Gross CraftyBeautyDiva1 / crappybeautydummy -

[littlebiscuits]

Hieveryoneitsmaria

Welcome to the crusty and slightly expired world of Maria, aka craftybeautydiva1. Now, this thread isn't going to be for everyone and that's okay, that's totally fine. But since we've had a running dialogue about Maria and her eccentricities in the obscure laughing stocks thread for the past several months (courtesy of @sparklemilhouse ) I just figure it's time to lump all that talk into it's own thread. That way we can keep everything nice and organized. And any Maria watcher worth her salt knows there's nothing more important that being organized.

But for those of us just tuning in, how bout a little background on Maria?

Need to know facts:

• Maria lost custody of her children and hasn't seen them in months. This doesn't seem to bother her in the slightest. More time for make-up!
• Maria is married to a strange born-again lumberjack Christian named Carey. Carey recently found out that churches are tax exempt and now claims that he and Maria are a church, and shouldn't have to pay taxes.
• Maria works part time and spends all of her pay check and most of her husband's on make-up. This has lead to them being evicted at least twice.
• Most of Maria's make-up comes from the dollar store, and is usually rotten or expired. See lipstick above.
• Maria is really terrible at doing her make-up and nails.
• 
  
  
• Maria usually begs for money on facebook when ever she can't pay her bills. A make-up haul video usually follows.

And....that's mostly it. Again, not a lolcow for everyone but she is beloved by few, so, enjoy!

 

[Bob's Fries]

Why does that lipstick look like a sausage?

 

[littlebiscuits]

Why does that lipstick look like a sausage?

You see, make-up expires just like food and medicine. This is what it looks like.

 

[The Knife]

Her lipstick looks like Chris' shower.

 

[littlebiscuits]

Here is a typical Maria video. Note the fasttalkingomg.

Edit: You can see a lot of her hoard in this one. But she has crates and crates of make up:

 

[cluelessly]

Why does that lipstick look like a sausage?

When I was scrolling down and just saw the tip of it I thought it was a wrinkly penis :/

 

[Ouija Board]

It does look like a sausage.

 

[Blueberry]

Is she on meth?

 

[Ruin]

I'm guessing she was one of those kids who had trouble coloring within the lines judging by her nails.

 

[Mourning Dove]

So like a lot of people say this is ForeverKailyn in 15-20 years?

 

[littlebiscuits]

So like a lot of people say this is ForeverKailyn in 15-20 years?

Yup. She's even got the radiant orchid thing going for her.

 

[melty]

Thanks for this ive been wondering who this Maria chick was. Kai is kinda boring imo. How old is maria?

 

[MrsFrizzle]

Is she on meth?

If she is, she's miraculously maintaining a highish weight nonetheless. I think she's just ugly and stupid, is all.

I bless/curse being introduced to Mariar, because she is so mindbogglingly ridiculous but then also nauseating (not going to repost nail fungus picture, but it is so much grosser than curdled lipstick).

 

[Meowthkip]

She and Chris should exchange make-up tips.

 

[Dilligaff]

You see, make-up expires just like food and medicine. This is what it looks like.

I've had expired makeup in my bag before, but it's never looked like that! How many decades old is that lipstick? Or is it just that it's expired AND made of some kind of horrific animal by-product? Ew ew ew!

 

[MrsFrizzle]

Cheap lipstick is the worst when it goes off. Really, really foul. That Lovecraftian nightmare is probably full of lard.

 

[c-no]

Cheap lipstick is the worst when it goes off. Really, really foul. That Lovecraftian nightmare is probably full of lard.

Lard and Lord knows what else. Since littlebiscuits said it expires like food, that Lovecraftian nightmare does end up looking like a shriveled limb.

 

[Francis E. Dec Esc.]

Look at those eyes. Reminds me of Amy from Kitchen Nightmares.

 

[AtroposHeart]

You know this is probably a good view of what Kaylin will look like in a few years, and if her mom passes away.

But if Gracie gets put in the foster care system then it is likely we will never know her fate, or ever see if she made it despite the handicaps she was given in life.

 

[sparklemilhouse]

Maria hasn't seen her kids in years I don't think. It's speculated that her husband pretty much gave her money in the divorce in exchange for her to give up custody. I wonder what kind of mom she was to those kids. Maybe she originally had custody, but he saw that she wasn't taking care of them.

I made a big list of Maria's foolishness when I first discovered her back in March. One was she wanted to wear boots and a sweater dress to a summer wedding. In Texas.