CraftyBeautyDiva1 / crappybeautydummy

Discussion in 'Beauty Parlour' started by littlebiscuits, Dec 20, 2014.

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The Beauty Parlour is for women or not-women in the sphere of cosplay and the beauty industry that is not strictly limited to lolcows.

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  1. Hieveryoneitsmaria

    Welcome to the crusty and slightly expired world of Maria, aka craftybeautydiva1. Now, this thread isn't going to be for everyone and that's okay, that's totally fine. But since we've had a running dialogue about Maria and her eccentricities in the obscure laughing stocks thread for the past several months (courtesy of @sparklemilhouse :biggrin:) I just figure it's time to lump all that talk into it's own thread. That way we can keep everything nice and organized. And any Maria watcher worth her salt knows there's nothing more important that being organized.

    But for those of us just tuning in, how bout a little background on Maria?


    Need to know facts:

    • Maria lost custody of her children and hasn't seen them in months. This doesn't seem to bother her in the slightest. More time for make-up!
    • Maria is married to a strange born-again lumberjack Christian named Carey. Carey recently found out that churches are tax exempt and now claims that he and Maria are a church, and shouldn't have to pay taxes.
    • Maria works part time and spends all of her pay check and most of her husband's on make-up. This has lead to them being evicted at least twice.
    • Most of Maria's make-up comes from the dollar store, and is usually rotten or expired. See lipstick above.
    • Maria is really terrible at doing her make-up and nails.
    • [​IMG]
    • Maria usually begs for money on facebook when ever she can't pay her bills. A make-up haul video usually follows.
    And....that's mostly it. Again, not a lolcow for everyone but she is beloved by few, so, enjoy!
    • Informative Informative x 29
    • Winner Winner x 8

    littlebiscuits mean girl
    True & Honest Fan
  2. Why does that lipstick look like a sausage?
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  3. You see, make-up expires just like food and medicine. This is what it looks like.
    • Informative Informative x 32
    • Agree Agree x 4

    littlebiscuits mean girl
    True & Honest Fan
  4. Her lipstick looks like Chris' shower. :surprised:
    • Agree x 15
    • Feels x 5
    • Horrifying x 2
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    The Knife

    The Knife Magnificent Witch
    True & Honest Fan

  5. Here is a typical Maria video. Note the fasttalkingomg.

    Edit: You can see a lot of her hoard in this one. But she has crates and crates of make up:

    • Informative Informative x 9
    #5 littlebiscuits, Dec 20, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2014

    littlebiscuits mean girl
    True & Honest Fan
  6. When I was scrolling down and just saw the tip of it I thought it was a wrinkly penis :/
    • Feels Feels x 15
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  7. It does look like a sausage.
    • Agree Agree x 10
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    Ouija Board

    Ouija Board Worldwide Gangster Computer God
    True & Honest Fan
  8. Is she on meth?
    • Agree Agree x 8

    Blueberry BO$$ BITCH
    True & Honest Fan
  9. I'm guessing she was one of those kids who had trouble coloring within the lines judging by her nails.
    • Winner x 10
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    • Like x 1
    • Semper Fidelis x 1
    • Feels x 1

    Ruin Got the Lorax in my bush.
    True & Honest Fan
  10. So like a lot of people say this is ForeverKailyn in 15-20 years?
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    Mourning Dove

    Mourning Dove Zenaida macroura
    True & Honest Fan
  11. [​IMG]

    Yup. She's even got the radiant orchid thing going for her.
    • Informative Informative x 10
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    • Horrifying Horrifying x 1

    littlebiscuits mean girl
    True & Honest Fan
  12. Thanks for this ive been wondering who this Maria chick was. Kai is kinda boring imo. How old is maria?
    • Agree Agree x 6

    True & Honest Fan
  13. If she is, she's miraculously maintaining a highish weight nonetheless. I think she's just ugly and stupid, is all.

    I bless/curse being introduced to Mariar, because she is so mindbogglingly ridiculous but then also nauseating (not going to repost nail fungus picture, but it is so much grosser than curdled lipstick).
    • Agree Agree x 5

    True & Honest Fan
  14. She and Chris should exchange make-up tips.
    • Winner Winner x 22
    • Agree Agree x 8
    • Like Like x 4

    Staff Member Moderator True & Honest Fan
  15. I've had expired makeup in my bag before, but it's never looked like that! How many decades old is that lipstick? Or is it just that it's expired AND made of some kind of horrific animal by-product? Ew ew ew!
    • Winner Winner x 4
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    True & Honest Fan
  16. Cheap lipstick is the worst when it goes off. Really, really foul. That Lovecraftian nightmare is probably full of lard.
    • Agree Agree x 8
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    True & Honest Fan
  17. Lard and Lord knows what else. Since littlebiscuits said it expires like food, that Lovecraftian nightmare does end up looking like a shriveled limb.
    • Agree Agree x 4

    c-no Autistic Redneck
  18. Look at those eyes. Reminds me of Amy from Kitchen Nightmares.
    • Agree Agree x 11
    • Winner Winner x 2
  19. You know this is probably a good view of what Kaylin will look like in a few years, and if her mom passes away.

    But if Gracie gets put in the foster care system then it is likely we will never know her fate, or ever see if she made it despite the handicaps she was given in life.

  20. Maria hasn't seen her kids in years I don't think. It's speculated that her husband pretty much gave her money in the divorce in exchange for her to give up custody. I wonder what kind of mom she was to those kids. Maybe she originally had custody, but he saw that she wasn't taking care of them.

    I made a big list of Maria's foolishness when I first discovered her back in March. One was she wanted to wear boots and a sweater dress to a summer wedding. In Texas.
    • Informative Informative x 11
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    • Feels Feels x 1

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