Corporate Bollocks. -

[Ginger Piglet]

Alas, it's something I come across fairly frequently especially when dealing with large organisations such as local authorities, institutional lenders and/or proprietors.

Once upon a time, I was at a meeting in the offices of the London Borough of [Redacted] to try and settle a really ridiculously long-standing dispute. As happens on these meetings, the man from the Council, his manager, and their solicitor went into the next room to discuss something while I and my client waited for their return. Anyhow. Through the wall I heard the Council man say, "Yes, but there's a problem with - " upon where his manager, a middle-aged woman with skin the texture of ancient saddlebags, shrieked audibly, "NO! You don't have problems, you have CHALLENGES!!"

Anyhow, they came back in and Council man said, "Well, we agree paragraphs 1, 2, 3, and 5 of your proposed settlement but we have a challenge with accepting what you're seeking in paragraph 4."

Could be worse I suppose. He could have told me he was going to be actioning something.

Then there's this actual mission statement from a housing association in south London.

www.wandle.com/download.cfm?doc=docm93jijm4n424.pdf&ver=516

Our vision is big. So in 2012 our Leadership team worked hard on turning the bigness
into something more tangible. Something exciting and inspiring. A mission reflecting
the creativity and innovation of our company. A mission reflecting our place shaping
ethos and our determination to grow, to add value, to invest in the people and homes
of both today and tomorrow .

Oh dear.

 

[Ravenor]

Oh this shit... it's a personal irritation of mine that I run into regularly you know the term Corporate Responsibility? Yea that one pisses me off as you often find it bandied around by fuckers who wouldn't know a decent staff renumeration packadge if you hit them in the face with it - Another one is "Brand DNA" you often find that one in "fast flux" companies who don't carry the same line of item one year to the next who take the term "Made in Britan" in a VERY flexible fashion.