Copypasta thread - Mmmm pasta

Two weeks ago after a roastie rejected me I got mad and slammed my cat against the wall killing him. I felt bad for a while but then realized that it was actually the whores fault and remembered the LE DOGGERINO meme and understood that it's beta to be sad for an animal
 

Leonard Helplessness

kiwifarms.net
I'd been a member of the association for about four months when Joe joined. He was in his early twenties, slightly chubby, dark hair, quite attractive. I ignored everything but the first point, because everyone else in the assoc was 50+ and strangely cliqueish, so hard to talk to.

So we got chatting at the monthly meetings, then over MSN, then started texting/calling each other etc. etc. He seemed like a really nice guy, just a bit introverted, and we had plenty of common interests besides bees.

We went on a few dates and got on nicely; things seemed to go well and progressed normally if a bit slowly. The major alarm was that he didn't really seem to be interested in doing much physical. This was doing horrible things to my self-esteem (since I am about 40% uglier than the average bear), but he assured me no, he thought I was attractive and everything was OK. This conversation led to some clothes-on heavy petting and would have gone further except, well, Little Joe was suffering some sort of systems failure.

I didn't mention it. I figured it was embarrassing enough as it was, and whether or not we had sex didn't really bother me.

About another 2-3 weeks go by. He starts asking me some odd questions about my pain threshold and I mention casually that I quite enjoy having injections/giving blood because, well, I do. What? Not in a sexual way, although in retrospect I should have pointed that out.

After our next date, he tells me his parents aren't home and asks me if I want to go home with him. I say yes. We end up sitting in the field behind his house where his family keeps their 12-ish hives and we're pretty much close enough to hear the buzzing. I think this is a bit weird, but the sunset's pretty and it's warm so who cares. Insert some cuddling and extremely light petting here.

I glance down and notice that Little Joe is extremely ready for action. I still haven't quite made the Joe + bees = physical arousal = disgust connection, so I ask if we can go up to his room.

Joe: "No, we can't."

Me: "Well, I thought we might...you know...oh, sod subtlety, I don't think either of us want to be exposing our sensitive parts within spitting distance of 300,000 bees."
Joe: "You don't?"
Me: "......I'm sorry?"

Joe then dons this 'helpless puppy' face which I have never trusted on anyone else since.

Joe: "Well...I thought...you were saying that stuff about needles and I thought you might be like me."
Me: "Um, I'm sorry again. Can you define 'like me'?"

And at this point he stands up, pulls down his trousers and reveals what I can only describe as an erect penis which is absolutely covered in bee stings.

Joe: "We have so much in common, I thought this is something we could share....at least try it once, then you'll know."
Me: ............

I took the bus home. He did not come to any more association meetings.

Thallium's revenge: Oh fuck no, I'll just be happy when the image of his Beenis fades from my memory.
 

A Humble Ewok

...and a future for Ewok children.
kiwifarms.net
Copypasta potential from this post, which gives the most generic "oldfag" description of a site or web community I've ever seen.
I actually quite like [SITE OWNER OR KNOWN MOD], and quite a few of the posters on that site. I've been a member for a good few years. I'm probably more tolerated than well-liked, but that's ok. I stay in my lane. [SITE] really helped me through a very difficult time in my life when I wanted a no bullshit place to hang out and be able to say the word 'nigger' unironically. I don't hate black people. I've had many black girlfriends. I might have mentioned this at [SITE]. I didn't get banned. No big deal. I don't even think [SITE OWNER OR KNOWN MOD] racist truth be told. He just doesn't like 'niggers'. And by 'niggers' I mean black people behaving badly. Then again, he doesn't like 'spics' very much either. By 'spics' I mean...

The thing is with [SITE OWNER OR KNOWN MOD] is, he can be quite brutal if he senses you are gaming him or the board, or anyone really that is not just being themselves. I've carved out a little niche there and I'm certainly not the most profound of posters. But I come as I am and I take the hard licks that everyone gets now and again (except maybe the top 10 percent of poasters).

[SITE] is a place where you really have to listen and learn the culture first. Like most places, right? But one thing to understand about [SITE], is really that it is [SITE OWNER]'s personal project - very much so - and that he is both a contrarian whilst being quite mercurial. Even he gets bad moods (and even good moods) sometimes. Ok, the in-jokes aren't that funny. But I don't know. [SITE MEME] gets me every single fucking time. I'm literally pissing in my pants here with LOL.

Another unique touch the site has is the 'emoticon' faces, expertly carved out and shooped and just adding a little 'something' to the conversation and expression of people's words. At least, I've not seen it integrated and used to such great effect elsewhere (I don't get out much). Try "[CUSTOM SITE EMOJI]" or even "[CUSTOM SITE EMOJI]" and see where it gets you!

I know that the lads and lasses at [SITE YOU ARE POSTING THIS ON] say it is a serious site, and it is in many ways. But for me it is first and foremost a comedy site where I go to laugh and take on board wrong-think and unironically say the word 'nigger'. There are many people there with a heart. And many of them come from the heart and are very unpretentious. A rare commodity these days.

And while it is generally encouraged not to 'overshare' stuff, some people do sometimes and often a sympathetic response is forthcoming. Either that or a vicious reactions and god forbid even a mod edit. Aye, that time I let it be known I like to play the power-bottom furry with my gay dad who abused me in the military... ... a mod edit and [SITE MEME]!!! I shall never forget. We all make mistakes.

Another thing outsiders should understand is that this isn't a place where plans are drawn up by our great Fuhrer [SITE OWNER] and carried out by unquestioning minions. There's none of that 'we are a movement' shite. Not like you get on [A RELATED OR RIVAL SITE] anyway (btw, long-standing member there too... oh the stories I could tell...). You stand and fall on your own merits on [SITE] and there is no pretense. Maybe they do get together and discuss shit in chat, but I'm not privvy to that. You can view chat and see what people are saying. Sometimes people might even talk to you.

I really don't think [SITE] is pretending to be or trying to be something it is not - a safe-haven for free speech and a place where you can unironically say the word 'nigger', run by computer janitors who now run a gay bodybuilding site because they were abused by their gay dad who was in the military.

The amount of knowledge people drop there is fucking astounding. Genuine original insights. You may not agree with them. Hell, I don't even agree with everything I think. But it's something a bit different. It's genuine and from the heart no matter what. I learned a lot about a lot there. Like I learned a lot about a lot here at this site (long time lurker) and even at [RIVAL SITE]'s forum. I don't hold a mirror up to my personal identity with the sites I get information off. I'm a data whore and information enthusiast, shall we say. I like the stuff that makes me prick up my ears and say u wot m8. Things that challenge my presently held opinions.

There is a great deal of humanity on [SITE]. I think [SITE OWNER] is a great guy, a brave guy and absolutely no threat to anybody except maybe himself. He has morals and a certain code of ethics, whether you agree with them or not. And most the time I don't. But he's not a faggot either and doesn't really care if you hold a different set of morals or ethics, as long as they are from your heart.

I'm not here to promote the place or the people. Many might find them objectionable. Many great insights for the discerning viewer.

If you are a moron who goes to post on that site because your girlfriend fucked a 'nigger', and now you hate all black people, well, expect short shrift. [SITE] is not your personal army. Or counselling service. Or insane asylum.

[SITE OWNER] and [SITE] posters don't pretend to hold all the answers to personal problems. And that's a good thing. You can even go head on head with [SITE OWNER] or any other top poster as long as you present your case. A certain amount of contrarianism is expected and respected. You'll get more upvotes and ass-pats for that than mindlessly conforming.

And I know that [SITE] might not be the most gay or tranny friendly place, but again, I've seen real-life transexuals come on the site and post and make their case, and they were treated with respect and genuine human connection. They were not insulted or verbally abused. They were treated as equals. As it should be. Took real 'balls' to come on a site like that and state your case. That was noted and respected.

[SITE] is very much a case of love the player hate the game, in this regard.

This is far too long a post for a noob to your site. I'm not even sure if it's what I wanted to say (or maybe it is exactly what I wanted to say).

I'm not proselytizing for [SITE].

In fact, I'm probaby misguided in my affection for [SITE OWNER] and the rest of the crew. They were there for me at a very vulnerable time in my life. Just general shooting of the shit. None of that 'internet friends' stuff, even if [SITE OWNER] is my e-dad now!

I just want to give another angle, that's all.

I don't have a bad bone in my body, and I don't think most of them (posters) do either. It's important for places like [SITE] to exist, and not just from a safe-space perspective. You probably know why if you are reading this site. It's a shame that [SITE] probably won't exist in 10 years time. Probably not in 5 years time. Maybe not even next year.

But I'll always remember my e-dad, and my e-buddies.

And that look on a stranger's face when I tell them I'm a member of a [HUMORUS DESCRIPTION OF SITE]!

Fucking priceless.
 
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Mr. Skeltal

Calcium fortified at your own risk
kiwifarms.net
OrigCash.jpg


Hey Faggots,
My name is John, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, rêtarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any pussy? I mean, I guess it's fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures on facebook.
Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I was captain of the football team, and starter on my basketball team. What sports do you play, other than "jack off to naked drawn Japanese people"? I also get straight A's, and have a banging hot girlfriend (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.
Pic Related: It's me and my bitch
 

Inflatable Julay

I have to stand up to play the git-tar
kiwifarms.net
chris was born to a post-menopausal woman with terrible genes and never get exercise. his body produces more estrogen than normal and probably has more genetic defects than the average person, it literally isn't his fault he's slightly overweight. you're all nothing but a bunch of snooty little manchildren who just looks for the easiest most obvious target on someone and goes hog-wild while never actually analyzing someone enough to offer constructive criticism of their lifestyles. it's fucking amazing i even log in to this shitty website anymore, i may as well browse reddit.

you fucking 18th century medical science neanderthals think it's so easy for chris in his current state to just pick up a barbell and start pumping iron like it's a fucking video game. ever think about his diet? his lifestyle? that maybe psychological issues need to be covered before physical ones? no of course not because you all think exercise and physical health are just points to be collected and you have to treat those with less points like an outcast like you're playing fucking fortnite. you're pathetic.
 

Frozen Fishsticks

kiwifarms.net
Well, never mind all that, >>1. This has nothing to do with this thread, but would you just listen to me for a little bit? See, I went to the local Yoshinoya today. Right. Yoshinoya. And the damn place was packed so full of people, I couldn't even find a seat. So I looked around a bit, and I found a sign that said "150 yen off". What the hell is wrong with you people? Are you idiots or something? Any other day you wouldn't even think of going to Yoshinoya, but if it's 150 yen off, you all flock in here? It's just 150 fucking yen! 150 yen! And you're brining the kids too. Look at that, a family of four going to Yoshinoya. Con-fucking-gratulations. And now the guy's going, "All right! Daddy's going to order the extra-large!" Shit, I can't watch any more of this.


Yoshinoya should be fucking brutal. Two guys sit facing each other across a U-shaped table, and you never quite know if they'll suddenly just start a fight right there. It's stab-or-be-stabbed, and that's what so damn great about the place. Women and kids should stay the fuck away.


Well, I finally found a seat, but then the guy next to me goes, "I'll have a large bowl with extra gravy!". So now I'm pissed off again. Who the fuck orders extra gravy these days? Why are you looking so goddamn proud when you say that? I was gonna ask you, are you really going to fucking eat all that gravy? I wanted to fucking interrogate you. For about a fucking hour. You know what? I think you just wanted to say "extra gravy".


Now, take it from a Yoshinoya veteran. The latest thing among the Yoshinoya pros is this: Extra green onions. That's the ticket. A large bowl with extra onions, and egg. This is what someone who knows his shit orders. They put in more onions, and less meat. A large bowl with the raw egg, that's really fucking awesome. Now, you should know, if you keep ordering this, there's a risk employees might write you up. This really is a double-edged sword. I really can't recommend this for amateurs.


And you, >>1, well, you should really just stick to today's special.
 
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Leonard Helplessness

kiwifarms.net
00:18

The film opens with the deceptively peaceful imagery of computer-generated birds taking flight above computer-generated landscapes. A swallow soars over vineyards. SCAT SWAPPING SCHOOL SWALLOW. Is there some relation between the bird and the title? I put it out of my mind.

01:03

Three women are sitting at school desks and a fourth woman is standing up as if she is their teacher. Why are there Mickey Mouse dolls leaned up against the wall?

04:53

The teacher has been writing catchprases from Something Awful on the chalkboard with chalk. She has written "Pak Chooie Unf" from Lowtax's famous Space Robot Bonanza prank on the chalkboard. I don't know what the exact opposite emotion to ecstatic would be, but I'm fairly sure that emotion would be Lowtax's reaction to hearing the news.

05:15

She's dropped the chalk. I think it's about to start

.08:28

They are all disrobing. Each of them is ugly in their own unique way. I take some small consolation from the fact that nothing beautiful will be ruined by this video.

09:12

The teacher has a finger up her butt. They seem very excited about this.

15:33

The girls are taking turns on the teacher's butthole with fingers and tongues. I don't feel sick yet, although I feel a general malaise.

21:18

One of the girl's fingers is caked in feces. She is licking it off with feigned joy. Her acne reminds me of the texture of an oil painting.

21:47

The teacher's distended anus is thrust skyward and aimed by hand. A girl squats over her. This is the dolorous stroke.

22:31

It began so suddenly I scarcely had time to gag. Serpentine coils of battery brown, here and there a nut or piece of corn, heaped high on the teacher's anus. Between smiles and giggles they look as if they might cry. Perhaps it is my imagination. I am shaken.

25:46

They are feeding huge handfuls to one another. Their eyes roll back and they gag. The earth has cracked open and hell flows out in a great brown river.

29:08

It is smeared all over their faces and breasts. They swallow with effort. The sound is like applying paste slowly and carefully to the back of a construction-paper owl. I see myself in their eyes. We want to die.

34:16

They're trying to load the feces back into one of the girl's buttholes. It's everywhere by now. The way a fog blankets the hills of a village in Basque. I see a lone goat, a bell jangling around its neck. It bleats and leaps into the air, exploding in a welter of 98 degree shit. I do not vomit.

40:24

They're caked with filth. It must smell like an abattoir in that tiny room. Innards and death. I vomit without looking away. I feel linked to them. I must endure. Is it possible to die from looking at something?

45:00

A woman is defecating an immense, gnarled, mahogany log. I laugh despite the tangy snot oozing from my nose and the vomit matting my beard. Through some biological oddity the woman is expelling trapped liquid through a small channel in the middle of the turd as it emerges from her rectum. It is as if a cobblestone phallus is dropping from her bowel to urinate. I see nature in all its myriad splendors.

54:50

Almost over, yet each second seems an eternity. My empathy for these women has evaporated. Too much indignity, too great a volume of feces passed from one colon to the next. I no longer see them as human. They are pale apes covered in argil. Their simian brains are insufficient for the task of comprehending their transgressions against Odin. I want to dash their heads open with a rock.

56:28

One has just vomited a great quantity of watery red lumps on the backside of another. Vomit seems so innocent. I feel a strange urge to protect it from them. Preserve it as a taboo for less terrible peoples.

59:50

They are now all covered in shit and vomiting into one another's mouths, like mother birds that have absent-mindedly built their nests in the skim tanks of a waste treatment plant. "I nourish you," I imagine them saying to one another. Somewhere pus issues from a teet into the mouth of a babe, rancid and sour, corrupting what it touches. This taint spreads of its own accord.

1:01:22

They're laughing. It's over. I check my revolver but I have fired off my last cartridge at an Indian I caught eating a discarded shoe from my trash. I place the pistol to my temple and pull the trigger anyway. One of them seems to be crying. Click. Click. Click.
 

Sangria

I keep screaming but God doesn't hear me
kiwifarms.net
i HTAEE the friend zone. u make a girl chocolate milk. and she WONT have sexd with u. unbelivable. whats the point.
 
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Inflatable Julay

I have to stand up to play the git-tar
kiwifarms.net
I'm 13 in seventh grade. I have good grades, a decent social life, a sturdy life plan, and a deep desire that has been driving me fucking insane. My hometown is very Conservative, LGBTQIA+ kids are bullied, I'm bullied for being Jewish, and there is as sickening puritanical zeitgeist floating around my community. Gays are a touchy subject, if you masturbate people in the privacy of your own home people view you as the reincarnation of Joseph Stalin, etc. It's a shitty little part of America.
Because of my hometown, I can't be who I truly am: A cutesy, touchy-feely, affectionate, sweet, girly boy who loves makeup, shopping, dresses, and stuffed animals. I want to wear leggings, skirts, overalls, necklaces, dresses, denim shorts, thigh high stockings, pantyhose, tutus, skinny jeans, etc.
Yet I also really want to be really rich. I lust after sparkly, expensive jewelry, homes, and clothes. And I have a plan to acquire this wealth. Once I graduate high school I'd get a job at a local newspaper, work there for 3 years, and use my experience there to get a job at a statewide news company.
Like with the local newspaper, I'd work at the statewide news company for 3 years. Then I'd use my experience there to move on to MSNBC, where I'd make a distinction between myself and the other MSNBC anchors, as unbiased. I'd work at MSNBC for 3 years and use my reputation there to start my own news agency: An online newspaper called The International Chronicle. People would then read from my news company in droves, satisfied knowing they can always trust us, making me rich.
But I graduate high school in 2024, which is 4 years from now, then I have 9 more years to go after that: 13 fuckung years of depriving myself from my deepest desire. But I feel like those 13 years might drive me insane, or even dead. I feel like crying everyday, it feels like someone is crushing my heart with a red hot sledge hammer.
Once I get rich, I'd buy a mansion in Chicago (where I ultimately want to live) where I'd be free to be the girly, effeminate cake boy I really am. I'd even sleep in a skirt in a bed with rainbow sheets, pink fluffy blankets, fluffy heart-shaped pillows, and a treasure trove of cute plushies.
Again though, it will be 13 years until I finally can step into the mansion of my liberation. 13 fucking years. I feel like that wait will drive me fucking insane, possibly even dead. I'm so scared.
 
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Digital Thunder

Triple Bastard
kiwifarms.net
What I meant to say was that Skrillex is so fucking hot that I wish I could suck on his fucking dick so hard that I manage to suck his testicles out and then I wanna crush those testicles with my teeth and extract all of their fluid and use that fluid as a lubricant to finger Skrillex's ass hole with so hard until his ass can't take it anymore and shoots out a giant log of shit and then I wanna use that log of shit as a dildo to fuck my pussy with and I want the bacteria from the log of shit to fertilize my egg cells and impregnate me with a retarded human shit baby and then I want to give birth to that skrillex dubstep retarded shit baby and suck on its rock hard bass-dropping retarded human shit baby big balls and fat fucking retarded shit baby cock until it can't take it anymore and shoots out a giant load of retarded human shit baby cum all over my fucking mouth. God dubstep and Skrillex are so fucking hot.
 

Absolute Brainlet

Local demon pimp shitposting on New Zealand forum
kiwifarms.net
Is... i-is that... WOJAK???!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHGHGHGH HOLY FUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK WOJAK YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS OH MY HOLY FUCKING GOD FUCKING WOJAK YESSSSSSSSSS

I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE WOJAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CRAAAAAAAAAVE WOJAK!!!!!!!! I'M A WOJAK BEAST!!!!!! I'M A WOJAK MONSTER!!!!!!!!!!! I'M A WOJAKBRAIN!!!!!!!!!!! I'M WOJACKING OFF OH MY FUCKING GHODOODDDODODDOOOOOOOOOOOD

ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'M FCKING COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I'M FUUUUUCKING COMMMMMMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!! UNFFFFFF UNF UNF UNF UNF UNF YASSSSS YESSSSSS YOOOOOOOOS

OH MY GOD OH MY FUCKING SO GOOD HERE IT COMES HERE IT COMES THE FUCKING BEST WOJAK ARHGUGHGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGHGHG YES YES YESSSSSSSSSS UNF YES

SOOOOOOOOOONIC HEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOES SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONIC HEEEEEEEEROOOOOOooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

A AHH AHHH AHHHH AHHHHHH AHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHH AHHHHHH AHHHH AHHH AH

GOOSH GOOSH GOOSH GOOSH GOOSHGOOSHGOOSHGOOSH ABGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSNNSJSDJ FSSSSSSSSHHPPLLLLUGGGHRRRTHTTGHGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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Viral Vigilante

hairy man tits
kiwifarms.net
I have viewed various pieces of hardcore gay pornographic material, yet none of them have been as gay as this fucking image. You have taken something normal and respectable, and have shat all over it with your furry, “owospeak” garbage. This makes me want to gouge my eyes out. I have purchased 500 gallons of nitric acid in order to disintegrate me and everything I own because of this image. I am willing to bet my life savings you are not allowed anywhere near a preschool. Fuck.
 

Viral Vigilante

hairy man tits
kiwifarms.net
I cannot think or comprehend of anything more cucked than having a daughter. Honestly, think about it rationally. You are feeding, clothing, raising and rearing a girl for at least 18 years solely so she can go and get ravaged by another man. All the hard work you put into your beautiful little girl - reading her stories at bedtime, making her go to sports practice, making sure she had a healthy diet, educating her, playing with her. All of it has one simple result: her body is more enjoyable for other men.

Raised the perfect girl? Great. Who benefits? If you're lucky, a random man who had nothing to do with the way she grew up, who marries her. He gets to ravage her every night. He gets the benefits of her kind and sweet personality that came from the way you raised her.

As a man who has a daughter, you are LITERALLY dedicating at least 20 years of your life simply to raise a girl for another man to enjoy. It is the ULTIMATE AND FINAL cuck. Think about it logically.
 

Viral Vigilante

hairy man tits
kiwifarms.net
Hello, this is Matthews Mother and legal guardian. You will decist in contacting my son and stop having any irrational and upsetting arguments. That is a form of cyber bullying you will be blocked and reported to instagram. This is your only warning. The next call I make is to the Cyber Crimes Division.
 

Viral Vigilante

hairy man tits
kiwifarms.net
Why, yes, I am R.A.C.I.S.T:

Respect my friend's different beliefs

Adore the little quirks in their traditions

Care for my friends, no matter their skin color

Inform myself on what taboos I should never break

Smile when they speak their native tongues

The Jews must be purged from the Earth
 

Viral Vigilante

hairy man tits
kiwifarms.net
last one lads:


You useless piece of shit. You absolute waste of space and air. You uneducated, ignorant, idiotic dumb swine, you’re an absolute embarrassment to humanity and all life as a whole. The magnitude of your failure just now is so indescribably massive that one hundred years into the future your name will be used as moniker of evil for heretics. Even if all of humanity put together their collective intelligence there is no conceivable way they could have thought up a way to fuck up on the unimaginable scale you just did. When Jesus died for our sins, he must not have seen the sacrilegious act we just witnessed you performing, because if he did he would have forsaken humanity long ago so that your birth may have never become reality. After you die, your skeleton will be displayed in a museum after being scientifically researched so that all future generations may learn not to generate your bone structure, because every tiny detail anyone may have in common with you degrades them to a useless piece of trash and a burden to society. No wonder your father questioned whether or not your were truly his son, for you'd have to not be a waste of carbon matter for anyone to love you like a family member. Your birth made it so that mankind is worse of in every way you can possibly imagine, and you have made it so that society can never really recover into a state of organization. Everything has forever fallen into a bewildering chaos, through which unrecognizable core, you can only find misfortune. I would say the apocalypse is upon us but this is merely the closest word humans have for the sheer scale of horror that is now reality. You have forever condemned everyone you love and know into an eternal state of suffering, worse than any human concept of hell. You are such an unholy being, that if you step within a one hundred foot radius of a holy place or a place that has ever been deemed important by anyone, your distorted sac religious soul will ruin whatever meaning it ever had beyond repair. You are an idiotic, shiteating, dumbass ape and no one has ever loved you. Rhodes Island would have been better off if you'd never joined us. You are a lying, backstabbing, cowardly useless piece of shit and I hate you with every single part of my being. Even this worlds finest writers and poets from throughout the ages could never hope to accurately describe the scale on which you just fucked up, and how incredibly idiotic you are. Anyone that believes in any religion out there should now realize that they have been wrong this entire time, for if divine beings were real, they would never have allowed a being such as you to stain the earth and this universe. In the future there will be horror stories made about you, with the scariest part of them being that the reader has to realize that such an indescribable monster actually exists, and that the horrific events from the movie have actually taken place in the same world that they live in right now. You are the absolute embodiment of everything that has ever been wrong on this earth, yet you manage to make it so that that is only a small part of the evil that is your being. Never in the history of mankind has there been anyone that could have predicted such an eldrich abomination, but here you are. It’s hard to believe that I am seeing such an incredible failure with my own eyes, but here I am, so unfortunately I cannot deny your existence. Even if I did my very best, my vocabulary is not able to describe the sheer magnitude of the idiotic mistake that is you. Even if time travel some day will be invented, there still would not be a single soul willing to go back in time to before this moment to fix history, because having to witness such incredible horrors if they failed would have to many mental and physical drawbacks that not even the bravest soul in history would be willing to risk it. I cannot imagine the pure dread your mother must have felt when she had to carry a baby for nine months and then giving birth to such a wretched monster as you. Not a single word of the incoherent, illogical rambling you may be wanting to do to defend yourself or apologize would ever be able to make up for what you just did. The countries of the world would have wanted to make laws preventing such a terrible event like this from ever happening again, but sadly this is not possible since your horrific actions just now have shattered every form of order this world once had, making concepts such as laws irrelevant. Right from the moment I first set my eyes on you I knew you were an absolute abomination of everything that is wrong with humanity. I was hoping I would have been able to prevent your evil from being released upon this world by tagging along and keeping my eye on you, but it is clear to me now that not even the greatest efforts would have been able to prevent a terrible event in this scale from occurring. You are the worst human being, or even just being in general, that I have ever had the misfortune of witnessing. Events like the infected plague apparently only happened with the goal of teaching humanity to survive such a horrible event as the one you just created, but not even mankind’s greatest trials were able to even slightly prepare anyone for the insufferable evil you have just created. If you ever had them, your children would be preemptively killed to protect this universe from the possibility of anyone in your bloodline being even half as bad as you are, except you will never be able to have children, because not a single human being will ever want to come within a hundred mile radius of you and anything you have ever touched. You are a colossal disappointment not only to your parents, but to your ancestors and entire bloodline. The disgusting mistake that you have just made is so incredibly terrible that everyone who would ever be to hear about it would spontaneously feel an indescribable mixture of immense anger, fear and anxiety that emotionally and physically they would never truly be the same ever again. The sheer scale of your mistake, if ever to be materialized, would not only surpass the size of the world, but it would reach far beyond the edges of the known, and almost certainly the unknown universe. I could sit here and write paragraphs, nay, books describing your immense failure, yet even if I were to dedicate my life to describing the reality of what has just gone down here, and I would spend every moment of it until my heart stops beating working as hard and efficiently as possible, yet there is not even a snowballs chance in hell that I would be able to come close to transcribing the absolute shitshow you have just released upon the world. You are an irresponsible, idiotic, disgusting, unloved, horrible excuse for a living being who’s soul contains less humanity than every ginger in history combined. The absolute disgust I feel when thinking about anything that has even a slight resemblance to anything that might have to do with you and your unholy actions is so incredibly great that when I am honest about it I think that even I do not posses a consciousness great enough to comprehend my own feelings about it. When people of Columbia fought to break free from Lungmen, countless soldiers fought and lost their lives in favor of a chance at a better future for their children, they did not give their lives to have you fuck the world up beyond repair to the degree that you are doing right now. Honestly, even when technology advances and studies on the subject become more and more accurate, I do not think humanity will ever truly be able to understand what your failure actually means for the universe. My hate for you and everything you stand for is so much deeper than the depths of Shambala that you could probably take the entire Lungmen population down there and back up around twenty million times before you would have sunk to the end of my hate, and honestly, I do not want to exaggerate, but I think that that insult was low balling it such a massive amount that all mountains in this world combined would not be able to stack up to this imprecise judgement in light of the fact that when being honest, my hate is almost certainly bottomless. There is no one in this world that has ever loved you, and especially after what you just did, no one will ever love you in the future either. There is no hope that your idiotic behavior and especially your crooked soul will ever change for the better, and in fact quite the opposite might be true. By making the mistake that you just did, you have shown me that you are so incredibly hopeless that you will only devolve into a more idiotic and wretched creature than you already are. The only possible way in which your future would be brighter than the black hole your existence currently is would exclusively be because there is absolutely no conceivable way that you would even be able to sink lower than the pathetic place your current failure has put you in. But than again, you are so incredibly abominable that you would probably be able to surpass the worst conceivable failure a living being could possibly make. You are so incredibly pathetic that you are honestly not worthy of any more of my words nor my time. Just know that I will forever detest you for your failure and everything you stand for, and that no matter what happens, I will never ever forgive you
 

Potassiumguy

kiwifarms.net
One day while Andy was masturbating, Woody got wood. He could no longer help himself! He watched as Andy stroked his juicy kawaii cock. He approached Andy which startled him and make him pee everywhere on the floor and on Woody too. Being drenched in his urine made him harder than ever! Woody: "Andy Senpai! I'm alive and I want to be INSIDE OF YOU." Andy: "Oh Woody Chan! I always knew you were alive! I want to stuff you up my kawaii ass!" Woody grabbed a bunch of flavored lube and rubbed it all over his head Woody: "Oh my! It's cherry flavored lube! Cherry is my favorite! Woody then stuffed his head up into Andy's tight ass! The other toys around the room watched intently as Woody shoved his head back and forth into Andy's nice ass, continuously making a squishy wet noise. The other toys also became aroused and they all gathered around Woody and Andy and started to urinate all over them, and then they started to masturbate. Andy: "Oh my goodness, Woody Chan! You are churning my insides up so well! Your nose is stimulating my prostate! OH YES! All the other toys became so aroused by this, that they could not help themselves anymore! They pushed Woody completely inside, and they all went inside. All of them wanted to be inside Andy's nice round ass. Andy: "No wait guys! My ass cannot hold this much! I'm getting so full! All the toys went inside of poor squirming Andy and pretty much, he was beyond full, and died from having his insides completely damaged. The mother came inside and found Andy, dead with a huge ass hemorrhage on his anus, with a HUGE belly full of toys.
 
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Aberforth

Straight A student in special ed.
kiwifarms.net
I bet these hetero's kiss girls General Gravicius grunts, his hips rapidly slamming his erect donger deep into Shadow's lean muscled frame. Sweat drips from his brow as he moans a quiet prayer before both nuts erupt,
turning him into a fountain of cum, launching Shadow at least 5 meters on to the floor. Gravicius smirks at the sight, "I fuck for God, Exile. Who do you fuck for?
 

Leonard Helplessness

kiwifarms.net
🚨 🦠 HEY THOTZ 🦠 🚨 📢📢 😂 📢 GET READY FOR THE 😷 😷 PANDICKMIC!!! 🚨 all you badass bitchterium sluts 🦠🦠🦠 💦 Cockrona virus 💦 😷 szn is here and you know what that means! U:sweat_drops: 💥 :eggplant: 💥 :eggplant: 💥💦🦠 Travel advisory in full effect from :u6e80:vachina:flag_cn: ➡ :biohazard:titaly:flag_it:🚫‼ 😂‼ 😂‼ Hop off that plane ✈ and hop 🔛 this dick! 😂 :eggplant: 😷 If you wanna get dicked :eggplant: down by 🍑 🙌 CUMVID-19 🙌 send this to 19 of your dirtiest whores. 👀 👀 Or else you’re gonna get :eggplant:BUTT FUCKED :eggplant: by the CDC. 🧬🦠🦠 😂:microbe:ACHOO!! What was that, sexy? 😏😏😩 Don’t you know Coronavirus is CUMMING to America? 🇺🇸🤢🤕🤒🤤 THE WORLD HOE ORGANIZATION 🙈👅👅 is calling HOE-VID19 a POTENTIAL PANDEMIC 👄👌👈 Time to stop being a DIRTY SLUT:kissing_closed_eyes:😹💦 and start TWERKING FROM HOME 😈😈😈 SEND THIS TO 10 other coronavirus c*nts otherwise you’ll get an IN-FUCK-TION :eggplant:🍑:eggplant:
 

Potassiumguy

kiwifarms.net
A Berniebro Rant after the supertuesday stuff:
(Serious) Fuck Liberals, Fuck Biden, Fuck everyone who voted Biden

Ok, maybe I should save this for tomorrow, but I am so fucking devastated right now. Jesus fucking Christ, the fact that Biden has any chance, let alone being the predicted nominee at this point is absurd.

Remember when it seemed for a while that Roy Moore was going to lose the Alabama Senate race to a democrat, because he's a fucking paedophile, but then to the surprise of all the liberals who thought Republicans still had decency, it turned out that they're completely willing to stand behind our guy.

Well congrats democrats on proving yourselves no fucking better. Congrats on proving that you're willing to elect someone whose behaviour around women is comparable to that of Jimmy fucking Saville. Congrats on proving that some borderline dementia patient who stands for absolutely nothing, and probably isn't even sane enough to run for president is your choice.

But y'know, every democratic darling was completely unfit for presidency. National Service Pete, aka mr "I get funding from the state department and CIA, and will likely bomb and coup any country I'm told to", Bloomberg, for whom apparently stop and frisk programs are "discriminatory towards whites" because in his vision of a world your skin colour is a crime(Who has 40 outstanding sexual harassment cases by the way, because systemic rape and misogyny is what our entire civilisation is built on). Biden was the tip of the fucking iceberg for these people.

In any sane democracy, the fact that there's any chance of two sex-pests barely able to form coherent sentences running against each other would be absurd.

The so called "Moderate Democrat" is a hate-driven ideological extremist who will rally behind their fashy leaders just the same as the alt-right. They try and smear us as hateful extremists and ideologues because it's sheer projection. They know full well they have no conviction, an inability to compromise, and hate for anyone who disagrees with them.

It's well known that fascists have a tendency to fall in line behind their leaders right and wrong because they're driven more by hate and insecurity in their position on social hierarchy. Well congrats on proving yourselves as fascists, you liberal scumbags. You've proven that you hate us leftists so much that you will rally behind Joe Fucking Biden, who is by all metrics the most incompetent leader you could, just to spite us and to maintain your fucking starbucks lattes and wall street yuppie jobs.

The far-left on the other hand splinters itself a hundred times over minor ideological differences. Do you know why?, Because we actually fucking care, we actually believe in something. We're the ones who are willing to compromise on our positions out of pragmatism, we're the ones who are willing

I'm sick and fucking tired of the sheer vitriol and hate I get for being one of the few ACTUALLY moderate people out here. Because the far-left IS the moderate, yet every single time I try and compromise my position and rally behind a candidate half-way between my beliefs and the status quo, I get treated like an invader whose destroying your parties from the inside, and responsible for all your problems.

I'm fucking tired of the vitriol liberals have towards leftists, to the extent that they'll back Joe Biden just to fucking spite us, blame us on their inevitable loss to Trump, claim w'ere invading THEIR party that they apparently have a god-given right to maintain as the status quo, and treating us like toxic trash to be discarded because we don't support the murder of Yemeni children, or people dying from lack of healthcare.

You know whose going to win this election if it comes between Biden and Trump?, Saudi Arabia. Because our only chance of having a president who actually wants world peace will be fucking ruined.

Dear Liberals, Dear Biden Voters: You may start noticing that you're being haunted by the ghosts of dead Yemeni children, bombed in the ongoing total war waged by Saudi Arabia which makes no distinction between civilians and military personnel.

Any future wars in the Middle East are your fault. Our continued support of Saudi Arabia in their genocidal campaign will be your fault. The next refugee crisis will be your fault. That's what you get for not voting for peace. You get bombed children.

As a pacifist, I have to say: I fucking hate all of you. All of you are as bad as George W fucking Bush. The CIA are going to keep building up unlimited, unquestioned power to terrorise American citizens with, countries you can't even point out on a map will get invaded.

Enjoy the slow decline in to tyranny that the US has been facing for decades now. Hope you enjoy being spied on by the NSA. And when the time finally comes that all the war and poverty and climate disaster is too much, and the National Guard start arresting dissidents on the street, because of the unchecked power of authoritarian warmongers is what causes all that fucking shit: You could have stopped this, but instead you chose to be fascists.
 
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