Copypasta thread - Mmmm pasta

Frozen Fishsticks

kiwifarms.net
Im looking for a bento box, it cant be pinku (thats japanese for pink) or any girl color. It has to be of 2 or more kotoba (thats japanese for 2 compartments) and has be be chibi (small) sized. And has to be really kawaii (cute). Also It has to be about 10-20 bux. And you have to post pics of it first (i want to make shure it's kawaii (cute)). And it would be nice if it came with matching chopstick holder (WITH chopsticks). OH! and it CANNOT have any cartoon pictures, or be made out of plastic. It has to be made of ceramic, or something like that. Also it would be nice if it was made in japan. and not in china or corea (korea) or whatever. I have found a bento box similar to the one im describing in e-bay, but it was 1 kotoba, and i dont want my gohan (rice) to touch my other things (it can get wet and i would not like that, plus 2 compartments looks more kawaii)
 

keyboredsm4shthe2nd

CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES! GRIND THEIR BONES INTO DIRT!
kiwifarms.net
Nani the fuck did omae just fucking iimasu about watashi, you chiisai bitch desuka? Watashi’ll have anata know that watashi graduated top of watashino class in Nihongo 3, and watashi’ve been involved in iroirona Nihongo tutoring sessions, and watashi have over sanbyaku perfect test scores. Watashi am trained in kanji, and watashi is the ichiban letter writer in all of southern California. Anata are nanimonai to watashi but just another weeaboo. Watashi will korosu anata the fuck out with vocabulary the likes of which has itsumonai been mimasu’d before on kono continent, mark watashino fucking words. Anata thinks anata can get away with hanashimasing that kuso to watashi over the intaaneto? Omou again, fucker. As bokutachi hanashimasu, watashi am contacting watashino secret netto of otakus across the USA, and anatano IP is being traced right now so anata better junbishimasu for the ame, ujimushi. The ame that korosu’s the pathetic chiisai thing anata calls anatano jinsei. You’re fucking shinimashita’d, akachan.
 
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Inflatable Julay

I have to stand up to play the git-tar
kiwifarms.net
Lets get this straight right from the get-go. You people who go through this movie with a magnifying glass and a determination to pinpoint every piece of this movie that you dont think was up to your gold standard of movie making, sit down and go watch you empire ateikes back, or star wars film. Quentin Tarantino is hands down the most talented movie maker of are time. There are no flaws in this movie. Tarantino is the master of bringing actors to their full potential. All his movies you have to pay attention to the acting and the relationships that he builds between every character in his movie. The way the lines are said, the facial expressions. He makes you feel like you know these characters personally. He is a genius when it comes to storytelling and making such a big movie like this its downright the most amazing time consuming well thought out project in Hollywood. I guarantee there might be 1 or 2 writer directors in this business that trys to do it like Tarantino but his style is so unique and well made that you can tell 5 minutes into any movie if it is made with the passion and discipline of Quentins movies. Im so tired of these Directors and producers that bring in these want to be directors that think they have a clue how to make a great movie. There are a few dont get me wrong. Christopher Nolan, Steven Spielberg, Martin Scorsese, just to name a few. Anyway maybe Im getting off topic. What I want to make clear is you feel good movies before even walking into the theatre. You know in your heart before you even go inside if your gonna enjoy the movie. I know I get a huge burst of excitement when Im going to see a Martin Scorzezz film compared to when Im going to see a Kevin Hart film or a Rock film. I know you cant compare the two feelings. But you know quality when you see it. But you also feel it. Movies have been making people dream big forever. Thats why it so important to have a Tarantino, a Scorsese, a Christopher Nolan, a Spielberg, a James Cameron, but thats not all. Communication and chemistry between the actors are the most important thing in a good movie. Without that face it your movie is gonna suck. Thats why Tarantino is such a genius. He finds finds the best actors that he feels would have the best chemistry and hes always point on. Leonardo DiCaprio is my all-time favorite actor who makes me want to act. His passion and on screen presence is something your born with. He is a true star and I think he is also a really good person who I respect and qould love to hang out with one-day. Anyway theres one more thing. About 12 years ago My ex-finance and I were watching a Tarantino film and she looks over at me and says Jameel is Tarantino a. genius?? I said Katie I just think he may be!!!
 

ZooSmell

kiwifarms.net
For me, it's the McChicken. The best fast food sandwich. I even ask for extra McChicken sauce packets and the staff is so friendly and more than willing to oblige.

One time I asked for McChicken sauce packets and they gave me three. I said, "Wow, three for free!" and the nice friendly McDonald's worker laughed and said, "I'm going to call you 3-for-free!".

Now the staff greets me with "hey it's 3-for-free!" and ALWAYS give me three packets. It's such a fun and cool atmosphere at my local McDonald's restaurant, I go there at least 3 times a week for lunch and a large iced coffee with milk instead of cream, 1-2 times for breakfast on the weekend, and maybe once for dinner when I'm in a rush but want a great meal that is affordable, fast, and can match my daily nutritional needs.

I even dip my fries in McChicken sauce, it's delicious! What a great restaurant.
 

Leonard Helplessness

kiwifarms.net
Okay so i have sort of a Holy Mission. Whenever someone I know or sort of know or am in the same space as has a kid, I deliver The News. Nobody tells you this, the ob/gyn doesn't tell you this, no baby book on the planet tells you this, but when your kid hits about nine months old (plus/minus 3 months), they will explode. Shit geyser. After a panicked call to the pediatrician (the boy filled his hat. his hat), ONLY THEN did the doctor go 'oh yeah i forgot to mention that, blah blah changeover in gut flora words words and that is why your baby detonated'. We had some Very Strong Words about how it is important to remember to warn new parents about some things, and then I decided that since NOBODY TELLS YOU ABOUT THIS, i'd be the guy. So: Mmmaybe make sure any fancy, sentimentally valuable, or otherwise notable baby clothes you put your kid in from about 6-12 months can stand up to a good washing in concentrated bleach and terror-tears, and even THEN consider burlap sacks, because there is no solvent on this or any other world that would get that onesie clean ever again.

his hat

edit to add: Seriously he was just sitting there happy as can be then he looked up, concentrated a moment, and then it sounded like someone was firing off a pressure washer full of cottage cheese and oh my CHRIST the STENCH. His diaper didn't even THINK about containing it, we had to throw that high chair AWAY, and his clothes were a total loss. HE FILLED HIS HAT I AM NOT EXAGGERATING EVEN SLIGHTLY
 

Ghibli

Kiki Farms
kiwifarms.net
Out of pure rebellion I'm going to leak some information here. Its funny that Josh Moon's Kiwifarms is probably the last semblance of anominity.

The CIA started a task force called WTF. (Aftermath of some of the wikileaks) They had several meetings in Canada where they identified "Straight White Males" as their enemy demographic and furthermore narrowed down on targeting certain communities for cointel-pro operations (Video Games, Anime, Comic Books, and Chan Culture). They launched several culture wars over the next few years including "Gamer Gate" and the "Occupy" movement. The CIA met with their opperatives in Canada to skirt around the legality of operating on US soil. Zoe Quinn and people like Brianna Wu were all agents. The CIA under Mockingbird already had considerable control over the media and Hollywood. People like Wanda Skykes were telling the truth about being an agent in a few of her interviews. Most high ups are agents. This is why the culture wars are unwinable unless you get rid of the CIA and disband it. They do nothing but evil. They've experimented on people including children and their experiments have included sexual tourture of them.

DIA - Capital of the Shadow Government or the Schattenreich (German for shadow empire). The security is layered with some on the very top layer dealing mostly with the public HSS or hospital shared services. They are 50s at the top (call signs are like 50 tango 50t) and when I visited this facility the head of this was John Costigan who was once the chief of police of Denver, Colorado. The white shirts are supervisors and the blue are regular security. There are everything at DIA from Homeland security to the CIA and FBI. They have a small army stationed there at all times including swat teams and special forces. I went down to the administration levels via the C concourse elevator. I also saw some of the research levels. I heard there are more levels. DIA has not only city power but its own power station, solar power, and its own fuel farms (as well as drills for its own oil on its properties) They have a large area not just the current airport. The airport badges have built in RFID chips. The elevators wont operate to restricted levels unless special personel enable the access. There are "aliens" at this base but to be honest I think they are actually DEMONS or other interdementionals inhabiting genetically engineered bodies. There is nothing good about these entities and they do not have any well intentions for humanity. There are train stations on the upper levels that can take people (mag lev high speed) to Dulce, cheyenne mountain, area 51, area 52, and most other strategic locations in North America. Dulce is a circle of Hell its where they do human experimentations on the border of Colorado and New Mexico. They also take a lot of people and children they kidnap crossing the border and traffic them. They also kidnap people in general for trafficking purposes.

If Josh is really in the Ukraine I would watch out. They have a lot of shaddy NWO types lurking around. Ukraine is where they've exploited children for decades now for both child pornography and trafficking. The Japanese mafia use to run an operation called "Candydoll" to market softcore child porn to the masses. There was also hardcore creating the real stuff such as LS models. One thing I hate bout the conflict in Donbas is that I know that a lot of kids are going "missing" and being blamed on the war. These evil people love to use crisis to nab people especially children.

Youtube still contains a large amount of pedophiles who are attracted to boys. There are naked boys on Youtube at this very minute but most of the attention was on little girls. Its very sick that people are over looking this. Gay pedophiles are the most sadistic and evil people I've ever met. Most of the ring leaders of the worst of the worst are gay pedophiles such as Alafantis and Podesta.

Jeff Epstein set up a storage locker with a fake ID somewhere in central Florida. It contains thumb drives, hard drives, pictures, video tapes, and lots of documents. Unfortunately, the elites know of (not the location though) his collection of blackmail material and they've laid the fondation by getting the public used to the notion of "Deep Fakes" so they can discredit the footage. We thought about retrieving the evidence but decided against it do to the fact that anyone caught with such would be labeled a Russian spy/agent. They were very sloppy with the assasination of Jeff because nobody wanted to accept the job because they know of the possibility of being used as a patsy to statisfy the masses lust for "justice".
 

Tipsy Tea Cup

❤ I have autism. ❤
kiwifarms.net
Your shallowness is incredible.

Seriously, what the fuck is up with you shallow people? And yes, I'm calling you people shallow, because you certainly never change, and you certainly deserve to be called the hell out. I know you don't want to be creative, because if people like you did, I'd be LONG happily married. Instead, I have to deal with trash who wants to be creeped out by me on incredibly slight provocation, and when I'm calling the likes of you out for THAT, YOU have some absolutely appalling nerve when you tell me that two wrongs don't make a right.

Oh, I'm sorry, I AM a creep? Bullshit. That's nothing but an excuse to go out with chauvinists who conveniently have muscle size, looks, fancy cars, genital size--and what the fuck is up with that last one anyway. That should NEVER be relevant with the supposed standards of society. You simply don't even try to be loyal enough to have some God damned values instead of being too untrustworthy to be considered reliable when you'd inevitably needed the most. You're fucking selfish.

And don't say I am simply acting like some sore loser either, because I tried this Jerkass Facade before this crap came to light at all. I tried it a decade ago, to avoid having to deal with somebody who would just follow some awful hubris that leads to ignoring the other person's flaws instead of showing some creativity about them. Of course, the person was a miserable failure about it. And you know something else? You want to know why I have a crush on this Genki Girl back from when I was 14 and she was 16? Because SHE DIDN'T FUCKING TREAT ME LIKE A CREEP. At least that's what I thought she was like, but turns out she was a scam artist. And yeah she was obvious enough from the start and I immediately snarked her out, but I wanted to believe it wasn't a God damned lie.

You'd think I would be over that to begin with because of the timespan, but guess what? YOU KEEP PROVING WHY I SHOULDN'T BOTHER TO GET OVER IT. I apparently simply suck at something? Apparently, I'm just a joke to be ignored, God forbid there's such a thing as a Squishy Wizard who would welcome Linear Warriors Quadratic Wizards. I happen to be in the given gym because I'm with some other people and I want to play badminton? OMGSTLKR! ....oh my GOD, STOP IT! FUCKING. GOD. DAMNED. <b><i>STOP IT!</i></b> I'm surprised I haven't served time because of some trumped-up charge. I should not be. I should get to enjoy doing stuff that doesn't have to be simply video games without fear of degenerate behavior from either side.

And also, this problem has been lifelong. Once again, I make a big deal of the aforementioned Genki Girl supposedly treating me like....a person (GASP) because you people never have been doing that when I was a KID. So you can call me a nerd for figuring out concepts like Affinity Play in video games. I know the truth: I've been having to run to the internet, for all the good that did me, because of your incredibly heinous shit in the first place. It's not even only girl problems where I take issue with, when I have had to put up with a incredibly businesslike bitch for a landlord who costed me what could have been a decent place in material worthy of its own rant, and don't even get me started at all with the toxicity that plagues video gaming communities.

You can argue that I can't be worth that much in the first place to be doing cursing, but honestly, you deserve it, and you deserve this wall of text. You have been unwilling to treat me like somebody worthwhile unless I do your every fucking command to the letter without complaint. And this isn't the first time either, I know that much. Simple faithlessness can be understandable, but when you take it too far as you have done, all you do is try to create a Self Fulfilling Prophecy. Simply to give me pain for your cheap laughs. I'm sorry, what was that about two wrongs don't make a right? At least in my case I'm God damned frustrated as hell so I'm lucky to have ANY coherence in my thoughts. Yet I'm the bad guy? Sorry, not buying it. I know I have my share of good traits, no matter what sort of complexities my bad ones would cause to make creativity nothing less than very welcome. All you'd do by ignoring this whole thing is prove you're self-righteous and ultimately SOULLESS.

If you want to continue being asshats like this, go right ahead. I'll just thank you for more material for a story I'm wanting to get the ground work going with, and boy will I deconstruct your crap with said story. MERCILESSLY. I have little doubt you'll just ignore this whole thing, but if you're not repentant, you're just a waste of my time and the time of anybody in their own right mind as well. Because you have no creativity, you have no bravery, and you have no patience.
 

ManateeHunter

awoo
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I broke my collarbone in an accident, and I couldn't use my hands.

I was confined to my hospital bed. Naturally, I got super horny. I couldn't take it anymore. So I asked the nurse who came to wash me, "Please… I'm so horny. Can you please do something about it?"
The nurse got a blushed a bit, and nodded silently. The door was locked, and the curtains were shut.

My pajamas were lowered down to my knees, and the stroking started. My penis instantly raised its head. The nurse jerked my penis with experienced motions and proceeded to suck on it. The rhythmic movements caused me to cum for the first time in weeks.

"I'm sorry for making you do this…" I apologized to the nurse.
He grinned back and said, "Don't worry bro. It's part of the job."

事故で鎖骨骨折、両手が使えない。

入院していても完全看護状態。当然のことながら溜まってきた。もう限界。体を清浄に来た看護師に思い切って頼んでみた
「あの・・・溜まってるんです。何とかならないでしょうか」
看護師は顔を赤らめながらも黙って頷くと、カーテンを閉めドアに鍵をかけた

俺のパジャマを膝まで脱がすとゆっくりさすり始める。俺のチ●コはたちまち鎌首をもたげた。看護師は手馴れた風にチ●コをしごくと口に含んだ。リズミカルな看護師の口の動きに俺は数週間ぶりに精液を放出。
「すみません、こんなことさせちゃって・・・」
看護師は笑顔で振り返った。
「大丈夫ッス、これが俺たちの仕事ッスから」
 
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CivilianOfTheFandomWars

Wrestling Champion
kiwifarms.net
You know what day it is...

TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF COCKTOBER!!🎃🌑☠ YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS RIGHT? 😏😛🍆💦 TAKING YOYR GIRL PUMPKIN PICKING AND UR GONNA PUMP HER WITH SOMETHING REAL NICE🎃😛😛💦💦🍆. ENJOYING SOME DELICIUS PUMP-CUM SPICE LATTES.🍵🎃HORNY-WEEN5 ALL ABOUT BEING SPOOKY👹👺SO GIVE YOUR GIRL THAT DICK🍆🍆AND MAKE HER MOAN 💆LIKE A GHOST👻. SEND THIS TO 20 OF YOUR SEXIEST😛 AND SPOOKIEST HOES😍😍. IF YOU DON'T🙅‍♂️GET 15 BACK THE GRIM REAPER☠IS GONNA FUCK YOU REAL GOOD WITH HIS SCHYTE ON WHORE-LOWEEN ❗🕜❗
 
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Inflatable Julay

I have to stand up to play the git-tar
kiwifarms.net
I would love to see Anna and elsa pop balloons from frozen anna would do more adventures pops like nail pop sit pop foot pop b2p and elsa would use an ice pin her feet and nails I would also like to see ariel from the little mermaid pop balloons with her fork
 

Inflatable Julay

I have to stand up to play the git-tar
kiwifarms.net
For me, the best looning experience were those onyx black Q24s. The mear process of just blowing one up would give an immediate erection, and the challenge..... blowing the neck long enough, but not to over inflate to the point of popping, this honestly was a lottery as I pushed the inflation so far to the edge, about 20% of my Q24s would burst. However when a Q24 was successfully inflated with a nice long neck, I'd be seated with swimming costumes or more often cotton boxer shorts, with my bumb seated somewhat halfway off the edge of the sofa / chair, and the neck dug right into my penis / balls.

I would then push the upper "ball" section of the balloon around (mainly into my chest), so the neck is constently pushing into my penis, while at the same time, digging and clawing my fingers into the upper portion of the balloon, making it squeak nice and loud. Both the forces from pushing the neck into my groin and the vibration of the squeaking would place me at a point of edging, and I'd do this as long as possible, this was just absolute bliss. When I finally feel the orgasm come, I will then hug the top part of the balloon, dependent on which way I'm sitting on the sofa, and how fast the orgasm's coming, I tip my body and the balloon over (laying horizontally) and hug and kiss the balloon during orgasm, a good last final digging claw during the last moments of peaking, and uhhh man oh man, the sense of well being is just on top of the world.

I'll often have gay fantasies, I love life size PVC inflatable batmans, but more often the lifesize spidermans. When they are first inflated from the factory, they have some kind of powder that prevents mould and stickiness during shipping. I'll wipe this substance off with some lightly dampened clean towels, so they're nice and squeaky clean. In this context I'll have one inflated rock hard, and ready for use, as I have to be in the moment for these.

This is usually when I've showered in the evening (my skin is smooth and dry), and the ambient temperature and humidity are low. Living by myself, I'll usually not wear a top, as this often makes me feel good, and often when the moment comes, makes my pre masturbation anticipation much much much more intense. At this point, I'll throw myself down onto the sofa, hugging the chest portion of the spiderman, the soft glossy PVC against my chest already gives me a very intense erection, and the libido is just euphoric. I'll then position my body so at the same time, my penis is pressed up hard against the top portion of the legs, where then I just keep pushing the leg harder and harder into my groin. At this point I'm at the moment of edging which I'll sustaine as long as possible. Then when I feel the orgasm's coming, I'll hug that inflatable torso harder, that undescribable piece of well being, one is just inside an incredible space.

Lastly beach balls, I've always got some 36 inch balls firmly inflated. This is usually during summertime when the humidity and temperatures are higher. When the anticipation is coming, I'll seat a ball usually on my right (on the sofa), and wrap my arm around, thudding pretty hard (hense the thud in my username). The sound of the deep sounding thud pushes my anticipation into an erection, then when the libido is in play, I'll be digging and clawing my nails into the soft PVC, feeling it squeak and melt under my fingers, and mainly hugging the ball as hard as possible into the right side of my torso. At this point I'm edging as long as possible, and then when peaking, I'll thud that ball a few more times to reinforce the intensity of the orgasm, and then it's show over.

Another rapid turn on are freshly inflated 42 inch hammers, making the heads lightly tickle my naked back also get's me into an intense orgasm. As I'm handling the hammer with my right, I'm doing the rub job with the left, this is good when wanting to do a quick discrete session.

At the end of all my sessions, I'll wipe down my inflatables, so they are nice and clean and squeaky for the next time, this is what I like about PVCs over latex balloons, and getting around my phobia of popping.
 

AnOminous

Really?
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
clearly us trans folk are a monolith and must always agree with the loudest voice. the loudest trans voice online can't possibly actually be kind of a shit about some things. noooooo we're just cancel culture outrage twitter performative left cuck soy boys mobbing people for woke points. being anything less than uncritical of her is heresy. worship. we must worship, like the peons of old. worship, and repent, for we are unworthy of her grace. unworthy of the power and strength of her voice. in criticizing her we have tarnished naught but ourselves and must bow down at an altar or forever be a part of the "out" group. she is perfect and we are mere dust falling upon her shadow, invisible to all who may observe. we may be many but she is one; one so powerful and insightful that she is right all the time. there is nothing we can say or do before her towering, godlike form. she is so unwrong that we should give her money to find out just how unwrong she is, because we will regret our words and our deeds. ah, but we are fools, for we should already regret our words and deeds, no? we are, of course, nothing before her. in fact, we are such nothing, that as members of the Trans Community, we are one with her and secretly agree with everything she says. because we are assimilated, you see. there is no individuality with us, and thus no objection. so there must be some other motive, and the readers of our nonextant thoughts and feelings are imagining our presence. for what do we offer our thoguhts? for who should read them but the lost souls of the whispering wasteland, whereupon series of tubes all struggle to find meaning in their pitiful lives but realise that they are as hollow as the casing surrounding the wires which give them life? repent. repent. we must repent, for it is the only course of action. there is no color in this drab, monochromic world; no life, no balance, no nuance-- all that once was fell upon the desert of the void. it was like that at the beginning, and so too shall it be at the end. we have naught but one another; and one another is naught but one; for all who observe see us as one, and therefore, what existance do we really, truly have? if we are seen as the monolith we so clearly are, then that monolith we are indeed, because a body is nothing without the minds through which they are observed. and if the minds observing see us as the monolith, then we are defined. we are defined. we are defined. we are seen as one being and thus one being we are, though our hearts protest and our words fall upon deaf ears. there is no resistance to the gravitational weight of the popular thought among the throbbing, bulging, interconnected web we find ourselves in. there is no thought, there is no communication, there is no action or deed unless it is observed; and if it is observed, it is an error, and an error must be done away with, for there shall be nothing less than perfection in this new digital borg. though the meat sacks we call our human bodies appear to be moving of their own accord, the actions of our hands upon the keyboards and screens we find ourselves at are seen as naught but text; sometimes that text is accompanied by pictures, sometimes it is accompanied by a visual marker; a face to associate with the posts. this is all of course an illusion, for if you supply a word or two that one may interpert them, in the mind of the interpeter, it shall all turn to ash and be reassembled. reassembled. we are all reassembled in the mind of the observer, and the observer decides the correct way in which the pieces fall. the observer decides reality, and thus, can never be wrong. and the observer? well, the observer was the friends we all made along the way. friends and enemies, enemies and friends; how does such a thing come to pass, and whyfore are we all so hysterical? it all began with muffins. you know the little bastards. tasty yet bad for you, like most things in the world. get hooked on a muffin and your life is ruined. suddenly you wind up introducing yourself to worse pastries, then you entertain yourself with a pastry that isn't even a pastry. of course, this is all correct, because i am the observer and thus reality doesn't exist unless i say it does. my reality is perfect, because it's filled with muffins. muffins with a lot of butter applied. hot, spicy muffins. delicious, bready little pieces of garbage that make you fat because there's like, bread in it. you're all in my reality now because i'm the one observing you-- sorry, you're the helpless hostages of my mind. there's nothing i can do about it, it's just the nature of the human experience, because we've lost all fucking sense of self and others that we can just say a load of bullshit and get away with it nowadays. anyway thank you for listening to my ted talk, i'll collect the check on the way out. (there's gonna be a check, right? i have a taxi waiting outside and i can't take a loan from the mafia again to pay for the ride to a place i could just walk to, it's only fifteen minutes away but i can't be bothered with reminding myself how my legs work because i've been a massive potato ass sitting on my computer listening to and reading loudmouths try and pretend that they know what they're talking about when they don't, really. but of course, since as i established in my ted talk-- the one you're still listening to, how haven't you taken my mic off of me yet--- yes, there's canon now, we're all at a ted talk and i've got a mountan of muffins on display to prove a fucking point and not just because i wanted a bunch of free muffins-- those muffins are also free, right? i get paid to come here, so the food should be paid for too, just-- just whatever, just do whatever you want, i don't care anymore, i'm going to be over here eating these muffins and thinking about adorable little foxes that wouldn't hesitate to eat my foot off if they thought that A) it was tasty and B) they could get away with it. why would nature create something so cute and adorable that would just fuck you up if you went to pet it. what are my hands for, if not for petting? animals can observe something as mind numbing as petting, why would they not wish to create that reality for themselves? i wanna pet foxes, i wanna pick one up and hug it because it makes me happy, and if the little buggers decided they would enjoy such a thing, they'd enjoy it too. reality is all in the mind of the observer, of course, so if a fox wants to chew off my face and sees it as a perfectly fine thing to do, it'll just go ahead and do that anyway. we're all hostages of the chemicals coursing through us, in the end, because free will is naught but an illusion. if we went back in time, we'd only really be able to change what we did if we knew about the outcome. if we were faced with the same set of information at the time, we'de make the same decisions, because we're all basically little idiots running on autopilot who think we have some semblance of control of our lives. oh, i forgot a closing parenthesis there. that little bugger always runs away from me. come back you little prick. ). there we go. that should satisfy all of you, because i know it had you upset. that's part of why I did the A) and B) bit, because, well, those don't really gramattically count as closers, they're like-- whatever the fuck you call it. what do you call those pricks when they're applied in front of letters? they don't really remain parenthesis, do they? i'm sure english has a term for that. english is a fuckin' crazy language dudes, let me tell you. have you ever thought about how hard it would be to teach some of the bullshit we say to foreigners? i'm so sorry on behalf of the world for our stupid ass language. we can say the same word seven times in a row and have it mean completely different things and still be grammatically fuckin' correct. and don't even get me started on literally and figuratively. literally means both literally and figuratively at the same time and it's a pandoras fucking box unless you have either a full appreciation of the context or a talk with the person using it. it's an absolute mindfuck; a trancendant experience of bullshit, much like some of the words said in this thread. but of course I don't matter here, because we're all in the minority; contra and her fanbase is basically Big Trans and they set the state of discourse and if you cause discord in the discordant discourse-- try explaining that to somebody who isn't fluent, ya pricks-- you get dumped on like a sack of bricks. it's all a part of this tactic to cause fear because our perfect world can't ever not make a complete ammount of sense or be internally inconsistent. internally inconsistent is a pretty fun phrase, by the way-- lots of n's and stuff. Overly verbose though. why did I decide to randomly capitalize the start of sentences just now when i've intentionally avoided doing it all this post? fuck if i know. anyway i wouldn't reccommend being trans, it's not fun, but it's not really something you can control, because we don't decide what we are, it's just in the hands of fuckin', nature or whatever. i wouldn't reccommend it 'cuz the world doesn't give a shit about you and only pretends to do so most of the time, then there are the rare specks of light-- honestly good little fucks-- i say that affectionatley, don't ban me-- who actually legitimately give a shit and comment on like a thread about transphobia that doesn't contain the name of someone on the left in the title. y'all are absent when it's republicans legislating us out of existance because it became boring to call them out on the shit they wanna do, which is part of what lets them do it, so good fuckin' job ya dolticus maximumuses. (this is why we spent so much time saying don't let this be normal after trump became president. y'all failed. good job ya idiots, you let it become normal, almost like you want it to be and are more comfortable with this reality you've concucted for yourself. y'all resent being pulled into the minds of others and defined by them so much that you get dragged there kicking and screaming and have a completely different conversation with them because we can't just fuckin' talk to one another any more and anything we say is automatically dishonest or false because it goes against your own little narrative. anyway, back to muffins. you know what i like? pancakes. pancakes with a fuck ton of maple syrup. of course, the correct way to prepare pancakes is to use two individual pancakes as sandwich bread and put the sauce and fun little bits in the middle. like ice cream and bacon, which totally go together. i haven't tried it, but bacon goes well with everything. especially the grease.you should try mixing the grease into like, a smoothie. bacon grease smoothie. there's a millenial treat for you. i'm a millenial, so i get to say that. self criticizing is fun. we spend so much time doing it so when other people are dicks to us, it hurts less. it's all a part of conforming to the society we live in and being a member of this borg with the least ammount of friction. unfortunately, people like me and others tend to decide to go against this borg and do things like criticize contrapoints for some total bullshit she does. like that one fuckin' transphobe she let do a profile on her? i've forgotten his name already beacuse he's a fuckin' nobody. i bet he'll appear in the next video with this same asshole whose name i've already forgotten. sorry folkaroonies, don't have the brainspace to keep up with the growing number of twats in the world. i can say that because i'm writing all of this with my kiwi accent in mind. you can't help imagining that now because i've said those words in a string of letters and have thus defined your internal reality. hahaha! sucker. but also, the borg is the reason why this is such a problem in the first place. y'all can't handle us criticizing people you like because it strikes a dischordant chordant (i'm sure that's a word, there's no squiggly underneath it, i deon't care because ti doesn't mattter, nothign matters so it's fine-- hey look, squigglies aren't showing up there, i guess it don't work on era for me for some batshit reason, form coding be whack. i like squigglies, i wish i had them here. i'm a bit asinine about the phrasing and verbage and grammar and caps and spelling of shit i write. sometimes i give less of a shit to no shits at all though. like right now, for instance. i'ms ure you hadn't noticed.) and you struggle to maintain the prior shape of the borg because otherwise the world makes no sense to you, and we prioritize sense more than dollars. (yes, i know. shut up.)) anyway, so, like, uh. the weather's been pretty whack, right? i mean this is only something i care about, but we've had like four seasons in one day before. hail in the sun, rain, then blistering cold and rain... it's weird. probably a result of climate change. i wonder if climate change will have an impact on fox habitats? or evolution? what will our species look like twenty, fifty, one hundred and fifty years from now? the game of nature is adaptation, of course. maybe foxes will want to be hugged. i could deal with climate change if it gave me huggable foxes. but maybe i'm just selfish. the world's already going to crap though and we're certainly not treating each other nicer. though it's probably always been this shit right? like right now we're in the information age, and we weren't before, so there was less information going around. (that's how it works.). so yeah, the world's probably just always been a shit and we've been involuntarily living on a shit world and just kind of shrugging our hands and slinging crap at each other instead of fixing it. but yeah, it's been rainy all week. haven't really been able to get my washing done until today because it was a blisteringly hot, really nice sunny day. not blistering hot the way you know it though. blistering hot for new zealand means anywhere between like 25-32 degrees celcius. no, i'm not localizing this to farenheit. google it if you care that much. but then again, most people posting in this thread probably don't care to google; they don't even care to read the thread they're in to find the answers to the question they're gonna post which they are inevitably going to wind up reading the thread they're in, so they create this grand spectacle of redundancy that wastes everyone's time. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. i like extending vowel sounds. even though it results in this kind of arbitrary length of sound in a person's head. are there studies done on how long a random vowel extension lingers in someone's head? i'd love to read it. it's the kind of meaningless bullshit i'd research if i were a scientist, which is probably why i'm not a scientist. i'm an armchair shitposter at best.
 
  • Lunacy
Reactions: whatintheheck

Syaoran Li

Commie Punks Fuck Off!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
*Sad Old-Timey Fiddle Intensifies*

*Excessive zooming in and out of antique photos also intensifies*

My very dear Sarah:

The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days—perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.

Our movement may be one of a few days duration and full of pleasure—and it may be one of severe conflict and death to me. Not my will, but thine O God, be done. If it is necessary that I should fall on the battlefield for my country, I am ready. I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the Government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing—perfectly willing—to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt.

But, my dear wife, when I know that with my own joys I lay down nearly all of yours, and replace them in this life with cares and sorrows—when, after having eaten for long years the bitter fruit of orphanage myself, I must offer it as their only sustenance to my dear little children—is it weak or dishonorable, while the banner of my purpose floats calmly and proudly in the breeze, that my unbounded love for you, my darling wife and children, should struggle in fierce, though useless, contest with my love of country.

Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me to you with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly on with all these chains to the battlefield.

The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our sons grow up to honorable manhood around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me—perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar—that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name.

Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have often been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and my children from harm. But I cannot. I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet the storms with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.

But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the brightest day and in the darkest night—amidst your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours—always, always; and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.

Sarah, do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again.

As for my little boys, they will grow as I have done, and never know a father's love and care. Little Willie is too young to remember me long, and my blue-eyed Edgar will keep my frolics with him among the dimmest memories of his childhood. Sarah, I have unlimited confidence in your maternal care and your development of their characters. Tell my two mothers his and hers I call God's blessing upon them. O Sarah, I wait for you there! Come to me, and lead thither my children.
 
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Leonard Helplessness

kiwifarms.net
Nothing tops the Jolly Rancher story.

Steve and his girlfriend Samantha went off to college in August. She went to Florida State, he went to Penn. So, she decides to fly to PA to visit him. He was really happy to see her so he decided to give her some oral action.

He had done this numerous times before and he always enjoyed doing it...but for some reason, this time, she smelled really horrible, and she tasted even worse. He didn't want to offend her though because he hadn't seen her in months...so he put a Jolly Rancher in his mouth to cover it up, even though it didn't do much to help.

In the course of eating her out, he accidentally pushed the candy inside of her... and stuck a finger in to grab it out. He took it out, and put it back into his mouth and bit it. Only...it wasn't the Jolly Rancher.

It was a nodule of gonorrhea.

As in, the blister-like structure that gonorrhea makes filled with diseased pus was the size of a fucking Jolly Rancher and the poor guy BIT it. I guess it was really dark in the room. He freaked out and started vomiting all over the place when it exploded in his mouth...

He demanded to know what was going on, turns out she had cheated on him at a club like, the first week of college, and fucked some random guy and the stupid bitch had no clue what was wrong with her. She noticed a strange smell though.

So now, Steve is freaking out that he now has gonorrhea of the mouth and God knows what else.
 

Freddy Freaker

Poz my freak hole daddy
kiwifarms.net
hey you 🦃turkey🦃 lurkey slut👅👅. it’s 🍂HOEvember🍂. you know what that means❓ 🕖time🕐 to gobble👏 gobble👏 gobble👏 on a big ol😜😜 dick👌💋. back in 1️⃣4️⃣9️⃣2️⃣, our main bitch💁💁 Christopher Columbus👦🏻 and those slutty👙👠 pilgrims🏊🏊 had to 💦💦cum💦💦 2️⃣ America⛵⛵⛵⚓ in search🕵 of new dicks to suck🐓🐓🐓. send this to 1️⃣0️⃣ of your sluttiest pilgrim 🌽🌽 bitches or you won’t get any 💦gravy💦 this year. Get 5️⃣ back and you’re a mashed potato hoe😟😟. get 1️⃣0️⃣ back and you’re a sexy stuffing slut😽😽. happy 🦃cock🐓 gobbling👄 thursday and get ready for big ◼BLACK◼ dick 🎅🏿FRIDAY🎅🏿
 

Leonard Helplessness

kiwifarms.net
IM DELETING YOU, DADDY!😭👋 ██]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 10% complete..... ████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 35% complete.... ███████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 60% complete.... ███████████] 99% complete..... 🚫ERROR!🚫 💯True💯 Daddies are irreplaceable 💖I could never delete you Daddy!💖 Send this to ten other 👪Daddies👪 who give you 💦cummies💦 Or never get called ☁squishy☁ again❌❌😬😬❌❌ If you get 0 Back: no cummies for you 🚫🚫👿 3 back: you're squishy☁💦 5 back: you're daddy's kitten😽👼💦 10+ back: Daddy😛😛💕💕💦👅👅
 

NOT Sword Fighter Super

"Cheerleeder" of Slapfights
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
clearly us trans folk are a monolith and must always agree with the loudest voice. the loudest trans voice online can't possibly actually be kind of a shit about some things. noooooo we're just cancel culture outrage twitter performative left cuck soy boys mobbing people for woke points. being anything less than uncritical of her is heresy. worship. we must worship, like the peons of old. worship, and repent, for we are unworthy of her grace. unworthy of the power and strength of her voice. in criticizing her we have tarnished naught but ourselves and must bow down at an altar or forever be a part of the "out" group. she is perfect and we are mere dust falling upon her shadow, invisible to all who may observe. we may be many but she is one; one so powerful and insightful that she is right all the time. there is nothing we can say or do before her towering, godlike form. she is so unwrong that we should give her money to find out just how unwrong she is, because we will regret our words and our deeds. ah, but we are fools, for we should already regret our words and deeds, no? we are, of course, nothing before her. in fact, we are such nothing, that as members of the Trans Community, we are one with her and secretly agree with everything she says. because we are assimilated, you see. there is no individuality with us, and thus no objection. so there must be some other motive, and the readers of our nonextant thoughts and feelings are imagining our presence. for what do we offer our thoguhts? for who should read them but the lost souls of the whispering wasteland, whereupon series of tubes all struggle to find meaning in their pitiful lives but realise that they are as hollow as the casing surrounding the wires which give them life? repent. repent. we must repent, for it is the only course of action. there is no color in this drab, monochromic world; no life, no balance, no nuance-- all that once was fell upon the desert of the void. it was like that at the beginning, and so too shall it be at the end. we have naught but one another; and one another is naught but one; for all who observe see us as one, and therefore, what existance do we really, truly have? if we are seen as the monolith we so clearly are, then that monolith we are indeed, because a body is nothing without the minds through which they are observed. and if the minds observing see us as the monolith, then we are defined. we are defined. we are defined. we are seen as one being and thus one being we are, though our hearts protest and our words fall upon deaf ears. there is no resistance to the gravitational weight of the popular thought among the throbbing, bulging, interconnected web we find ourselves in. there is no thought, there is no communication, there is no action or deed unless it is observed; and if it is observed, it is an error, and an error must be done away with, for there shall be nothing less than perfection in this new digital borg. though the meat sacks we call our human bodies appear to be moving of their own accord, the actions of our hands upon the keyboards and screens we find ourselves at are seen as naught but text; sometimes that text is accompanied by pictures, sometimes it is accompanied by a visual marker; a face to associate with the posts. this is all of course an illusion, for if you supply a word or two that one may interpert them, in the mind of the interpeter, it shall all turn to ash and be reassembled. reassembled. we are all reassembled in the mind of the observer, and the observer decides the correct way in which the pieces fall. the observer decides reality, and thus, can never be wrong. and the observer? well, the observer was the friends we all made along the way. friends and enemies, enemies and friends; how does such a thing come to pass, and whyfore are we all so hysterical? it all began with muffins. you know the little bastards. tasty yet bad for you, like most things in the world. get hooked on a muffin and your life is ruined. suddenly you wind up introducing yourself to worse pastries, then you entertain yourself with a pastry that isn't even a pastry. of course, this is all correct, because i am the observer and thus reality doesn't exist unless i say it does. my reality is perfect, because it's filled with muffins. muffins with a lot of butter applied. hot, spicy muffins. delicious, bready little pieces of garbage that make you fat because there's like, bread in it. you're all in my reality now because i'm the one observing you-- sorry, you're the helpless hostages of my mind. there's nothing i can do about it, it's just the nature of the human experience, because we've lost all fucking sense of self and others that we can just say a load of bullshit and get away with it nowadays. anyway thank you for listening to my ted talk, i'll collect the check on the way out. (there's gonna be a check, right? i have a taxi waiting outside and i can't take a loan from the mafia again to pay for the ride to a place i could just walk to, it's only fifteen minutes away but i can't be bothered with reminding myself how my legs work because i've been a massive potato ass sitting on my computer listening to and reading loudmouths try and pretend that they know what they're talking about when they don't, really. but of course, since as i established in my ted talk-- the one you're still listening to, how haven't you taken my mic off of me yet--- yes, there's canon now, we're all at a ted talk and i've got a mountan of muffins on display to prove a fucking point and not just because i wanted a bunch of free muffins-- those muffins are also free, right? i get paid to come here, so the food should be paid for too, just-- just whatever, just do whatever you want, i don't care anymore, i'm going to be over here eating these muffins and thinking about adorable little foxes that wouldn't hesitate to eat my foot off if they thought that A) it was tasty and B) they could get away with it. why would nature create something so cute and adorable that would just fuck you up if you went to pet it. what are my hands for, if not for petting? animals can observe something as mind numbing as petting, why would they not wish to create that reality for themselves? i wanna pet foxes, i wanna pick one up and hug it because it makes me happy, and if the little buggers decided they would enjoy such a thing, they'd enjoy it too. reality is all in the mind of the observer, of course, so if a fox wants to chew off my face and sees it as a perfectly fine thing to do, it'll just go ahead and do that anyway. we're all hostages of the chemicals coursing through us, in the end, because free will is naught but an illusion. if we went back in time, we'd only really be able to change what we did if we knew about the outcome. if we were faced with the same set of information at the time, we'de make the same decisions, because we're all basically little idiots running on autopilot who think we have some semblance of control of our lives. oh, i forgot a closing parenthesis there. that little bugger always runs away from me. come back you little prick. ). there we go. that should satisfy all of you, because i know it had you upset. that's part of why I did the A) and B) bit, because, well, those don't really gramattically count as closers, they're like-- whatever the fuck you call it. what do you call those pricks when they're applied in front of letters? they don't really remain parenthesis, do they? i'm sure english has a term for that. english is a fuckin' crazy language dudes, let me tell you. have you ever thought about how hard it would be to teach some of the bullshit we say to foreigners? i'm so sorry on behalf of the world for our stupid ass language. we can say the same word seven times in a row and have it mean completely different things and still be grammatically fuckin' correct. and don't even get me started on literally and figuratively. literally means both literally and figuratively at the same time and it's a pandoras fucking box unless you have either a full appreciation of the context or a talk with the person using it. it's an absolute mindfuck; a trancendant experience of bullshit, much like some of the words said in this thread. but of course I don't matter here, because we're all in the minority; contra and her fanbase is basically Big Trans and they set the state of discourse and if you cause discord in the discordant discourse-- try explaining that to somebody who isn't fluent, ya pricks-- you get dumped on like a sack of bricks. it's all a part of this tactic to cause fear because our perfect world can't ever not make a complete ammount of sense or be internally inconsistent. internally inconsistent is a pretty fun phrase, by the way-- lots of n's and stuff. Overly verbose though. why did I decide to randomly capitalize the start of sentences just now when i've intentionally avoided doing it all this post? fuck if i know. anyway i wouldn't reccommend being trans, it's not fun, but it's not really something you can control, because we don't decide what we are, it's just in the hands of fuckin', nature or whatever. i wouldn't reccommend it 'cuz the world doesn't give a shit about you and only pretends to do so most of the time, then there are the rare specks of light-- honestly good little fucks-- i say that affectionatley, don't ban me-- who actually legitimately give a shit and comment on like a thread about transphobia that doesn't contain the name of someone on the left in the title. y'all are absent when it's republicans legislating us out of existance because it became boring to call them out on the shit they wanna do, which is part of what lets them do it, so good fuckin' job ya dolticus maximumuses. (this is why we spent so much time saying don't let this be normal after trump became president. y'all failed. good job ya idiots, you let it become normal, almost like you want it to be and are more comfortable with this reality you've concucted for yourself. y'all resent being pulled into the minds of others and defined by them so much that you get dragged there kicking and screaming and have a completely different conversation with them because we can't just fuckin' talk to one another any more and anything we say is automatically dishonest or false because it goes against your own little narrative. anyway, back to muffins. you know what i like? pancakes. pancakes with a fuck ton of maple syrup. of course, the correct way to prepare pancakes is to use two individual pancakes as sandwich bread and put the sauce and fun little bits in the middle. like ice cream and bacon, which totally go together. i haven't tried it, but bacon goes well with everything. especially the grease.you should try mixing the grease into like, a smoothie. bacon grease smoothie. there's a millenial treat for you. i'm a millenial, so i get to say that. self criticizing is fun. we spend so much time doing it so when other people are dicks to us, it hurts less. it's all a part of conforming to the society we live in and being a member of this borg with the least ammount of friction. unfortunately, people like me and others tend to decide to go against this borg and do things like criticize contrapoints for some total bullshit she does. like that one fuckin' transphobe she let do a profile on her? i've forgotten his name already beacuse he's a fuckin' nobody. i bet he'll appear in the next video with this same asshole whose name i've already forgotten. sorry folkaroonies, don't have the brainspace to keep up with the growing number of twats in the world. i can say that because i'm writing all of this with my kiwi accent in mind. you can't help imagining that now because i've said those words in a string of letters and have thus defined your internal reality. hahaha! sucker. but also, the borg is the reason why this is such a problem in the first place. y'all can't handle us criticizing people you like because it strikes a dischordant chordant (i'm sure that's a word, there's no squiggly underneath it, i deon't care because ti doesn't mattter, nothign matters so it's fine-- hey look, squigglies aren't showing up there, i guess it don't work on era for me for some batshit reason, form coding be whack. i like squigglies, i wish i had them here. i'm a bit asinine about the phrasing and verbage and grammar and caps and spelling of shit i write. sometimes i give less of a shit to no shits at all though. like right now, for instance. i'ms ure you hadn't noticed.) and you struggle to maintain the prior shape of the borg because otherwise the world makes no sense to you, and we prioritize sense more than dollars. (yes, i know. shut up.)) anyway, so, like, uh. the weather's been pretty whack, right? i mean this is only something i care about, but we've had like four seasons in one day before. hail in the sun, rain, then blistering cold and rain... it's weird. probably a result of climate change. i wonder if climate change will have an impact on fox habitats? or evolution? what will our species look like twenty, fifty, one hundred and fifty years from now? the game of nature is adaptation, of course. maybe foxes will want to be hugged. i could deal with climate change if it gave me huggable foxes. but maybe i'm just selfish. the world's already going to crap though and we're certainly not treating each other nicer. though it's probably always been this shit right? like right now we're in the information age, and we weren't before, so there was less information going around. (that's how it works.). so yeah, the world's probably just always been a shit and we've been involuntarily living on a shit world and just kind of shrugging our hands and slinging crap at each other instead of fixing it. but yeah, it's been rainy all week. haven't really been able to get my washing done until today because it was a blisteringly hot, really nice sunny day. not blistering hot the way you know it though. blistering hot for new zealand means anywhere between like 25-32 degrees celcius. no, i'm not localizing this to farenheit. google it if you care that much. but then again, most people posting in this thread probably don't care to google; they don't even care to read the thread they're in to find the answers to the question they're gonna post which they are inevitably going to wind up reading the thread they're in, so they create this grand spectacle of redundancy that wastes everyone's time. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. i like extending vowel sounds. even though it results in this kind of arbitrary length of sound in a person's head. are there studies done on how long a random vowel extension lingers in someone's head? i'd love to read it. it's the kind of meaningless bullshit i'd research if i were a scientist, which is probably why i'm not a scientist. i'm an armchair shitposter at best.
I don't know if it's "autism" or something else, but I simply cannot read a wall of text like that without paragraphs or some kind of break. I don't even know how people are able to type them.
 
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kiwifarms.net
I've definitely lost a dick or two to Chinese girl dancing. My favorite dance is the knee-bouncing that still manages to be offbeat despite how simple it is.
 

Syaoran Li

Commie Punks Fuck Off!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I used to be a shitposter like you, but then I took an arrow to the knee
 

Gutpuke

I'm a doctor
kiwifarms.net
25 ways to say no to premarital sex.

1. Thanks, but no thanks thot.
2. Save your sinfull dessires for the devil she-demon!
3. The only person I would have sex with is Jesus so bugger off loser.
4. No thanks, I like heaven more than vaginas.
5. Uhh... I'm sorry, I don't hear sin.
6. Buzz of you heretic slut.
7. Don't you have abortions to attend to?
8. No ring, no dick.
9. Don't stick your dick in sin.
10. In your dreams Judas!
11. WHAT! No! Never!
12. Not even in your dreams!
13. Do you conffes in church with that mouth?
14. Moses ain't parting those legs.
15. Jesus is the only thing that will rise again.
16. Heavens no!
17. The only hole I will fill before marrige is the donation basket!
18. Save your diddly hole for the doodly devilorino!
19. It's either marry or carry your sinfull ass out of this house!
20. How about a big fat NO to that,thank you and good bye!
21. No to the boingiti without the diddly ringerino!
22. Jesus died for our sins, so I won't take part in creating more of them! Goodbye!
23. First the ring, then the sting!
24. Booty is for pooping not for goofing!
25. My face maybe says yes, but the Bible says NO!
 
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