Crazy Roommates -

[Pine Tar]

So, I've had a few roommates at my apartment and here's the Cliffnotes on the people I've lived with. I'd post it in Personal Lolcows, but I don't think these people would fit as lolcows.

#1: Introduced me to a ton of drugs. Only lasted a couple months because he got fired from a job I got him hired at after a few days (that's right: Tyce lasted longer at McDonald's than this guy) and tried to sell LSD out of my apartment. He introduced me to some interesting people so he wasn't so bad.

#2: She had a job, lost it because of car problems and decided to flip shit at me over the most minor of things and always screamed about how I manipulated her. She kept talking about how she had a plan to get out of it for two months and even though I offered her a bus pass if she'd go look for a job, she wouldn't take it. She bitched about how she lost a bunch of weight living with me even though she would never ask me for food. She would disappear for days at a time making me wonder where she was at. It turned out that she lied about who her boyfriend was and made up a story about him. It all culminated in her threatening to stab me over me flipping over a couch to look for my car keys. The next day, I threw her out.

#3. I let her stay for a night. And then it turned into a week. And then, for whatever dumbass reason/pity, I let her stay over at my place while I visited @Sanic. Right when I'm about to leave Sanic's place, I get a call from my landlady about how this girl starts going crazy over my neighbors. It turns out she called the cops on all of them and swindled my next-door neighbor out of prescriptions. I come back and then she threatens to call the police over me smoking weed. So, I kick her out and a month after she got kicked out, I discovered a used condom inbetween the space between my oven and the wall.

So, any crazy roommate stories you'd like to share?

 

[exball]

My Roommate shit on my floor last night. She's a dog, but that's beside the point.

 

[Waifu]

My old roommate was a hot GEEK GIRL XD DR WHO AND MINECRAFT chick who I wanted to bang. She was an ultra Christian and got a boyfriend who would preach to her about George Carlin's views on religion and atheism and why her views were wrong and make her cry and then try to feel her up when she was sleeping. But he was traditionally attractive so she dealt. She would always change in front of me and pretend to flirt with me. Little did she know I was crushing pathetically hard.

 

[Dr. Meme]

My last roommate just sat around jerking off all day and smoking weed. He also fucking kept stealing the Xbox. He wouldn't even respect me as a commander

 

[RetardBus]

My last roommate just sat around jerking off all day and smoking weed. He also fucking kept stealing the Xbox. He wouldn't even respect me as a commander

 

[Dr. Mario]

I come back and then she threatens to call the police over me smoking weed. So, I kick her out and a month after she got kicked out, I discovered a used condom inbetween the space between my oven and the wall.

I'm sorry, I just--

 

[wristwatchswisswatch]

Has anyone seen Workaholics? Imagine living with a short, squat person from the Phillipines that looks just like Adam. Except he doesn't smoke weed, thinks he's muscular as fuck, and beats off to Paula Dean. Yep, walked in on that.

And at night he would take the TV and just fucking blast either FRIENDS or The Big Bang Theory.

 

[TrippinKahlua]

I hate having roommates. There's never been a person I've enjoyed living with. It may even be all me being unpleasant, but I didn't care.

My last roommate when I lived in Orlando was a freak with a dead, monotone voice and creepy as fuck eyes (which looked even creepier when his long hair covered half his face). I had no interest in having a roommate but my parents insisted thinking it would improve my social life (but the irony with that is, they STILL didn't realize making such decisions for me was just what hampered it). Sure learned our lesson when we had to spend $1,000 to break the lease. I just couldn't stand living with that freak with a creepy voice.

 

[sm0t]

During my first year of art school, I shared a house with the makings of an animal hoarder. At one point he had two cats, three frogs, three eyelash geckos, one leopard gecko, two rats, a ball python, two gerbils, a sand boa, and a shitton of fish and live plants. All except the cats and fish were kept stacked along a metal shelf in his bedroom. I've had to come into his room while he was out of the house to refill bone-dry water bottles a few times, and I've had a whiff of cat or reptile poop come from his room more than once. For most of the time I lived there, his fish tank was practically opaque with the amount of algae in it. One of his gerbils died and he didn't realize it until several days after when his room started smelling like death. He'd also euthanize his sick/injured herps by putting them in the freezer.

 

[The Dude]

I have sex with my roommate. She's my wife, but whatever.

 

[Morbid Boredom]

My first college roommate and his stoner buddies had an #ezmoney scheme where they stole textbooks from the campus bookstore and sold them off to an indie bookstore downtown. I never asked him about it, and he never tried to get me involved. One of his buddies got caught and ratted out the entire group, so my roomie was expelled.

This was awesome for me because I got to use both beds for the rest of the semester.

 

[Surtur]

Not mine but these are all have all of the holy fucks

Trigger Warning: Both stories involve poop and people being covered in poop.

http://www.wyseguys.com/blag/shitty-roommate/meet-jed/
http://wanusmaximus.livejournal.com/943603.html

 

[BentDuck]

I've told you guys about my roommate before. Surprisingly this semester, he's been way more mellow and easier to get along with. We've actually had some pleasant conversations. I think being busy all the time now helps since we're not in each other's hair so much.

Yay for shit working out for me for once

 

[Pikonic]

Oh good lord where has this thread been all my adult life?

Freshman Year

"Carrie" was from Providence and talked funny, she taught me what a "bubbler" was. She was a TRASH-AY HOE! Like many freshman girls, she thought she was preg. So she gets a test. I feel bad, but she wasn't. The SECOND time she thought she was preggers, I felt bad again, talk about unlucky. THIRD time, after another negative test I remind her condoms are free on campus, but she didn't like to use condoms. There were more than three potential fathers.
She went to a technical high school that didn't require math. She was placed in pre-algebra, like x+2=5 bullshit. She asked me for help (being in calc 2 I was far better at math) If you can't get it, I can't help you at that level, because I do it without thinking now. She also ate Dominoe's like 3 times a week. She failed out.

Junior Year.

"Colleen" was from Providence but didn't talk funny. She was also a trashy bitch (is that a stereotype?) She was into pegging dudes, I know this because she told me the day we met. She was a nudist type, like, making a sandwich in the kitchen with no clothes on type. She had her lady bit pierced too. Now, she breaks up with "Scott" the end of the previous year. For welcome back weekend we decide to go to THE dive bar of choice (they didn't card and I was 20) She gets all dolled up fancy slut like to win him back (confused? So am I) She decided to break up with him, wait the summer, and have him begging for her at welcome weekend. Turns out Scott had enough time to get over the breakup and didn't need her shit in his life. She cries like a bitch in the street and we drive to mcdonalds, she slams down 2 Big Macs and some nuggets, I had fries. She's a high school teacher now.

Senior Year

"Justine" was from the town next to my hometown. This bitch was dumb as snake mittens. She gets into her noodle that she wants a tongue frenulum piercing. I tried to talk her out of it. I KNEW she wouldn't take care of it. She was hospitalized because it did in fact get infected. She couldn't talk for a week, it was hilarious. Protip: When the bacteriology major tells you not to get a piercing, don't get a piercing. She failed out.

I have more but I'll save those for another day.

 

[Mister Lister]

Not mine but these are all have all of the holy fucks

Trigger Warning: Both stories involve poop and people being covered in poop.

http://www.wyseguys.com/blag/shitty-roommate/meet-jed/
http://wanusmaximus.livejournal.com/943603.html

Jed the shitbathing nazi is one of my all time favourite stories.

 

[Frank Rizzo]

I never dormed on campus in college, but one of my friends did his Freshman year. His roommate was this really quiet, scruffy stoner dude. Apparently all this guy did all day was smoke weed and play XBox.....that was it. Never went to class (that we knew of) never moved from his spot on the couch. He wasn't so much a lolcow as just a very weird, quiet stoner.

 

[Dalish]

The last roommates I had were four people. Two of them were pretty unremarkable.

Andrew I met freshman year when we got cast in the same musical. He was a giant faggot. He was gay but made everything in his life about that. We knew each other two years before we moved into a house.

He was a giant alcoholic. He would get drunk and feel me up in front of my then-boyfriend, then try to fight that boyfriend. He was a giant bitch who lied about everything. He dropped out of school and decided he was going to be a lawyer, somehow, without an undergrad degree. He got fired from every job he had within a week because 'no one got him'. He did poppers all the time, too. I retardedly introduced him to weed about six months before we never spoke again and he was Lol Giant Stoner who ate everything and then complained about weight gain.

Andrew ate our other roommate, Adam's, bacon and attempted to blame it on me. The Jew who had never eaten pork at this point.

Then the girl, Georgia, was a short and shrill manic pixie dream girl rip off. Her whole personality revolved around her boyfriend, who was a squat Philippino Stoner named Harrison. She never went to class, only complained about how fat she was and how she was never going to get a job (at 24 she still had never had one).

Her boyfriend would stay over and eat all my food but refuse to replace it. She would scream about how I didn't understand love. She also kept glasses full of milk in her room because she would get some in the middle of the night and forget about it.

She's still a dumb bitch.

 

[Ultimate Grisby]

My roommate was very chill. The very worst he did was get in a couple fights between his girlfriend and ex-girlfriend on the phone.

My neighbor during my first year, however, had it worse. His roommate had some kind of anger problem because I could hear him going completely berserk for whatever reason. It would start up suddenly and go on for minutes. From what I remember, he didn't like sharing his stuff with his roommate and wanted to try to dominate the tiny shoebox-sized dorm. They got in a lot of verbal fights. The good neighbor never raised his tone. But the crazy neighbor always yelled and would sometimes hit the wall where my dorm was. Whenever he yelled, he'd yell with a squeaky voice and make sounds that are the equivalent of baby talk. I dunno if it was his voice getting so squeaky that his words were inaudible or if he just went on complete mindless tardrages. Eventually the RA stepped in and gave him enough threats to remove him from the dorms that he shut up the rest of the year. Lost sleep for a couple nights thanks to that asshole.