Cook with me - 5/2/19

Her talking about sleeping in her make-up got me thinking about that grotesque "nightly" routine she demonstrated for us a while ago and like... If she doesn't sit there and rub her face with three wasteful remover wipes, does she do her disgusting lotion and perfume shower routine or get her "ooooh mouth massage"? It's all sitting right there together, gorl, and you have to wait for your butler to get out of the shower and help you to bed anyway.

Unless some 11a.m.'s she just has Becky leave her on that nasty bed instead of walkeen all the way to the bathroom. Gorl had a long night of board games and coloreen, she's tired, she'll wash her face when she wakes up at 6:30...p.m.


And do I help them? Yes, indeed. :)

You've done the Lord's work, because I couldn't watch that shit. Like, I started staring at someone else's phone watching a video I'd both seen before and didn't like over watching AL, because the weak, animal part of my brain is SO bored by her.

She's never grasped the basics of texture or flavor pallets. She swims like a manatee in a sea of whatever she can get down her gullet as fast as she can. She never truly savors or enjoys what she's eating. That was made abundantly clear in the Taco Bell mukbang with Becks. Not that Taco Bell is something to be savored, but if you'll remember she got sassy with Becks for eating so slowly and Becks said she likes to savor. Then Hamber says that if you eat faster you get more food. That's how her little gerbil wheel of a mind works.

I've said repeatedly that it escapes me why an unemployed food addict who watches YouTube constantly doesn't look up a tutorial once in a while. Look up a cooking channel and try one of the recipes that looks good to you. There are so many YouTube "chefs" who specialize in different diets and lifestyles. It's truly baffling that she never bothers to do that. I watch this nice Cambodian lady who does all kinds of shit and I watch it because it's interesting from a cultural perspective, but it also gives me ideas to incorporate into my own meals. This is a concept that is apparently beyond her capacity. She'd rather eat absolute shit slop soup than follow a recipe.
If I had nothing to do with my day, stopped caring about sex, health, and appearance, and unlimited money, I might get really fat. Like, I might eat my way up to 300 lbs., because I really like food. If I could eat caviar and potato chips and real New York cheesecake and mountains of lumpia, I would.

It really does seem to be about a single note sensory experience for her. Salty, sugary, greasy. When she smells it, she isn't enjoying the scent; she's just anticipating eating it and doing something she's seen others do.

When even your wrist has a fat roll (:_(
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It looks like a six month old holding a wee package of cocktail weiners.

The minimal amount of effort she puts in everything is crazy. She literally had a plastic wrapped (microwaved) baked potato and she couldn’t be bothered to use a fork and knife, or even two hands to cut it like a normal human being.
I suspect it hurts to move your arms at her size.

I don't see why baking potatoes is so hard, though. You stab it with a fork and walk away.

"I haven't been having any sweets for like... Well, it's been a while." While holding a box of Yasso frozen Greek yoghurt bars.

Autistic nutritional sperging: a Yasso bar is a fucking sweet. It might be a lower calorie sweet, but it's still a sweet.

I looked up the nutritional information on the Yasso bar, it has 13g of sugar in it. Next, I googled "ice cream bar" and picked one that looked as bog standard as they come (Schwan's). Lo and behold, it also has 13g of sugar. Pretty much everything that Amber would consider a sweet, in a normal human serving size, has a comparable amount of sugar.

Now, I'd much rather her eat the Yasso bar than the ice cream bar since it's lower calorie and I think that, above all, this is what she should be focusing on. That being said, her lack of the most basic nutritional information is mind boggling. She acts as though it's low calorie because it's not a "sweet". It's low calorie because it has no fat, and the 100 calories it does have are basically coming from all that sugar. She doesn't understand the most beginner nutritional information or where her calories are coming from.

It would be way more beneficial for her to take in that 100 calories AS a healthy fat instead of in sugar carbs. She avoids oil like the devil but doesn't realize that if she gave up the empty calorie sweets, she could put olive oil in her veggie and chicken slop and make it a million times better, while being healthier.

For somebody who has apparently done as much diet research over the years as she has done, you'd think counting and understanding macros and micros in food would be pretty basic knowledge, but that's our gorl, isn't it?
You're not a food/sugar addict. While a brutal detox would be best, like a week long fast, she isn't going to do that. It's like telling a heroin addict to just stop. I feel like the Yasso bars are a good stand-in for the Reese's and bullshit she was grinding down. Give her credit where credit is due.

The entire house is obsessed with food. I mean, I don’t expect them to deconstruct Faulkner or discuss philosophy, but Jesus Christ there’s something between Kierkegaard and muh sausage and onions.
I think Ricky and Eric don't feel competent discussing a lot of other things on camera, though I think Ricky and Eric reviewing Drag Race would be amazeen.

I know it shouldn't surprise me at this point, but jfc for someone who sends her butler to the store every day, it's crazy how much prepackaged food she buys.
Leave it to Amber to find individually-wrapped potatoes because standing at the sink for 10 seconds to wash one would require too much effort.
I'd be impressed that she actually bought fresh green peppers, but lezbereal, they probably came prewashed in a super cyuute plastic container.
I thought about this. I think she buys so much prepackaged shit because she lacks planning skills. Like, if you buy a bag of potatoes, you have to plan how to store them, how you're going to use them, etc. In a house of four, this isn't rocket science, but it seems like there are three different meals made each night.

The beef thing is probably tied to the dumb "I dunt like pizza" or bacon or orange chicken or whatever thing she does regularly. Fat people like burgers so obviously she doesn't. Like she's decided only fat people eat or like fat, so she thinks she needs to act like she feels the opposite, despite it not being believable at all.

Plus red meat is sooooo unhealthy, you guys. Nevermind that it really isn't, and is nutritionally dense.
Agreed 100%.

You know when teenage girls go through that goddamned dieting/vegetarian phase? It's like Amberlynn and Chantal never got past 13 emotionally. It's a three day streak of, "I dun't like eet," followed by wolfing down ALL THE MEAT PIZZA.


Love Machine.
True & Honest Fan
She is looking rough. Unwashed, depresshun bun on deck, swollen face, black tarp with filthy bra that has outlasted all of her relationships.
I love her trying to lie about possibly going back on ssris. she knows she is going to fall back on the excuse she is gaining because of them when really its to binge her face off while crying you are "being mean I have depresshun"

NOT Sword Fighter Super

"Cheerleeder" of Slapfights
True & Honest Fan
I almost started to feel bad for her until she started bitching about how hard her "job" was.

Necky: "Ricky is an amazing cook, but I mean so are you, but you cook things I don't really like."
Amber: "[scoffs] yeah, healthy."

God, Amber. I took nearly an entire month off from you, but you make it so easy to slide right back into hating you.

Never change.

You're not a food/sugar addict. While a brutal detox would be best, like a week long fast, she isn't going to do that. It's like telling a heroin addict to just stop. I feel like the Yasso bars are a good stand-in for the Reese's and bullshit she was grinding down. Give her credit where credit is due.
I did give her credit by saying that I think she should focus on low calorie over anything else, and that this was better than her usual fair. But let's be real. How many times have we done this exact song and dance? She makes small, insignificant changes (that she cannot maintain) under the guise of "look guys, I am finally fixed!" and then backslides and gains twice what she lost in the first place. She weighs 600 pounds. It's not enough to switch out your awful sugary garbage for slightly less awful sugary garbage- she has proven time and time again that it's not enough.

You wouldn't say a heroin addict should make small changes like "shoot up a little less heroin than usual!" You'd say " stop shooting heroin and get professional help if you actually want to recover." If Amber actually gave a fuck about losing weight (hint: she doesn't) she would realize that as somebody with BED (debatable, but I'll take her at face value) that yes, you sometimes need to stop cold turkey. You can't have triggering food like that in the house. I guarantee you that those Yassos are going to be among the first things to go on her eventual binge because they will touch on the same high she gets eating junk. And, when you eat 10 of them in one sitting, suddenly they aren't so low calorie anymore.

To continue your analogy, she isn't just a heroin addict that needs to stop. She is, by her own touting, an expert in heroin addiction. She doesn't need to listen to addiction counselors or go to rehab because she knows exactly how to stop using heroin any time she wants. She knows everything there is to know about quitting heroin, even though her usage in the past 5 years has doubled. She claims to have researched heroin on the same scientific level of a chemist, but couldn't tell you a single accurate thing about it, and spouts misinformation if she gives any information at all. She says she has tried every type of strategy to quit, but it turns out that every "effort" she's ever given was the least effort possible and was just a public virtue signal so she could go privately shoot up in the bathroom where nobody would know until she was eventually caught in her own lies.

I could go on but I won't. Like pretty much everybody else who follows Amber, I do have a genuine desire to see her lose the weight. Honestly, it would be a really nice story to see her figure her shit out and better herself. IF she actually changed her lifestyle to the degree it needs to be changed, and was honest with her viewers and herself, I would rally behind her as fast as I could. And I don't think it's impossible, but I'm certainly not taken in by this 20lb weight loss and microscopic changes that ultimately amount to very little. What's 20lbs when you could lose 300lbs and still be seriously obese? Once she's dropped the first 100 I might actually perk my ears up, but for now it's all just the same bullshit on a different day. Her years of lying through her teeth do not afford her my (or anybody else's) trust or credit.
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