Prison Letters Chris writes letter answering fan's questions (dated Oct 25 2021)

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Mary the Goldsmith

Professional Drunken Retard
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Nov 12, 2020
Ripped Jesus is a later thing. The oldest depictions of him don't show a ripped physique. They also show him with short hair and no beard, the canonical dirty hippie desert wizard image we know today didn't come until the fourth century, and the muscles came way later.
I'd say he had a sort of "average" looking physique he was a carpenter and likely did a lot of manual labor, but take construction workers as an example they can be very strong but do not have a ripped physique
 

Yksi_Toveri

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Oct 5, 2021
Chris signs his name with more titles than a Game of Thrones character
Which is kind of why I hope he gets some North Korean Communist teachings on Juche and Songun. Only Kim Jong Un has a longer formal title than Chris and if Chris adds "Great Leader, Sun of Glorious Juche, Supreme Mind of the CWCville Workers' Party, blah, blah, blah" he'll at least get a Guiness World's Record for longest formal title which would be a nice consolation prize since he can't get a Wikipedia entry.
 

Yksi_Toveri

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Oct 5, 2021
Where is he getting this stuff and how are the jail authorities treating his retardness?
Visiting Ministers often go to jails to redeem sinners. In most cases, a vetted minister is allowed to give Bibles to inmates and in this case, it's probably Chris's only entertainment/thing to do as jails don't have libraries and the communal TV is almost always going to be tuned to sportsball instead of MLP reruns.
 

ProfessorCuckulus

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Oct 3, 2021
He's incredible, in a way. He really does absorb whatever media available to him then proceed to wrap his entire reality around it. Cartoons, movies, fan fics, artworks, the fucking holy bible, anything. No matter the circunstances. A blank sheet of paper constantly rewriting itself. At this point, when he'll finally be homeless, I fully expect him to just fucking craft an entire pantheon around road signs and/or street ads.
i hope after he finally gives up the ghost that some medical school takes apart his brain and studies his neurons. just think about what must be so biologically wrong with his brain. this whole brainwashed at the suggestion of anything has to be neurological and beyond average autismotards. its so fascinating.
 

Aegeus

I should be dead...but dark forces keep me...alive
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brainwashed at the suggestion of anything
Chris is so easily brainwashed, and he has spent all his life in front of the boob tube. Therefore, his beliefs are a perfect simulacrum of whatever narrative the mainstream media and America's overlords have decided to promote to the idiotic unwashed masses.

The mainstream media says: "Vote Obama" BOOM, Chris instantly loves Obama just like the rest of the low-IQ American retards that are led around like sheep and who form the vast majority of the population. Then the mainstream media says: "Vote Clinton" BOOM, Chris instantly loves Clinton. Mainstream media says: "LGBT is great" BOOM, Chris is a tranny.

He is the ideal brainwashed low-IQ American consoomer slave and the result of all the psyops they run on TV, in movies, in music, etc.
 

Tikbalang

Wear your shirt inwards out
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Oct 21, 2018
Chris is so easily brainwashed, and he has spent all his life in front of the boob tube. Therefore, his beliefs are a perfect simulacrum of whatever narrative the mainstream media and America's overlords have decided to promote to the idiotic unwashed masses.

The mainstream media says: "Vote Obama" BOOM, Chris instantly loves Obama just like the rest of the low-IQ American retards that are led around like sheep and who form the vast majority of the population. Then the mainstream media says: "Vote Clinton" BOOM, Chris instantly loves Clinton. Mainstream media says: "LGBT is great" BOOM, Chris is a tranny.

He is the ideal brainwashed low-IQ American consoomer slave and the result of all the psyops they run on TV, in movies, in music, etc.
One can hope he'll be brainwashed by watching only Fox News and some BS media. By the time he watched his appearance in Tucker Carlson, he might convinced himself "Yeah. I don't deserve in female prison"
 

WoggleBugHimself

As Seen on Kiwifarms
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Oct 29, 2021
One can hope he'll be brainwashed by watching only Fox News and some BS media. By the time he watched his appearance in Tucker Carlson, he might convinced himself "Yeah. I don't deserve in female prison"
Let's be honest, it'd just result in him becoming mega-ultra-most persecuted Jesus. Chris will not accept criticism from most individuals.

He only became "Christian" by misinterpreting the holy spirit being in everyone for him being the only God.
 

Smleman303

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Feb 16, 2020
Anyone giving money to Chris for any reason is an exceptional individual at this point, but my main gripe with this kind of "trolling" in the past is it has led to shitty content. It still does, really, but that's the only content we're going to get, is these goofballs doing shit like this. If these clowns want to keep Chris in ramen and beef jerky, so be it.

And you thought it couldn't get more boring than the ponyshit.
Slight off topic but so far what is your opinion on recent developments and Chris's eventual legal punishment? I'm still going for him on time served, told to stay the fuck away fr barb, etc. I actually saw a Redditor act like Chris could say he'd not fucked barb after he'd been blabbing. A true Reddit moment.
 

Optimus Prime

Resident KF Transformers Expert
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Jun 15, 2014
At this point, when he'll finally be homeless, I fully expect him to just fucking craft an entire pantheon around road signs and/or street ads.
We already have (or had, at least) a road sign worshiping version of Chris. That was ADF a.k.a. Philthy the Potato, who basically had a geometric landmass somewhere off the coast of Vermont as his imaginary country where roadsigns existed but cars were not allowed and the Jews went through Holocaust level ethnic cleansing every other week.
i hope after he finally gives up the ghost that some medical school takes apart his brain and studies his neurons. just think about what must be so biologically wrong with his brain. this whole brainwashed at the suggestion of anything has to be neurological and beyond average autismotards. its so fascinating.
I don't think there's anything to be learned from Chris after death.

Now, stick his brain into an MRI machine or whatever scientists use to map brain activity? THAT is the kind of shit Chris needs to be put through.
Slight off topic but so far what is your opinion on recent developments and Chris's eventual legal punishment? I'm still going for him on time served, told to stay the fuck away fr barb, etc. I actually saw a Redditor act like Chris could say he'd not fucked barb after he'd been blabbing. A true Reddit moment.
Worse still, Chris seems downright fucking proud of sexy time with Barb. What might be the thing that ensures he doesn't get off these charges lightly is that he straight up refuses to believe what he did was wrong on so many, many levels, legal and otherwise.
 

WorldsSmartestManRonOTool

Renaissance Man, Polymath, World Traveler
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Aug 15, 2016
I'd say he had a sort of "average" looking physique he was a carpenter and likely did a lot of manual labor, but take construction workers as an example they can be very strong but do not have a ripped physique
Same with the "world's strongest" type guys, powerlifters, etc.
i hope after he finally gives up the ghost that some medical school takes apart his brain and studies his neurons. just think about what must be so biologically wrong with his brain. this whole brainwashed at the suggestion of anything has to be neurological and beyond average autismotards. its so fascinating.
I've wondered sometimes if there is black mold in that house from the hoard, fire damage, Chinese drywall used in the restoration, etc.
 

AnOminous

I hated Woody Woodpecker and Scooby-Doo.
Retired Staff
True & Honest Fan
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Slight off topic but so far what is your opinion on recent developments and Chris's eventual legal punishment? I'm still going for him on time served, told to stay the fuck away fr barb, etc. I actually saw a Redditor act like Chris could say he'd not fucked barb after he'd been blabbing. A true Reddit moment.
Depends what they charge him with. If they throw in rape, all bets are off. I don't see him getting off without being on the sex offender registry or doing some actual time, though. I think he only gets time served if it's a couple years until trial.
 

Glassshardballpit

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Jan 12, 2019
Imagine rating jail as if it were a fucking hotel.
Makes me smile.

Depends what they charge him with. If they throw in rape, all bets are off. I don't see him getting off without being on the sex offender registry or doing some actual time, though. I think he only gets time served if it's a couple years until trial.
You think Chris will be in jail for years? Literal 2-5 years or even more?

Of course I knew probably but how long you think?
 

AnOminous

I hated Woody Woodpecker and Scooby-Doo.
Retired Staff
True & Honest Fan
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Joined
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Makes me smile.


You think Chris will be in jail for years? Literal 2-5 years or even more?

Of course I knew probably but how long you think?
I don't know. It has to do with a bunch of stuff none of us know. We don't even really know what he's going to be charged with, or if Heilberg manages to negotiate a deal before any of that even drops.