would at least have him cremated and fly him out to LA and say a few kinds words or something before spreading him. Either way, I can't see a funeral happening.

Steal his ashes and put him in a half empty jar of pickles. :mrgreen:

 

[Immortal Toothbrush]

Re: Our Pet Lolcow's funeral

If Virginia laws are like my local ones, his siblings will be called if someone can get a hold of them, and if they don't pick up or won't shell out he goes to the state department. They'll likely cremate him and store him in a basement until he eventually times out and his ashes will get buried in a mass grave. Maybe Cole would at least have him cremated and fly him out to LA and say a few kinds words or something before spreading him. Either way, I can't see a funeral happening.

Steal his ashes and put him in a half empty jar of pickles. :mrgreen:

That's a little harsh...

 

[Null]

Re: Our Pet Lolcow's funeral

Steal his ashes and put him in a half empty jar of pickles. :mrgreen:

Lets not say things like this.

 

[Da Pickle Monsta]

Re: Our Pet Lolcow's funeral

If Chris were to die in the next few years--either due to a medical malady, a car accident, or a game of real life "Kick the Autistic"--Rocky would probably guilt-trip his congregation into shelling out for at least a bargain basement cremation and service. Cole or one of the other Chandler half-siblings would probably take the urn, put it on a shelf for a while out of respect, and then eventually put him in a basement and forget about him or spread him on a plant somewhere to be rid of him.

But if Chris makes it to his mid-fifties, he's probably fucked when it comes to last rites. His body will probably be discovered in his room some years after he actually expired, due to his stink being confused with 14 Branchland Court's usual odor, and that will be because of a courtesy call from a concerned neighbor when they notice that part of the roof has caved in.

And even that's a best-case scenario. If there really is a "Wilderness Saga," as some other Christorians have postulated, then just about anything could happen.

 

[GFYS]

Re: Our Pet Lolcow's funeral

Steal his ashes and put him in a half empty jar of pickles. :mrgreen:

I lol'd.

Like every other aspect of Chris' future, I don't see his passing having any dignity. The circumstances around his demise will be surreal and/or depressing. I'm not going to pretend to be saddened, as it'll mostly be a result of his own actions (or lack thereof).

 

[PacSol]

Re: Our Pet Lolcow's funeral

He'll drop dead at around fifty or so, long after everyone has forgotten him. No one will bother to claim his body, he'll be cremated and disposed of in a potter's field, with only a state morgue worker and one of those Catholic groups who go around offering last rites for unclaimed bodies to see him off...

Pretty sad, to be honest.

 

[CatParty]

Re: Our Pet Lolcow's funeral

When he goes though, (all beliefs aside) would chris end up in heaven or hell?

 

[Saney]

Re: Our Pet Lolcow's funeral

Scared the hell out of me.. I though he died.

I wouldn't, but honestly, I'd be kinda sad. Barely anybody would attend, if that. He'd be buried in a lonely grave, maybe make the local papers, and then ignored for the rest of eternity.

*Shudder* Now there's a depressing thought. Honestly, I'd like to go, if I could, but that seems unlikely. Otherwise, I'd probably have a minutes silence for him or something.

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

Re: Our Pet Lolcow's funeral

When he goes though, (all beliefs aside) would chris end up in heaven or hell?

A lot of other people and I did the Dante's Inferno test for him back on the old forum. He didn't make Purgatory, and scored high on nearly every circle of hell.

You'd have to figure out what his worst sin is (wrath, lust, gluttony, envy, etc.) and then you would find out, according to Dante, which circle in hell he would go to.

 

[CatParty]

Re: Our Pet Lolcow's funeral

When he goes though, (all beliefs aside) would chris end up in heaven or hell?

A lot of other people and I did the Dante's Inferno test for him back on the old forum. He didn't make Purgatory, and scored high on nearly every circle of hell.

You'd have to figure out what his worst sin is (wrath, lust, gluttony, envy, etc.) and then you would find out, according to Dante, which circle in hell he would go to.

hahaha not even a chance for heaven.

 

[Kosher Dill]

Re: Our Pet Lolcow's funeral

I'd draw a crying Sonichu on the form authorizing his cremation.

The eulogies would ironically be a lot like his own self-important pronouncements. They'd have to go back to his high school years to find some accomplishments to laud.

 

[CatParty]

Re: Our Pet Lolcow's funeral

I'd draw a crying Sonichu on the form authorizing his cremation.

The eulogies would ironically be a lot like his own self-important pronouncements. They'd have to go back to his high school years to find some accomplishments to laud.

he should have it in his will that there should be a custom urn or coffin like his rock band guitar or his game boy or psp.

 

[Kosher Dill]

Re: Our Pet Lolcow's funeral

Someone needs to plant the idea in his head that a will is like a set of last demands that have to be carried out. Can you imagine?

 

[CatParty]

Re: Our Pet Lolcow's funeral

Someone needs to plant the idea in his head that a will is like a set of last demands that have to be carried out. Can you imagine?

"i demand that some of my blood be saved to cure all da homos"