The Zookeeper
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- Feb 3, 2013
Christian Chandler: Autistic Defender
Episode 1: Eviction day, fry up the grill!
Early morning, 20XX, Friday
Chris was fast asleep. Last nights midnight vidya marathon had wore him out and he was now sleeping in. This was usual for Chris.
Ever since the Ween Empire had taken over the Earth it was hard for an autistic individual to find work, not that chris wanted to work anyway.
Today was different however, someone was paying the chandlers a visit
"CHRIS!" Chris' mother Barbara screamed, "THERE'S SOMEONE AT THE DOOR! GO SEE WHO IT IS!"
Chris hesistated at first, but knowing how mad his mother can be he was obligated to rise from his bed.
"I wonder who could be visiting at this hour" Chris mumbled to himself as he waded his was through his mothers horde.
As Chris opened the door, his heart sank. It was a squad of Ween Troopers.
"By Order of the Great Czar Anthony LoGatto II, you have been evicted from your premises!"
Chris was speechless, he didn't know what to do. Where would he go? what of his mother?
Barbara intrupted his thoughts.
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING HERE?" she yelled into the Ween trooper's ear, "WE PAID THIS MONTHS AUTISM TAX!"
"Look lady" said the Ween Commander, "We have orders from the Virgina HQ Commander that the occupants of this premises are to be removed!"
Chris wasn't sure what set Barb off, but he had a feeling it had to do with the fact that she was horder.
"IF ANY OF YOU EVEN DARE TOUCH MY STUFF I'LL KILL YOU" Barbara screamed.
"We don't want your stuff lady, we just want you to leave" The commander responded.
"UNLESS I TAKE MY BELONGINGS WITH ME, I'M NOT LEAVING"
"Look Lady, I don't want to use force but I will if I-" the commander was cut off by a Ween trooper
"Uh sir" the trooper interupted.
"Can't you see I'm busy here!" snapped the Commander
"Sir we don't need to evict this woman here"
"We don't?"
"No. The orders were to evict a Christian Weston Chandler from the premises"
"Oh well thats fine, you can take him" Barbara said, going back to the family room for a nap.
Chris couldn't believe what he was hearing, his own mother giving him up so she can be alone with her horde. It hit Chris like a wake up call.
"Alright, 'Chris' you can either come quietly or we can do this the hard way"
Chris knew what he had to do, but if he did it, he would be in more trouble then he would be now. But he didn't care. Chris had to show these fools his true power.
"I WON'T GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT!" shouted Chris "FIST OF AUTISM: PLAYSTATION 3!"
Chris began emitting Playstation 3's from his hands.
"What the hell?" shrieked the commander as a PS-triple hit him in the face.
"You forgot that your dealing with a full fledged master of the fist of autism!" Chris replied.
"You think that'll stop me? I'll crush you!" shouted the ween troop commander just as he went into a full sprint towards Chris.
"Oh yeah?" Chris replied "I Don't think so! FIST OF AUTISM: ROCKBAND ROCK OUT!"
Chris pulls out his plastic rockband guitar and begins to furiously tap the plastic buttons.
"HAHA YOUR GUITAR CANNOT STOP MY ION PUNCH!" yelled the ween troop commander "TAKE THIS!"
The punch connected, knocking chris to the floor.
"Agghh, my guitar usually works in rockband, what gives!" exclaimed Chris.
"Your guitar is made of plastic, it doesn't actually have any power idiot" the ween troop commander interjected.
Chris responded with a fierce attack with his Rockband guitar, hitting the commander in the jaw.
"DON'T TELL ME THAT!" Chris shouted.
To Chris' dismay, his guitar had broke in two during the attack.
"NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" screamed Chris "You'll pay for this!"
"The only one who will be paying for anything is you!" the commander snapped "YOU AUTISTIC FREAK"
He's gone too far thought Chris, He has to be put in his place!
"The only thing I'm a freak of, is a freak of nature, but other than that I can take you trolls down with relative ease!" Chris exclaimed.
"Sounds like your hungry for more" the commander scoffed "Your no match for me!"
"Thats what you think, but in reality you have Ten times less power then I do." Chris calmly said "This fight will be over soon"
"Huh? what are you saying?" the commander asked.
"What I'm saying is-" Chris paused "FIST OF AUTISM: AUTISM WHIRLWIND"
Chris begun to spin and spin untill a tornado had formed where he was standing.
"WHAT KIND OF ATTACK IS THAT?" screamed the commander.
"THE ATTACK THAT WILL DESTROY YOU AND YOUR TROOPS!" Chris yelled "AND NOW I COMBINE WITH MY MOTHERS HORDE TO CREATE-"
"AUTISTIC TORNADO WITH RANDOM KNICK KNACKS FLYING AROUND IN IT AT HIGH SPEEDS!"
"NO NOT THAT!" shrieked the commander as a moldy milk carton hit him in the face.
The ween commanders troops were flung out the door and onto the unkempt law of the chandlers residence.
"TIME TO FINISH THIS" exclaimed Chris
Chris stopped spinning to gather his energy for the final blow. "I'll hit you with my ultimate attack! FIST OF THE AUTISM: TARD RAGE PUNCH"
"Oh no!" screamed the ween troop commander
Chris ran full speed to the ween troop commander. Gathering all his strength he gave the commander a mighty punch.
That did nothing.
Did nothing execept hurt Chris' hand that is.
"OUCH I THINK I BROKE SOMETHING" cryed Chris kneeling over in pain.
"HA! I knew you were weak! Your all talk and no action!" the commander mocked chris.
"GAH! I can't lose now!" Chris said with anger in his voice. He had to think fast.
"Well If that's all you got, then I'll be the one to finish you!" the commander sneered.
"I may have been knocked down, but I'll get up again!" Chris began to stand once more.
"You just never learn do you!" said the commander "I'll finish you!"
"No, You never learn! You see you ten times less power then I do because you don't have autism!" Chris explained.
"What are you talking about?" the commander asked.
"Autism is what gives me my strength! It's more powerful then you nuerotypicals will ever comprehend!" Chris shouted.
"HA! don't make me laugh!" The commander exlclaimed
"Well this attack is no laughing matter, FIST OF AUTISM: KAROKE NIGHT! I LOVE THE NIGHTLIFE!" Chris screamed at the top of his lungs
Chris began to sing a sort of off key renidition of "I love the nightlife"
The ween commander couldn't believe it, Chris' attack pierced through his armour and made a pain sharper then any bullet.
"AGGGGGHHHHH" screamed the ween troop commander as he fell over unconscience
"That is why I'm more powerful then you! hopefully you understand now!"
Barbara had been disturbed from her nap and now wanted answers for the commotion.
"WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE, AND WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE CHRIS?"
Her eyes fall onto the unconscience ween troop commander.
"GAAAAH! CHRIS! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE?"
"Yes mother, I defended myself" Chris replied
"Chris, if the Virginia HQ finds out you did this, they could throw us in jail Christian, JAIL!" Barbara yelled.
"I know mother, but I can't stand idly by any more while my autistic bretheren are suffering!" Chris snapped, "If I have to leave here I will! And I will take down the man who sent these Ween troops!"
"FINE" cryed Barbara "DON'T COME BACK"
"w-wait" Chris stammered, but it was too late.
Chris had never been on his own, the farthest he's been from his house is when he flew to have craft beer with his Half brother Cole smithy
Now he was alone, with basic supplies and food, No PS-triple, No Bed, No bed bugs, no cat poop everywhere, no more clutter, and no more mom.
Things were looking up so far.
Chris knew that if he was going to take down the leader of the Virgina HQ he would have to go to Charlottesville, not too far, but far enough.
Chris hit the road that afternoon, the sun on his back, and hope in his eye. He was also a bit nervous, who knows what kind of power the Virginia HQ leader has?
It also seems that Chris is being followed by a mysterious figure with a freaky finger, but is he friend or foe?
FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON:
CHRIS-CHAN: AUTISTIC DEFENDER
Episode 1: Eviction day, fry up the grill!
Early morning, 20XX, Friday
Chris was fast asleep. Last nights midnight vidya marathon had wore him out and he was now sleeping in. This was usual for Chris.
Ever since the Ween Empire had taken over the Earth it was hard for an autistic individual to find work, not that chris wanted to work anyway.
Today was different however, someone was paying the chandlers a visit
"CHRIS!" Chris' mother Barbara screamed, "THERE'S SOMEONE AT THE DOOR! GO SEE WHO IT IS!"
Chris hesistated at first, but knowing how mad his mother can be he was obligated to rise from his bed.
"I wonder who could be visiting at this hour" Chris mumbled to himself as he waded his was through his mothers horde.
As Chris opened the door, his heart sank. It was a squad of Ween Troopers.
"By Order of the Great Czar Anthony LoGatto II, you have been evicted from your premises!"
Chris was speechless, he didn't know what to do. Where would he go? what of his mother?
Barbara intrupted his thoughts.
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING HERE?" she yelled into the Ween trooper's ear, "WE PAID THIS MONTHS AUTISM TAX!"
"Look lady" said the Ween Commander, "We have orders from the Virgina HQ Commander that the occupants of this premises are to be removed!"
Chris wasn't sure what set Barb off, but he had a feeling it had to do with the fact that she was horder.
"IF ANY OF YOU EVEN DARE TOUCH MY STUFF I'LL KILL YOU" Barbara screamed.
"We don't want your stuff lady, we just want you to leave" The commander responded.
"UNLESS I TAKE MY BELONGINGS WITH ME, I'M NOT LEAVING"
"Look Lady, I don't want to use force but I will if I-" the commander was cut off by a Ween trooper
"Uh sir" the trooper interupted.
"Can't you see I'm busy here!" snapped the Commander
"Sir we don't need to evict this woman here"
"We don't?"
"No. The orders were to evict a Christian Weston Chandler from the premises"
"Oh well thats fine, you can take him" Barbara said, going back to the family room for a nap.
Chris couldn't believe what he was hearing, his own mother giving him up so she can be alone with her horde. It hit Chris like a wake up call.
"Alright, 'Chris' you can either come quietly or we can do this the hard way"
Chris knew what he had to do, but if he did it, he would be in more trouble then he would be now. But he didn't care. Chris had to show these fools his true power.
"I WON'T GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT!" shouted Chris "FIST OF AUTISM: PLAYSTATION 3!"
Chris began emitting Playstation 3's from his hands.
"What the hell?" shrieked the commander as a PS-triple hit him in the face.
"You forgot that your dealing with a full fledged master of the fist of autism!" Chris replied.
"You think that'll stop me? I'll crush you!" shouted the ween troop commander just as he went into a full sprint towards Chris.
"Oh yeah?" Chris replied "I Don't think so! FIST OF AUTISM: ROCKBAND ROCK OUT!"
Chris pulls out his plastic rockband guitar and begins to furiously tap the plastic buttons.
"HAHA YOUR GUITAR CANNOT STOP MY ION PUNCH!" yelled the ween troop commander "TAKE THIS!"
The punch connected, knocking chris to the floor.
"Agghh, my guitar usually works in rockband, what gives!" exclaimed Chris.
"Your guitar is made of plastic, it doesn't actually have any power idiot" the ween troop commander interjected.
Chris responded with a fierce attack with his Rockband guitar, hitting the commander in the jaw.
"DON'T TELL ME THAT!" Chris shouted.
To Chris' dismay, his guitar had broke in two during the attack.
"NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" screamed Chris "You'll pay for this!"
"The only one who will be paying for anything is you!" the commander snapped "YOU AUTISTIC FREAK"
He's gone too far thought Chris, He has to be put in his place!
"The only thing I'm a freak of, is a freak of nature, but other than that I can take you trolls down with relative ease!" Chris exclaimed.
"Sounds like your hungry for more" the commander scoffed "Your no match for me!"
"Thats what you think, but in reality you have Ten times less power then I do." Chris calmly said "This fight will be over soon"
"Huh? what are you saying?" the commander asked.
"What I'm saying is-" Chris paused "FIST OF AUTISM: AUTISM WHIRLWIND"
Chris begun to spin and spin untill a tornado had formed where he was standing.
"WHAT KIND OF ATTACK IS THAT?" screamed the commander.
"THE ATTACK THAT WILL DESTROY YOU AND YOUR TROOPS!" Chris yelled "AND NOW I COMBINE WITH MY MOTHERS HORDE TO CREATE-"
"AUTISTIC TORNADO WITH RANDOM KNICK KNACKS FLYING AROUND IN IT AT HIGH SPEEDS!"
"NO NOT THAT!" shrieked the commander as a moldy milk carton hit him in the face.
The ween commanders troops were flung out the door and onto the unkempt law of the chandlers residence.
"TIME TO FINISH THIS" exclaimed Chris
Chris stopped spinning to gather his energy for the final blow. "I'll hit you with my ultimate attack! FIST OF THE AUTISM: TARD RAGE PUNCH"
"Oh no!" screamed the ween troop commander
Chris ran full speed to the ween troop commander. Gathering all his strength he gave the commander a mighty punch.
That did nothing.
Did nothing execept hurt Chris' hand that is.
"OUCH I THINK I BROKE SOMETHING" cryed Chris kneeling over in pain.
"HA! I knew you were weak! Your all talk and no action!" the commander mocked chris.
"GAH! I can't lose now!" Chris said with anger in his voice. He had to think fast.
"Well If that's all you got, then I'll be the one to finish you!" the commander sneered.
"I may have been knocked down, but I'll get up again!" Chris began to stand once more.
"You just never learn do you!" said the commander "I'll finish you!"
"No, You never learn! You see you ten times less power then I do because you don't have autism!" Chris explained.
"What are you talking about?" the commander asked.
"Autism is what gives me my strength! It's more powerful then you nuerotypicals will ever comprehend!" Chris shouted.
"HA! don't make me laugh!" The commander exlclaimed
"Well this attack is no laughing matter, FIST OF AUTISM: KAROKE NIGHT! I LOVE THE NIGHTLIFE!" Chris screamed at the top of his lungs
Chris began to sing a sort of off key renidition of "I love the nightlife"
The ween commander couldn't believe it, Chris' attack pierced through his armour and made a pain sharper then any bullet.
"AGGGGGHHHHH" screamed the ween troop commander as he fell over unconscience
"That is why I'm more powerful then you! hopefully you understand now!"
Barbara had been disturbed from her nap and now wanted answers for the commotion.
"WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE, AND WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE CHRIS?"
Her eyes fall onto the unconscience ween troop commander.
"GAAAAH! CHRIS! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE?"
"Yes mother, I defended myself" Chris replied
"Chris, if the Virginia HQ finds out you did this, they could throw us in jail Christian, JAIL!" Barbara yelled.
"I know mother, but I can't stand idly by any more while my autistic bretheren are suffering!" Chris snapped, "If I have to leave here I will! And I will take down the man who sent these Ween troops!"
"FINE" cryed Barbara "DON'T COME BACK"
"w-wait" Chris stammered, but it was too late.
Chris had never been on his own, the farthest he's been from his house is when he flew to have craft beer with his Half brother Cole smithy
Now he was alone, with basic supplies and food, No PS-triple, No Bed, No bed bugs, no cat poop everywhere, no more clutter, and no more mom.
Things were looking up so far.
Chris knew that if he was going to take down the leader of the Virgina HQ he would have to go to Charlottesville, not too far, but far enough.
Chris hit the road that afternoon, the sun on his back, and hope in his eye. He was also a bit nervous, who knows what kind of power the Virginia HQ leader has?
It also seems that Chris is being followed by a mysterious figure with a freaky finger, but is he friend or foe?
FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON:
CHRIS-CHAN: AUTISTIC DEFENDER
