• "I googled it and found hentai."

Gross CraftyBeautyDiva1 / crappybeautydummy

Discussion in 'Beauty Parlour' started by littlebiscuits, Dec 20, 2014.

Forum Guidelines

The Beauty Parlour is for women or not-women in the sphere of cosplay and the beauty industry that is not strictly limited to lolcows.

  • No thirst. No one cares if you want to have sex with someone. Reporting thirst posts to mods is encouraged.
  • Be civil. Don't get angry over Lolcows. If you need to tell people you're better than someone, you're probably not.
  • Hide your powerlevel. Avoid revealing intimate, embarrassing details about yourself. We are not an asylum.
  • No trolling plans. We are not an autistic Illuminati. If you make us cringe while trying to troll, we will ridicule you.
  • Guest posting is allowed, but if you are claiming to be someone or know someone with a thread here, you must register and prove it to staff.
  1. Hieveryoneitsmaria

    Welcome to the crusty and slightly expired world of Maria, aka craftybeautydiva1. Now, this thread isn't going to be for everyone and that's okay, that's totally fine. But since we've had a running dialogue about Maria and her eccentricities in the obscure laughing stocks thread for the past several months (courtesy of @sparklemilhouse :biggrin:) I just figure it's time to lump all that talk into it's own thread. That way we can keep everything nice and organized. And any Maria watcher worth her salt knows there's nothing more important that being organized.

    But for those of us just tuning in, how bout a little background on Maria?

    [​IMG]

    Need to know facts:

    • Maria lost custody of her children and hasn't seen them in months. This doesn't seem to bother her in the slightest. More time for make-up!
    • Maria is married to a strange born-again lumberjack Christian named Carey. Carey recently found out that churches are tax exempt and now claims that he and Maria are a church, and shouldn't have to pay taxes.
    • Maria works part time and spends all of her pay check and most of her husband's on make-up. This has lead to them being evicted at least twice.
    • Most of Maria's make-up comes from the dollar store, and is usually rotten or expired. See lipstick above.
    • Maria is really terrible at doing her make-up and nails.
    • [​IMG]
    • Maria usually begs for money on facebook when ever she can't pay her bills. A make-up haul video usually follows.
    And....that's mostly it. Again, not a lolcow for everyone but she is beloved by few, so, enjoy!
     
    • Informative Informative x 29
    • Winner Winner x 8
    littlebiscuits

    littlebiscuits mean girl
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  2. Why does that lipstick look like a sausage?
     
    • Agree Agree x 29
    • Winner Winner x 4
    • Like Like x 2
    • Informative Informative x 1
    kiwifarms.net
  3. You see, make-up expires just like food and medicine. This is what it looks like.
     
    • Informative Informative x 32
    • Agree Agree x 4
    littlebiscuits

    littlebiscuits mean girl
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  4. Her lipstick looks like Chris' shower. :surprised:
     
    • Agree x 15
    • Feels x 5
    • Horrifying x 2
    • Like x 1
    • Winner x 1
    The Knife

    The Knife Magnificent Witch
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net


  5. Here is a typical Maria video. Note the fasttalkingomg.

    Edit: You can see a lot of her hoard in this one. But she has crates and crates of make up:

     
    • Informative Informative x 9
    #5 littlebiscuits, Dec 20, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2014
    littlebiscuits

    littlebiscuits mean girl
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  6. When I was scrolling down and just saw the tip of it I thought it was a wrinkly penis :/
     
    • Feels Feels x 15
    • Agree Agree x 8
    • Winner Winner x 1
    cluelessly

    cluelessly THIS IS FUCKED UP CONTENT

    kiwifarms.net
  7. It does look like a sausage.
     
    • Agree Agree x 10
    • Winner Winner x 2
    Ouija Board

    Ouija Board Worldwide Gangster Computer God
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  8. Is she on meth?
     
    • Agree Agree x 8
    Blueberry

    Blueberry BO$$ BITCH
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  9. I'm guessing she was one of those kids who had trouble coloring within the lines judging by her nails.
     
    • Winner x 10
    • Agree x 2
    • Like x 1
    • Semper Fidelis x 1
    • Feels x 1
    Ruin

    Ruin Break your heart, steal your crown.
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  10. So like a lot of people say this is ForeverKailyn in 15-20 years?
     
    • Agree Agree x 12
    • Like Like x 2
    • Winner Winner x 1
    Mourning Dove

    Mourning Dove Zenaida macroura
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  11. [​IMG]

    Yup. She's even got the radiant orchid thing going for her.
     
    • Informative Informative x 10
    • Winner Winner x 4
    • Horrifying Horrifying x 1
    littlebiscuits

    littlebiscuits mean girl
    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  12. Thanks for this ive been wondering who this Maria chick was. Kai is kinda boring imo. How old is maria?
     
    • Agree Agree x 6
    melty

    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  13. If she is, she's miraculously maintaining a highish weight nonetheless. I think she's just ugly and stupid, is all.

    I bless/curse being introduced to Mariar, because she is so mindbogglingly ridiculous but then also nauseating (not going to repost nail fungus picture, but it is so much grosser than curdled lipstick).
     
    • Agree Agree x 5
    MrsFrizzle

    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  14. She and Chris should exchange make-up tips.
     
    • Winner Winner x 22
    • Agree Agree x 8
    • Like Like x 4
    Meowthkip

    Meowthkip I MAKE MONEY OFF OF THE LASAGNA I EAT!
    Staff Member Moderator True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  15. I've had expired makeup in my bag before, but it's never looked like that! How many decades old is that lipstick? Or is it just that it's expired AND made of some kind of horrific animal by-product? Ew ew ew!
     
    • Winner Winner x 4
    • Like Like x 2
    Dilligaff

    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  16. Cheap lipstick is the worst when it goes off. Really, really foul. That Lovecraftian nightmare is probably full of lard.
     
    • Agree Agree x 8
    • Informative Informative x 2
    MrsFrizzle

    True & Honest Fan

    kiwifarms.net
  17. Lard and Lord knows what else. Since littlebiscuits said it expires like food, that Lovecraftian nightmare does end up looking like a shriveled limb.
     
    • Agree Agree x 4
    c-no

    c-no Autistic Redneck

    kiwifarms.net
  18. Look at those eyes. Reminds me of Amy from Kitchen Nightmares.
     
    • Agree Agree x 11
    • Winner Winner x 2
    kiwifarms.net
  19. You know this is probably a good view of what Kaylin will look like in a few years, and if her mom passes away.

    But if Gracie gets put in the foster care system then it is likely we will never know her fate, or ever see if she made it despite the handicaps she was given in life.
     
    AtroposHeart

    AtroposHeart KAWAII WEEABOO PRINCESSU

    kiwifarms.net
  20. Maria hasn't seen her kids in years I don't think. It's speculated that her husband pretty much gave her money in the divorce in exchange for her to give up custody. I wonder what kind of mom she was to those kids. Maybe she originally had custody, but he saw that she wasn't taking care of them.

    I made a big list of Maria's foolishness when I first discovered her back in March. One was she wanted to wear boots and a sweater dress to a summer wedding. In Texas.
     
    • Informative Informative x 11
    • Like Like x 2
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • Feels Feels x 1
    sparklemilhouse

    sparklemilhouse America Online for Dummies™

    kiwifarms.net
  • About Us

    Founded as the CWCki Forums, and originally dedicated to Christian Weston Chandler, the Kiwi Farms is about eccentrics on the Internet. These people are commonly referred to as Lolcows and are fascinating for reasons distinct to each spectator. We document the phenomenon, with every member bringing different perspectives and opinions to discussion. It is this diversity which has caused our peculiar community to thrive.

  • Affiliates

  • Power our Autism

Copyright © 2016 Lolcow LLC
This website may contain offensive or adult content.
Discontinue browsing if it is illegal or against your wishes to see such material.
All content belongs to their respective authors and does not represent Lolcow LLC.
We have not been served any secret court orders and are not under any gag orders.