Skitzocow Conald Petersen / Fedsmoker / Saint Herkster / Pukekiller / SHEMALE TRANNY CHURCH - Pig Thrasher, Twinkie Sexorcist, Bane of Baby Rapers. New channel: Deputy Fox

VLAD

I may be but small, but I will die a colossus.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
HERKSTER ARCHIVES PART 1
:semperfidelis: to @Billy of Hills



AMERICANS!!!!!!

There are many exceptional individuals out there, but some are more exceptional than others. Meet Conald Eugene Peterson, also known as Fedsmoker, Herk, The Herkster, Saint Herkster, Herknews, Godsnews, Pukekiller, SHEMALE TRANNY CHURCH, and a billion other YouTube accounts lost in time like tears in rain.

Fedsmoker doesn't put as much of himself out there as your CWC or your ADF, so it's hard for us to paint a complete portrait of him. All we have is a scattered social media presence, a couple mugshots, a few second-hand accounts, and a wide collection of disparate YouTube clips he's recorded averaging under half a minute each.

But what we do know is legendary.

Imagine Jace turned loose on the open road after twenty years without his meds.
Imagine Macho Man Randy Savage on even more cocaine.
Imagine the peyote trip sequence from Beavis and Butthead Do America somehow becoming a sentient lifeform.
Imagine a real-life Night Rider from the first Mad Max movie. "I am the rocker, I am the roller, I am the out-of-controller!"
Imagine the human personification of that uniquely American male desire to obey no laws but your own and howl like a werewolf as you ride your airbrushed shitbox at full throttle into the sunset.

Thankfully, we don't have to imagine.


Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/herk.petersen.1

Twitter
https://twitter.com/Fedsmoker4Lyf3

Google+
https://plus.google.com/+FedsmokerFedsmoker/posts

MySpace
https://myspace.com/fedsmoker

Known YouTube channels
Bixbismoker
Brent Miller
CIAPanetta
CNNcurupt
FBIJOHNKAVANOUGH
FBIsmoker
Fed Smoker ACTIVE, most recent as of Nov 2015
FEDSMOKER FOREVER
FEDSMOKER GEAR
FEDSMOKER HERK
Fedsmoker Herk
Fedsmoker Now - *DELETED*
GODZnews
GrazCalaw
Herkforce
SHEMALE TRANNY CHURCH
Wilber Nebraska Werewolf .Wilber News
chamleysteve
chief wess kuseld
chiefsellers
club69thieves
cnnfedsmoker
crow nation
demoherk
estesparkbabyrapers
fed zmoker
fedsmoken
fedsmoker
fedsmoker fedsmoker
herk petersen - *DELETED*
herknewz
herkster
herksterscnn
herkzter
herkzter herkster
jeffsadd
lagunabeachnews
lagunapigz
mayor hanavan
mayor pinkham - *DELETED*
officerleal
pedamiller
pukekiller
rayfisher
richard clark
saintherkster - *DELETED*
Steve Justa
wardsfedsmoker
youzuck
1994CharlieG

Liveleak
http://www.liveleak.com/c/fedsmoker

source

Grab your popcorn, here we go!

I was going to post it up last night, but I decided to see if anyone else had a story on him.

So yesterday I was helping a customer at my dealership, and when we pulled back into the parking lot there was this old Crown Vic that was spray painted red, green, blue, etc etc etc sitting by the front doors. Well, it smoking pretty heavily, and it didn't help that he would sporadically rev the engine. Well, I'm intrigued to say the least, but I didn't want to leave my customer.

When I walked into the dealership I told one of the salesman that was just standing there to go outside and see if the guy needed any help and to send him on his way. He told me that he had been sitting out there for 5-10 minutes talking to himself and laughing. Well, at that moment I was very interested to find out what was going on. So I politely asked my customer if they minded if I went out and talked to the guy for a minute, they didn't care because they were curious as well.

I get out there and the guy gets out of his car and starts talking to me. "I'm looking for a newer car. I need somethin' fast". (I love conversations that start out like this). So, I started asking him questions about what he was looking for, and it turned into him telling me about his POS. Anyways, I had to ask (after you see the pictures, you'll understand) what he does for a living. He told me to guess, and the first thing that came to my mind was that he is a bounty hunter.

He told me he wasn't, but it was close and to guess again. So I started examining his car a little closer. It had things like "Sheriff __________ is a baby raper", "Deputy ____________ is an arsonist", and "Dirty Pig Tour" painted on it; and his license plate was registered in Oregon. So, I asked him if he traveled the country exploiting dirty cops. He said yes. Then that's where it got interesting. He told me he made videos and to look him up online. I didn't pay much attention because I just wanted him out of there.

He explained to me how he has locked up a bunch of cops and that he has friends on the inside that "wack" them. (So I'm thinking this guy is a complete nut job and needs help.) I am trying to think of something to get him to leave, but he legitimately wants to buy a car and is not going to willingly leave. We talk some more and he starts pointing out all the policemen names painted on his car and tells me stories about each one of them and how he busted them. (I'm still thinking this guy is full of BS).

Well he comes in to the showroom and I immediately tell him that I am with customers and that this other salesman (he was still standing there) would answer whatever questions he had. While they were talking I went in and called the local police; they immediately knew who I was talking about and described him to a T. He had been camping out in the parking lot across the street for about a week and harassing the officers. They told me that he was dangerous and to stay away from him.

I went back on the showroom, made sure all of our other customers were taken into offices or directed towards the service bay (clearing the showroom). Conald was talking on the phone, while video recording himself to a buddy about getting a car. Well the buddy told him to get a Dodge Charger because "it has 4 doors, is fast and you can wire stuff throughout it." Conald asked if we had any, I told him no. He asked if there was a Dodge dealership around and I said yes about a half mile down the road.

He thanked me and walked to his car, revved the engine numerous times, honked the horn and did a parade wave like he was JFK while he drove off. The police pulled in the other entrance when he was leaving and soon was off after him.

He has 10+ YouTube accounts because they will randomly get shut down. Below are the pictures of his car I took and a few of the interesting videos I found. Yes, he talks like this ALL the time, it is not an act...and yes, I think he needs medical care.




EXPLICIT LANGUAGE!

Link to YouTube #1
Link to YouTube #2
Link to YouTube #3

As far as I can make out, Fedsmoker is a guy from some primordial Midwestern hellscape (Harvard, Nebraska) who drives around the country in a ghoulish monstrosity of a car rigged up with recording equipment and airbrushed with boasts of his conquests. Back in 2001, he apparently connected his local police chief to a conspiracy to commit arson. But don't tell the Herkster that the charges were dropped, because ever since he put that crooked chief away he's embarked on a one-man crusade to smoke every dirty pig in America and put them all up on the net as baby rapers.


His definition of a baby raper extends to anyone who gives him and his car a funny look, especially the local police. Fedsmoker's the only man who can expose them, take them all down, and put them behind bars where they belong.


Fedsmoker has terrorized towns from Eugene, Oregon all the way to Laguna Beach, Florida in his quest to rid the American police force of crooked baby raping cops. After the breakdown and loss of his legendary car (RIP), he has set up shop in Council Bluffs, Iowa in what appears to be a meth house. But once he gets himself back on his feet, Fedsmoker shall ride again. (UPDATE 9/21/15 HE'S BACK ON THE ROAD AGAIN. THE RIDE NEVER ENDS. SEMPER FI. YEEAAAUUURRRGGGGHHHHHH) We're just lucky enough that he has a compulsive need to document his journey every step of the way.


Fedsmoker reminds me of Marv from Frank Miller's Sin City. They both seem whacked out of their minds at first glance, but their only true fault is that they both had the misfortune to exist in the wrong time period. Herk would be so much more comfortable if he was born as a 9th century Viking berserker, or a post-apocalyptic motorbound death cultist who would paint his mouth a shiny chrome before dying historic on a Fury Road. Being condemned to the modern civilized world is a terrible curse for someone like him.


Even beyond the ungodly amount of residual drugs in his system, his quest to rid the country of baby rapers is the only thing that keeps him going. It consumes him. It's the Moby Dick to his Ahab. But there's so much more to the persona of Fedsmoker than his deranged crusade. Herk's not just a crazed camcorder vigilante who plays by his own rules. Smoking pigs is just one of the Herkster's many talents. Fedsmoker is truly a Renaissance man of our generation.
















I feel that Fedsmoker, more than any other internet eccentric, is less a set of videos to watch and more a mindset to inhabit. We've all experienced that one crazy guy on the street screaming out gibberish before, but Fedsmoker's gracious enough to carry a camera around with him while he does it. For a few seconds, we get to view the world through his eyes.


All we have of Fedsmoker is a wealth of incoherence. None of his claims or opinions hold any water. He posts nothing but rambling all-caps ranting on his various social media profiles, and his videos are usually just a string of growled threats that make little logical sense. He's even too batshit to be part of the sovereign citizen's movement -- think about that for a second. But there's something about seeing all these insane moments and lunatic ramblings divorced of all context that sends me into instant giggle fits. Somehow, Fedsmoker has perfectly tapped into the absurdity of human existence.


But it's important to keep in mind that there is still a human being behind Fedsmoker. Before and probably during his cop-smokin' odyssey, Conald has worked as a tattoo artist and received SSDI benefits for what looks a lot like paranoid schizophrenia. It's obvious that he's not getting the help he needs to live with his mental issues in a productive way. But it's also obvious that even if he had all the resources he needed, he wouldn't have any interest in using them. He's taken a path few others would dare to walk, and I'm just happy he's found a way to bring us along for the ride.


Saint Herkster's been uploading his message and spreading the good news since at least as far back as 2007. I wouldn't be surprised if he's documented his antics even before then, too. And by the grace of God, the Dirty Pig Tour will be rockin' and rollin' till kingdom come. There's still too many baby rapers out on the streets, and only one man has the will to take them all down.


Here's a link to a couple playlists with some of his videos. Sadly, most are on YouTube accounts that got shut down. Here's a link to a massive 50 minute compilation of some of his videos (my favorite bit starts at 27:39). And here's a sighting of him in the wild, spewing incoherent crazy at a county board meeting in Arizona.

If human civilization is obliterated and the only record of America is the complete works of Fedsmoker, I will have no issue with that.



YEAYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
 
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Strelok

Perfectly Cromulent Poster
kiwifarms.net
My god, I fucking love this guy. Like I wouldn't want to be within 50 miles of the dude for reasons of personal safety in reality, but the concept of being witness/wingman on his fucked up paranoid schizophrenic adventures just seems like an awesome trip.

But man if he's fake... I don't think my heart could take that betrayal again.
 

Shokew

Trial by Fire! Trial by Fire!
kiwifarms.net
Judging by his mean guitar playing, this guy is actually entertaining enough to laugh at - I'm gonna have fun keeping up with this guy, that's for sure (and also esssential / necessary. I could use a good, actual lolcow for once to do that to, IMHO...).
 
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eneidsk

kiwifarms.net
yeah this dude is a fucking freak. i saw one of his vids a long time ago and totally forgot about him. thanks for posting him here. the weirdest part is the reactions he gets from the people he meets, like they are just as fucked up as him and treat him as an equal. kind of reminds me of jace but 5000x more schizophrenic. baby raper
 
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VLAD

I may be but small, but I will die a colossus.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
There's a ton of his videos I wanted to share that got lost in the many purges of his YouTube accounts. One that comes to mind is his victory dance after winning the jackpot at a slot machine with apparently only one penny. Frantic closeups of coins streaming out, the screen lights flashing, and Herkster howling "I AM THE MOTHERFUCKING PENNY WIZARD!!!!" in between wild mad-scientist cackling. The man is a goddamn national treasure.

the weirdest part is the reactions he gets from the people he meets, like they are just as fucked up as him and treat him as an equal. kind of reminds me of jace but 5000x more schizophrenic.
I find the other people in his videos to be just as fascinating as him, if not more so. It takes a special kind of crazy to be Fedsmoker, but it takes an entirely different kind of crazy to be friends with him.
 

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