Copypasta thread - Mmmm pasta

Sangria

I keep screaming but God doesn't hear me
kiwifarms.net
Holy fucking shit. There are less than 2 days left until animal crossing comes out on the switch and I can't wait any longer. I need to see Isabelle in 1080P HD 60FPS, and I need to see her NOW. Not only is she the love of my life, but I fucking need more rule 34 of her. There is nothing more fucking hot than Isabelle, and the new game's release will (If my calculations are correct) cause a massive flood of new Isabelle rule 34. I have harassed everyone I've found with an early copy, and I've tried to convince them to give it to me in every way I know. That includes offering my mum's credit card (that's fucking revenge for trying to take away my 3DS you bitch), death threats, begging, and other typically effective means. So if anyone has an early copy, please give it to me. I physically cannot wait any longer for Isabelle.

Please.
 

The Empirical Bogey

Unsheathing the sword like a shattered gem
kiwifarms.net
There was once a couple in a loveless marriage, and they had a son. He was a very wicked little boy, and his parents hated him. The wicked little boy would scoop his boom-boom out of his diaper and throw it on the walls of the powder blue nursery. He grew uglier with each day, and his dad left for better things; even daddy hated the wicked little boy.
Now the wicked little boy's mom had a new friend. He set the friend on fire because he was a very wicked little boy. He did all this as a toddler… a very wicked little toddler who impaled his My Buddy doll with every kitchen knife he could find, then covered it in red paint. The very wicked little boy grew into a very wicked teenager.
He was a wicked boy lusting after the neighbor's dog, but he lost his virginity on the bedroom floor, to the bedroom floor. His mother walked in on him and locked him in the toolshed because he was a very wicked boy. In the toolshed he found his massacred toys and his mom's burnt up friend. What a wicked boy he was!
When he got out of the toolshed, he saw that dog's hot little ass and went for it. Assuming the position… caught in the act…
The dog's owner, an old man, told him that he was a wicked little boy and that he would be chased by little vampire monsters for the rest of his days. He never saw that bitch again. But he was chased by little vampire monsters, taunted by kids, and cheated on by his girlfriends, all because he was a very wicked little boy.
His mother hated him so much, that when he set fire again, this time to the whole house, she sent him to his room and took her good-ole-sweet-ass time before calling the fire department, because he was a wicked little boy.
Absolutely no regrets.
Wouldn't you know it? The wicked little boy survived the fire! Damn you, Homeboy!
So now the mother was convinced that he was a demon spawn. But who exactly was the father? It couldn't have been her ex-husband, so who? She soon disowned her evil son because he was a wicked little boy. He went to his alleged dad, who had a new faithful wife and another child. He begged for a place to stay, but the vampire monsters followed, because he was a wicked little boy.
He burned his sister's dolls in a satanic sacrifice, took her Cabbage Patch Kid's underwear to school for show and tell, and raped her friend's dog to death and beyond. What a wicked big brother he was.
But his kid sister could be even badder. She destroyed all of his shit- tangled up his cassette tapes, wrote on his beloved baseball cards, dumped red paint all over his clothes, all because he was a wicked little boy. She even hit him so hard that he bled. Dear ol' dad did nothing but laugh because his son was a wicked little boy.
A wicked little boy with a bad pyro complex, who peed on the floor and was proud of it. A wicked little boy who looked up a pre-school girl's dress with a photo of Samantha Fox pin-up stuffed down his pants. A wicked little boy who lusted after the family cat. A wicked little boy who stole for lighter money.
Absolutely fucking evil.
He was so wicked that he was forced to eat Gerber prunes out of a big jar, punishment for scrounging food out of the garbage can and eating it. Needless to say, he had no girlfriends during this time because his sister told everyone about his appetite for compost material and baby food, not to mention he was a very wicked little boy, who was serenaded by the neighborhood kids with "Homeboy peed the floor! Homeboy peed the floor! He didn't know what else to do, so Homeboy peed the floor!"
The wicked little boy refused to bathe, and his father and step-mother could takes no more so they kicked his wicked ugly toothpick ass out. Naturally, the vampire monsters followed. He had no time for a shower before being thrown out like the trash he so loved to eat, because he was a wicked little boy.
Oh, wait! He did burn up in his mom's house! Big bro's gone, and daddy's still here. Everyone's happy!
Absolutely wishful thinking.
The wicked little boy still lives. I hear he has a steady girlfriend. Yeah, he gave his mangled My Buddy doll a vagina. The wedding would have been next month, but he was caught with his hand. So now the poor wicked little boy has to choose between his hand or his Buddy.
Absolutely disgusting.
Oh yeah, and one more thing: FUCK YOU, HOMEBOY… I mean JUNIOR! YOU FUCKING SUCK! Mon chou.
End of Gaston's observations… for now.
 

Inflatable Julay

I have to stand up to play the git-tar
kiwifarms.net
A loose female acquaintance of mine calls me at 1:00am today and asks me if I could print something on the computer for her and bring it over in the afternoon. "Hey yeah sure sure, whatever you need I'll help you, I'm all yours," I tell her. She sends me this file and lo and behold I can't open it. It's made in Microsoft Publisher and I don't have that program so I begin panicing, trying to find this program or a way to print the file. Scouring the internet yields no results and I do my usual pacing in my room.

I finally come up with an idea and I tell the girl, if I can proceed with it. The plan was I would carry my printer about 2miles to her house, print out the needed pages, maybe talk to her a bit while I was there. I was hoping for at least a hug out of this ordeal.

By the time I get there, I'm wet all over from sweating in the +90 degree heat outside and carrying a heavy motherfucking HP Deskjet printer. The first thing I see upon entering her room (my first time in a girl's bedroom) are some panties on her bed.

After the initial shock of seeing such a horrific sight for the first time, I setup the printer and get my job done. However, I did consider sniffing the lingere when she left the room once, but with the wuss that I am, I just ended up staring at them the whole while. That was a sarcastic joke for those of you too stupid to realize that

To make a long story short, just as I was finishing up with the printing job (which was hefty), her boyfriend and his gay friend walk in, say hello, and begin hanging out in the room as they waited for the girl to finish this work so they could go to the mall.

This effectively ruins my chances of getting a hug and I walk another 2 miles home with the motherfucking printer in hand. The only thing that I got out of this were some very painful fingers and a "thanks" as I walked out her bedroom door.

So, am I pathetic for doing all these things? It wouldn't be the first time I've pledged my heart and soul to a girl and gotten back almost nothing in return. I would hate turning her or anyone else I knew down or making up some lie.
 

Jewthulhu

Rabbi of the Great Old Ones
kiwifarms.net
When, long ago, the gods created Earth
In Jove's fair image Man was shaped at birth.
The beasts for lesser parts were next designed;
Yet were they too remote from humankind.
To fill the gap, and join the rest to Man,
Th'Olympian host conceiv'd a clever plan.
A beast they wrought, in semi-human figure,
Filled it with vice, and called the thing a Nigger.
 
  • Winner
Reactions: Liber Pater

Sigma

Eighteen Inches
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
>whistles for magic horse
>autoruns on road to quest marker
>toucan sam vision activates
>"Mhmm....giant slash marks all over the victim....a Drowner™, gotta be"
>"Come on, Roach"
>follows nose
>guys in Drowner™ costumes appear
>"OY BLOODY 'ELL FUCKING CUNT SHIT FUCK CUNT, IT'S A FUCKIN' WITCHER IT IS! GET "EM"
>"Shit you stink" ALALALALALALALALA *sets guys on fire and they stumble and recover immediately, does a cinematic slash and cuts guys in half"
>"Mhmm....Bandits™ pretending to be Drowners™......better tell the village head about this"
>"Come on, Roach"
>autoruns on road back to village
>"OY BLOODY FUCK CUNT WITCHAH, WOT ABOUT DA CONTRACT WESE PAIDS YA FOR YA BLOODY FUCKING CUNT?"
>"Just some bastards posing as Drowners™, here's proof shows flipper"
>"OY KURWA, HERE'S YA REWARD DA WHOLE VILLAGE CHIPPED IN"
>"Drowning in Danger" Complete AHHHHHHHHHH
>10 crowns received
 
Last edited:

Syaoran Li

Commie Punks Fuck Off!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Here's one I made out of boredom, inspired by the long dead "90's Kids" meme and mostly stolen from a Tim Wilson bit.

Anyone else here a 90's Kid?

I ain't talking about some snot-nosed bearded Nintendo kids born in 1996. I was born in 1985, so I'm a real 90's dude. I don't play Switch, goddammit! I'm a Dapper Dan PSX man! We were still living in America then!

Before you whiny punks get all triggered and go on about "le wrong generation" and "OK Boomer" or whatever Zoomer soy beard shit. Lemme explain something to you, sir,

Me and him and him and him, we used to go to the grocery store and they didn't have these lazy ass Zoomer girls like you do at the Walmart like you do now wantin' to go home. *BOOP BOOP* What time are we gettin' off? I'm tired! *BOOP* I'm sick of this fuckin' job. *BOOP* We had a Gen X goth woman. She worked at every store, I don't know how she did it.

This woman was dedicated to the grocery business. She had long black hair and an Ankh amulet and this woman could go..."This chicken ain't worth a shit, my sister made some of that," like she was Jerry Lee Lewis on the cash register and then go "Uh...Damn! Fifty dollars!" and everyone would drop stuff and go "Damn! Who spent fifty dollars at the grocery store! They must be having company."and your mommy would go "FUCK! Fifty dollars!" and all the fun soft drinks' ass went back to the shelf. Food Club Cola was going home and Mountain Dew Code Red's ass was going back on the shelf. Spent fifty dollars at the grocery store, go home with Corn Nog and lard. There wouldn't no debit ass cards in 1999.

Here! Put every bit of information about me on one card so when I get to Hell, they'll know me! *BOOP* *BOOP* *BOOP* Where can I put my forehead and my right hand? *BOOP* *BOOP* Ooh, I've never read the thirteenth chapter of Revelation, I'm Unitarian. *BOOP*

Wouldn't no credit cards. Sears might send you one, but you'd max it out on a Sega Dreamcast first thing. Spend twenty years on a $300 console because you had one cousin who said it would be the next big thing and beat the PS1. You get that Dreamcast, he enlists in the Army and goes to Iraq and you look at the same copy of Resident Evil 2 for the next four years waiting on that ass to get back from Falujah.

Resident Evil 2 was a video game in the 90's. It went a lot better than what we got going on in The Last of Us 2.

So your mommy would go "Fifty dollars? I guess I'll have to write a check." It was the 90's. Nobody had ever seen a check. Gen X Goth Woman would panic so hard her purple eyeliner would run riot.

"BRAD! FRONT! BRAD! FRONT! FUCK, SHE'S GOT A CHECK! BRAD FRONT BRAD! FRONT!"

This skinny guy with blue hair would go running out the meat department and he'd look like James from Pokemon if James shot up the Pallet Town high school. He'd go "Who's gotta damn chick?" "She does! She does!" and he'd run to a makeshift office with a half-door and get the mandatory half-tie didn't match a pair of pants in the whole damn Commonwealth of West Virginia. He'd have chicken blood all over his Batman Forever T-shirt and a tie. He'd grab your mommy's check and never look at her driver's license. Suddenly James from Pokemon would pull out a pen and he was Alan Greenspan, it was good as gold! And a little 22-year old would two-bag them groceries and push em to your car for you. You didn't know why it was happening. It's just happenin' and you had to deal with it.

And you'd get in a hot-ass Camaro and listen to your mixtape of Mandy Moore, John Denver, Tupac Shakur, and Mayhem on the way home. It was America.
 
Last edited:

AnOminous

Really?
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
Straight outta Spergatory.

Ive just done one of those personality tests on reddit and I confirmed myself as an INTJ. It made me ponder about the other denizens of this so called web forum. After a decent amount of surfing around the various sub-forums of this website and analyzing alot of posts, I just started laughing. Why am I laughing, you ask? Apologies. It's because I am an INTJ and the illogical and idiotic posts of most of the users here....... Well, I find them amusing to say the least. It struck me that the majority of kiwi farm users are simply white, low IQ and low income. It’s lonely at the top if the IQ ladder and it is often a challenge for me to find like-minded individuals who are able to keep up with my relentless intellectualism and chess-like maneuvering.

So as a generalized statement to most of the posters who will now reply to this thread: The next time you're working your shitty minimum wage job at Walmart handing out free samples of your store's new crisped potato snacks: dont offer me one. It's simply not necessary as I've already calculated its flavor in my head. Heh... Perhaps a little more sodium chloride next time! (that's table salt by the way)
 

AnOminous

Really?
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
Holy shit guys. I can't believe what just happened.

For context, i'm 16M, my little sister is 5F. During quarantine, i've been playing a lot of Animal Crossing with her. We got a pretty cool world, she loves to play the game. So yesterday, she was playing it all alone in the living room, I went to take a peek, when i saw Isabelle on the screen. Holy shit. My cock got so fucking big. I could see the veins of my fat cock through my pants. I thought no one was home, so I started slapping the sausage to Isabelle on my little sister's screen. After 3 minutes i was about to cum. I could feel the thicc nut coming in Isabelle's tight inner dog pussy. When i could feel the cum coming, I heard footsteps behind me. Holy fuck. It was the fucking cleaning lady. I'm so fucking scared, what do i do? How do i explain i wasn't beating it to my sister but to Isabelle? Reddit, please give me some advice!
 
  • Winner
Reactions: Badonkadonk Trash

Future Physical Violence

This is a threat.
kiwifarms.net
Jayson Gibson. You have an actual, literal fucking dent in your skull. I was on station for literally one minute, and just got into my office (HoP) before you came in and arrested me for being in the HoP office. I asked you to check the manifest, but you decided we should stand there for ten minutes before you left me naked and handcuffed in a hallway that had no air. You have no business playing a head role, because you have genuine, real-life brain damage, you unbelievable retard.
 

AnOminous

Really?
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
First of all let me prephase this by saying I hate all of you trannyfarmers. This is my first and last post in this accursed place.

Let me write a more self aware explanation of what happened on 9gag. Our favorite Lolcow and resident man child decided he wanted to open a free speech oriented imageboard that would allow jannies to delete content but would make it really hard to permanently ban someone or to stop said content to be reposted.
Having made the site he then decided he would gate keep some legal content because muh dost meme.
Please not that Jewsh isn't a lawyer even if he likes to think filling a few counter DMCA give him immanent knowledge of the law.

Can you guess what happened next?
If your answer is "more of the legal content Moo didn't like was posted" you're right on the money.
This is the nature of the internet, you can't tell anonymous shitposters what they can or can't do they are contrarian by nature.

At this point Jewsh had two options, he could either keep sperging or be sensible an negotiate with the community he had attracted.
Can you guess what he choose?
THIS IS MY SITE AND YOU WILL FOLLOW MY RULES
And so we laughed, we laughed at the pathetic man child who's response every time things don't go his way is to throw a fit like a 5yo, and we showed him exactly how powerless he was.
Unsurprisingly he didn't like it.
Please note that the option to stop being an asshole and to start engaging with his community was never out of the picture.
But that isn't Moo's style he would rater retreat to his safe space than be a sensible human being.

So here we are, 3 whinny bloposts later our favorite lolcow has fled the ship and trough olympic tier mental gymnastic nothing is his fault.
Freeze peach? Ho he cared, it's everybody else that doesn't, because of course it is, so fuck it.
9gag? Those vile pedo meanies ruined it, he did everything right though, because of course he did, so fuck it.
Fun? He had fun once, it was awful, he would rather start a family has a 30yo broke GF less NEET, because that's very likely to happen, so fuck every last one of you.

I would like to finish this post with a bit of positivity after all that vitriol.
Josh if you ever read this post it's not too late to get your head out of your ass, you may not believe it but we can be reasoned with if you show just the tiniest bit of good faith.
All of you trannyfarmers, you should stop guzzling Moo's Kool Aid, he's the biggest lolcow of this decade, but you do you fam, I wish all of you the best and over 9000 lulz.

tl;dr: Your overlord is a massive sperg and he brought this on himself.
 

Distant Stare

Alita fucker
kiwifarms.net
"I would literally never stop trying to impregnate Raven. Every day I would wake her up by coming in her and every night I would cum in her right before going to sleep, which I would do with my dick stuck insider her. I would take some viagra before bed just to maintain my erection so that she'll be ready in the morning when I thrust into her like an animal and slather her in kisses. Part of our wedding vows would be to have as many children as physically possible. I wouldn't even care if she's already pregnant, I'll fuck her while she's pregnant and she'll get double pregnant. I'll fill her with so much cum every day that she'll look pregnant even when she isn't (which she'll never be after we're married) I would do everything in my power to make Raven as fertile as possible. I'd give her fertility drugs, I'd give her uterus massages, breast massages, I wouldn't let her go 12 hours without at least one spastic orgasm. I'll even bake her home made lactation inducing biscuits to help her get to a point of hyperlactation syndrome so that she'll be seeping out multiple quarts of milk per day. Which I will save and drink just so that I can tell her how delicious it is. I'll make her so fertile that triplets will be the minimum number she's carrying at any given time. I would literally never stop doting on her, I would respond to her every beck and call and I would cum inside her again each time she asks for something. She would be so pregnant all the time that she would literally not be able to stand up straight anymore even after menopause. Her spine would be permanently bent out of shape to accommodate a pregnant belly. Even after she can't get pregnant anymore I would just keep putting more eggs into her. I would clone her purely so that I can put fresh eggs from the clone inside her after she runs out of them. She would have so much progesterone running through her veins at any given time that even the thought of not being pregnant would seem odd to her. "
 

Dorami

✿ Your lucky item is a star. ✿
kiwifarms.net
Oh hello there! My name is Nern. I'm considered the greatest historian of our time... I've gathered a wealth of knowledge about Olathe and what happened here. Many tales... Would you like to hear? Hmm... I wish you were more enthusiastic... Oh well, I'll tell you anyway. Let's see.... Oh right! It all started with what I like to call, THE FLASH. I was sitting with my wife, god rest her soul, sipping on sweet lemon tea. I believe it was homemade by my sweet wife, God rest her soul. Or wait... Maybe she bought it from the store in a bottle. You know, like a plastic bottle? Well hold on now, that would be ridiculous to buy a bottle of sweet lemon tea, then transfer the contents into a glass. Why not just drink it from the bottle? I guess maybe so she could put ice in the glass? But then again, making tea homemade would be just as time consuming, if not more! That sneaky bitch... Anyway, I'll save that story for later! So, I'm sitting on my porch drinking sweet lemon tea. From a glass of course, ho ho! When suddenly... A great strangeness fills my body... Something was wrong... I've lived many years, and I've never felt something like this before. Do you know what it was? Yup! It was my rocking chair! That wooden son of a gun stopped rocking! So I looked down and realized a little rock had gotten caught beneath my chair! A rock under my rocking chair! What a day! I decided it was time for bed, I had had a little bit too much excitement for one day! Hoho! I slid into my jammies, brushed my teeth, and said my prayers. As I was climbing into bed I noticed my wife, God rest her soul, brushing her hair in the bathroom. As I peered across the hall my body swelled up with emotion... "Why can't I be married to an attractive woman?" "Is it me?" "My bank account?" I'm a tall guy, I workout forty minutes a week... Is that not enough? Now my neighbor at the time, Tom Forknight, was very short. His wife, Karen Forknight-Plateburger... Yeah, one of THOSE women. Well, she was more attractive than my wife. I'd say she was a soft six, whereas my wife was a hard four. What's the deal? I thought women liked tall men? Why was Karen with him? Anyway my horse of a wife, God rest her soul, crawled into bed next to me. She decided to leave the bedside light on so she could read her book. It was one of her romance novels again... Give me a break... As if I don't already feel inadequate enough... Not only do I have to compete with Tom, now I have to deal with these fictional hunks! Ay yai yai! At this point I had already suppressed the urges of intimacy, I rolled over and tried to sleep. Her bedside light was only of minor annoyance. I was able to drift off... Then I woke up to a big flash of light. That's about it. I can tell by the way you're walking away that you don't want to leave... If you really want to hear another story I'll tell you. Once upon a hot summer night. Sometime in July... Was it July? My local grocery store sells really good eggs in July. I don't know why. Do chickens operate better in heat? Fireworks maybe? I don't know. I don't want to get off topic. Point is, the eggs that Summer were marvelous! Anyway, my wife and I, God rest her soul, went to a BBQ that night. It was held at Dale Spooner's house. Well, his backyard... Conny Spooner doesn't want people in her home, I think she's just an uptight bitch. So at this BBQ I see none other than... That's right, Tom Forknight... Now earlier in the day my wife, God rest her soul, had made potato salad for the BBQ. Personally I hate potato salad, I'm a mashed kind of fellow. Hoho! So I sat in the TV room avoiding her till the BBQ. Once we were at the party, I made sure to distance myself from my dumb potato bitch wife. God rest her soul, I just didn't want anyone to think I would associate with someone that would bring a potato salad! Anyway, Tom and his above mediocre wife were already there. And get this, they brought a fruit salad! With whipped cream! The nerve of those Forknights! Needless to say I gave my wife, God rest her soul, a couple choice words About whipped cream! Versus potato salad! God dammit! Son of a bitch! A real tongue lashing! Geez, you're kind of smothering me. I'll talk to you later.
 

One Man Gangbang

Stick to the inseminator the embryo accelerator
kiwifarms.net
Keanu chungus wholesome 100 reddit moment i beat up a kid that said minecraft bad and my doggo bit him so i gave him snaccos and we watched pewdiepie together while in elon musk’s cyber truck talking about how superior reddit memers are : “haha emojis bad” i said and keanu reeves came outta nowhere and said “this is wholesome 100, updoot this wholesome boy” so i got alot of updoots and edit: thanks for the gold kind stranger. but the kind stranger revealed himself to be baby yoda eating chiccy nuggies and drinking choccy milk so we went to the cinema to see our (communism funny) favorite movies avengers endgame but then thor played fortnite and fortnite bad, so then i said “reality is often dissappointing” and then baby yoda replied r/unexpectedthanos and i replied by r/expectedthanos for balance and then danny devito came to pick us up from the cinema and all the insta normies and gay mods stood watching ,as we,superior redditors went home with danny devito to suck on his magnum dong but i said no homo and started sucking,not like those gay mods,then the next morning we woke up to MrBeast telling us to plant 69420 million trees, me, baby yoda and danny said nice, and then on our way to plant 69420 million trees (nice) we saw a kid doing a tiktok so keanu reeves appeared and said “we have a kid to burn” and i replied “you’re breathtaking” so i said “i need a weapon” and baby yoda gave me an RPG so i blew the kid (DESTRUCTION 100) and posted it on r/memes and r/dankmemes and r/pewdiepiesubmissions and got 1000000000 updoots,i’m sure pewds will give me a big pp, then we shat on emoji users and started dreaming about girls that will never like me and posted a lie on r/teenagers about how i got a GF after my doggo died by the hands of fortnite players so i exploited his death for updoots, but i watched the sunset with the wholesome gang (keanu,danny,Mrbeast, pewds, spongebob,stefan karl , bob ross, steve irwin, baby yoda and other artists that reddit exploits them) [Everyone liked that] WHOLESOME 100 REDDIT 100
 

Token Weeaboo

POUT
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I was trying to describe you to someone a few days ago. You don’t look like any girl I’ve ever seen before.

I couldn’t say “Well she looks just like Jane Fonda, except that she’s got red hair, and her mouth is different and of course, she’s not a movie star…”

I couldn’t say that because you don’t look like Jane Fonda at all.

I finally ended up describing you as a movie I saw when I was a child in Tacoma Washington. I guess I saw it in 1941 or 42, somewhere in there. I think I was seven, or eight, or six.

It was a movie about rural electrification, a perfect 1930’s New Deal morality kind of movie to show kids. The movie was about farmers living in the country without electricity. They had to use lanterns to see by at night, for sewing and reading, and they didn’t have any appliances like toasters or washing machines, and they couldn’t listen to the radio. They built a dam with big electric generators and they put poles across the countryside and strung wire over fields and pastures.

There was an incredible heroic dimension that came from the simple putting up of poles for the wires to travel along. They looked ancient and modern at the same time.

Then the movie showed electricity like a young Greek god, coming to the farmer to take away forever the dark ways of his life. Suddenly, religiously, with the throwing of a switch, the farmer had electric lights to see by when he milked his cows in the early black winter mornings. The farmer’s family got to listen to the radio and have a toaster and lots of bright lights to sew dresses and read the newspaper by.

It was really a fantastic movie and excited me like listening to the Star Spangled Banner, or seeing photographs of President Roosevelt, or hearing him on the radio “… the President of the United States… “

I wanted electricity to go everywhere in the world. I wanted all the farmers in the world to be able to listen to President Roosevelt on the radio….

And that’s how you look to me.
 
  • Feels
Reactions: AnOminous

RubberbandMan

My dick is elastic
kiwifarms.net
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white.
 

Ellesse_warrior

ASBO Enthusiast
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Happy fourth of July on that flag there, oh that’s right. I’m gonna have a little cigarette, a little cigarette to just tell you all. When you get on this camera, like uh, anywho yeah, on that flag right next to that toothbrush, it’s not bad when you start calling yourselves like I dunno what do they call that club? New Queer faggot fucking club in my fucking country. The more sluts thirteen, the more sluts thirteen, the more sluts thirteen club. They tattoo their fucking faces like dirty little maggots, they put little plugs in their ears like those Igaumic looking African foe kink-neckers. Laughs, and they’re in my country from El Salvador and skanky little countries like that. Mingling with my fellow Americans, my dear dear do gooders of my dear country. You nasty son of a bitches you know I seen you in county jails and prison. They hang out Americans fighting next to each other like queers lovers, they fuck each other, they suck negroes cocks, they’re fucking queer as fuck total illusion. These MS13 faggot mother fuckers. Laugh. More sluts Americans, that’s all there is, more fag sluts. That’s right, tattoo their mother fucking faces like their putting on their fucking mascara. Dirty sons of bitches . Tattoo their heads and faces like Barbie dolls and then sit in prison cells the rest of their fucking lives and fuck each other because they’re chomo baby raping fucking faggots. In my country Americans, what am I to do with this? I’ve been thinking about it ever since Trump brought those fucking faggot mother fuckers to my attention. I tell you what, I don’t know if you know this Americans but I should tell you the facts and the facts are the truth will set you all free. I’m going to tell you the facts and the facts are I just met this gay guy that just robbed a bank fifteen days after he just got out of jail he said he was going to jump of the top of the county jail. I said why are you going to do that. He goes well, because all blacks are fucking queer and they all try to fuck him. I don’t believe that I don’t believe that . He said you ever go to prison, you’re going to find that out. And that’s why he was going to kill himself because he was gay or kind of resembled a woman and he was going to go through getting fucked every day for fifteen years again, he just got out for fifteen. He said also that Latino’s fuck each other also and they try to fuck him too. So Blacks and Latinos Americans I did end up in prison for ten months and it was not rape. You hear these rape stories in prison and it was not rape they rape themselves they fuck each other. They check into PC cages and fuck and suck in the PC cages protective custody. They come out cum drunk and they figure out how to get back in there because they’re fucking queers and they’re doing life sentences and they’ve got aids on top of it Americans. Aids. I was down in Florida 85% of those were aids infested fuckers fucking each other Americans. They’re going to go home to their wives someday some of them. That’s the facts mother fuckers I tell you like it is. I tell you how these scum bags are here fucking these black dudes and Mexicans. Let me tell you what, these mother fuckers all screw each other that’s a fact. That is a fact. I tell it like it is okay and there’s no more raping going on in these prisons. You never hear of it you know why? Because they put their fucking headphones on, you ask anyone who’s been in, they put their fucking headphones on, they’ve got some mother fucking crack head who can make these things sound like a stereo and they put them on their heads and they walk around on Friday and Saturday nights as their favorites and they fucking stroll the bathroom for their queer buddies to fuck and go behind the stalls and fuck and suck each other all night long. I couldn’t believe it when I was there I really couldn’t believe it. You just to go to the bathroom and smoke a cigarette and pretend like you don’t see it. You pretend we’ll they’re real quiet behind that bathroom stall because they’re having fun fucking and sucking your ms13’s, your gang bangers of all breeds are all behind that shower wall fucking and sucking Americans. They’re fucking and sucking and clucking. That’s the God’s honest truth. The God’s honest Mary fucking truth and happy fourth of July. Now you know you gangster bitches. Your man has done sucked cock and everything else in . They’re dirty sons of bitches dirty, dirty, dirty. You MS13 sons of bitches in my country. You better pack up your fucking bags and your cock sucking lips and your twinkie a holes and get the fuck out of here. I’m speaking for every one of us unless your face wants to look like that.
 

Jasonfan89

Ki ki ki ma ma ma
kiwifarms.net
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white.
Damn it you beat me too it! What do people see in Vaporeon anyway? You're basically admitting you're sexually attracted to a dog/fish monster
 
  • Feels
Reactions: RubberbandMan

Dang Woodchucks!

Bravery is not a function of firepower.
kiwifarms.net
Care to put your money where your mouth is, faggot?
2200 EST, 05/28/2020, 4210 Wolfetown Rd, Cherokee, NC 28719
Bring as many of your cowardly friends as you want; I'll go to prison, but all of you will go to the morgue.
 

RubberbandMan

My dick is elastic
kiwifarms.net
Damn it you beat me too it! What do people see in Vaporeon anyway? You're basically admitting you're sexually attracted to a dog/fish monster
Idk for sure, I can understand if was a xenophilic type thing possibly. I know that lopunny was created to be something sexual in context; wanting to be with something almost aline in nature.
 
Tags
None