Conditional Love and How to Obtain it - Getting a GF, like Death, is only the beginning

Sped Xing

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As anyone who likes making fun of incels knows, they're very apt to PM you asking for advice on how to get laid. It's exasperating, because courtship is like singing or shooting a bow-- I can tell you asbolutely everything I know about it, and you'll never be able to learn, because it's not about thinking-- you just have to DO it. Pointers might be helpful, as observing a skilled practitioner, but it is ultimately just one of those things that's outside the scope of "read the instructions and follow them."

Well, I wanted to say that I do have good news. Getting a girl to want to touch your peepee may be all about subtle laughs and winks and sighs that autism can't handle well, but once you have her on the hook, making her love you is a simple matter of hard work and attention to duty. I can't tell you how to engender lust, but I CAN tell you how to grow the garden of love. Matter of fact, they make you take classes on the subject in boot camp.

If you've been raised on a steady diet of romcoms, this may sound very silly. If you think I'm making jokes, you really should read on. If not, read on anyway, because I like attention.

First of all, let's talk about the "unconditional love" damaged people mistakenly seek in a romantic partner. It doesn't exist. Or, if you're a fan of the Bible, it DOES exist, but humans are not capable of it.

The closest thing in the human world to unconditional love is that of a Mother for her children. There are unnatural mothers, but for the most part, your Mama loves you no matter what, seriously. It's one of the differences between men and women-- the latter can experience motherly love from both sides. Dads get gyped.

Fatherly love is more conditional than Motherly, but a lot of Fathers are there from the time their kids are born, so they develop a slight reflection of motherly love. The military model of leadership is usually expressed as fatherhood, because it is, when correctly done, non-sexual. Love is love, as people talking about butt sex often say. Military leadership is a trick to use love to get men to kill each other.

If you're uncomfortable with the idea of a husband being his wife's leader, get over it. It is necessarily so. I say "leader," not "ruler." Some women do want a ruler, and while I can't see the advantage in a slave for a wife, one must allow for variations. However, no matter how egalitarian your relationship, one person must at least lead as one leads a dance, else comes stasis and failure. Women, generally speaking, prefer to follow their man's lead. If you're a woman who wants to lead her husband, I guess this is for you as well.

So, to the point of the matter. You've got yourself a nice GF who eats hot dogs and wears T-shirts with you into a loving wife? I see a lot of guys who never take this step, and suppose that love is either a fruity feeling or something that flows out of getting a certificate from the court house. They narry their girlfriend because they like each other and like fucking each other, then hang fire on actually loving one another, grow bored, cheat, and divorce. This is a great foolishness of our age. No, you need love, and that's not about special feewings.

Autismo, you passed the harrowing of dating. You suffered through flirtation, flowers, and all that confusing, awful shit. Now it's your turn to shine, because the way forward is as simple as following instrucitons. JJ, tie your buckle.

Judgement-- Make good decisions. This is easy for you, O neurodivergent one. You, unlike Chad, enjoy collecting, collating, and examining data in order to make sound choices. You will have to start doing with things besides Victoria 2, but the good news is map-staring videogames actually are good practice for planning and judgement.

Justice-- This may not seem as obvious as it is for the Second Lieutenant, since you (hopefully) only have one lady to worry about. But not only do you need to treat her fairly; you need to treat everyone she cares about fairly. She has a family, probably. Treat them right as you do her.

Dependability-- She can count on you never to paint Sonic's arms blue. Can she count on you to keep your job, wash the dishes, and spell the alphabet on her clit? Fulfill your obligations, always. Not taking on too many obligations sends us back to judgement.

Integrity-- Don't fucking lie to her. You're a terrible liar, anyway. You're not going to cheat on this list and succeed, and probably can't get away with cheating on your wife. This is a hard list of actions, not feelings you need to pretend to have.

Decisiveness-- keyword DBAP. You know when you're playing as Sweden, and the time comes for you to throw in your lot with either the Protestants or the Catholics, but you hesitate too long and the League War starts without you? Of course you don't. You DO know the value of making timely decisions. This isn't just applicable to big decisions, either. I see dysfunctional couples take the "what do you want for supper" game so far that they end up pissed off and hungry. If she can't decide between Chinese and Mexican, pick one. She will love you all the more.

Tact-- the autist's worst failing aside from hygiene. On the plus side, she's not a stranger. By trial and error with careful notes, you should be able to figure out how to avoid eirher offending her by being overly pushy, or to make her sneer by being too diffident. It's just one woman. You can be tactful with ONE woman who lives in your house, can't you? Please try.

Initiative-- toujours de l'audace. Don't just life happen to you. Find a hole and run through it, you idiot. Again, while some women might prefer this, I'm not necessarily saying you should pick a direction and tell her to follow. I'm saying you should be full of ideas to share. Be willing to take calculated risks. If you've been doing the rest of this list, she will trust you when you say, "Honey, let's start an Alpaca Ranch."

Endurance-- "Never give up; never surrender." --Mathesar. Don't quit your job without a better job to replace it. Finish your degree. Don't nope out of the party she's enjoying so much. Not only will she respect you for it, vut she will enjoy the fruits of your diligent labors.

Bearing-- again, DBAP. Yeah, shit's hard. You're the man. You're the shoulder to cry on, the shelter from storms. That's really not her job. Unless your Mom is dying or they're remaking The Dark Knight, you should stand firm. This also means you need to mind your tenper tantrums. Basically, keep that blunted affect going. It looks like stoicism.

Unselfishness-- it's not all about you. Or, more accurately, you are more than just your own self, now. If you have chosen wisely, your wife will not abuse your generosity. This isn't just about money, either. Time, energy, and attention are all resources that you should never stint on her.

Courage-- dysfunctional couples like to say nauseating shit like "I would walk through fire for her." In currentyear America, unless you live in the hood, you aren't often called upon to display physical courage. Moral courage, which is honestly the same thing witha different fear source, is much lacking. Courage not to take shit from your boss, courage to be honest with your wife, courage to not take shit from your wife. Oh and don't let people pick on her, either.

Knowledge-- not Red Dwarf trivia. Know yourself. Know your enemy wife. Know how to handle business, be it jumping the car when she leaves the headlights on, being good at your job, or knowing what that "clitoris" thing I mentioned earlier is. Knowledge both inwards and outwards, of technical, practical, and personal matters, counts. And remember her birthday.

Loyalty-- obviously enough, don't get caught cheating. Consider not even cheating at all. But it's more than that. You and your waifu are a team. You are ALWAYS supposed to take her side. I don't mean lie to her and say you agree when she's being unreasonable (there are actual documented instances of women being irrational,) but you have to reach back to Tact and help her see that, while you don't agree, it's not because you are on the side of that cunt from her office.

Enthusiasm-- be involved in life. Give a shit. Ennui does not inspire devotion. It's true that nothing matters, but it follows that it doesn't matter if you treat your wife and your life like they matter.


This concludes my period of instruction on making gf love you for real, and not just use you up and dispose of you. If it doesn't work, it's your fault for picking a cunt for a gf. Thank you all, and to all a good night.
 

shameful existence

nearly hoped
True & Honest Fan
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This is some excellent effort posting.
The "initiative" part tends to be the most overlooked one. I've noticed that's where relationships often fail long-term, despite having everything else working for them. Most guys are generally aware that they have to aim at something, but are clueless about how much she should be involved in it, which typically leads to one of two extremes. An ideal plan is one that involves her, but doesn't crash and burn without her specifically. Having a vision of a future and setting up ways and rules (for both) to get there is universally attractive - it's something bigger than her, yet she fits in perfectly.
 

Sped Xing

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Then add it to the text wall. If you git gud at the sex girl will love you.
I actually did, though I could have said it more times. Check out the paragraph on "Knowledge."

I do owe a TLDR. This is advice on how, once you have a qt 3.14 who is a good person, you turn her into a devoted wife who will follow you into the deepest hells.

If some poor fuck came along and read this, and did his utmost to apply these actions to a female acquaintance, he wouldn't get a GF. He'd get something between a sister and a God Daughter. We're talking levels of friendzone that shouldn't even be possible.
 

Sped Xing

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That someone has written a relationship guide using dorky ass computer games as references makes me die a little inside.

At least back in the 90s you people didn't breed and stayed in the basement like a vampire in torpor.

....Fuck.
Oh, I'm a vampire all right.

k6o7fo0fxs751.png
 

Dergint

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Make good decisions. This is easy for you, O neurodivergent one. You, unlike Chad, enjoy collecting, collating, and examining data in order to make sound choices. You will have to start doing with things besides Victoria 2, but the good news is map-staring videogames actually are good practice for planning and judgement.

This may not seem as obvious as it is for the Second Lieutenant, since you (hopefully) only have one lady to worry about. But not only do you need to treat her fairly; you need to treat everyone she cares about fairly. She has a family, probably. Treat them right as you do her.

Don't fucking lie to her. You're a terrible liar, anyway. You're not going to cheat on this list and succeed, and probably can't get away with cheating on your wife. This is a hard list of actions, not feelings you need to pretend to have.

keyword DBAP. You know when you're playing as Sweden, and the time comes for you to throw in your lot with either the Protestants or the Catholics, but you hesitate too long and the League War starts without you? Of course you don't. You DO know the value of making timely decisions. This isn't just applicable to big decisions, either. I see dysfunctional couples take the "what do you want for supper" game so far that they end up pissed off and hungry. If she can't decide between Chinese and Mexican, pick one. She will love you all the more.

the autist's worst failing aside from hygiene. On the plus side, she's not a stranger. By trial and error with careful notes, you should be able to figure out how to avoid eirher offending her by being overly pushy, or to make her sneer by being too diffident. It's just one woman. You can be tactful with ONE woman who lives in your house, can't you? Please try.

dysfunctional couples like to say nauseating shit like "I would walk through fire for her." In currentyear America, unless you live in the hood, you aren't often called upon to display physical courage. Moral courage, which is honestly the same thing witha different fear source, is much lacking. Courage not to take shit from your boss, courage to be honest with your wife, courage to not take shit from your wife. Oh and don't let people pick on her, either.

not Red Dwarf trivia. Know yourself. Know your enemy wife. Know how to handle business, be it jumping the car when she leaves the headlights on, being good at your job, or knowing what that "clitoris" thing I mentioned earlier is. Knowledge both inwards and outwards, of technical, practical, and personal matters, counts. And remember her birthday.

obviously enough, don't get caught cheating. Consider not even cheating at all. But it's more than that. You and your waifu are a team. You are ALWAYS supposed to take her side. I don't mean lie to her and say you agree when she's being unreasonable (there are actual documented instances of women being irrational,) but you have to reach back to Tact and help her see that, while you don't agree, it's not because you are on the side of that cunt from her office.
Well, fuck. :drink:

Going on a love quest with a kiwi is a bad idea, but seriously, the frequency with which the articles that pass through here make me wonder if that would be the lesser of evils powerleveling be damned is increasing.

:drink:

I'm not sure if this list is good because of that dumb thing where if you ask a woman what she wants she'll say soyboy provider, but if you just throw men at her she picks the jock. Theory vs Practice. I can confirm that doing the exact opposite of the list is bad at least.

Which I assume is a dumber way of saying:
If some poor fuck came along and read this, and did his utmost to apply these actions to a female acquaintance, he wouldn't get a GF. He'd get something between a sister and a God Daughter. We're talking levels of friendzone that shouldn't even be possible.


As anyone who likes making fun of incels knows, they're very apt to PM you asking for advice on how to get laid.
Please tell me this is an exaggeration. I've heard dudes ask the chick they're trying to woo to tell them exactly what they need to do to succeed and cry out in frustration when the chick refuses (probably because even if he succeeds in following her instructions, she knows that's not his natural genuine self and he has no Integrity). That's already pretty sad.

People PM total strangers asking how to woo a chick too?
 
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Industrial Lathe Man

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I would recommend working on yourself by learning about stuff that interests most people and using it in conversation. History can be one. Business can be another. If you respond to someone's story from their job and you relate it to your manga interest, do not be surprised if most people get a glazed look on their face.
 

Sped Xing

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Oh, don't interpret my autistic list as "what women say they want," please. "JJDIDTIEBUCKLE" is a leadership mnemonic, and leadership theory is all based on manipulating love instinct. So it works well, perhaps better, in love than war.

This thread idea came from @Biden's Chosen posting aome truly awful articles on the same subject, and a recent conversation I had with my wife about how amusing it is that businessmen try to pretend Sun Tzu applies to making money, when he makes much more sense adapted for marriage.

As to "do incels really PM you for advice," dude. All the time. What makes it so funny is it's not like I'm some ladies' man. "I have sex, and I'm Rich Evans!"

I can't imagine walking up a girl and asking "what do I have to say to you to get laid," but it doesn't surprise me that they do this. Check out this PM-- I had compared hitting on women to sales in an old thread, and:

Screenshot_20210708-143131~2.png
 
Joined
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I actually did, though I could have said it more times. Check out the paragraph on "Knowledge."

I do owe a TLDR. This is advice on how, once you have a qt 3.14 who is a good person, you turn her into a devoted wife who will follow you into the deepest hells.

If some poor fuck came along and read this, and did his utmost to apply these actions to a female acquaintance, he wouldn't get a GF. He'd get something between a sister and a God Daughter. We're talking levels of friendzone that shouldn't even be possible.
But would it at least be like one of those animu little sisters from the FBI open up meme videos?
 

Dergint

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Oh, don't interpret my autistic list as "what women say they want," please.
Don't worry, it's not exactly your list I'm looking at through that lens.

Am woman. A horrible failure of a woman that lives in the Autistic Thunderdome, but one nonetheless.

If you look closely the quote breaks your acronym because I skipped a few things that resonate with me less. Not because they're bad, but because I don't have a specific memory of what happens when a dude breaks the rule to personally inform me of how important the rule is.

After I've filtered your list down, picked things from your catalog, that becomes a woman saying what they want, and lol don't trust that.

I'm not sure that following this guide will makes a man any more attractive, but I definitely know that doing the opposite of the list is a series of turn offs. A weird double negative "Is the enemy of my enemy my friend?" type of deal.

As to "do incels really PM you for advice," dude. All the time. What makes it so funny is it's not like I'm some ladies' man. "I have sex, and I'm Rich Evans!"
I just... Wow. I can understand that they're desperate - if they weren't they wouldn't be incels - but geez, ask a friend or a relative about that. Someone you can trust. But people in current year get news from satire, I guess I shouldn't be shocked.

Check out this PM-- I had compared hitting on women to sales in an old thread, and:
Or... Move on to the next woman? Accept that no is no, the pace of no is 0 and salesmen need to dig through the nos to find the yeses? Where's a horrifying emoji when I need one.

I can't imagine walking up a girl and asking "what do I have to say to you to get laid,"
Worse, dude was not after a one night stand. He was after love and a permanent cohabitation arrangement. If he was only out to get laid there'd he an argument about how if he is hot/does it right then its a different pickup line that exudes overly inflated confidence.

But a personal long term relationship? Lol as if any of that would be stable after essentially stating "hey, all the great things you love about me? I'm faking them because that's what you said you liked."
 

Sped Xing

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I would recommend working on yourself by learning about stuff that interests most people and using it in conversation. History can be one. Business can be another. If you respond to someone's story from their job and you relate it to your manga interest, do not be surprised if most people get a glazed look on their face.
I hesitated to reply to this since I missed it last time, but hey. This forum exists for that which we want to write but no one wants to read.

Being a good conversationalist is a good way to get people to like you, and people who like you are more likely to date you. This is good dating advice.

The raison d'etre of my OP had nothing to do with dating. It was about love, and the fact that love is not intense liking. People suppose that, if you like someone super duper a lot, and you fuck them, then you love them. This error has led to a great deal of misery.

Incidentally, the Christians understand what love is, and they talk about it a lot. If you're an actual practicing Christian, and not just a "I go to church on Sunday, ergo I am a good person" retard, you're less likely to be divorced or married and miserable, because why? Because you realize that love isn't some mysterious magic force that can't be explained.

Liking and lust, the two ingredients that fools think make the mystical potion called "love," are mysterious and defy explanation. I can tell you a list of reasons I like onions, but that's just post-hoc nonsense. I don't know why I like onions, really; I just do.

Love, on the other hand, is simple, straightforward, and difficult work. Love is extending your definition of yourself to include another person.

The point of this thread was to show an example of one system one can apply to the work of loving someone. I wrote it specifically for a man to a woman in committed sexual relationship, but these same principles can apply to loving one's children, or a protege, or can be modified slightly for loving anyone.

And to TLDR the entire thread, treat your lady with love, and if she is not a monster she will love you back. My point about the "friendzone" is if you love a friend like this, it won't make them fuck you, but you'll have a very good friendship.
 

Zero Day Defense

"Now come, Samurai. Put on a good show."
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Well, I wanted to say that I do have good news. Getting a girl to want to touch your peepee may be all about subtle laughs and winks and sighs that autism can't handle well,
You call it "autism", I call it being an average schmuck with normal testosterone levels.
Am woman.
Que?

I thought you were a man all this time...

Nah, nah-- you're gonna have to submit evidence up in this record. You know the rules!

(That was mostly a joke.)
 

Sped Xing

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You call it "autism", I call it being an average schmuck with normal testosterone levels.
What? But muscle men get laid all the tine! How can . . . oh

nr53k4ruq6p61.png


Also, somehow I didn't get the "Am woman" part of Dergint's post. I did read it. I said, "what does he mean failure of a woman?" I'm of decidedly below-average intelligence.

But I know what love is, Jenny.
 
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Dergint

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Nah, nah-- you're gonna have to submit evidence up in this record. You know the rules!

Exhibit A
My misery as I realize a kiwi has just said something that sounds like they might make a more suitable mate than the people who scoff at kiwis for being autists who devote themselves to making fun of other autists online:
Well, fuck. :drink:

Exhibit B
More alcoholism as I realize that this more reasonable/less cringe than it has any right to be:
Ladies, your boyfriends are fags. Here is my number.
Going on a love quest with a kiwi is a bad idea, but seriously, the frequency with which the articles that pass through here make me wonder if that would be the lesser of evils powerleveling be damned is increasing.

:drink:


(That was mostly a joke.)
similarly, the fact that this is as bad as alcoholic misery is a joke. Unfortunately the fact that I find it concerning is not. It really says something about what I expect of men in my physical area, if they're competing with kiwis. Times like this make me glad my mating drive is one of the things that broke so I could enter the Autistic Thunderdome - At least I don't have to worry about doing anything stupid.
 

Biden's Chosen

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This thread idea came from @Biden's Chosen posting aome truly awful articles on the same subject, and a recent conversation I had with my wife about how amusing it is that businessmen try to pretend Sun Tzu applies to making money, when he makes much more sense adapted for marriage.
Lmao, you fucking mong

The joke was that the articles had good advice and I edited some stuff in them to make them retarded.

People only complained about the stuff I put in. Because they're too transphobic to consider having a treesome with a tranny for their relationship. Which shows how little people truly care for their SO anyways.

Also incels don't need relationship advice, they need advice on how not to be ripped off by hookers or worse, egirls. Or a shotgun to the face, whichever is less painful.