Secret Asshole
Expert in things that never, ever happened
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- Highlight
- #1
Its been awhile since I reviewed something, so I figured I'd do this instead of my research because lol. Now, a bit of background. I've been a lover of true crime since I was a kid. Ever since I learned to read. My dad had 'Helter Skelter' laying around the house, which if you know, it basically started the genre. I was hooked. I learned everything I could about serial killers and disappearances and strange crimes like D.B. Cooper. I read 'In Cold Blood'. Constantly watched Unsolved Mysteries and turned my brain off during the ghost and alien segments. It really stemmed from me wanting to solve a basic question: Why are these people so fucked up? In fact, one of my first ever 'what do you want to do when you grow up' was to join the FBI. I even went on a tour of Quantico and got a hat.
I have to say, the desire didn't really fade, it was just taken over by other interests. I'd basically burned myself out on it for years. I never really answered the question: Why are people so fucked up? In college, it was sort of re-ignited. I took forensic psychology courses and basic forensics. Some of you might know I did my Bachelor's Dissertation in Forensic Psych on pedophiles. The reason I chose them was because it was an area I'd never explored and stayed far away from. To combat darkness, you have to (sadly) try and understand it. All I learned that people are fucking evil, slaves to their desires and any civilized society would put people like that on their knees, dig a hole and put a bullet in them too. Especially the gangs of human traffickers who produce it. No torture is too much for them.
It fucked me up and really did put me off going to the FBI because I just couldn't handle dealing with that. I'd probably burn out and just shoot a monster and go to jail.
So, what does this have to do with this documentary? Its why I'm so pissed at it. As someone who loves true crime, investigation, forensic psychology, its fucking...ugh. Its to give you context as to why it pisses me off.
tl;dr I've loved true crime all my life and this doc fucking pissed me off
Crime Scene: The Vanishing at the Cecil Hotel
So I'm going to spoil the mystery and everything. If you want to give it a watch, you can do so. This has to do with one of the weirder true crime cases. It was from a bit ago. Remember that weird video of the Asian girl in the elevator? This one?
Its all about this. The Cecil Hotel lies within skid row. The first part of the doc is about this and is pretty interesting, but it exposes some problems later. The hotel is surrounded by LA's skid row. Basically, LA balkanized an area and threw every single undesirable and caged them into one place. Open air drug markets, prostitution, crazy people, drug addicts, it has it all. And in this area is this hotel. During the 1960s through the 1990s, it was basically filled with homeless, drug dealers, pimps and prostitutes. It already had a history of murder and people killing themselves from the 30s and 40s. So this hotel is surrounded by a lot of death.
Sometime around 2000, someone bought it and tried to re-vamp it. Except the only fucking retards to stay in it were foreigners because they saw it was extremely cheap and never fucking wondered why. I get LA is expensive, but you could have feces thrown at you, get shanked by a crazy person, get offered drugs and get shot by the person who offered you drugs all in the same night.
So when they were interviewing this British couple about how horrible it was, I couldn't help but fucking laugh at them. You don't investigate the are of a place you are staying in, in a country which you have no clue about? In an infamous city with lots of crime? Idiots.
There's this manager who tries to defend the hotel's reputation early on in the documentary: "You know, it really isn't fair what they say about us"
*An episode later*
"While I was employed there, there were 80 deaths."
Fucking hysterical.
Well, this Canadian Girl, uh....Ellen Pao Elisa Lam is the one who vanished. They go over a little about her history and then the discovery of her body. If you don't know, she was found in the roof water tower, completely naked and very obviously dead. Again, a Canadian Girl, not knowing any better. We first get introduced to the detectives and the investigation. Who look exceedingly tired (you'll find out why soon enough). They go over the absolute exhaustive search for her when she first vanished, from searching literally every room in the hotel, to the basement, to shaking down Skid Row, to questioning delivery guys, the works. But they don't find shit, not even with dogs. They say that all the doors to the water towers were closed. They go over hours and hours of video footage. And they go to the media eventually for help, and posted the video I just showed you above. And enter....
Web Sleuthing Faggots
This is easily the worst part of the documentary by far. Instead of going over more murders or crimes at the Cecil Hotel as interesting flavor, we have to fucking deal with these fucking boomers and faggots. There was a YouTube faggot and a guy who ran the Facebook Group, a guy I'll call Creepy Dentist. He spent thousands of hours on the case. They looked into the video, going frame by frame. They go over her social media posts. There were other YouTube cunts in the video. They literally mistake the back of her foot when she leaves the elevator for another foot, thinking it was a person, because she twisted her body as she exited.
They go over the video. And discover the time stamp is fucked up, and some of the video had been edited out. Oh no! Its a cover-up by the hotel! That is literally home to constant murder, rape and death in one of the most dangerous areas of the country! And the LAPD! For....some reason.
The shit really exploded when the finally found the body. And of course, every single YouTuber and Face booker and the creepy dentist thought she was murdered and that the LAPD not calling it a homicide was a travesty. Creepy Dentist says, "Its up to every single one of us, to get justice." I'm sure you'll do some good. We'll find out in a bit.
So, with absolutely no physical, forensic, or circumstantial evidence that a violent crime occurred, the sleuths were appalled. Surely this had to be a murder! After all, she's pushing every one of the buttons in the elevator! Then of course you have idiots filming themselves going to the hotel and 'investigating' months after she was there for some fucking reason. They were so desperate they even picked up on this conspiracy theory that she was some sort of fucking agent for the government and disappeared because a TB outbreak was in the area (not uncommon) and that the test for TB was named ELISA-LAM. I'm not fucking joking. They thought a standard test in medicine and science had to do with her death. They just need to find the truth guys, hundreds of hours. Why didn't they release the autopsy?! Oh it was faked! Look at the two dates!
Then eventually, they find their suspect. A Death Metal YouTuber with like five views who stayed in the Cecil hotel in February. So of course, they immediately dox him and start harrasing him, calling him a murderer and shit.
So. Through the doc, we learn tidbits about Elisa, obviously not to spoil it. But I'll sum it up:
She had Bipolar I, the most severe form of Bipolar disorder with psychotic episodes.
The end. Ok, ok.
Elisa was acting erratically for awhile. It is heavily implied she was combining her meds with narcotics that were sold to her. Her sister said she frequently went off her meds, and would say that someone was chasing her and she had to hide. Her roomates said she got so disruptive they kicked her the fuck out. The day she disappeared she shouted and ranted in the hotel lobby. They didn't call the police, because well, its a fucking everyday occurrence there. So, a Bipolar girl, who thinks people are after her, in a severe state of psychosis, pushes all the buttons in the elevator (including the Hold Door button, which holds the door for two minutes), leaves and rants to herself.
The fucked up timestamp? Done by the LAPD because they wanted to hide the timing in case they found out it was a murder.
The edited video? Also done by the LAPD.
So, in this state of psychosis, she leaves, climbs the fire escape, and opens the heavy hatch to a water tower and jumps in. This was one of the biggest points of contention in the documentary, WHY IS HATCH OPEN? The police said it was closed! (Note: It was always open. The LAPD fucked up and miscommunicated it to the media and never corrected it). Why are the police withholding the autopsy? They were waiting for the tox results which can take weeks. The LAPD obviously witheld a lot of information, because in a murder investigation, it is extremely important to have information only a suspect would know.
Why was she naked? She went hypothermic, and when you get that cold, there's a phenomenon called paradoxical undressing, where your body tries to heat itself up and you strip off all your clothes. The absence of water in her lungs (while it doesn't necessarily mean she didn't drown), indicates she probably died of hypothermia.
So, what did the web sleuths accomplish? ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING. THEY DISCOVERED FUCKING NOTHING. They harrased a Mexican guy who was really into Death Metal and he wasn't even at the hotel at the same time as her. So again, picked the wrong target, doxed and harrased him to the point of suicide. At least he didn't off himself like the guy in 'Don't Fuck with Cats'. Their portions of the documentary were fucking irrelevant.
They were wrong on every. single. point. They even refused to believe that it wasn't ruled a homicide and did the insane conspiracy theories. The detectives looked so tired because they had to fucking put up with these retards constantly calling them with stupid fucking tips with information they probably had, and more. They refused to believe a severely mentally ill person who had psychotic episodes would do this.
Creepy dentist had to go to her grave and touched it crying like he knew her. That's why I call him fucking creepy. Because that's what he fucking was.
Final Thoughts
There's a lot of interesting stuff here. The problem is it is tied up with social media bullshit who are fucking retards who don't even understand the basics of investigation. That the police are ALWAYS going to have more information than you. And they're not going to fucking tell randoms on the internet. When they find out she's bipolar through her social media posts, they completely ignore it and go for stupid insane bullshit like the TB shit.
"THERE ARE TOO MANY COINCIDENCES" Yes, sometimes a coincidence is just that.
They ignore Occam's Razor, which is even relevant in weird shit like this. They're fucking terrible investigators. YouTube and Facebook are fucking cancer, I swear. The only internet investigators worth a damn seem to be 4chan, whose combined autism found a flag based on flight patterns and astronomy.
The social media aspect really ruins everything because they're all fucking stupid. The detectives look tired because God only knows how much they had to deal with these fucktards. Like in every documentary, they take up resources, think they're more important than they are, don't solve shit and find and harrass the wrong person with no evidence.
I really wish they condensed the social media aspect into one episode so you could just skip it and went more into the murders that occurred there. That's so much more interesting that fucking retards and a dentist who thinks he knows a dead girl because he spent a thousand hours on this useless shit.
I'd give it a watch to only relish in the joy of the fourth episode where they basically shit all over everything the internet retards said and got every single thing wrong. They basically walk you through it step by step, disproving everything they said. The unfortunate part is that if docs are going to do this, they really need to treat these people like the retards they are.
I have to say, the desire didn't really fade, it was just taken over by other interests. I'd basically burned myself out on it for years. I never really answered the question: Why are people so fucked up? In college, it was sort of re-ignited. I took forensic psychology courses and basic forensics. Some of you might know I did my Bachelor's Dissertation in Forensic Psych on pedophiles. The reason I chose them was because it was an area I'd never explored and stayed far away from. To combat darkness, you have to (sadly) try and understand it. All I learned that people are fucking evil, slaves to their desires and any civilized society would put people like that on their knees, dig a hole and put a bullet in them too. Especially the gangs of human traffickers who produce it. No torture is too much for them.
It fucked me up and really did put me off going to the FBI because I just couldn't handle dealing with that. I'd probably burn out and just shoot a monster and go to jail.
So, what does this have to do with this documentary? Its why I'm so pissed at it. As someone who loves true crime, investigation, forensic psychology, its fucking...ugh. Its to give you context as to why it pisses me off.
tl;dr I've loved true crime all my life and this doc fucking pissed me off
Crime Scene: The Vanishing at the Cecil Hotel
So I'm going to spoil the mystery and everything. If you want to give it a watch, you can do so. This has to do with one of the weirder true crime cases. It was from a bit ago. Remember that weird video of the Asian girl in the elevator? This one?
Its all about this. The Cecil Hotel lies within skid row. The first part of the doc is about this and is pretty interesting, but it exposes some problems later. The hotel is surrounded by LA's skid row. Basically, LA balkanized an area and threw every single undesirable and caged them into one place. Open air drug markets, prostitution, crazy people, drug addicts, it has it all. And in this area is this hotel. During the 1960s through the 1990s, it was basically filled with homeless, drug dealers, pimps and prostitutes. It already had a history of murder and people killing themselves from the 30s and 40s. So this hotel is surrounded by a lot of death.
Sometime around 2000, someone bought it and tried to re-vamp it. Except the only fucking retards to stay in it were foreigners because they saw it was extremely cheap and never fucking wondered why. I get LA is expensive, but you could have feces thrown at you, get shanked by a crazy person, get offered drugs and get shot by the person who offered you drugs all in the same night.
So when they were interviewing this British couple about how horrible it was, I couldn't help but fucking laugh at them. You don't investigate the are of a place you are staying in, in a country which you have no clue about? In an infamous city with lots of crime? Idiots.
There's this manager who tries to defend the hotel's reputation early on in the documentary: "You know, it really isn't fair what they say about us"
*An episode later*
"While I was employed there, there were 80 deaths."
Fucking hysterical.
Well, this Canadian Girl, uh....
Web Sleuthing Faggots
This is easily the worst part of the documentary by far. Instead of going over more murders or crimes at the Cecil Hotel as interesting flavor, we have to fucking deal with these fucking boomers and faggots. There was a YouTube faggot and a guy who ran the Facebook Group, a guy I'll call Creepy Dentist. He spent thousands of hours on the case. They looked into the video, going frame by frame. They go over her social media posts. There were other YouTube cunts in the video. They literally mistake the back of her foot when she leaves the elevator for another foot, thinking it was a person, because she twisted her body as she exited.
They go over the video. And discover the time stamp is fucked up, and some of the video had been edited out. Oh no! Its a cover-up by the hotel! That is literally home to constant murder, rape and death in one of the most dangerous areas of the country! And the LAPD! For....some reason.
The shit really exploded when the finally found the body. And of course, every single YouTuber and Face booker and the creepy dentist thought she was murdered and that the LAPD not calling it a homicide was a travesty. Creepy Dentist says, "Its up to every single one of us, to get justice." I'm sure you'll do some good. We'll find out in a bit.
So, with absolutely no physical, forensic, or circumstantial evidence that a violent crime occurred, the sleuths were appalled. Surely this had to be a murder! After all, she's pushing every one of the buttons in the elevator! Then of course you have idiots filming themselves going to the hotel and 'investigating' months after she was there for some fucking reason. They were so desperate they even picked up on this conspiracy theory that she was some sort of fucking agent for the government and disappeared because a TB outbreak was in the area (not uncommon) and that the test for TB was named ELISA-LAM. I'm not fucking joking. They thought a standard test in medicine and science had to do with her death. They just need to find the truth guys, hundreds of hours. Why didn't they release the autopsy?! Oh it was faked! Look at the two dates!
Then eventually, they find their suspect. A Death Metal YouTuber with like five views who stayed in the Cecil hotel in February. So of course, they immediately dox him and start harrasing him, calling him a murderer and shit.
So. Through the doc, we learn tidbits about Elisa, obviously not to spoil it. But I'll sum it up:
She had Bipolar I, the most severe form of Bipolar disorder with psychotic episodes.
The end. Ok, ok.
Elisa was acting erratically for awhile. It is heavily implied she was combining her meds with narcotics that were sold to her. Her sister said she frequently went off her meds, and would say that someone was chasing her and she had to hide. Her roomates said she got so disruptive they kicked her the fuck out. The day she disappeared she shouted and ranted in the hotel lobby. They didn't call the police, because well, its a fucking everyday occurrence there. So, a Bipolar girl, who thinks people are after her, in a severe state of psychosis, pushes all the buttons in the elevator (including the Hold Door button, which holds the door for two minutes), leaves and rants to herself.
The fucked up timestamp? Done by the LAPD because they wanted to hide the timing in case they found out it was a murder.
The edited video? Also done by the LAPD.
So, in this state of psychosis, she leaves, climbs the fire escape, and opens the heavy hatch to a water tower and jumps in. This was one of the biggest points of contention in the documentary, WHY IS HATCH OPEN? The police said it was closed! (Note: It was always open. The LAPD fucked up and miscommunicated it to the media and never corrected it). Why are the police withholding the autopsy? They were waiting for the tox results which can take weeks. The LAPD obviously witheld a lot of information, because in a murder investigation, it is extremely important to have information only a suspect would know.
Why was she naked? She went hypothermic, and when you get that cold, there's a phenomenon called paradoxical undressing, where your body tries to heat itself up and you strip off all your clothes. The absence of water in her lungs (while it doesn't necessarily mean she didn't drown), indicates she probably died of hypothermia.
So, what did the web sleuths accomplish? ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING. THEY DISCOVERED FUCKING NOTHING. They harrased a Mexican guy who was really into Death Metal and he wasn't even at the hotel at the same time as her. So again, picked the wrong target, doxed and harrased him to the point of suicide. At least he didn't off himself like the guy in 'Don't Fuck with Cats'. Their portions of the documentary were fucking irrelevant.
They were wrong on every. single. point. They even refused to believe that it wasn't ruled a homicide and did the insane conspiracy theories. The detectives looked so tired because they had to fucking put up with these retards constantly calling them with stupid fucking tips with information they probably had, and more. They refused to believe a severely mentally ill person who had psychotic episodes would do this.
Creepy dentist had to go to her grave and touched it crying like he knew her. That's why I call him fucking creepy. Because that's what he fucking was.
Final Thoughts
There's a lot of interesting stuff here. The problem is it is tied up with social media bullshit who are fucking retards who don't even understand the basics of investigation. That the police are ALWAYS going to have more information than you. And they're not going to fucking tell randoms on the internet. When they find out she's bipolar through her social media posts, they completely ignore it and go for stupid insane bullshit like the TB shit.
"THERE ARE TOO MANY COINCIDENCES" Yes, sometimes a coincidence is just that.
They ignore Occam's Razor, which is even relevant in weird shit like this. They're fucking terrible investigators. YouTube and Facebook are fucking cancer, I swear. The only internet investigators worth a damn seem to be 4chan, whose combined autism found a flag based on flight patterns and astronomy.
The social media aspect really ruins everything because they're all fucking stupid. The detectives look tired because God only knows how much they had to deal with these fucktards. Like in every documentary, they take up resources, think they're more important than they are, don't solve shit and find and harrass the wrong person with no evidence.
I really wish they condensed the social media aspect into one episode so you could just skip it and went more into the murders that occurred there. That's so much more interesting that fucking retards and a dentist who thinks he knows a dead girl because he spent a thousand hours on this useless shit.
I'd give it a watch to only relish in the joy of the fourth episode where they basically shit all over everything the internet retards said and got every single thing wrong. They basically walk you through it step by step, disproving everything they said. The unfortunate part is that if docs are going to do this, they really need to treat these people like the retards they are.