Cows of the Loveshy Therapy Center: A Primer -

sugoi-chan

chewing on a stick of cum
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Here at the Kiwi Farms Loveshy Therapy Center, we have the unique misfortune of being visited by and interacting with the cows directly. Much of an individual's thread is composed of back-and-forth interactions between a cow and Kiwis. This, while being something that sets this board apart from others, can make threads hard to follow for newcomers. This is especially true when the cow breaks containment and engages with Kiwis outside of the Therapy Center who have no idea who they are.

So I've assembled a primer on the cows here in the Loveshy Therapy Center. Focus is given to cows who A: Regularly post here and who B: Either don't have a thread of their own or started their own thread and so they don't have the traditional informative first post.

Cows of the Loveshy Therapy Center: A Primer


@Marjan Šiklić, aka "The Rape Ape", "ThatIncelBlogger", "caamib"

Marjan is probably the most well-known Loveshy outside of the board. He also has his own wiki article on the Lolcow Wiki which will serve as a much better primer than anything I can write here. Seriously, the rabbit hole goes deep with that Croat: http://lolcow.wiki/wiki/Marjan_Šiklić

@ThonisSH, aka "The Depressing One"

Thonis is an incel hailing from Slovenia. His posts tend to follow a pattern:

https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/image-jpg.38033/
(courtesy of @Ass Manager 3000)

He posts to the Farms in bursts - posting for a day or so in a fury before getting mad and rage quitting. The cycle begins with Edgelord Thonis, making such claims as when he vowed to start a race war in Slovenia by assaulting blacks and/or sluts in public, when he bragged about how much money he was spending on swords, or believing himself to be superior to all others. When Edgelord Thonis fails to impress/scare any Kiwis, he switches to Raging Thonis, and posts insults and spittle such as "you guys are such loosers", "you guys are the ones who will end up looking dumb", and "you guys are just jealous because you want to have sex with teens". When he continues to get laughed at, he rage quits and leave, usually by asserting his superiority and promising to never return.

He always returns.

Power word: Blaz Podraj is also known to post hilariously pathetic videos on youtube where, in a heavy Eurotrash accent, he recites poetry about not being attractive, mumbles about not having women, or to show off his weapon prowess. He also has a particular hateboner for transgendered folks and goes out of his way to insult them whenever the topic comes up, leading Kiwi Scientists to theorize that he has a tranny fetish or some kind of gender confusion himself. Early in his thread's existence, Marijan was a regular poster. That, as well as their proximity to each other within Europe's armpit, suggests that Thonis and Marijan are secretly lovers. In addition, he did an interview with @flossman and @Frank Rizzo.

Thonis is a fairly easy target to mock mostly because he makes it so easy. Many of his antics come off as something akin to a :ruse: or him putting on a show for attention but that just makes it come off as more pathetic. It's especially worth noting that Thonis is mocked both here and on Sluthate and goes through the cycle in both places. That's correct: he's such a sad fuck that Sluthate mocks him.

As a special note, it is common for Kiwis unfamiliar with Thonis to try and help him, to offer suggestions and kind words when he is in the "cry about looks" stage of the cycle. It is strongly recommended that you do not waste your time as he will not take your suggestions seriously and will continue to cycle through his phases.

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Mrz, aka "The Pedo with a Thousand Faces" or "Half the usernames in the list of banned users" - Mrz or Mr.Z is a pedophile and wannabe hacker whose claim to fame is how many accounts he's made on the Kiwi Farms to post long spergy screeds about either computer/network security or why child pornography is okay that nobody here reads or takes seriously. A posting day for Mrz starts when he makes a new account, accessing the Farms through Tor. It rarely ends before he's argued the same points in favor of child pornography and pedophilia as he's done a dozen times before; been called a moron in the field of infosec by more knowledgeable Kiwis; or insulted Kiwis for not understanding or appreciating his genius insights into the above topics...usually posted from three to four different accounts as each one gets banned and he creates a new one. He has even claimed to have a script that automates registration to the site.

Mrz will take any opportunity presented to argue in favor of the legality of child pornography. He is known for arguing exhaustively that he is not a pedophile (and, in fact, has a long string of science-y sounding words to describe his predilections in an effort to distance himself from the word pedophile). He insists on calling the child pornography that he prefers "JB" for jailbait. He calls girls in his age preference "JBs". He even once referred to himself, as a teenager, as being at "JB-age". Furthermore, he genuinely sees no difference between Holocaust pictures and child pornography and is so autistic about it that he proves his point with computer logic.

In addition to the above deviance, he has also stated that he has had sex with his dog while as a kid and insists that there is nothing wrong with this. As that link also shows, he considered molesting his young cousin. But that's okay because he's a good guy: he didn't join in with buddies molesting a drunk chick even though he totally could have.

Mrz fancies himself as an intellectual and has been known to claim that his autism makes him more "advanced" or "evolved" than non-autists, going so far as to call it a "superpower". He has a library of research articles, mostly misunderstood, that he can quote at will that he uses in support of his pedophilia. His ego combined with his research has often left him confused by Kiwi reactions to the revelations he makes. When his story about dog sex was met with several pages of laughter, he defended himself by citing research that said that 1 in 20 males experiment with animals while growing up - not realizing that that doesn't make it any less funny or that it doesn't justify the act itself. His views are justified by what he calls his "theory of reality", a long and involved essay he wrote that basically describes evidence-based critical thought but is different because he thought of it and it makes him the superior intellectual and it makes being a pedo okay.

He also claims to be a libertarian, but in relation to the things that mean the most to him: drugs and child pornography. He claims that America is a slave state because access to those two things are not legal. His Promised Land is the country of Uruguay to which he plans to "eventually" move to so that he can lech on children and have all the drugs that he wants. Kiwis have pointed out that this means he'll get killed by the father of the first kid he touches but this brave Warrior of Freedom refuses to be swayed.

He has also claimed to be a master at internet/networking security and has stated that he will hack the Farms. For some time he posted hacking progress updates that nobody read while knowledgeable Kiwis, like @ChuckSlaughter told him why his plans wouldn't work. I've challenged him to hack my account with the price of a plane ticket to Uruguay as the prize. In the two months since it was issued, he has yet to do so.

Recently, @Hellblazer has decreed that Mrz and his rants are no longer welcome in the Kiwi Farms and that they will be deleted on site. His thread has been moved into the Inner Circle. A new saga begins for Mrz.

(This bit has less links because it's hard to find the specific posts I was looking for what with him posting under a billion different accounts.)

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@priest, @Tank, and @Biosynthesisofbones aka "The Quiet Wind"

Both of these posters aren't really posters. They're known more for neg-rating anything that goes against their redpill/sluthate philosophies or anything that mocks or insults Sluthaters. @Tank recently began to post in the main Sluthate thread, but it wasn't anything particularly entertaining or interesting.

@Biosynthesisofbones is a relatively new member of the Quiet Crew who, while posting on occasion, finds it easier to contribute to community discussion by spamming the Disagree rating on nearly every post he comes across. There is, however, one exception which says an awful lot about the caliber of the user.

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@OmegaKV, aka "Yet Another Sluthate Pedo"

I admit that I don't know much about this one except that he's another pedophile, wants to legally be able to rape children, and is known for things like calling comments "pedophobic", believing that watching child pornography should be legal because watching ISIS beheading videos are legal, claiming that Sluthate is home to the "best parenting advice", and, most famously, that sex is literally a basic need akin to food and water and if you go too long without sex you will literally die. He does not post here often, but when he does, it is almost always gold. Due to @Tank frequently neg-rating anyone who mocks @OmegaKV, it's likely that the two are in a relationship together.

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@hood CASH, aka "The Living Embodiment of Salt" or "The Kanye West of Shitposting"

If the title of his thread didn't give you any indication, @hood CASH is shitposter incarnate. His usual posting style involves assertions that he is superior to everybody else, regular comments about how many women want to ride his dick, and that he is a genius. He seems to take the philosophy of "if you say it enough times, maybe they'll believe it" to heart.

Hood is an accountant. Or maybe an accounting student. He's got his Bachelors in accounting. And also his Master's. But maybe neither. He's studying for the CPA exam. But he's also taken the CPA exam. He also has a job offer from a Fortune 500 company. But also is doing internships to find a job. Point is, his story changes. A lot. He rarely is able to keep the details of his superior life straight. He may not even be an accountant given how little he seems to know about the field.

As he's prone to remind you, not only is he a genius and insanely sexy, but is rich. So rich that he doesn't actually need to work because of his huge trust fund. It should be noted that he's never posted a picture of himself (only fake ones) out of a fear of being doxxed. He also has a phone that literally blows up from the amount of girls who throw themselves at him, except he seems perfectly content to ignore the booty calls and sit on the Farms until 4am, arguing with and insulting those he believes are beneath him.

The only true moment of note in @hood CASH's career as a Kiwi Farms Shitposter has been when he was invited into chat and proceeded to rage for several pages when nobody would take his low-tier bait seriously.

His favorite words (and 2/3rds of his vocabulary) are: salt, b o y o, and LOLCOWWWW. He also has a hateboner for @flossman. He also seems to be a disappointment to his parents, something he takes very personally when mentioned.

He's also an admin at Lookism by the name of purps drank, which compounds the sadness on the whole thing.

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@Dove, aka "Sluthate Chatbot"

Dove is boring incarnate. Really. He's so much like those chatbots from the early days of instant messaging that would just ask you questions based on what you tell them that I'm not even sure he can pass the Turing test. He just posts insults at whoever tags him, boring ones and insists that he's an epik trole because of it. Seriously, look at his thread. It's literally a waste of the disk space to store it.

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@tr4n, aka "The Manliest Man that Ever Manned" and the Invasion of the Boring Bodybuilding Buttbuddies

Tr4n is a relative newcomer to the Therapy Center and since his arrival just a few days ago, he's already made the election for the board's President Shitposter a three-horse race. He came out of the gate hard, initially shitting up the Lookism thread with pronouncements that women can sense testosterone and that he has "astronomically high" testosterone levels to the point where he was proscribed estrogen to balance it out. Kiwis everywhere were so taken with his shitposting caliber that he quickly got his own thread where, in between insults he learned in third grade, he posted his magnum opus in which he describes his addiction to masturbation:

I see myself as the guy in the video, he describes it perfectly. Sometimes your mind get stuck... and it becomes an addiction. The 'pump' is the cure. If you've never felt the 'pump' before you are missing out on something. You feel your whole body becoming one with your mind and your brain leaves out all the bad things and focus on whats in front of you in the moment: You, the weights and the physical pain.

Have a great day.

tr4n is a member of Fitmisc which describes itself as "Fitness, Memes, and Motivation". It is Lookism but focused primarily on fitness and bodybuilding which, as tr4n reminds us, looks gay but is totally not gay. Intelligence, already a rare commodity on Sluthate and Lookism, seems to be an undesired trait on that site given the near intelligibility of many of the posts. tr4n's posting history is full of similar posts.

Some other highlights from tr4n's short time here include doxxing someone just because he was "annoying", inspiring Kiwis everywhere with his generic Hallmark greeting card-quality adages, and showing us why he's still a virgin.

He's quick to remind you, though, that it's all an act, making him some $1.99 version of Million Dollar Extreme.

In short, keep an eye on this guy Kiwis. Already he's attracting extra Fitmisc users over, including, among others, @stayjelly (a shitposter and chronic neg-rater) and @Paxman_fitmisc (another shitposter). Of special note is @NarcissisticAsshole, a turd who plans to spend $13,000+ to looksmax and who tried to epik trole the Farms by insulting Kiwis from an alt account, posting his picture, and then getting mad when his alt account was banned, leaving his picture here for us to admire forever. Complete with salty messages to mods. Together, this cabal of bodybuilders who use the term "brah" with a straight face have derailed more than a few threads with unfunny and boring sperging about their steroids and workouts. It's undecided if tr4n and his Fitmisc friends understand the Kiwi Farms at all or if we are on the verge of a weird, boring, steroid-infused invasion. If so, I have obtained footage of what that invasion will look like. Bodybuilding totally isn't gay guys.

---

"Well, this is all very informative, @sugoi-chan," you say, "but where can I learn more about some of the loveshies that have visited us in the past?"

For that, you can visit @Ass Manager 3000's absolutely excellent multi-part series: The Raid, where you can learn about cows like @mooooo and his tiny dick and @Amud and his condom snorting obsession. I'll add links to it as new ones get posted:

Chapter One: https://kiwifarms.net/threads/cows-of-the-loveshy-therapy-center-a-primer.12246/#post-943529
Chapter Two: https://kiwifarms.net/threads/cows-of-the-loveshy-therapy-center-a-primer.12246/page-4#post-958624

I think I got all of the regular Loveshy posters. If I missed anyone or if anyone has any info to add, please let me know and I'll be happy to add it to the thread.

Also: I wanted to link Thonis' videos but they seem to have all been taken down from Youtube. Did anyone archive them? Thanks @cat.
 
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chimpburgers

Big league
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Ah, I love it. Great job.

Who the hell is tr4n though? He seems like a new shitposter around here I haven't had time to interact with.
 
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sugoi-chan

chewing on a stick of cum
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Ah, I love it. Great job.
Thanks!

Who the hell is tr4n though? He seems like a new shitposter around here I haven't had time to interact with.
I'm genuinely not sure either. I was hoping someone who's interacted with him more can shed some light. I know he had a spat with another fitmisc user in the Lookism thread and is from another board similar to Lookism but (as he says) without as much dumb shit.
 
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chimpburgers

Big league
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Thanks!



I'm genuinely not sure either. I was hoping someone who's interacted with him more can shed some light. I know he had a spat with another fitmisc user in the Lookism thread and is from another board similar to Lookism but (as he says) without as much dumb shit.
I just read the majority of that thread. He seems most notable for tardraging, spamming negative ratings whenever people call him out and gloating about how much bodybuilding he does on top of his salty remarks. Has probably taken way too much testosterone and steroids and he got salty at me and wrote on my profile. It was said that he got temp banned from Fitmisc for a week for trying to make alts and fucking with some guy on Facebook. I barely could understand what he was saying.
 

sugoi-chan

chewing on a stick of cum
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Judging from tr4n's posts here, it's just as dumb...
And from the autistic rating on your post, I think you're right.

I just read the majority of that thread. He seems most notable for tardraging, spamming negative ratings whenever people call him out and gloating about how much bodybuilding he does on top of his salty remarks. Has probably taken way too much testosterone and steroids and he got salty at me and wrote on my profile. It was said that he got temp banned from Fitmisc for a week for trying to make alts and fucking with some guy on Facebook. I barely could understand what he was saying.
So a contender for Hood's Shitposting Throne then? Sweet. I'll skim the thread and add a blurb for him when I'm done my breakfast.
 

flossman

Draxx. Them. Sklounst.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
This thread gives me the warm fuzzies. Especially the level-select screen. I'm not entirely sure what powers you'd gain from the various level bosses, but I don't think I want to know. If @sugoi-chan doesn't mind, I may do write-ups on some of the older love-shy cows we had "back in the day," just so people can understand some references we make here.

Did anyone archive them?
I think @cat archived Thonis's videos. I'm not sure, though.
@hood CASH, aka "The Living Embodiment of Salt"
He also has a hateboner for @flossman.
And god damn does it feel good.

I move to include @Frank Rizzo in the OP since he's the biggest lolcow of them all and yells at me on Facebook when I rate him "autistic."
 

sugoi-chan

chewing on a stick of cum
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
i have like 4 of them
I was hoping to link the ones where he sat on a mountain and cried and the one where he battled those beer bottles if you have them online somewhere.
 

Ass Manager 3000

I logged in to call you stupid.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
(a preview of whats to come)

A kiwi farms historical presentation...


Titlesm.png


Chapter 1: How life used to be


Cast your mind back to the beginning of 2015. There was no loveshy therapy centre (LTC). Lookism.net didn’t exist and the singular sluthate thread had only 60 pages.

Now you may be asking ‘A time before the LTC? Impossible!’ On the contrary, it wasn’t even a daydream. There was no LTC because the forum hadn’t required one for a very long time. A few years ago a similar facility briefly existed but collapsed due to unpopularity. This was due to a lack of fissionable content to keep the sub-forum producing delicious lulz. So the idea of a dedicated space for containing and monitoring these strange people became unpopular.

Even so, why would we even have cared? CWC just maced a gamestop employee! Deagle nation was still a viable ruse cruise and Tumblr produced timely lulz. Nobody would push for a subforum they didn’t need. Any interest in the loveshy would bring people to the small sluthate thread or various incarnations of the wizzardchan threads. This balanced has functioned well enough for some time, why change it?

We have an incel and a loveshy to thank for that.
 
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