Prison Letters Chris writes letter answering fan's questions (dated Oct 25 2021)

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Skwisgaar Skwigelf

Taller than a tree
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Sep 25, 2021
I prefer the "Barblax" appellation
Barblax: the bar skank Pokémon.

In its larval state the Barblax can be found at any low-end local bar. There, she will bide her time refreshing herself with readily available alcohol and scanning nearby patrons for potential hosts. The ideal host is one wealthy enough to sustain her corpulent future of excess but also one desperate enough to look past all her red flags. Once a suitable host is found, the Barblax will begin by lulling its host into blissful safety punctuated with bouts of intense anger. This confuses and terrifies the host and educes an emotional paralysis, allowing the Barblax full control over her host.

After the host is paralyzed the absorption process begins and the Barblax utilizes resources pilfered from the host to feed its massive appetite and various other whims. It's during this time that she inflates to her infamous size. While the host organism is drained until little more than a corpse is left; she may spawn 1-3 offspring during this time. A Barblax may undergo this process multiple times over the course of her life cycle, returning to the larval state after her host is consumed.
 

RurkerHivemind

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Joined
Oct 15, 2020
So Barb has written Chris while he has been in jail, and there's at least a chance she's the one putting money in the commissary for him. I honestly don't know which possibility is more horrifying at this point: Chris raping his increasingly senile mother or Barb and Chris having consensual sex. Either way, this is the absolute worst timeline.

That is a good question in which I don't want to know the answer to.
 

The Big Boy

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Joined
Nov 2, 2021
Has Chris ever addressed the fact that Jesus was a man and this contradicts his claim of having a female soul?

Why would Chris ever address this? It probably makes perfect sense in his mind, but wouldn't make any sense to the rest of us (much like the majority of things Chris believes). We all know he only branded himself a tranny so he could creep on lesbians - he'd probably explain it away as being a new coming of Christ, and this one is a tranny.
 

Interchanger

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Joined
Mar 3, 2021
I think in his warped mindset, and the ramblings that he is many deities, Jesus was just another female soul trapped with a duck.
Either that or the Jesus Godbody doesn't mean he is Jesus Christ, but just has his body and his memories. Sort of like Chris Chan's soul has the Godbody, and Jesus Christs memories are like stored data on the hard drive or something like that. I mean he came up with Random Access Memory or some other autistic bullshit to explain why he forgot things as he tried to type/speak so how he's made sense of it all is anyone's guess.
 

Rapechu

If you bore me, I shall take my revenge
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Joined
Sep 28, 2021
Either that or the Jesus Godbody doesn't mean he is Jesus Christ, but just has his body and his memories. Sort of like Chris Chan's soul has the Godbody, and Jesus Christs memories are like stored data on the hard drive or something like that. I mean he came up with Random Access Memory or some other autistic bullshit to explain why he forgot things as he tried to type/speak so how he's made sense of it all is anyone's guess.
Chris has the least godly body on the planet. It's the single best argument for atheism I've ever encountered.
 

Interchanger

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Joined
Mar 3, 2021
Chris has the least godly body on the planet. It's the single best argument for atheism I've ever encountered.
Got to be honest I was stunned that he claimed he had Jesus body. I know he constantly things at some point he was skinny, but Jesus wasn't just skinny he was alpha levels ripped. With a great head of hair not some balding greasy mess.
 

Look over there

Living in a doomed timeline
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Joined
Sep 10, 2021
I'm surprised no one has realised what Barb has written to him yet. The most obvious ploy to try and make the relationship seem consensual so he gets off lighter is to write the most scorching erotic literature featuring her and Chris that will ever be seen. The guard who has to read it will vomit.
 

Look over there

Living in a doomed timeline
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Joined
Sep 10, 2021
Got to be honest I was stunned that he claimed he had Jesus body. I know he constantly things at some point he was skinny, but Jesus wasn't just skinny he was alpha levels ripped. With a great head of hair not some balding greasy mess.
Obviously he gets his body type from also representing Buddha.
 

GypsyBard

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Joined
Dec 6, 2015
Got to be honest I was stunned that he claimed he had Jesus body. I know he constantly things at some point he was skinny, but Jesus wasn't just skinny he was alpha levels ripped. With a great head of hair not some balding greasy mess.
Well considering the diet back then and also the fact that carpentry work with hand tools of that. Would require a lot of strength Jesus was ripped.
 

Turbocuck

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Joined
Feb 14, 2021
Got to be honest I was stunned that he claimed he had Jesus body. I know he constantly things at some point he was skinny, but Jesus wasn't just skinny he was alpha levels ripped. With a great head of hair not some balding greasy mess.
Ripped Jesus is a later thing. The oldest depictions of him don't show a ripped physique. They also show him with short hair and no beard, the canonical dirty hippie desert wizard image we know today didn't come until the fourth century, and the muscles came way later.
 

Retarded INTP

Stallion Apostle
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Joined
Oct 4, 2020
He's now a generic I-Am-Jesus tard and this is the most boring shit ever. What a waste. I was hoping for the incest saga to be the great one, the pivotal moment where reality would finally collapse on this pear shaped head of his. Yet here we are, with a tasteless milkless insane hobo, rambling about random bible shit.

He's incredible, in a way. He really does absorb whatever media available to him then proceed to wrap his entire reality around it. Cartoons, movies, fan fics, artworks, the fucking holy bible, anything. No matter the circunstances. A blank sheet of paper constantly rewriting itself. At this point, when he'll finally be homeless, I fully expect him to just fucking craft an entire pantheon around road signs and/or street ads.