Copypasta thread - Mmmm pasta

[SadClownMan]

Post your favorite copypasta of some sorts. Can be funny, weird, whatever.

ＢＯＲＮ ＴＯ ＤＩＥ WORLD IS A FUCK 鬼神 Kill Em All 1989 I am trash man 410,757,864,530 DEAD COPS

 

[NARPASSWORD]

My Secret Life, chapter three. (Story from the previous chapter.) I was neither a murder suspect, nor a target for an international spy organization. But I drove a car down the Jersey Turnpike at 80 mph. ...A police officer pulled me over and asked for my driver's license. He said I was going 20 mph over the speed limit. I instantly pointed to my wife and said, "I'm in a hurry, my wife is in labor." Fortunately, my wife actually had a big stomach. I hoped he'd let me go with this excuse. "Oh, since it's an emergency. I'll lead you to the hospital with my police car," he said. "No, it's not necessary." "Why not?" asked the officer. "Uh... well..." "Let's get going," said the officer... "No, no! We can't! This baby is a demon child!

 

[Da Biggest WAAAGH!]

People who make fun of people for being virgins...Like what the actual fudge. They are human too, you mundanefudger. I would rather play my video games than try to spread my genes or strenuously exert myself. I just don’t feel like it. So shut up, thanks. If I could choose between maximum rank in Overwatch and having sex, I would choose the former. I don’t want to risk an unwanted pregnancy or getting an STD. Do you know why you make fun of Virgins? Because you are so insecure yourself. Or maybe you’re ignorant of the fact that the one you are insulting is a human being just like you. SMH. IF YOU CANNOT BRING YOURSELF UP, BRING SOMEONE ELSE DOWN. pathetic. why people gotta be so mean? What hurt you? Seriously! TO VIRGIN HATERS...FUDGE UKELELE. like people who hate virgins need to chill the fudge down and mind their own business

 

[Yeeb-Renzo]

To be fair...

 

[Cosmos]

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

 

[Desire Lines]

im going to preface this by saying i like the idea of fucking dogs. i would also like to say that i would never actually fuck a dog in real life (or look at bestiality porn involving real things) as that is animal abuse and the very idea of it happening irl makes me feel sick. this is a thing that has been there all my life, and i would consider it an intrinsic part of me that cannot be changed. i've tried to hide it, tried to quash the feelings and thoughts down but they dont go away, and if i try too hard to ignore them, it flips he other way and i just cant stop thinking about it, ending up in a vicious cycle of "stop thinking about it" "shit i cant stop i need to try harder" etc etc.
other people with paraphilias (things like necrophilia, paedophilia, zoophilia et al that are more than just a passing curiosity) ive talked to have the same problem of overthinking and self hatred over these feelings, and it frequently causes neuroses and suicidal thoughts. sexologists are actually starting to agree that these things - and general kinkiness - are legitimate sexual orientations, too. that doesnt mean we should be lobbying for [xyz]philia to be totally ok like homo/bisexuality, but it should be seen as something un-fixable, yet able to be handled safely.
the overwhelming majority of people with philias do not like the idea of acting upon these fantasies in real life - for example a lot of paedophiles despise themselves for even thinking of it, and often refuse to be near children for their safety. unfortunately its hard for people to find therapists willing to deal with these things, as they fear being ostracized and cast out with no help at all, so they turn to shota/lolicon. i don't actually see a problem with this, as it is not real, and in the majority of cases, is plenty to help keep the person on the straight and narrow. if a paedophile actively harms children (either through porn or otherwise) they are looked down upon by people who do actually understand that fantasy =/= reality. kind of how jeffrey dahmer isnt representative of all homosexuals.

 

[Meat Pickle]

That wasn't anything what I was expecting.

What I was expecting to walk into was a boy who has this fetish for cross dressing and gets caught out in public by perverted on-seers who then ask him out. In his young, adolescent mind, he agrees. They would then force him into a situation where they would make the male cross-dresser to undress. At first, it was disgusts and confusion, but because the on-seers don't care due to the cross-dresser looking cute, or if alcohol/drugs were involved, they had their way with him anyway. Casual fellatio and handjobs, but then they started to moving to anal, which comes to no surprise when it comes to these kind of doujinshi that the cross-dresser was forced into it. It hurt at first, but he started to enjoy it. The usual climax happens and the end panel would probably talk about how he would have to do this kind of thing again while cross dressing. The people would then take pictures with him while he's drenched in the liters of semen making peace signs with his hands and having the usual ahegao face.

Nope, nothing like that. The male protagonist of doujinshi dream is to jerk off outside while cross dressing. The winter weather didn't stop him from doing this, no sirree. What started as a flaccid piss scene later becomes a solid hard on. Cleanest dick I've seen in a long time, they put quite the attention to it, like it was so smooth and hard, I swear if I were to lick it, I would get my tongue stuck on it due to how cold it seemed outside.

Speaking of which, he later masturbates with a goddamn icicle. That sharp shit you always see hanging outside on the rim of your house? Yeah, he shoves one the size of his fist in his ass. How this could ever be pleasurable is beyond me. Stick things up your ass? Fine. A fucking icicle, not chill (heh).

Like every doujinshi, he manages to cum buckets. Twice.

To be honest, I don't think I could bust a nut in this kind of weather. I feel like the cold would just be too distracting for me, so rather than jerking off, it would probably be like rubbing a stick to make a fire, if that makes sense.

The scenes were nice and beautiful though, the trap was fine af.

7/10.

Spoiler: The hentai in question NSFW obviously

Snowscape of Self Pleasure

 

[NARPASSWORD]

Tito climbed into Reggie's room and immediately punched her in the face, knocking her out cold.

Upon awakening Reggie found herself bound and gagged to a chair. Tito was naked, standing in front of her with a big Hawaii boner staring her in the face. "As the ancient Hawaiians used to say... it's time for a dicking!" And at that, Tito leaped forward and grabbed Reggie's undeveloped breast. He grabbed with all his might, and ripped the skin from her body. Her muffled screams fell flat, and no one came to her help.

The blood aroused Tito more than he'd ever been aroused. It reminded him of the stories his mother used to tell him of the ancient Hawaiin sacrifices in which the subjects would receive wounds to which the sacrificers would rape. He couldn't wait, Tito grabbed a hammer and smashed at Reggie's ribcage, again her screams were not heard. After breaking an opening to her insides, Tito plunged in.

He thrust in and out in complete ecstasy. The pain was unbearable for Reggie and she lost consciousness. Tito came almost immediately, but he was by no means done. He pulled out of her chest, his PENIS dripping blood and semen. Tito cleaned his dick off with Reggie's tongue.

Tito tore out a few of the ribs he had broken and shoved them up his ass to stimulate his enormous prostate.

Tito then undid Reggie's restraints and began fucking her now lifeless corpse. After deploying his Hawaiin happy sauce, he decided he wanted a better look at Reggie.

Tito shoved his hand up Reggie's ass. He thrust it in as far as he could and grabbed on to the first organ he could, and then pulled out. He ripped out her entire small intestine and part of her large. Tito started to giggle and coiled up the small intestine like a rope.

He noticed the sun was coming up so he had to finish in a hurry. Tito went to his clothes and dressed himself. He pulled a large knife from his pocket and began to skin Reggie's body.

Just then Tito remembered, he was not man, but bear. He Skinned himself to reveal his true identity, a Grizzly Bear. He sat in the center of the room for several hours until Reggie's father came in.

"Reggie it's time for schoo-HOLY FUCKING SHIT A BEAR OH MY GOD REGGI-" and Tito attacked and ate Ray. Then Tito went outside and let out a bear noise and a ray came from the sky and swept him away to his home planet of Canada.

 

[edgy username]

mike. i love you so so so much and you're the only one that i'll ever love in my entire existence. i only have eyes for you, and i'd die for you in a heartbeat. in no way am i obsessed with you whatsoever, i just really, really, LOVE you. i've been spying on you during band practice, and i just love the way your nimble fingers work the trombone. that makes me imagine what ELSE you can do with those fingers . your floppy hair probably smells like the flower field near the higgins' supermarket on 8th boulevard, and i could just immerse myself in the aphrodisiatic scent of it until i lose my sense of smell. i saw angela talking to you the other day, and it was CLEAR that she was trying to flirt with you. that bitch. she knows that you clearly like me, and if i see her looking at you romantically again, i'll slit her throat and dump her into terry lake. i'm not crazy. i'm just showing my love for you in the best way possible. although that mental hospital was getting boring after a while, since i wasn't able to look into your captivating brown eyes. i managed to get your address, and i've been watching you in your bedroom. i see how much you like to practice your trumpet to the melodic tune of "never gonna give you up". how romantic. i want to come to your house and have sex in 1,245 positions on your bed. i want you to love me and ONLY me. i want you to be my everything. i want you to be..mine..

 

[CIA Nigger]

I'd just like to interject for a moment. What you're referring to as Linux,
is in fact, GNU/Linux, or as I've recently taken to calling it, GNU plus Linux.
Linux is not an operating system unto itself, but rather another free component
of a fully functioning GNU system made useful by the GNU corelibs, shell
utilities and vital system components comprising a full OS as defined by POSIX.

Many computer users run a modified version of the GNU system every day,
without realizing it. Through a peculiar turn of events, the version of GNU
which is widely used today is often called "Linux", and many of its users are
not aware that it is basically the GNU system, developed by the GNU Project.

There really is a Linux, and these people are using it, but it is just a
part of the system they use. Linux is the kernel: the program in the system
that allocates the machine's resources to the other programs that you run.
The kernel is an essential part of an operating system, but useless by itself;
it can only function in the context of a complete operating system. Linux is
normally used in combination with the GNU operating system: the whole system
is basically GNU with Linux added, or GNU/Linux. All the so-called "Linux"
distributions are really distributions of GNU/Linux.

 

[Surewould]

There he is. There he goes again. Look, everyone! He posted it once again! Isn't he just the funniest guy around?! Oh my God.

I can almost see your pathetic overweight frame glowing in the dark, lit by your computer screen which is the only source of light in your room, giggling like a like girl as you once again type your little Bane thread up and fill in the captcha. Or maybe you don't even fill in the captcha. Maybe you're such a disgusting NEET that you actually paid for a 4chan pass, so you just choose the picture. Oh, and we all know the picture. The "epic" CIA agent guy, isn't it? I imagine you little shit laughing so hard as you click it that you drop your Doritos on the floor, but it's ok, your mother will clean it up in the morning. Oh, that's right. Did I fail to mention? You live with your mother. You are a fat fucking fuckup, she's probably so sick of you already. So sick of having to do everything for you all goddamn day, every day, for a grown man who spends all his time on 4chan posting about a capeshit movie. Just imagine this. She had you, and then she thought you were gonna be a scientist or an astronaut or something grand, and then you became a NEET. A pathetic Banefag NEET. She probably cries herself to sleep everyday thinking about how bad it is and how she wishes she could just disappear. She can't even try to talk with you because all you say is "FOR YOU FOR YOU FOR YOU." You've become a parody of your own self. And that's all you are. A sad little man laughing in the dark by himself as he prepares to indulge in the same old dance that he's done a million times now. And that's all you'll ever be.

Forever...

 

[FemalePresident]

A FEW YEARS AGO A MAN WAS WALKING DOWN A ROAD BECAUSE HISCAR BROKE DOWN AND HE SAW A CAR COMING UP BEHIND HIM SO HE STUCK OUT HIS THUMB TO HITCH HIKE AND THE CAR STOPPED AHEAD OF HIM. HE RAN UP TO THE PASSENGER SIDE AND OPENED THE DOOR. WHEN HE OPENED THE DOOR A SKELETON POPPED OUT

 

[Slamerella]

Lacking the attractiveness and charm of the previously mentioned chimpanzee, as well as an overall sense of elegance in his refinements or movements, this example of an Asian species of extant great apes is adorned with a highly amusing front upon his somewhat unstable cranium. The orangutan in question is able to stand upside down utilizing his hands for support, but as with the small lady from before, only performs this feat when absolutely required to do so. However, he shall gladly elongate the muscles of his upper limbs in an outward position upon your request alone.

Pumping air in his own body in a way that is sure to expand it, in a manner strongly resembling that of a colored inflatable rubber sac that is often used as a decoration or given to young individuals. This primate, despite being quite mentally insane, thoroughly enjoys this melodic performance. Interjection normally uttered in the form of a question to express the emotions that come with being surprised, in a state of disbelief, anger, or interest.

The fourth letter of the basic modern Latin alphabet that represents the voiced alveolar or voiced dental plosive and the eleventh letter which represents the voiceless velar plosive. The gorilla who refers to himself as an ass. The fourth letter of the basic modern Latin alphabet that represents the voiced alveolar or voiced dental plosive and the eleventh letter which represents the voiceless velar plosive. The gorilla who refers to himself as an ass is present within the facilities of this place of business.

 

[Gutpuke]

THIS IS HOW MODERN COW MILK WAS MADE What happened right, was little Timmy, age 9 went outside to his farm in the late 1700 to jerk of to the cows because as he said '' uuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. cows r sexy when the feed milk to their young ''. So one day on his 2649 days out of 10,000 day's of fapping without missing a day since all the cool kids were doing the challenge back then he wondered what it would feel like to BECOME THE CALF. So he went over to the cow, and just by looking at it Timmy knew the cow was like ''U wanna go m8?!?!?!?'' but Timmy didn't really care as long as he could get his 2649th fap over and done with. He went over to the calf, picked it up and threw it in a ditch. As he approached the cow, he went on his knees,bent over and took a little sip of the cows milk....''UH GROSS IT TASTE'S OF %$?@@$£"£%@@''. With that his parents ran outside to investigate the screams from their son. With a surprised look they saw him attemting to drink milk while his dick and balls where popping out of his pants. ''WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING SON?!?!?!? '' They asked him. ''It's not what it looks like'' Little Timmy said. When Timmy got out of his state of shock he ran away...away from his home forever....while his dick was still out of his pant's. Timmy went through harsh places like the Forest while trying to survive. The only food source he had were the sewers or wild animals milk. For many years Timmy relised that he looks way younger than he should. His only explanation was.........THE MILK!!!!!. The milk from hundred of different wild animals kept him alive for many more years that a normal person. One day he found himself wondering in the forest only to find a town. A small town, but a town, filled with people with more technology than when he was a child. He ran as fast a he could all the way to the nearest person and yelled at him ''DO YOU KNOW WHAT I HAD TO EAT FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE???? MILK Fcken MILK. AND NOT JUST MILK, MILK FROM COUNTLESS ANIMALS AND THEY DECIDED TO FART IN MY FACE WHENEVER I TRIED TO LIVE FOR ANOTHER DAY. HOW BOUT YOU TY SOME Fcker!!!!!! ''With that he got a leaf the shape of a cup, filled with the milk of many animals in the forest. He poured the milk in the mans mouth and gave him a peace sign and ran naked into the streets stll with his dick and balls out. The man thought to himself ''This isn't that bad'' With that he went to a cow, spent hour's milking it and tested the milk. After years of testing other animals milk he found it. THE PERFECT MILK. All he had to do in not add the milk of the other 400 animals Timmy gave him. He then went on to sell them in shops. People like his product and so it speard worldwide. And so. The very first milk. I bet you're wondering, Who is Timmy? Well i'll tell you what. He's long dead now. And we'll never find out who he is. People stll wonder if he got to his 10,000 day's of fapping challenge complete. He is a legend...... legend with his dick popping out of his pant's.

 

[Slowpoke Sonic]

i hate ratatouille

You may be right that Ratatouille depicted kitchens accurately, but it had a lot of other problems that really broke my immersion. Okay, so you want to make a movie where rats have human level intelligence, and they understand English (French?), and one of them is a foodie and wants to be a chef. Fine, I can accept that premise. But then half way through the movie I’m also supposed to accept that this rat can have perfect fine motor control of a human being just by pulling on his scalp? No. Further, the movie is really insulting to the art and discipline of cooking good food. We’re supposed to believe that this untrained creature (doesn’t matter what species) can just show up into a kitchen, sprinkle a few extra ingredients into an already cooking soup, and make it amazing? That without any control over his ingredients, no prior practice, and no familiarity with his kitchen or staff, he can whip up amazing dishes that please the harshest critic? No. I get that he has passion for food. He may even have special talent with heightened senses (smell), though that’s never made explicit. But cooking good food takes learning, discipline, and practice. It’s insulting to think someone can just walk in lacking all that and be such an amazing raw talent that he would still shine. Also, it bugged me that they represented the pleasures of eating good food so abstractly, with fireworks on a black background. They should have explained what makes some food better than others. In this respect, movies like “Jiro Dreams of Sushi”, “Ramen Girl”, and “Chef” are far superior to “Ratatouille”. In Ratatouille, we’re supposed to believe the food is good only because of some fireworks and smiling faces. In the other three movies I mentioned, we get explanations of what exactly makes the food good. Also, just as the movie insults the practice and hard work that goes into being an excellent chef, it insults the hard work and objectivity that goes into being a good food critic. In the climactic scene the critic is bowled over because the ratatouille reminds him of his mother’s cooking. That’s it? So was his mother the best chef in France, or did the rat just get lucky by making something that just reminds him of his mother? Is it really okay for critics to just give the highest marks to whatever tastes like things their mother used to make? Isn’t there more to criticism than that? His review was similarly lacking in actual, specific content (see the above paragraph) as to what, specifically, made the food so good. All we’re told is that it is (good). The food isn’t even described. Honestly, I think Ratatouille is a horrible food movie. It might be good in other respects, but as a movie about food it’s terrible.

 

[Teri-Teri]

Dear 4chan,

Congratulations, you got a reaction from users. That's what you wanted, right? Well, I've decided I don't like people like you. You've messed with the community of the wrong psychopath. Before you get excited, you haven't even made me angry. I am a hard person to make angry. However, I despise people like you.

Your pitiful hacking skills are hilarious. Hacking accounts and putting up proxies are level 1. Can you hack into encrypted files? Can you tear through firewalls without leaving a mark? Your silly little proxy won't protect you. I have hacked into many computers and spied on the users. I've hacked into games. I've been hacking since I had a computer. It's what I was raised to do.

You have no idea to the extent of fear which you should be feeling. All you are is just a community of internet creeps. Have you ever murdered anyone? I have no empathy and I will probably feel joy peeling your skin off your face.

You think I'm giving you an empty threat? Believe that. I have contacts in dark places that you don't want to know about. If you even close to me, you better fear for your life.

Track my IP if you want, but I am smart enough to use a library computer. Hack into my account if you want, but it'll make it easier for me to track you.

With love,

A psychopath

P.S. I would fear for your life while you still have it.

 

[Da Biggest WAAAGH!]

Day 74 of no fap.. As I exited my vehicle to walk into work I caught scent of a female in heat 73.35 meters upwind. Because of the fog I couldn’t see her yet but judging by the scent she was mid twenties, and healthy. My ultra attunated hearing was able to pick up her gait, which put her at about 5’6”. My mind, free of the constraints of porn and indecent imagery, was able to calculate her weight based on the ripple in the testosterone continuum produced by her footsteps as she walked away from me. Being that I was 10 minutes early for work, I made chase and followed her through the fog still without visual contact. I was like a pilot navigating the white abyss by instrument alone. I was trailing her about 130m behind when I sensed her phone vibrate in her purse through the pavement. Holding my ear to the ground I was able to faintly pick up on the conversation she was having with beta BF. Based on the annoyed tone in her voice I knew now was the time to strike. I readied my legs and concentrated all of my Testo-chakras into my Vastus Medialus muscles as I assumed a sprinters starting stance. I exploded forward in a cataclysm of sex hormone fueled rage. Exactly 2.54 nanoseconds later I began to phase through time and space as I meshed with the testosterone continuum. As I phased through the helpless female target I nutted directly into both of her Fallopian tubes, destroying her previously unbroken hymen and causing her to orgasm INSTANTLY. As I began to slow down 33.6 light years later, I realized that while she would have wanted to thank me for giving her the gift of my superior seed that she was already dead and gone having raised my CHAD progeny to repopulate the earth. As I float into the the celestial abyss of the greater Crab Nebula I am not filled with regret for having left my world, but rather happiness for having left it a better place. You’re welcome gentlemen

 

[Rand /pol/]

that whole Dankula stuff just sickens and disgusts me. the dude only got a small fine... and he is making a killing in patreon donations and gaining fame to grow his channel and end up getting even more money. People are acting like its some huge outrage or something when people have been suffering under unfair laws long before this. And yeah, the law is dumb but it exists for a real and relevant reason. the sihthead literally said "gas the jews". there are elderly people that lived during Nazi attacks, they were huddled in a bunker hearing Nazi bombs exploding around them and watching their homes and their city destroyed. its extremely disrespectful and in poor taste to repeat Nazi slogans in Britain when those events are still fresh in brittons memories and part of the public consciousness. its like pissing on a war memorial. like jesus man grow a brain and have some fcuking tact.

 

[Cosmos]

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you.

It’s a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create... life.

He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be... unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did.

Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from death, but not himself.

 

[Rotus]

You know what? I'm at my breaking point.
I don't give a fuck if you call this bait, or if you call this pasta or if you even say I'm edgy or cock riding.

I am a homosexual male and I find Verlis very attractive but outside of that I want you to know that he's done nothing, and I mean nothing wrong. He's a sweet and upstanding PokeTuber who just wants the best for the Community.

So you know what? You motherfuckering faggot ass niggers need to shut the fuck up or give me your addreses. I will go to your houses and slap you so hard you'll WISH you had kept your mouth shut. I'm not scared of 4chan and your Anonymous shit.

Not any of you could ever be like Verlis and not any of you could ever be close to what he's accomplished. To that regard you're all just little bitches. Scared little bitches.

Now either step up and get your ass pounded the non-fun way by a muscular queer or leave Verlis alone. This is your ONLY and final warning.

Stop fucking with Verlis. Now.