Create Your Own Lolcow -

[Psyantroos]

1. Tell them that any disadvantages they face in life are the fault of society and/or a majority demographic, and thus not in their control. Certain political movements will usually do this part for you.
2. Tell them that the 'safest' way to address their mental health issues is to interact with other mentally ill people online instead of seeing a professional therapist.
3. Introduce them to a community of people who think similarly and who encourage each other to continue living like this instead of taking ownership of their lives.

 

[Burmese Rice Farmer]

I introduce them to the farms.

 

[CivilianOfTheFandomWars]

1. Feed them Soylent
2. They trans out
3. Rat King
4. Make thread
5. Profit

 

[D_Tractor]

Get them to become a professional YouTuber/blogger/freelance journalist/social media influencer. 99% success rate.

 

[Not Really Here]

Drugs.

 

[Pee Cola]

Find a NEET and buy them a furry costume.

 

[Bubbly Sink]

stop making shit threads

 

[haha fune sex numbr]

By "normal, regular person" I'm going to assume they also cannot have an undiagnosed brain problem. Outside of the 'tism, the only way I've seen someone become a lolcow is through success via fame. It doesn't have to be a huge explosion in popularity, but it also can't be as minor as an updoot on a reddit post.

Get them to become a professional YouTuber/blogger/freelance journalist/social media influencer. 99% success rate.

This + some magic number of subscribers/followers. Does 1,000 work, at what threshold can you imagine someone becoming completely full of themselves? But this only gets the ball rolling, a normal person doesn't turn overnight like a autist would.

I think after that you'd have to trigger some sort of steady decline into obscurity, ideally caused by an "other" that the future lolcow can obsess over. A sudden decline is just funny, even if happened to you, most normally people would just laugh it off as "hey, I got my fifteen minutes!" A slow, steady decline is soul eroding, ego crushing, the constant back and forth between "all is lost" and "I can fix this" is not something a normal person will bounce back from. Once their following dwindles to a handful of monied enablers, and all of their "content" is cringe shit-flinging at whomever they're blaming for their decline at the moment, I think you'll have an excellent moo moo ready for milking.

 

[5t3n0g0ph3r]

A lolcow is the summation of consecutive bad decisions plus an ego so grand that any mistakes are not learned from and without corrections.
Thus, a steady supply of lols is always guaranteed.

 

[/A/non Prince]

Create a porn/fetish folder and make them browse through all of it. That or just have them browse Reddit or Twitter for too long.

 

[WolfeTone]

Copious amounts of post-90s anime

 

[Chongqing]

Free money.

A lot of these people get government assistance or things like that, but if you wanted to take a normal person and make them a lolcow, I would just give them a lump sum. Maybe an investment from a seed fund into their business (which would give them praise leading to arrogance), or possibly just a lottery win. This, coupled with divorce or a loss of relationship in addition to their loneliness and a social media presence, I think, would do the trick.

If they also have to move across the country for some reason, this can adds to the lolcow potential.

I got to see this up close for a short time and I really think it's the formula.

 

[ScamL Likely]

If you wanted to MKULTRA someone into becoming the next Chris-Chan you'd probably have to start working on them from an early age.

 

[SmokingPig]

I don't think lolcows can be created or destroyed, only herded. Usually, lolcows are a free-range type of creatures, you have to let them explore the various pastures of what other braver men do not contend to tread (Fur-Affinity Forums). Free-range cows give the best milk, you cannot manufacture laughs. The aspect of those who think they can create lolcows usually tend to be lolcows themselves, cows can only be milked and observed. Cows also have to have cognitive dissonance to their activities, hence how come a high percentage have rampant cognitive peculiarities such as autism, schizophrenia, dis-associative disorders, and so on. Social alienation does best in producing cows, it is a natural process.

This next generation of cows after the lockdowns of 2020 is going to be quite a treat because an entire generation of content has been manufactured beneath our very noses. If the forum surpasses Section 230 revisions, we may be up for a lolcow renaissance in the midrange to upper bound part of the decade.

 

[Trappin in the Trap]

You can only create lolcalves. Lolcows require something within themselves, something distorted, an inborn impetus to be awful. A pod of lolcalves may light the spark needed to activate the cowness, however.

 

[GenericReviewerDraco]

Kinda disapponted the 2016 fictitious lolcow shitposts were more creative than the milquetoast "how lolcow is made" posts of current year.