Lolcow Cory Cook / Cory.Rust88 / Cory.Cook.9887 and his wife Harley / hcjones99 / hellyeahharuhi - Fat liberal opinionated welfare goth musician with a clingy weird weeaboo wife

[Turd Burglar]

Cory and Harley Cook

figure 1. feast your eyes

figure 2. the tags from the above pic. MY SIDES

​

I first posted about these spergs in Personal Lolcows. The post I made there is included in the quote below, although the part about the wizard friend has been spoilered. The response the post got in that thread made me think that maybe I should share them with the rest of the Farms.

Honestly, I don't know if this guy counts as a Lolcow but I read his Facebook posts (and his wife's) like the daily newspaper. Maybe you guys will enjoy him too.

This guy is in his late twenties and weighs over 300 pounds. He has long greasy hair, bad tattoo sleeves all the way down to his hands, multiple large facial piercings, an unwashed smelly body, and a lazy eye to rival Shaner's. He also wears eyeliner in the fashion of an ancient Egyptian and sometimes red eyeshadow with it. These things are not bad in themselves -- the reason why these are bad is because he refuses to change his appearance to get a job, saying that he is being discriminated against for being a goth. He is narcissistic, thinking that he is the most handsome man around, taking up to 20 selfies a day and that he is more intelligent than most people, even though he repeatedly proves that he is not. This may possibly be the reason why he does not go on welfare, although it could be because he is lazy or because his wife makes too much for them to qualify. (Correction, they were on welfare for a while - unsure if they still are.) This guy has an unsuccessful metal band where he plays the guitar and sometimes sings while his wife
plays the bass.

He met his now-wife about seven or eight years ago on VampireFreaks. She is around 23 or 24 years old right now. There is the potential that he started dating her when she was underage, although I can't prove that one way or the other so take that with a grain of salt. His wife went to school to be a cosmetologist and currently does hair for a living in a mall that is soon to close due to budget cuts. She identifies as a goth as well and works nearly every day of the week. The wife has recently started developing depressive symptoms and panic attacks and has turned to J-Rock to "heal [her] wounds." She is obsessed with these bands, posting pictures that she has screenshotted from the band members' profiles and saying how hot random parts of their bodies are, such as their feet or stomachs. She and her crazy weeaboo friends have started a petition to try to get these bands to come to America. She has also started looking for ass pats on Instagram by describing every detail of her mental illness(es). She says how she cries in the stockroom at work because she's stressed and she can't wait to get home to listen to J-Rock. Her husband couldn't give two shits less and when he chooses to write posts about his wife's issues, he somehow twists them to be about him and what good things he did for her to help her feel better.

These two had moved out and gotten an apartment somewhere a few years ago but they were "evicted with little warning" for "reasons unknown." This happened a few months later with a different landlord in a different apartment. Reasons for eviction could have been that they were practicing with their band in their apartment and disturbing the peace, they have multiple animals that are poorly taken care of and infested the place with fleas, or they could simply not make rent because the guy will not get a job. Now, they live in her parents' basement with their animals and are steadily wearing out their welcome. Since the guy is unemployed and wastes his wife's money on band equipment, they rarely have any money to supply their own living space. One Facebook rant the guy posted not too long ago said that her father was actively hiding toilet paper from them "even though they buy things for [the parents] all the time." I find it hard to believe that they can afford anything, so I'm sure the father was justified in doing what he did.

The biggest problem with these two? Oversharing on Facebook and Instagram. Any time something upsets the guy, he will post a paragraph-long rant on what he thinks and why you are an idiot for not thinking the same way. The wife is most likely to post a picture of one of the Japanese band members and put her sob story in the caption or she will do a makeup video inspired by one of them.

What a trainwreck.

Spoiler

Edited to add a bonus story.

The couple's best friend is a gay warlock who creates spells and casts them on people. He writes about his sex life in detail and is constantly boohooing about how he has no money. He has no money because he cannot pass the psychological survey that most jobs require, asking questions like, "If you needed a $20 bill and could replace it in the drawer the next day, would you borrow it?" Unlike the other two, he realizes when something he writes is ridiculous, so he goes back and DELETES FUCKING EVERYTHING. This is why I don't have the beautiful screenshot of the best thing this guy ever wrote, which was a rant. This rant was about how people were poor-shaming him because he has irritable bowel syndrome and buys bibles at the dollar store to wipe his ass with because using the pages is cheaper than buying toilet paper.

Cory
To elaborate on the Personal Lolcows post, Cory has a strong personality. He is very opinionated and posts strongly worded statuses all over his Facebook. He lets you know that it's okay to have an opinion that's different than his but if you do, you're wrong. There are people who disagree and if they don't back down from their ideas, they are promptly blocked. He hasn't completely chimped out, as far as I've seen, but there is definitely potential for that to happen and for it to be glorious. He has deactivated his Facebook before due to a minor chimpout but reactivated it two days later.

figure 3. an example of a typical rant, this one was about that christian chick who wouldn't marry gay people, also hitler did nothing wrong

figure 4. unwillingness to change because he doesn't want a job. also, see "i'm always right"

figure 5. lolsuit incoming, j/k he's too lazy

Also, he has an IQ that "fluctuates between 140 and 160."
figure 6. approximately as smart as einstein and hawking. lel

"but, Turdy, this stuff is old!" Allow me.
figure 7. this is from 2017. words like "conservetard" and "republicunt" are real

figure 8. triggered by people being curious about vaping

figure 9. unnecessary sexual sperging, gag

figure 10. have some horror and secondhand shame :horrifying::horrifying::horrifying:

figure 11. no friend censorship, get those alts ready

Harley
Harley is the polar opposite of Cory. She is constantly tagging him in memes and pictures, most about having sex. She describes herself as an "otaku" and like any good weeaboo worth their salt, is teaching herself Japanese. As I stated above, she has poorly-controlled mental illness. She vents through Instagram by posting pictures of Japanese rock idols and posting her comments in the captions, some of which are really creepy.
figure 12. example of one of the creepiest things she's ever posted

figure 13. i'm gonna be as weird as i want so fuck you normie REEEEEE

Social Media

Cory's Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cory.cook.9887
Cory's Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cory_rust88/

Harley's Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/hcjones99
Harley's Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/hellyeahharuhi/

Cory has mentioned dating profiles that have been deleted. Fetlife may be the only one still standing but I don't know how to find it.

Archives

Spoiler

Cory's Facebook archived - https://archive.md/HgLqm
Cory's Instagram archived - https://archive.md/Z2FCQ

Harley's Facebook archived - https://archive.md/okBW9
Harley's Instagram archived - https://archive.md/JNijJ

*This is my first ever OP so if I did anything wrong, please let me know and I'll fix it. I also have a ton more information on these two but I'll stop here. I don't want to risk having a humongous OP.

 

[Dangerhair]

These two are strangely compelling.

More, please!

 

[RichardMongler]

People like this make me question when we haven't started practicing eugenics yet

Your face makes me wonder the same thing.

Also, Mallgoths are still a thing?

 

[Turd Burglar]

Speaking of eugenics...

Anyway, let me try to put the timeline together as well as I can. This is very fuzzy and possibly wrong, so if anyone finds errors, feel free to add. I have only gone through Cory's Facebook so almost all of the screencaps I have are things he has posted. I intend on going through Harley's Facebook as soon as I can. The autism is just overwhelming...

Timeline

Cory lived with his mother and stepfather until he was in his late teens, early twenties. He has two siblings, a brother and a sister. The sister may be a step-sister. She also stabbed her husband or boyfriend. His father passed away when he was young and there is little mention of him. He is very attached to his grandmother, as shown below in a 2016 Mother's Day post.

Harley's father is not mentioned. She lived with her mother and stepfather growing up. I don't believe that she has siblings.

It seems possible that he bounced between friends' places, his mother's house, and apartments but this was before he started chronicling his life on Facebook. He does mention being homeless multiple times but does not elaborate on what happened. It could be that his mother kicked him out of the house.

He chronicles his life after meeting Harley very well and sums it up in a single post. It appears that he met Harley (probably around 2008 ), fell in love with her over the course of a few days, and eventually moved into her parents' home with her. He indicates that she was underage at the time, saying that she was 16 or 17 years old while he was 20 or 21 years old. Also, he details how they had sex almost immediately and how much sex they were having. He says how he had a job at Walmart at the time. Harley was in high school at this time.

He constantly complained about his 2010 job at Walmart, saying that the company was discriminating against him for his looks. Cory does not elaborate on whether he quit Walmart or was fired; however, in a Facebook post he wrote that he wanted to tell them off and quit so that he could go to college instead. Harley was going to cosmetology school around this time as well.

Sometime between the start of their relationship and his job at Walmart (circa 2009), Cory was apprenticing for a local tattoo shop. He wanted to learn to pierce but somehow, he was "screwed out of his apprenticeship." There is no elaboration on what happened with the shop. Odds are, he wasn't willing to learn how to work - he probably just wanted to hang out, so they told him to hit the road.

In 2012, Cory started college at a local community college. He constantly posted about his grades and grade point average. Go figure. He does not seem to have been working at the time.

Around 2013, the two moved into an apartment. Cory had a job working with a local tattoo shop (not the same one as above) and Harley was working somewhere else (this may have been at Starbucks.) Cory posted statuses regarding their newest girlfriend and exposed their polyamorous relationship.

They posted pictures of how disgusting their new apartment was and complained that nothing was being fixed by management.

Cory started boo-hooing that he was pawning some of his multiple guitars for money, presumably to make rent. When people try to support him, he treats them rudely. Also, note that he sells Harley's new bass back to the store they bought it from. Nothing of his is being sold. Nothing of his is gone permanently but for some reason, hers is.

During this time, they broke up with the last girlfriend and they were arranging dates with potential girlfriends via Fetlife. With no money. He posted some statuses about it but they're not interesting enough to post here right now.

I was told by a trusted source that Harley could not find a job during this time because she was fired from Starbucks for stealing money and giving away free drinks. Cory could not find a job because he probably didn't want one. During this time, Cory was posting many statuses about trying to find people for his band.

The two managed to hold onto their apartment until the end of 2014. Cory was posting multiple times a day about anything he possibly could, usually political things that he could use to create arguments. There is no indication that he had a job. Harley was working at a salon, I believe. Not too long after they got the apartment, they were evicted. I find it difficult to believe that this happened the way Cory said it did because of what he wrote in the comments about how the owners of the apartment wouldn't accept their money even if they had somehow managed to come up with it. The owners were probably sick of not having the money and realized that other tenants could make rent on time. I am not sure if they were on HUD at this point but they were receiving food stamps. If I recall correctly, at this point, they also had four cats.

[insert picture of them both flipping off a building, presumably the apartment they lived in]

I assume they went back to Harley's parents' house. Cory received an associate's degree in 2015. Instead of going out and using that degree, he sat around at Harley's parents' house and tried to pick up a girlfriend while picking fights on the internet.

Cory got a pitbull puppy for his birthday, July 6th, 2015. The bathtub grime really gives me faith in this pup's first bath. There were five cats at this point, I believe, but two were poisoned (accidentally?) by someone else.

Cory posted a long rant about weight and HAES. Spot the lolcow crossover. The photo they're talking about is in the spoiler below. This weight chimpout is important to document for later on.

Spoiler

Fat shaming made an appearance.

They got engaged and had the wizard take their photographs in October of 2015. I didn't crop out his name because he's nearing lolcow status himself.

2016 was comparatively mellow. Cory wrote a status about how he wanted to lose weight.

On October 13th, 2016, Cory and Harley got married behind a bar and tavern near a pond. The wizard both made her dress and married them. Cory wore a kilt.

While Harley was working at the salon at the mall, Cory would drive her there and hang out for hours. It's not a very large mall and some of the stores are closed, so there's very little to do. From the context of this status, I wouldn't be surprised if this situation occurred at the mall. This status is from 2017.

More from 2017 about depression.

Wouldn't be a year in their lives if there wasn't the occasional horrifying sex status.

2017 is a year full of Facebook posts but nothing hardcore and interesting happens until Cory posted a status about gastric bypass surgery. Funnily enough, he never talks about it again.

They got a new girlfriend who conveniently lives five states away and has no way to visit. She is boring but seems to enjoy sending them presents.

Engage social justice warrior mode.

He gets so close to self-awareness without actually getting there that it's scary.

While living with Harley's parents, likely for free, Cory posted this amazing status. Keep in mind that he didn't have a job at this point and Harley is the one who probably bought the toilet paper.

They were looking to move out of Harley's parents' house in July. Cory still did not have a job. He relied on Harley working so that she would buy him things. I am thinking that they could only afford $300 a month because that's all Harley could afford.

Asspats and backpedaling.

The best way to get your friends' attention is to thoroughly insult all of them.

Hypocritical roasting.

Harley was having constant panic attacks at the time and Cory, predictably, made some statuses on it. She was cutting her hair and dying it like her Japanese idols, a sure sign of going over the edge.

Did he just blame her for him not having a job? He could get a job in the plaza she works in and work the same hours as she does.

I will edit later with more.

 

[Save the Loli]

Seems like your typical white trash couple. I kind of feel bad for them because their life is shit, but clearly a major part of why their life sucks is because of them. If you insist on looking like a freak, then you'll be treated like a freak, it's as simple as that. There's autists, Down's syndrome, and other retarded people who have jobs, so why can't Cory get one?

What's Cory's band, do they have anything they've recorded I can listen to on the internet?

 

[AF 802]

I feel bad for them, because of their shitty life. Then again, they're your typical autists that push their shitty life on others, or blame Republicans or some shit. Blame yourself, not others because "nobody treats us right". It's your looks that make people think you're unreliable or whatever, not what you keep claiming it is.

Though based on their unwillingness to get a job, they seem like the type of people to be on welfare. I don't know if they are, but what do you guys think? I think they may.

 

[Pointless Pedant]

If this guy's IQ is actually 140, that's higher than 99.6% of people.



Autists, if you're going to make up an IQ score, make it a bit more realistic.

 

[The Un-Clit]

If this guy's IQ is actually 140, that's higher than 99.6% of people.



Autists, if you're going to make up an IQ score, make it a bit more realistic.

I may be wrong on this, but I always felt that so many spergs who claim to have 'an IQ of 140' have never had an IQ test in their life, but almost all have at some point been fantasy RPG gamers. Using the base 'Dungeons and Dragons' 3-18 stat roll for intelligence, you x10 the result of the roll to get a general comparison to the real world IQ score. 15 is supposedly 'genius' level and stat bonuses occur for mages at this level and thus claiming an 'IQ of 140' makes you very smart, but not so smart that you should have multiple PhDs when you claim it.

Probably this is just my own thought but it is very strange HOW many 'cows have '140' IQ specifically.

 

[Pointless Pedant]

I may be wrong on this, but I always felt that so many spergs who claim to have 'an IQ of 140' have never had an IQ test in their life, but almost all have at some point been fantasy RPG gamers. Using the base 'Dungeons and Dragons' 3-18 stat roll for intelligence, you x10 the result of the roll to get a general comparison to the real world IQ score. 15 is supposedly 'genius' level and stat bonuses occur for mages at this level and thus claiming an 'IQ of 140' makes you very smart, but not so smart that you should have multiple PhDs when you claim it.

Probably this is just my own thought but it is very strange HOW many 'cows have '140' IQ specifically.

They don't understand that it's a normal distribution, then, and higher scores become increasingly unlikely.

I never thought they put much thought in it, and just chose a number which they think is the highest they could get away with. That sounds autistic enough to be true, though.

 

[Unpleasant]

Oddly compelling to read, and comprehensive. They're an odd mix- clearly white trash losers without much of a handle on life and not somebody I would want to have to be anywhere around (and with a really poor set of priorities), but not totally despicable like so many lolcows. Seems like if they didn't put such odd emphasis on their bizarre degenerate lifestyle choices and weird appearance, they might be able to be contributing members of society.

Cory also writes well enough that he is easy to follow, instead of autistic hysterical tweets.

Thanks for the summary.

 

[Dangerhair]

There's also a metric shit-ton of "free IQ" tests on social media and the rest of the internet which will call you a genius if you can answer 10 simple questions. IQ is a far better metric for identifying deficiencies than brilliance, and, when translated to the real world, all it really shows is that you're good at taking IQ tests.

Oddly compelling to read, and comprehensive. They're an odd mix- clearly white trash losers without much of a handle on life and not somebody I would want to have to be anywhere around (and with a really poor set of priorities), but not totally despicable like so many lolcows. Seems like if they didn't put such odd emphasis on their bizarre degenerate lifestyle choices and weird appearance, they might be able to be contributing members of society.

Cory also writes well enough that he is easy to follow, instead of autistic hysterical tweets.

Thanks for the summary.

This. This is it. When you have an average, you need somebody to be below average- and Cory and Harley are just that.

They will bumble through life, with a series of 20+ entry-level, part time, minimum wage jobs that last 6-12 months with 6 months between them. Always last hired, first fired, and the re-hireable box is never checked off. They will always have a rotating cast of roommates, and/or be a month away from eviction. They will always have an unsafe, shitbox car that they spend too much money to keep on the road even when they would be better off taking the bus.

They will have kids, pets, and hobbies that they can't afford.

Somehow, though, they will always patch things together just well enough to make it work. They will find the next crap job and apartment, until they screw it up again.

All of this will always be somebody else's fault. Baby boomers. Republicans. Trump. Bankers. The Alt-Right. MY EVIL LANDLORD.

 

[Turd Burglar]

@Save the Loli, thanks for reminding me about his band. There are actually two. Unholy Attraction ended in 2015, while Season of Rust started almost immediately after and is their current band. I'll add those to the OP.

Unholy Attraction: https://www.facebook.com/UnholyAttraction/

Season of Rust: https://www.facebook.com/Season-of-Rust-1070027279708367/

EDIT: Maybe I can't add stuff to the OP...

@Give Her The D, I know they have been on food stamps before, so I assume they still are. I don't know about welfare, though. Cory made a few recent statuses (that I have yet to include in the summary) about only being able to pay $300 in rent between the two of them. I'm pretty sure HUD in their area pays everything but $50, so it sounds to me like they're not on welfare. Harley works four or five days a week at Ulta as a stylist so she may make too much money for welfare; however, I don't know very much about this. Can anyone else weigh in?

I remembered just now that Cory said the other day they have a house. Rent in that area is about $400 for a decent house and a yard, so maybe welfare? Not sure.

 

[WhatNemesisMeans]

I can't say I was surprised when the polyamorous bullcrap popped up. They're exactly the kind of degenerates who would partake in it.

So let's see, repulsive appearance, endless virtue-signalling, polyamorous relationships... Well I guess all that's missing is for Cory to troon out and I'll have a bingo.

 

[Turd Burglar]

He might be on his way there.

Spoiler: also, nice rack, maybe we'll get nudes

[rates self horrifying]

 

[Turd Burglar]

Breathing a breath of fresh TROON into this thread.

It is coming, my friends. Be patient.

Spoiler

I'm adding to my timeline post soon, promise.

Edit to add photo proof:

 

[The Great Citracett]

Breathing a breath of fresh TROON into this thread.

It is coming, my friends. Be patient.

Spoiler

I'm adding to my timeline post soon, promise.

I can't screencap it at the moment, but his fetlife is Savage_6 and it's an active joint account for him and his wife, run by him for supposedly finding the perfect third poly girl. 100+ pics, but thankfully no nudes. Some hella cringeworthy writings though.

Also, seconding the trooning. One of his fetishes he's curious about is "an ass full of tranny cock" among others. Christ.

 

[kcbbq]

Breathing a breath of fresh TROON into this thread.

It is coming, my friends. Be patient.

Spoiler

I'm adding to my timeline post soon, promise.

Not sure what the bigger fib is - 300lbs or martial artist. The IQ claims are even more believable....

 

[Kugelsak Kastengrus 6th]

Not sure what the bigger fib is - 300lbs or martial artist. The IQ claims are even more believable....

I'd go with the martial artist claim as the bigger fib.

 

[Turd Burglar]

I became curious and created a Fetlife account.

Spoiler: Don't look if you love yourself.

Spoiler: Last chance.

 

[Emperor Julian]

How not to be a gothapotamus.

Loose the makeup, loose the skirt, wheel back on the piercings, trim the beard, use better shampoo and conditioner, wear tailered stuff which works with your frame, Start walking everywhere. He's not androgenous, odd or patrcian enough to pull off Goth but with a little work he could be a passable metal head.

Oh and he should get a shitty job so he can keep his homely-but-slightly better looking than him girlfriend and their shit house.