Cook with me + what I ate today | down 75 pounds 04/27/20 -

Very Honest Content

(Formerly a) Niggo(?)
15 minutes, looks fat as usual, but let's do it gorls:

Claims she quit binging and is now in the 400 elbee ranges. 499 counts I guess?
1st meal: bagel, chicken breast, cream cheese and cheetos. Works hard not to eat a whole bag. Now I remember why I can't stand her again, didn't take long. Would only drink Fiji water in high school but never learned a thing about accounting or budgeting there in between sips of it. Waited a whole four hours to eat means she's fasting.
2nd meal: chocolate coconut bar snack, makes pasta with chicken sausage, broccoli, seasonings, onion powder, Amber feels narcoleptic enough to fall asleep eating, like she doesn't eat in her sleep too or something? Foodgasm reaction was faked. Giant yuge ass spoonfuls here and a cat run in on camera add some entertainment value. Lip licking and smacking intensifies, it's gross. Tongue sticking out to eat, I hate this. "Mook-bong" camera tips, who needs this shit? Talking with her mouth full what a pig. Can't wrap her head around her formerly swollen portions and lack of control, good thing that's not a problem anymore I guess? Saving two portions of leftovers, you know for totally not later off camera.
3rd meal: Yasso bar for a treat. Diet coke and no third meal of any leftovers. All together now gorls: Sure Jan!

This is not fun to watch, all who dare tread here, you have been warned.

A Widdle Woach
Becky looking rough at 1:50. I'm guessing she whatever weight Alr is " losing" Becky is finding. She doesnt even look human anymore. What about that health scare that changed her diet? I'm guessing that's over now
Amber and Becky strike me as the type to change their lifestyle until they start to feel better then go back to eating five people’s worth of food per meal.

They made the change and now feel better so why shouldn’t they go right back to their old ways? They simply cannot grasp that they need to make real permanent changes in their lives.


Amber is a cunning bitch, at least when it comes to youtube. She knows that making a claim like being <500lbs and not showing the scale, is going to make her comment section go nuts, fuelling her engagement and making her ride high in the YT algorithm.

It doesn't matter what she weighs, as long as the Ambabies and haydurs fill her comment box and watch her garbage videos, Amber will laugh all the way to the bank.

Keyboard Warrior
Ooh, did anyone catch that massive contradiction moment at 12:05?

She's acting like that pasta garbage was her 1st meal "cause she got up at 5 AM and was starving after not eating for a few hours." I guess she forgot her first meal that day was a cream cheese and deli meat smothered bagel with Cheetos.

And between minute 4 and minute 7, she goes from "I've fixed my sleep schedule" to "ya'll, I'm so tired. I've only got 8 hours of sleep in the past 3 days!"

Other LAHS:
-that she's losing weight
-that Fuji is her superior water of choice and has been since high school

Why is she giving random times for things? Like, who gives a shit that you're eating your millionth treat for the day at precisely 9:39 PM? When she does stuff like that, it makes me think it's for concealment purposes. Like last year, when she started putting the date on things to throw people off because she was posting months old content and pretending it was current.

You know damn well she was eating that ice cream at like 3 in the morning. But gosh, 9:39 is so specific. Must be true because who adds unnecessary detail like that?

Oh, right. Liars. Liars do that.

Everyone is always begging for layyyggs, and I can't say I'd be above such a treat, but I really, reeeaaaalllllyyy, want to see Amber get, and read off the results, of an A1C test on camera. No jump cuts, no reading it before recording, I want to see Hambo's illusions of being free of the beetus shatter. I'll take my :optimistic: 's now, thanks.

Not even going to bother with this one. At this point, her schtick is so freaking repetitive that I just want this bitch to do something new to get people to watch. Like....I don't know, actually admit to her billions of lies, actually do some legit exercise and stop boring us with her awful ass writing. JUST DO SOMETHING HAMBER THAT HAS MAXIMUM EFFORT!

Diet Coke 4 Life

When I peek, it is in the line of duty.
Thank you, Very Honest Content, for the basic rundown!

However, I wanted to see this for myself. Because I have no sanity remaining.

0:00 ‘Hey guise!’ Hey, AL. Wow, super happy now. Because food. And OMFG WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with her tongue?!!? That thing’s practically blue!! The hell! Seriously! Let’s get a mediKiwi over here. I need answers!

0:10 She states she wanted to do a what I ate today, and we can decide if we want to watch this or not. Uh, no shit. That’s all of your videos. And given the rate at which you’re releasing new videos, more people are deciding ‘not’ and you’re panicking.

0:12 There’ll be eating, and if we don’t want to see her disgusting foodgasms and hear her groaning and lip smacking don’t watch. I can’t wait. </s>

0:44 She says she’s still losing weight, because she’s eating semi-like a normal person. And that it’s hard to grasp, but she has to fight with herself every night to not binge but she’s succeeding. Sure, Jan.

1:18 A bit of self-awareness as she uses air-quotes to say that she’s eating ‘like a normal person’.

1:46 First meal! Bagel (gorl should switch to bagel thins for max effectiveness - she has the full-blown Thomas’ plain bagels. Those puppies are 270 calories each - add 10% for packaging errors, and it’s 297 calories) with buffalo style chicken breast (60 calories per serving), chive and onion Philadelphia cream cheese (80 calories for 2 tbsp), and a little bag of Cheetos (150 calories). From personal experience weighing that shit, always add 10% to the calories in those single serving bags, so it’s actually closer to 165 calories.

2:08 Rambles on about how she loves the little bags because it shows how small a serving is, and if she had a big bag, she’d eat half of it or maybe the whole thing in a binge episode (boredom eating is not binging, you dumb hog). No shit, dipshit. That’s how you hit 600 lbs. Or close to, if we were to actually believe you.

2:32 Says it’s 8:52 AM for our reference. And she’s drinking Fiji water. Yes, there’s the fake foodgasms. Then she blathers on about how in high school, only Fiji water would pass her fat lips. Has another fake foodgasm about that water. It’d probably blow her mind to know that most waters (including Fiji) comes right out of the tap. She points out that it has natural electrolytes. That’s called sodium hypochlorite, and is used to treat drinking water.

4:08 Goes on some tangent where she talks about how she’s not really doing IF at the moment, but then talks about how she’s fixed her sleeping schedule because she woke up at 5AM and she then says she’s fasting a bit because she’s gone almost 4 hours (3.5, you dumb hefalump) without eating.

4:45 It’s 1:06PM. Now she’s going to have a chocolate dipped coconut Luna bar (190 calories - add 10% for safety as it’s prepackaged food, so 209 calories).

5:12 More faked foodgasms. Ugh.

5:20 Going to make pasta. I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOUR BINGE FOOD. Gah. Dipshit. Shows elbow macaroni (210 calories for 1/2 cup of dry. There are 8 servings in a box, so 1680 calories for that box. Add 10% as it’s prepackaged shit, and I’m sure she’d use the whole damned thing, so more like 1840 calories). Then blazin’ (actually blazing on the package, because Amber can’t speak) buffalo chicken sausage (140 calories per link - add 10% for weighing inaccuracies, so 154 calories per link). And then frozen broccoli (44 calories per cup), Tapitio (0 calories because the body doesn’t process it nor does it invoke an insulin response), minced garlic (she doesn’t show the label - generic minced garlic is 32 calories per tbsp)

6:13 Her pan looks like it has all 4 fucking links in it. Holy shit. One or two would’ve been enough. She added onion powder and pepper, too.

6:28 Shows her pasta. That’s WELL over 1/2 cup. If I had to estimate, that looks like a solid 1.5 cups dry, possibly closer to 2.

6:40 Well, she used less than a cup of broccoli. That’s like 1/2 cup at best. Savin’ those calories there, gorl.

6:46 ‘Marinating the sausage.’ I… I can’t. I can’t. My face has actually acquired semi-permanent Deforest Kelly at this point. Holy shit. More, and my brain will begin to actively melt.

6:53 Mixed it all together with some minced garlic. This looks shittier than what they serve on the mess decks of an aircraft carrier when it’s the final month of deployment and there hasn’t been an underway replenishment in two weeks. Congratulations, AL. My iron stomach has just said ‘nope.’ But now that I see it… I can safely state that she used about 1.5 cups of dry elbow macaroni. So less calories than suspected.

6:56 OH FUCK. NEVER MIND. She has her own bowl separated. That shit in her bowl is easily 1 cup itself. So yes, she used all 4 sausage links and 2.5 solid cups of dry elbow macaroni. So she used over HALF OF THE BOX of elbow macaroni, and is eating half of it right now. Holy shitbuckets, girl.

7:07 Our gorl is tired. She only got 5 hours of sleep last night, and 0 the night before so she could reset her sleeping schedule. Cry me a fucking river.

7:35 Shows off her disgusting bowl. Does the nodding and mmmmmm and fake foodgasms and shit. Ugh. Sings the praises of Tapatio. There is so much head jiggling and shit.

8:22 Promises she doesn’t go ‘mmmm’ when she eats in real life. Suuuuure. But hey, Rarity sighting!!

8:43 Says Foodie Beauty says some dumb shit about her cats and she says the same dumb shit and whatever, I barely am paying attention.

9:10 Discusses her seasoning and how there’s no middle ground in her comments - it’s all either over seasoned or not seasoned enough.

9:40 Says Eric was staring at her food when he went through the kitchen. Offered him a bowl. Rambles off about holding up her bowl. He turned it down ‘because he doesn’t do spice.’ No, gorl, he didn’t accept it and was staring at it because it looks like absolute ass.

10:28 Fuckadoodle, the possible parent in me wants to smack the back of her head for talking with her mouth full.

10:49 MOOK-BONG. I wish you’d pronounce it correctly. Shows how holding it close to the camera makes it look larger, and when she draws it back it’s not that much.

11:16 Calls it normal size. NO, that is a deep bowl that is heaping with noodles. That’s a solid 1 cup dry of noodles and you’re devouring it yourself. That is enough to feed two people if they ate at a slow, regulated pace.

12:00 Blathers on about how cooking broccoli on the stove makes it good.

12:18 Bitches about waking up at 5AM and how she’s hungry by now.

12:33 Oh, now she mentions she also added butter. (Which is 102 calories per tbsp)

12:42 Says it doesn’t matter how much she used to eat, but it’s hard for her to wrap her head around it. That she used to eat so much without even realizing it.

13:07 Says Becky’s taking a nap rather than actively avoiding her.

13:18 She’s putting the excess of her macaroni shit away because she’s full. Shows that she didn’t use the whole thing of macaroni. Says she used half, even though more than half of the box is gone. You used closer to 2/3, dingbat. So more like 2.5 cups of the 4 cups that’s in there. My eyeballing appears to have been fairly accurate.

14:00 Says that’s 2 more meals for her. Puts it in 2 containers.

14:28 Last thing she’s going to have is a Yasso chocolate chip cookie dough frozen greek yogurt bar (100 calories - add 10% for packaging errors, so 110 calories).

14:54 Says she used to eat those a lot back in the day. No you didn’t. You ate pints of Ben and Jerries.

15:16 Had a can of Caffeine Free Diet Coke. It’s 9:39 PM and gorl is exhausted. I am spazzing about the caffeine free variety of my favorite drink. Ugh. Eliminate the best part of Diet Coke, why don’t’cha. Also says she didn’t have more pasta.
Quick calorie count:
Bagel bullshit: 602 calories. This is assuming she didn’t use more than the single serving size of cream cheese or deli meat, so I’m being generous.
Bar bullshit: 209 calories
Macaroni bullshit: Assuming 2 tablespoons of minced garlic and 1 tablespoon of butter (yes, I know she likely used more, but work with me) her macaroni bullshit comes in at 1854 calories for the whole. She ate a solid half of it, so 927 calories.
Yogurt bullshit: 110 calories
Total bullshit: 1848 calories.

So I’m calling laaaahs, because as I’ve said before, she has a TDEE of 3,500 calories and a BMR of 2953, assuming 5’3” and 499 (LOL) pounds. She should be losing a pound every 2 days, so 6.5 pounds a week, or approximately 26 pounds a month (let’s round down to 25 just to be nice).

Bwahahahaha. Show what you /really/ eat, including your mindless snacks.

And while you’re at it,