Chris' funniest one-liner -

[DevilDog]

What's the funniest one-liner in Christory? For me it has to be "She cares about you so much!" it's not the wording, listen to his voice, it gets so freakin' high...I can't watch that video without losing it . Either that or "I'm losing my seriousness...lost it there"

 

[Null]

"At least my face isn't fuckin' orange."

 

[Henry Bemis]

"FUCK UP-FUCK ABSTINENCE!"

 

[snowkitten91]

I haven't seen a lot of Chris videos, but I really lol'd when Chris yelled "I'M WORKIN' ON IT!!!" to Bob in that hilariously high-pitched tone of his.

 

[BALLZ-BROKEN]

Toevryoneondainternet MY MOTHER AND FATHTA ARE ANGRY AT ME!

 

[spaps]

"I got a little Chun-Li, within me!"

 

[Tomgirl]

"The mindfuck that he is, I would not want to fall victim of one of his impulsive manchild rampages." -- As JenkinsJinkies, trying to make Chris sound scary.

 

[pickleniggo]

"I paid nine ameri-dollar for this cake! That's a lotta yen. KAWAII!"

 

[Marvin]

"The mindfuck that he is, I would not want to fall victim of one of his impulsive manchild rampages." -- As JenkinsJinkies, trying to make Chris sound scary.

Well, and Chris trying to use what he perceives as internet lingo.

 

[DevilDog]

Toevryoneondainternet MY MOTHER AND FATHTA ARE ANGRY AT ME!

Oh my gosh yes! That one was priceless xD

 

[ChurchOfGodBear]

"FUCK UP-FUCK ABSTINENCE!"

You know, I absolutely love this. Some people make the decision to abstain from sex for short or long periods of time, for various reasons. For the people that don't, there are precautions to take and consequences to accept. Chris absolutely cannot fathom this and simply sees "abstinence" as people he doesn't like telling him he can't have something he wants. He's not just angry at never having the chance to have sex, he's downright angry that anyone would daresay he shouldn't have sex or might not be ready for it.

It's yet one more reason Chris should never have had sex, paid or not. He wasn't mature enough for it.

 

[Male]

"You paid for a whole bunch of useless stuff you're never going to use anyway, you jivin' turkey!"

 

[cypocraphy]

"Eyes up here!"

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

"The mindfuck that he is, I would not want to fall victim of one of his impulsive manchild rampages." -- As JenkinsJinkies, trying to make Chris sound scary.

In the same vein, JenkinsJinkies referred to Chris as being "wild as a serial raper".

 

[Saney]

 "I lost my young virginity with a Seinor Cheerleader; her china was sweeeeettt!"
Oh Chris-I mean, JenkinsJinkies.

 

[Something Vague]

"We're gonna have sex, we are gonna lose our virginities to each each other, and its gonna be awesome." - Chris on Ivy

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

"Firstly, like Optimus Prime, as a noble leader, I would not ask one to do anything that I am fully capable of doing myself. "

You could spend an hour deconstructing the sheer amount of bozo out of this sentence.

 

[BillRiley]

Out of all the classic one-liners, this one makes me laugh every time:

And then even worse! Starting on page C29, he sets me on fire! He sets me on fire!

The sheer indignation Chris packs into those few sentences is just priceless. It makes me wonder how much of a grip Chris really has on reality.

 

[DiscipleOfTheLie]

"Blanca and I, well, she broke up with me, 'cause the Pickle Man tricked me again."

Just the absurdity of the statement reminds me of something in a cartoon. I bust a gut every time.

 

[CatParty]

the #1 no doubt about it:

Spoiler

Jack: Yeah, that's why they shelter you like you're a baby. You know what? My parents threw me out when I turned eighteen. You know why they threw me out?
Chris: Hmm... probably because they couldn't stand you?