Craziest thing that's ever happened to you/you personally witnessed -

[guffrey__]

I'll go first.

I was 17 chilling with my friend playing some Halo 3. Just for reference, he lives in a duplex with a shared porch. His neighbor is an old lady whose grandson is basically homeless and every now and then crashes on her couch; we'll call him Eddy. So we were in my friend's house in the middle of a CTF match and Eddy was just sitting on the porch on a lawn chair, when we hear a car come to a screeching halt in front of bro's apartment. We rush out of the room into the living room and peek outside to see what the fuck just happened. It was Eddy's mom, and she hopped out of the car and started screaming in spanish "You fucking faggot, I know what you've been doing! Sucking cock in the park for $20! You're a fucking disgrace!" Shame is just plastered on Eddy's face, but he doesn't react, looks down and just keeps twiddling his thumbs, and as quick as she came, she peeled off.

Fast forward a couple weeks, me and bro are at the warehouse we work, putting shit away, keeping inventory. The UPS guy comes around for his daily stop. We receive packages and just shoot the shit for a minute. As he's about to leave, he pulls out his phone. Asks us "Have you seen this nigga?", and he shows us a pic of Eddy. I say no cuz it'd been almost a month since the incident with his mom. We ask him "Why? What's up?". Apparently the UPS driver's friend can't work anymore because of him. He decided to take a vacation day and stay home. As he's making some coffee, he hears the window to his room rattling and being opened. He goes to investigate and sees fucking Eddy trying to climb through to rape his girlfriend. Apparently, Eddy had learned his pattern so he could break into dude's house and take advantage of his girlfriend. He sees this and lunges at Eddy. Keep in mind, this guy lives on the second story of an apartment building. They're wrestling while Eddy's still halfway through the window and eventually fall from the struggle. Somehow, Eddy ends up on top and lands on the guy, breaking his fall and running away like a bat out of hell.

You guys got any good ones?

 

[KeepHopeAlive]

All the events of 2020 so far, too numerous to name.

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

I was born.

 

[Disco Inferno]

I once went to a club in Belgrade with a few friends. Belgrade clubs are notriously shady and can attract a rough crowd.
Well, we are drinking and a group of drunk albanians were talking about Kosovo. a serb overheard their conversation and confronted them. words where exchanges and in a fit of rage, the serb knocked out all 4 albanians before the bouncers could restrain him.

 

[Pitere pit]

Two years ago my family helped our gypsy neighbors. They were harassed by the family of the wife because they wanted the house they live in. I remember how it was, the father and mother were worried that they would die if they step out of our home, the kid, who had a heart surgery recently, calmed by my mother and me showing him phone games and talking about his favourite videogame, Wolfestein the new order. We played angry birds angry together, he was worried and I tried the best I can do to calm this child.
We called the police and two hours later the mom's family fucked off. This family left our city after this and went to another one. For gypsies they were nice, and I hope their kid is ok.

 

[Starscreams Cape]

I was in a 1970 Winnebago going down a small mountain when its breaks gave out.

 

[Biden's Chosen]

I've travelled by plane three times in my life. The first two times I met the same two guys. The third time I went on a plane, I met a guy who I knew from fortnite.

 

[Ozul]

I don't get out much so I haven't experienced much excitement personally, but, have seen some crazy shit at work.
While I was a student studying at the hospital, I was assisting on a surgery that came in from the ER. A woman had a bulge the size of a watermelon on her stomach. She was a tiny, old woman, so the abscess really looked like a bowling ball sitting right atop of her. Keep in mind, nobody wanted to do this case. so I, as a student, got shoved into it.

So we put her under and the doctor makes his incision across the abscess. It was almost like a giant 'pop!' and a ton of air was released, along with a mixture of liquid shit and pus. We spent the next 20 minutes suctioning out as much of it as possible and used more packs of sponges than I can remember. The smell....

So, apparently, she had a fistula in her colon which got worse and burrowed a tunnel leading to her stomach, causing the shit to leak out and pool in her abdominal cavity.

Moral of the story-- Get a colonoscopy, kids!

 

[supremeautismo]

When I was 12, saw a kid get hit by a car, do a full front flip about 20 feet in the air, and land flat on his back. He lived with minor injuries. I'll never forget the look on my friend's face when we saw him get slammed. If that isn't a come-to-Jesus moment, nothing ever will be.

When I was much younger I saw the aftermath of a car accident. Was in traffic for two hours standstill on a highway trying to get home in the middle of the night. My Dad and I finally drove past the accident, and the car (or what was a car) was flattened so much it looked like tin foil.

No one knows how to drive where I'm from

 

[Consenticles]

When I was a child, my elder sibling (10 years older than me, so I was likely 5 or 6) was throwing a party in our basement. Lots of typical high school shit, hormones galore.

It was late so I was soon whisked away to be given a bath. Well, we had this cat, and it came into the bathroom right as I was undressing and my mother was running the hot water. But somewhere in my little brain I felt so strongly that the cat needed to go be part of the party.

So naturally I go down two floors, holding the cat awkwardly by its middle, perhaps dragging its lower half a little on the floor (I was not very tall, you see), and I enter the basement. Typical teenager shit is going on, and I realize now as an adult that there was A LOT of heavy petting and grinding going on between maybe 3-4 couples on the couches.

I also might want to mention that my cat was named Will, and as many children do, I amended this name slightly as "Willy".

I don't remember saying this, but my sibling insists that I shouted, butt naked in front of nearly 20 teens - some of which were dry jumping each other - "My Willy wants to party too!"

And then after an awkward pause (which I do remember), I was promptly escorted back up two flights of stairs to the bathroom by my sibling.

Good times. How about another?

Another fond memory I have involved the very first time I took edible marijuana. For those who arent aware, there are certain edibles that will absolutely fuck over any cognitive abilities for a good 4 hours. Naturally, this is what I was recommended my first time using any recreational drugs.

Me being new to pot, I didn't really understand just how little was needed for a full dose. Many years on, I now know that I need a teeny tiny bit, and it will do the trick. But back then I just assumed I should eat the entire cookie. So I did.

I knew I had a doctor's appointment that same day, but I was told it was a preliminary interview, and I figured that since I was using the pot for medical reasons, it would help me get through the appointment. That's what my family member who was driving me told me anyway.

Well, it turns out this appointment was not just a simple meeting. I was going to take an IQ test. And as luck would have it, the delayed effect of the edible made it so I hit the peak of my high right when we get to the math portion.

So I took an IQ test the first day I ever got mega-stoned. And I did pretty good for how fucked up I was, but the only part I can remember now (6 years on) was this political rant I went into midway through the portion which tests your short term memory and cognition (repeating a list of words or numbers, then again after maybe 10 minutes of non related questions).

One of the listed items was "ball," and another was "glass"....... so somehow I equated that with "why don't we have the balls to just glass the middle east?"

And a final one, courtesy of my spouse.

I was in a long distance relationship with the person who would eventually become my spouse (once we closed the distance). We liked to play games online, and in this particular instance we were playing one of the Saint's Row games, driving around and whipping pedestrians with floppy dildos. The normal sort of shit you spend your time doing with your spouse.

So we get the idea to drive around in a car, me in the driver's seat, their character in the front seat. We wanted to following around cop cars, curious to see what they did.

And suddenly the cop car we were stalking just rams into a building. Like fucking head on, and I'm like "What the Fuck????"

And I insist on waiting a bit longer to see if it happens again. And then another cop car rams into a building. And then the cars are on fire at this point, so a firetruck spawns to take care of it. This motherfucker rams into the building too.

I am absolutely stunned, I am trying to set up my laptop's recording program so I can document this because I really, really think I have encountered an Easter egg or a strange bug. I am dead serious.

And we just keep watching as a dozen more cars smash into this building. It's fucking mayhem.

And that's when I realize there is a weapon in the game which allows people to remotely control cars, and the spouse was using it. I thought they were just looking down the scope of their gun in first person to watch the cars, but it turns out they were controlling the cop cars, firetruck, and everything else.

Bonus: playing Left For Dead 2 for the first time with spouse and friends. Climbing up this skyscraper, making our way through some zombies. Spouse says "there's a trampoline if you jump here", and naturally I jump. There was no trampoline.

 

[Kacho]

Anonymous BJs in the bubble room.

 

[FuckedUp]

When I was in middle school, there was this kid I knew who was originally homeschooled on a farm. He was a tryhard with impressive strength and zero impulse control. One time when we were hanging in the park he judo kicked an autistic kid so hard they were knocked like three feet back. Me and the rest of my friends bailed in a matter of picoseconds.

 

[Samson Pumpkin Jr.]

I was standing on the walls of Przmysl fortress, Poland, when I witnessed an Austrian marching band in a row boat crossing the nearby river towards the fortress. Accompanying the band were a bunch more Austrians crossing the bridge, and some were even swimming towards the fortress. On the other side of the river there was a large group of Russian tourists who were apparently very angry at them for whatever reason. The Russians started throwing rocks and sticks at them, the Austrians couldn't really fight back because of their position (crossing the river and all), but the fight ended when a Russian fired a couple shots at them and everyone decided that this was getting a little more serious.

This happened a little while before I was extradited to Russia from Poland, which, as a citizen of Austria, I was very offended by.

 

[Robert James]

I have a few.

About five years ago I visited my brother for about a week to help finish his kitchen. I was staying up late one night playing Vidya when I got a call from my mom. She said she had a nightmare me and my brother were dead and wanted to make sure we were okay. She made sure I checked on my brother, woke him and his german shepard up to talk to mom. After being woken up his german shepard bolted to the front door and started barking at it when i went to check what was going on I caught someone running to an unfamiliar car that then proceeded to back out to the street. He was trying to break in to my bro's house and we decided not to tell our mom.


A few years back I was comming back from the caribean, I won a trip there with one of my companies partners. While waiting to get into the airport two guys were cutting in line so I physically stopped them, they got pissed and security came to tell me to let them go ahead. A few hours pass and I got on my plane and lucked into sitting next one of the guys I stopped. Over the course of a four hour flight we went from him bitching at me about disrespecting him to him buying me a beer and exchanging email to keep in contact with each other. Only after the flight did I learn the guy was a member of the most powerful gang of the island I flew out of. Before you ask I gave him my burner email and a false name.

For my sisters 21'st I snuck into an anouncment box at a MU hockey game and got them to do an anoucment for her birthday. Figured out later that you had to pay for it normally but they thought I was there to inform them of a last minute addition.

 

[Minister Burroughs]

Kind of tame, but I saw some guy being carried off a cruise ship in port while I was eating dinner. We'd had to divert course just to get him to a port before he bled to death. Got to see his family run off the ship with handbags to be left alone in a foreign country as we sailed away.

 

[Pissmaster]

A few years ago I was driving down a hill shortly after a heavy snowstorm and the roads were iced over, and I didn't think to take another route, so I ended up going down this hill where my brakes weren't even slowing me down. At the bottom of this hill was a T-shaped intersection and someone's house directly at the bottom, so if I kept going straight, I'd just slam my car right through their front door.

Fortunately, I managed to steer the car just perfectly to where I drifted and managed to turn left, and stay on the road. Thank fucking goodness nobody was in the oncoming lane.

 

[krazy orange cat]

About 15 years ago, I was walking to the store and saw a hay truck going down the street. As soon as he had to stop for traffic the hay went up in flames. It quickly engulfed the truck, spread to a wooden utility pole, melted the signs for a shopping center and partially burned a bakery. I still don't know how the driver managed to get out of the truck before the whole thing went up in flames.

 

[Clown Baby]

When I was younger my friend and I were on our way home from a bar late at night, walking to the subway. We saw a filthy fat homeless man sitting on someone's stoop jerking himself off, seriously just going to town right out in the open, so of course we started giggling and walking faster. He noticed us, stood up and started jerking it harder while making kissy noises and moaning at us. We yelled a couple variations of "you dirty sack of shit pervert!" And got on the train. Good times.

 

[sperginity]

I have some truly fucked up stories from working in medicine, but that is to be expected. When I think further back.... I can remember a time in high school when a bunch of kids decided to huff cans of compressed air. A kid drove over to a park near the school with his friends to do this, I was already there. He has a bag full of cans and they are distributed. So the teenage boys all start huffing chemicals in broad day light, leaning on the main kid's car. They became a gaggle of retards, all laughing stupidly, while I looked on judgmentally from afar. Right then, a car slammed into the parked car of one of the huffers. No one was hurt, but it was fucking loud. The driver got out to apologize and try to exchange insurance information, but he was met with a bunch of idiots too fucked up to solve a problem or have a conversation. Some of them were drooling. The guy just drove away eventually because he had to be somewhere and they were too dumb to converse with.

 

[From The Uncanny Valley]

Saw my cousin get arrested outside a church.