Sonichu Christian Chandler: AUTISTIC DEFENDER

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The Zookeeper

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Feb 3, 2013
Christian Chandler: Autistic Defender

Episode 1: Eviction day, fry up the grill!

Early morning, 20XX, Friday
Chris was fast asleep. Last nights midnight vidya marathon had wore him out and he was now sleeping in. This was usual for Chris.
Ever since the Ween Empire had taken over the Earth it was hard for an autistic individual to find work, not that chris wanted to work anyway.
Today was different however, someone was paying the chandlers a visit

"CHRIS!" Chris' mother Barbara screamed, "THERE'S SOMEONE AT THE DOOR! GO SEE WHO IT IS!"

Chris hesistated at first, but knowing how mad his mother can be he was obligated to rise from his bed.

"I wonder who could be visiting at this hour" Chris mumbled to himself as he waded his was through his mothers horde.

As Chris opened the door, his heart sank. It was a squad of Ween Troopers.

"By Order of the Great Czar Anthony LoGatto II, you have been evicted from your premises!"

Chris was speechless, he didn't know what to do. Where would he go? what of his mother?
Barbara intrupted his thoughts.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING HERE?" she yelled into the Ween trooper's ear, "WE PAID THIS MONTHS AUTISM TAX!"

"Look lady" said the Ween Commander, "We have orders from the Virgina HQ Commander that the occupants of this premises are to be removed!"

Chris wasn't sure what set Barb off, but he had a feeling it had to do with the fact that she was horder.

"IF ANY OF YOU EVEN DARE TOUCH MY STUFF I'LL KILL YOU" Barbara screamed.

"We don't want your stuff lady, we just want you to leave" The commander responded.

"UNLESS I TAKE MY BELONGINGS WITH ME, I'M NOT LEAVING"

"Look Lady, I don't want to use force but I will if I-" the commander was cut off by a Ween trooper

"Uh sir" the trooper interupted.

"Can't you see I'm busy here!" snapped the Commander

"Sir we don't need to evict this woman here"

"We don't?"

"No. The orders were to evict a Christian Weston Chandler from the premises"

"Oh well thats fine, you can take him" Barbara said, going back to the family room for a nap.

Chris couldn't believe what he was hearing, his own mother giving him up so she can be alone with her horde. It hit Chris like a wake up call.

"Alright, 'Chris' you can either come quietly or we can do this the hard way"

Chris knew what he had to do, but if he did it, he would be in more trouble then he would be now. But he didn't care. Chris had to show these fools his true power.

"I WON'T GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT!" shouted Chris "FIST OF AUTISM: PLAYSTATION 3!"

Chris began emitting Playstation 3's from his hands.

"What the hell?" shrieked the commander as a PS-triple hit him in the face.

"You forgot that your dealing with a full fledged master of the fist of autism!" Chris replied.

"You think that'll stop me? I'll crush you!" shouted the ween troop commander just as he went into a full sprint towards Chris.

"Oh yeah?" Chris replied "I Don't think so! FIST OF AUTISM: ROCKBAND ROCK OUT!"

Chris pulls out his plastic rockband guitar and begins to furiously tap the plastic buttons.

"HAHA YOUR GUITAR CANNOT STOP MY ION PUNCH!" yelled the ween troop commander "TAKE THIS!"
The punch connected, knocking chris to the floor.

"Agghh, my guitar usually works in rockband, what gives!" exclaimed Chris.

"Your guitar is made of plastic, it doesn't actually have any power idiot" the ween troop commander interjected.

Chris responded with a fierce attack with his Rockband guitar, hitting the commander in the jaw.

"DON'T TELL ME THAT!" Chris shouted.

To Chris' dismay, his guitar had broke in two during the attack.

"NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" screamed Chris "You'll pay for this!"

"The only one who will be paying for anything is you!" the commander snapped "YOU AUTISTIC FREAK"

He's gone too far thought Chris, He has to be put in his place!

"The only thing I'm a freak of, is a freak of nature, but other than that I can take you trolls down with relative ease!" Chris exclaimed.

"Sounds like your hungry for more" the commander scoffed "Your no match for me!"

"Thats what you think, but in reality you have Ten times less power then I do." Chris calmly said "This fight will be over soon"

"Huh? what are you saying?" the commander asked.

"What I'm saying is-" Chris paused "FIST OF AUTISM: AUTISM WHIRLWIND"

Chris begun to spin and spin untill a tornado had formed where he was standing.

"WHAT KIND OF ATTACK IS THAT?" screamed the commander.

"THE ATTACK THAT WILL DESTROY YOU AND YOUR TROOPS!" Chris yelled "AND NOW I COMBINE WITH MY MOTHERS HORDE TO CREATE-"

"AUTISTIC TORNADO WITH RANDOM KNICK KNACKS FLYING AROUND IN IT AT HIGH SPEEDS!"

"NO NOT THAT!" shrieked the commander as a moldy milk carton hit him in the face.

The ween commanders troops were flung out the door and onto the unkempt law of the chandlers residence.

"TIME TO FINISH THIS" exclaimed Chris

Chris stopped spinning to gather his energy for the final blow. "I'll hit you with my ultimate attack! FIST OF THE AUTISM: TARD RAGE PUNCH"

"Oh no!" screamed the ween troop commander

Chris ran full speed to the ween troop commander. Gathering all his strength he gave the commander a mighty punch.

That did nothing.

Did nothing execept hurt Chris' hand that is.

"OUCH I THINK I BROKE SOMETHING" cryed Chris kneeling over in pain.

"HA! I knew you were weak! Your all talk and no action!" the commander mocked chris.

"GAH! I can't lose now!" Chris said with anger in his voice. He had to think fast.

"Well If that's all you got, then I'll be the one to finish you!" the commander sneered.

"I may have been knocked down, but I'll get up again!" Chris began to stand once more.

"You just never learn do you!" said the commander "I'll finish you!"

"No, You never learn! You see you ten times less power then I do because you don't have autism!" Chris explained.

"What are you talking about?" the commander asked.

"Autism is what gives me my strength! It's more powerful then you nuerotypicals will ever comprehend!" Chris shouted.

"HA! don't make me laugh!" The commander exlclaimed

"Well this attack is no laughing matter, FIST OF AUTISM: KAROKE NIGHT! I LOVE THE NIGHTLIFE!" Chris screamed at the top of his lungs

Chris began to sing a sort of off key renidition of "I love the nightlife"

The ween commander couldn't believe it, Chris' attack pierced through his armour and made a pain sharper then any bullet.

"AGGGGGHHHHH" screamed the ween troop commander as he fell over unconscience

"That is why I'm more powerful then you! hopefully you understand now!"

Barbara had been disturbed from her nap and now wanted answers for the commotion.

"WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE, AND WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE CHRIS?"

Her eyes fall onto the unconscience ween troop commander.

"GAAAAH! CHRIS! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE?"

"Yes mother, I defended myself" Chris replied

"Chris, if the Virginia HQ finds out you did this, they could throw us in jail Christian, JAIL!" Barbara yelled.

"I know mother, but I can't stand idly by any more while my autistic bretheren are suffering!" Chris snapped, "If I have to leave here I will! And I will take down the man who sent these Ween troops!"

"FINE" cryed Barbara "DON'T COME BACK"

"w-wait" Chris stammered, but it was too late.

Chris had never been on his own, the farthest he's been from his house is when he flew to have craft beer with his Half brother Cole smithy
Now he was alone, with basic supplies and food, No PS-triple, No Bed, No bed bugs, no cat poop everywhere, no more clutter, and no more mom.

Things were looking up so far.

Chris knew that if he was going to take down the leader of the Virgina HQ he would have to go to Charlottesville, not too far, but far enough.
Chris hit the road that afternoon, the sun on his back, and hope in his eye. He was also a bit nervous, who knows what kind of power the Virginia HQ leader has?

It also seems that Chris is being followed by a mysterious figure with a freaky finger, but is he friend or foe?

FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON:

CHRIS-CHAN: AUTISTIC DEFENDER
 

The Zookeeper

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 3, 2013
Christian-Chandler: Autistic Defender

Episode 2 - Timbox, the ambitious director with the freaky finger! PART 1


To avoid ween troopers, chris decided that he would have to get to Charlottesville by cutting through the wooded area leading the city.
Chris had never been in the forest that often, this intimidated him. What if a poisonous snake bit him in his sleep? Chris knew his fear may be irrational, he doesn't remember any
sort of incident involving a snake. But his paranoia strikes so deep Chris finds it hard to get his mind off it.

A distinct sound breaks his thoughts

Chris wasn't sure what he just heard, but it sounded almost like "Lee Lee". The soft breeze flowing through the leaves of the trees distorted the sound.
Could the ween troopers already be aware of what he had done to the ween commander at his house? They could be conducting a manhunt for him.
Chris began to run. If ween troops were on his tail he would make sure he got as far away from them as possible.

Chris however, not being the healthiest man in the world, ran for a grand total of 2 minutes before being completely exhausted.

"I knew I shouldn't have had that q-sand for lunch!" Chris said in between breathes. Alot of his downfalls were much more clearer now.

"Leeeeeee Leeeeee" This time it was louder. Chris' heart was racing, he was exhausted and had a nasty cramp. He was in the mood for a fight.

"SHOW YOURSELF FIEND!" Chris gathered what strength he had and prepared for a fight.

Chris was surprised to hear a tremendous roar come from his left. Chris was even more surprised when he saw what it was.

"A T-REX?!?!" Chris exclaimed. The T-rex came charging full speed towards Chris, Thinking fast he jumped out of the dinosaurs path.

"Phew! I'm exhausted!" said Chris, "FIST OF AUTISM: POWER NAP!"

Chris fell over, now in peaceful slumber. This however may not have been wise as he was still in the middle of a battle.
The T-rex picked him up in his mouth, and was threw him against a nearby tree. Chris was however still asleep. So the T-rex picked him up once more and shaked his body like a rag doll.
Throwing his body to the ground, chris still would not wake up. Stepping on a branch to move in for the kill, the T-rex finally woke Chris up.

"That was a mighty CWC nap!" Chris exclaimed, "But now I have to fight or flight!"

"I CHOOSE FLIGHT!" Chris began to run when he came face to face with Jake sully from Avatar.

"Master Timbox will be pleased by your death!" Shouted Jake to Chris.

Jake fires an arrow at Chris, "FIST OF AUTISM: SONICHU SCRAPBOOK" Chris shouts.

Chris holds up his Sonichu scrapbook as a shield against the arrow. the arrow penetrates the scrapbook, stopping short of Chris' face.

"Look what you did to my scrapbook!" growled Chris, "And who is this timbox?"

"Why don't you ask him yourself" Jake said. Chris turned around to see a man with dark hair standing behind him, his mangled finger in the air.

"Do you remember the boy genius director who makes his favorite things come to life with revolutionary groundbreaking realistic CGI?" The man asked.

"Not particularly" Chris replied. Chris had no idea who he was up against.

"What if I was Timbox, master of the fist of the asian godess LEE LEE?" Timbox proclaimed.

"well then that'd make you my enemy then I suppose" Chris responded.

"Could It be possible that I'm not your enemy, but merely a ambitous fist master looking for a challenge?" Timbox inquired.

Chris asked"I guess, but why me?"

"Do you remember attacking a squad of Ween troopers this morning, word spreads fast. I have heard of your status with them." Timbox said.

"So your here to take me down eh?" Chris snapped.

"Did you know I can take you down? Heres a little taste, FIST OF LEE LEE: FREAKY FINGER LASER!"

Timbox points his strange finger at Chris, A green laser is emitted from the tip of his finger.

"CAN YOU TAKE THIS?" Timbox shouts. Chris jumps out of the lasers path and prepares to counter attack.

Damn't! Chris thought to himself, Another fist master! and one that begins every sentence with a question? this'll be interesting.

"Well if thats how it's going to be, FIST OF AUTISM: FANTA FOUNTAIN" Chris exclaims.

A tidal wave of Orange fanta is emitted from Chris' hands.

"Why Orange? It's my least favorite flavor!" shouted Timbox as he was being washed away with the tide, "Why does it have to be sticky?"

"Because it has tons of sugar! and sugar is good for you!" Chris exclaimed.

"You know whats good for you? an ass kicking! FIST OF LEE LEE: SUMMON LUCY LIU"

Asian American actress Lucy liu appears before Chris.

"What if Lucy Liu, that lovely Asian American actress, who stars in movies like Charlie's Angels, Kill Bill Volumes 1 and 2, and even Kung Fu Panda. attacked you? " Timbox asked.

"HIYAAAAAAA" screamed Lucy lu as she sent Chris a devastating flying kick, knocking Chris to the ground.

"Auuggh, that kick stings! a kick from a girl hurts twice as worse!" Chris yelled.

"What is your thoughts on Lucy Liu? Do you like her or not? Have you seen any of her films? Why is she lovely or so? How do you know about her? Well, do you?" Timbox inquried.

"I've only seen Kung fu panda, but even her kung fu is no match for my Autism-fu!" Chris proclaimed

"What is this? you don't just say that! LUCY LIU, GIVE HIM ANOTHER KICK!" Timbox shouted.

"I don't think so! FIST OF AUTISM: WIRELESS CONTROLLER!"

Chris produces a wireless PS3 controller from his pocket and throws it at Lucy Liu like a boomerang.
The Controller hits Lucy Liu in the face.

"AUGGGH" Lucy Liu shrieked as she was turned to ash. The controller returns to Chris' hand.

"How are you more powerful then you look? It doesn't matter though, I have many Summons to take you out! FIST OF LEE LEE: SUMMON SAMURAI JACK!" exclaimed Timbox.

Samurai Jack from the Cartoon Network show "Samurai Jack" appears before Chris.

"HA! No problemo! FIST OF AUTISM: GUITAR HERO SWORD" Chris said.

END OF PART 1
 

OtterParty

I shall crush your skull like a clam on my tummy
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Nov 30, 2013
Fantastic writing. Here, have an award. :pickle:
 

Christory101

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Joined
Jan 7, 2014
Zookeeper, if I may be so bold,

This was pretty hilarious! Id love to see a chapter where Mary Lee Walsh and CWC settle their score for good... and snyder too I guess...

I don't know whether to laugh or cry really, since your kind of making fun of a person's horrible life situation, but said situation is pretty funny all the same...

Whatevs... keep it up zookeeper!!!!


Edit: Hmmmm I just read chapter two.... kinda confusing needs some work... Part one was good though I loved your take on :snorlax:
 

exball

He's fat! Iiiiii'm thin!
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jun 21, 2013
Christory101 said:
Zookeeper, if I may be so BOLDY!,

This was pretty hilarious! Id love to see a chapter where Mary Lee Walsh and CWC settle their score for good... and snyder too I guess...

I don't know whether to laugh or cry really, since your kind of making fun of a person's horrible life situation, but said situation is pretty funny all the same...

Whatevs... keep it up zookeeper!!!!


Edit: Hmmmm I just read chapter two.... kinda confusing needs some work... Part one was good though I loved your take on :snorlax:

Kinda?

Chris began to run when he came face to face with Jake sully from Avatar.

Asian American actress Lucy liu appears before Chris.

Samurai Jack from the Cartoon Network show "Samurai Jack" appears before Chris.
 

spaps

I'LL FUCK YOU OFF AT NO COST
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 3, 2013
Ha ha ha, what a story, Zookeeper!
:story:







But not really.

EDIT: I shouldn't have used smiley so much. Now when it's finally relevant, I've overused it.
 

exball

He's fat! Iiiiii'm thin!
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jun 21, 2013
spaps said:
Ha ha ha, what a story, Zookeeper!
:story:







But not really.

EDIT: I shouldn't have used smiley so much. Now when it's finally relevant, I've overused it.

Thanks for ruining it babby. :x
 

Jewelsmakerguy

Domo Arigato
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Oct 1, 2013
exball said:
Christory101 said:
Zookeeper, if I may be so BOLDY!,

This was pretty hilarious! Id love to see a chapter where Mary Lee Walsh and CWC settle their score for good... and snyder too I guess...

I don't know whether to laugh or cry really, since your kind of making fun of a person's horrible life situation, but said situation is pretty funny all the same...

Whatevs... keep it up zookeeper!!!!


Edit: Hmmmm I just read chapter two.... kinda confusing needs some work... Part one was good though I loved your take on :snorlax:

Kinda?

Chris began to run when he came face to face with Jake sully from Avatar.

Asian American actress Lucy liu appears before Chris.

Samurai Jack from the Cartoon Network show "Samurai Jack" appears before Chris.

Chapter two sounds like something Chris himself would write.
 

The Zookeeper

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 3, 2013
To understand Chapter 2, One would have to understand Timbox.


http://timboxreloaded.tumblr.com/

He's an low functioning autistic that is obsessed with Dinosaurs, Avatar, and Dexter's lab. Specifically a character on the show named "Lee Lee" who is Dee Dee's friend

[youtube]R9-F4jUSFqs[/youtube]
It also seems he has an obsession with Asians in general, Heres a video on Lucy Liu

[youtube]YTFWGxadHxQ[/youtube]

Hopefully this explains the weirdness in Chapter 2, I should have realized that no-one from the cwcki forums really knows who Timbox is.
 

Jewelsmakerguy

Domo Arigato
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Oct 1, 2013
The Zookeeper said:
To understand Chapter 2, One would have to understand Timbox.


http://timboxreloaded.tumblr.com/

He's an low functioning autistic that is obsessed with Dinosaurs, Avatar, and Dexter's lab. Specifically a character on the show named "Lee Lee" who is Dee Dee's friend

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9-F4jUSFqs
It also seems he has an obsession with Asians in general, Heres a video on Lucy Liu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTFWGxadHxQ

Hopefully this explains the weirdness in Chapter 2, I should have realized that no-one from the cwcki forums really knows who Timbox is.

Oh I know who Timbox is (thanks ED). But that still doesn't excuse how the chapter makes no sense.