Cooking with Chef Thomas Jay Wasserberg - ITT: Culinary Abominations Against the Lord to Rival Scalfani &/or DSP

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Feline Darkmage

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Now that @Mister Thomas Jay Wassergerg has his own subforum, the newbies just coming in may have noticed we talk about him eating literal trash all the time, which he does due to being a disgusting hobo.

@Hellfire posted this most recent terrifying entity into the General thread, and I think it would be a good idea to start this thread off with it.

Post any past, present, and future disasters that Thomas sharts onto some "fine china" here in this thread.
 

Eddward

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What about this tasty little number?

Edit: Stupid file didn't load.
 

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Clockwork Dragon

Work your fingers to the bone, whaddaya get?
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What about this tasty little number?

Edit: Stupid file didn't load.

What's especially horrifying about that is that he pulled the meat out of a dumpster in August in Arizona. And apparently ate it raw. He must have a gut made of iron or something. Or maybe he was deliberately being particularly gross.
 

Feline Darkmage

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What's especially horrifying about that is that he pulled the meat out of a dumpster in August in Arizona. And apparently ate it raw. He must have a gut made of iron or something. Or maybe he was deliberately being particularly gross.

Tom's stomach (& other internal organs) is a scientific anomaly and when he finally dies we must study them to find out the secrets to how they lasted as long as they did without giving out and killing him.
 

Xanax

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What's especially horrifying about that is that he pulled the meat out of a dumpster in August in Arizona. And apparently ate it raw. He must have a gut made of iron or something. Or maybe he was deliberately being particularly gross.

Discarded raw meat left in the hot sun? Tom has probably swallowed his fair share of maggots and not even noticed.
 

The Crow

Forever Changed
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What about this tasty little number?

Edit: Stupid file didn't load.

That looks like literal vomit thrown into a sandwich. Maybe his brain wouldn't be so rotted from the inside out if he would stop eating disgusting garbage like this.

If Tommy consumes a whiny maggot, is that cannibalism?

Nah, you're thinking of what happens when he eats turtle soup.
 

Done

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So I'm still slowly reading through Tommy's main thread (great read btw), and I found a post with not one, two, but three great culinary achievements!

Well, if you're wondering what hobo trash looks like in a frying pan... Also, what is up with the "Tommi Jayne" shit? All you do is change your real name to something female-sounding so you can get around facebook policy, but you never even changed your actual name legally. You are the definition of a facebook fake tranny.

View attachment 144836

More trash

14330029_641635079343574_6206232793077520982_n.jpg


Ketchup and puke on ramen
13963051_622169921290090_3282322469493070989_o.jpg

I am re-upping 2 Photos below, for some reason they didn't show up inside the quote.

14330029_641635079343574_6206232793077520982_n.jpg 13963051_622169921290090_3282322469493070989_o.jpg
 

MasterDisaster

Probably wearing pants.
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What about this tasty little number?

Edit: Stupid file didn't load.
Okay since foods one of my passions and personal hobbies allow me to break that shit down.
As everyone already pointed out that was raw meat dug out of a dumpster in a hot Arizona sun. Say hello to any number of fun filled parasites that'll rip through your intestines and make you shit your heart out.
Next up is just how much onion he put into that patty. I can actually see enough of it that it's pretty much making up at least 20% of that patty. I don't doubt that he probably used way too much garlic as well so that's all the meat will taste like.
The discoloration and any lack of charring tells me he cooked this meat one of two ways; he boiled it or he microwaved it. Even a backed patty will have some darkening of the meat but this fucker is the same color all the way round far as I can tell.
Tommy knows shit about cooking because steak tartar is made, amazingly enough, out of steak. That shit looks like 70/30 ground round. The only thing I know you make out of raw hamburger is called a Bachelors Sandwich; that's just raw hamburger and horseradish.
And lastly, because Tom straight up threw out a challenge I felt obligated to indulge in it. Say hello to the Garbage Burger:
1532817812634_20180730_071917371.jpg

That is a half pound beefy patty, cheddar cheese, two strips of bacon, onion crisps, bbq sauce and two grilled mac and cheese sandwiches as buns.
Go fuck yourself, Tom.
 

Feline Darkmage

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I am re-upping 2 Photos below, for some reason they didn't show up inside the quote.

The presentation on the top one isn't too terrible.

The bottom one idk what he was thinking but I've seen kids with downs syndrome make better plate presentation than that one. And the teriyaki sauce(?) looks a little too viscous.
 

Dr. Boe Jangles Esq.

Original Prick
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Okay since foods one of my passions and personal hobbies allow me to break that shit down.
As everyone already pointed out that was raw meat dug out of a dumpster in a hot Arizona sun. Say hello to any number of fun filled parasites that'll rip through your intestines and make you shit your heart out.
Next up is just how much onion he put into that patty. I can actually see enough of it that it's pretty much making up at least 20% of that patty. I don't doubt that he probably used way too much garlic as well so that's all the meat will taste like.
The discoloration and any lack of charring tells me he cooked this meat one of two ways; he boiled it or he microwaved it. Even a backed patty will have some darkening of the meat but this fucker is the same color all the way round far as I can tell.
Tommy knows shit about cooking because steak tartar is made, amazingly enough, out of steak. That shit looks like 70/30 ground round. The only thing I know you make out of raw hamburger is called a Bachelors Sandwich; that's just raw hamburger and horseradish.
And lastly, because Tom straight up threw out a challenge I felt obligated to indulge in it. Say hello to the Garbage Burger:
View attachment 612629
That is a half pound beefy patty, cheddar cheese, two strips of bacon, onion crisps, bbq sauce and two grilled mac and cheese sandwiches as buns.
Go fuck yourself, Tom.
See, this is the real hate I have with Tom's shit.
As this post (and the excellent Kiwi Cook Book thread, check it out if any of you haven't) proves, you can absolutely eat really well on a budget if you just have a little knowledge and some basic cooking skill. It's food, it's not hard.
And yet, somehow, Tommy manages to botch the simple act of preparing food with literally limitless free time and free government tardbux.

For real, how does one screw up pasta? It is designed to be a dish you can prepare blackout drunk, it's Italian for God's sake.
 

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