D$P RP - Come get yer ya ya's out. Or don't.

Sparkletor

kiwifarms.net
Ahem... Okay.

Welcome welcome ladies and gentlemen. A full day of shitposting and role play. Okay.

Umm...

Ahem. Some people, okay. Some sick mentally ill people are talking about my free copy of Mario and Sonic Olympics. Okay. First of all, the bottom line is you're wrong! Fair enough.

I never asked for money for this game okay. I asked for money for multiple games! I need money for my ongoing playthroughs. Everything I do there needs to be a group of people who complain.

Oh, they're here? Okay stream over
 

Sparkletor

kiwifarms.net
Okay welcome ladies and gentlemen.

Today we're going to... Hold on...

"Ooh Sparkletor did a double post." Okay, first of all there is nothing in the forum guidelines about double posts, okay. So go fuck yourself. Seriously, go fuck yourself. Huhuhuh I did nothing wrong.

Okay, I'm gonna be honest here, alotta people have asked for double posts. Yes. I receive dozens of... BELCH... Oh excuse me. I receive dozens of emails everyday asking for double posts, okay. *takes a sip and chews it

Alright lets continue with shoutouts. GoldenColts cheered over night. Thank you GoldenColts. StankyLeg cheered and said, "Phil your horse is..." Okay its a troll. So stupid. TaxDood tipped a dollar troll tip. Umm... Hank tipped FIVE DOLLARS! Thank you very much Hank. He says, "I like turtles". Yes Hank, I like turtles also.bl33dinganis just subbed, thank you bl33dinganis.
 

SowonNation

너무 지나쳐
kiwifarms.net
*sighs* Okay everyone.. SowonNation here, with yet another post I really don't want to write, but here we are again.
The upcoming weeks are going to be pretty rough, and I rely on your kahntributions. If I don't reach a certain amount of clout.. I may lose my account on here.

The bottom line is, KiwiFarms fucked me over! This website is run by booksmart nudniks and bots who don't care about their content creators!
I barely get any Reaction Score when I'm posting on here anymore! *sniff* Okay!
How am I going to be able to keep my account if no one interacts with my posts anymore? Alright?
*lean back sausage mode*
*sighs* I'm at my wits end! I have nowhere else to go for this!
You guys love my posts! You love getting my raw, unfiltered thoughts written down on this forum!
For years, I used to pride myself on the fact that I'm not some bullshit character! You always get pure, unadulterated SowonNation from me! *commence begging eyes*

So, PLEASE, if it all you can - interact with my posts. If you wanna see me continue shitpost on here, please give me Reaction Scores.
Alright? Sound good? Fair enough? *sniff*
 

totalfaggot

kiwifarms.net
If we're going to RP then at least let me reinstall Fallout 1 and roll the dice for true & honest autism roleplaying:
1573169532485.png


"ACK ACK ACK what do you mean I have 24 leftover points? You're supposed to tip those to me. My bank account is in the red right now, if you're able to do so, then please consider tipping me. Your tips help me to pay for my twelve mortgages, thirty two credit card bills, my demon-possessed girlfriend, and also things like my power and water bills! This is also the hardcore gaming season, so if you're going to spend your 24 penne points, then please consider sending them as tips! I get tips right away and they help me the most at this time in my life!"

(yes this is your cue to create a playthrough of Fallout New Vegas with 10 luck and 1 on every other SPECIAL points. Don't forget that Phil is SPECIAL)
 

Sparkletor

kiwifarms.net
*clicks record to YouTube

Sigh

Okay. Welcome ladies and gentlemen.

Sigh

Sadly, things aren't going so well. My bank account is overdrawn again. I don't know. I could lose my house. I never do this, but I need help.

Okay, NeoNotSee is a troll. I am not begging for money. I need this money to live. I can't get a job! There are no jobs in my sector!

Listen, I'm gonna be honest. I need money. 10 years ago I lost my job for no reason... Okay G01dD1gg3rH0r53 cheered and says Skiorsky didn't go out of business. Umm, wrong! You're an idiot.

Okay, bottom line is I need $75,000. Please tip. If all of my 300 viewers gave me only $100 I wouldn't need to ask for money for a whole three days. Please consider tipping.
 

Sparkletor

kiwifarms.net
JjbblyWibbly cheered and asks "Phil do you eat snacks?" No! I never eat snacks. Last night I ate an entire rotisserie chicken for a snack.

CumDomster cheered and asks "what about project7?" Umm, no. Everyone hated project7. People thought Rambo was extremely unfunny. Truth is, I'm pretty sure Howard and Respect the Pact were on the drugs so I had to let them go.

"Has Jasper done anything silly?" Actually, yes! Jasper apparently left a used condom on the backseat floor of our car! Gross! What a funny cat! It must have been Jasper because Kat and I are married and don't need to use condoms.

Time to play the hilariously bad WWE game! Haha it's so bad and I don't even like wrestling! Kat agrees with me.

*two hours later after watching a 40 year old man masturbate to wrestling

Sigh. Tonight was pretty slow. We made $7. Sigh. Well, tomorrow we will play Death Stranding and I'm sure we can all pull together and raise hundreds of dollars.
 

Wurstbrot

Khet agrees with me
kiwifarms.net
Flashback to the year 1635:

Hooohkay. Hellow everyone, Galileo Goutileg here, looking like a total bum.
*introducing snort*
Uhm, as you all know I am a content creationist for 10 years. TEEEN YEEEAARS, of fun chill knowledge.
*explainative snort*
*faked siiiiiigh*
As you all know I focus just on my own research, uhm, I'm a, uhm, very independent REEEsearcher and I pride myself on providing very ahnest facts, you know what I mean. As you all know and agree with me, I'm not an immature idiot like fucking Copernicus and dye my robe to appeal to little kids.
*proud snort*
I mean *flail* who cares about Copernicus, right? Nobody talks about him anymore, he's outdated! He never achieved anything in life, sits in his cellar and masturbates to his own achievements. Oouuuh, look at me, I'm Copernicus, I suggest a heliocentric cosmos, I'm so cool. Ack ack ack, sure you do, fucking asshole.
*arrogant snort*
Anyway. Uhm. Today I come to you with a very special supplication. I did nothing wrong, I did everything correct, but as always... Sigh... the flat world turns against me.
*small pity snort*
As you very well know I'm targeted by mentally ill christians since I started my amazing career which you love so much and support. Everyone loved my research, not a single person doubted me until this fucking idiot inquisition trolls made their harassing lampoons! This is fucked up, and I agree!
*angry snort*
Goutileg is a thief, Goutileg is a snake oil merchant, Goutileg is a protestant... NO! They base their judgment on a faggot of truth, and nothing ever happened, they put my methods out of context!
*displeased snort*
Have I made mistakes in the past? Sure I do and I one hundred percent stand to it, I matured and am more opened minded than ever before. Here is the perfect example: In the past I shit on mining; coal mines are for blacks, ore mines are for gay, everyone who puts in hard work is a bobolyne. But then I mined for pity bucks and I've seen how wrong I was. Mining is so much fun, we have so many transactions together, and I make a lot of money doing it, which helps me to keep my laboratory.

Uuhm, NewspaperStreetKid trolls and asks why I still have my old laboratory and why won't I sell it?
You might not understand because you're literally an immature disabled kid, and I make way more money than you little shit, and it's none of your business because some information have to be kept a secret to protect my family, uhm, so here we go. Sounds good?
*closes the window*
I swear, if I would ever leave the house I would priest slap the shit outta him if he ever talks to me like that ACK ACK ACK. I would priest slap the shit... Ack ack.
*insecure snort*
So, this is the disgusting shit I have to deal with every day, you know what I mean. And I can't do anything, there is nothing I could change to improve my reputation, it sucks, it is what it is. I can only hope for the best and ask for YOUR help.
Uhm.
I can't really tell you the situation I'm in but I need your money. A lira a day actually helps *BUUURP* Oh, sorry, that came unexpected, uhm. No Satan's sister Khetarina, keep that in, I'm a proud Italian researcher who never cuts anything out, I'm an uncensored guy.
*rubs his nose with his arm*
Anyway, the inquisition banned me from walking free for, uuuhm, they said for the rest of my life but then a messenger told me they reduce it to 2 hours. BUT I make no money during that time, but I have to pay certificates of indebtedness every single second, and it sucks! So please, pledge today. You can send a messenger, use the local postal outlet, but I prefer a carrier pigeon, I get the money almost immediately.
*greedy snort*
GhostOfChristmas360NoScope asks Goutileg what happened to your studies why do you lost your science license why does the church despises you yadda yadda blablablablabla Listen shithead! This has nothing to do with anything! You just haunt me to stir drama to feel better about your pathetic lost life, but you are just an empty headed fucking buffooOooOon. So good bye!
*crunches a bottle of holy smoke*
What an idiot ACK ACK ACK. Ah mah gah.
You see, nobody should care about my past, it was 10 years ago. TEEEN YEEEAARS. I was a very famous physicist, I optimized science, restructured the entire business and cracked my ASS doing so. But then my finance fired me. Why? Because he's an asshole, I did nothing wrong! And now science doesn't exist anymore, wooow, great work you fucking no brain idiots.
*angry snort again*
I don't had to proof my hippopotamus to anyone, they wouldn't believe me anyway even if I've shown proof right in their face, because the authentic Italian church just wants to destroy my life. And you can't disprove my factually correct theories anyway, how would you know if ANYONE says the truth? You can't! And there is not a single proof the moon isn't made of penne. Not a single proof the Earth doesn't rotate around a bottle of gin. You can't disprove objects always fall towards smelly feet. There you have it, DEBUNKED!
*snorts to end the sentence*
Okay. Uhm. This was a fun chill prescript, right? My dog Himmler agrees.
Sigh. But it was a really slow day. Siiigh.

Note: Uhm, it's Kepler's fault.
 
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harbinger

DarksydePhallus
kiwifarms.net
Alright, listen chat. I am not seeing anyone DSPRPing in chat. How is this sub forum supposed to be entertaining if no one is willing to interact with me? I’m sitting here concentrating on reading these forums. You guys should be DSPRPing at me. We are all here to have a good time and have a fun, chill forum. I have a lot going on right now and I’m under a lot of stress at the moment because of stuff happening behind the scenes. I wish I could tell you more, but as you know, I no longer divulge my personal life here on the forums. If I did, then those no-life fuckheads would make fun of me and try use that info to hurt me and my family. All I want to do is read these forums, have fun, and share that experience with you guys, okay? That’s all I ever wanted to do since I first started reading posts on the Kiwi Farms way back in the day. I bust my ass off everyday coming here and reading posts, and you guys are just being lazy. Now, if you like my content and would like to contribute, you can “like”, ”agree”, or “winner”. But remember, “winner” me helps me out the most since I get that immediately. Every little bit helps though.
 
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JamFlowMan

kiwifarms.net
Outside of the easy to use excuse I think he's trying to convince himself more then anyone else.

"I'm not a shut in, loser, failure of a human being, i'm a mature adult. I have a wife who ignores me and a cat I pretend is my child. We're a family which is something mature adults have. 90% of my income comes from lonely pathetic losers and actual mentally deficient people who watch me play videogames I hate but can't stop playing because I've been out of the workforce for a decade. I coerce them into giving me this money through sob stories and fake emergencies, and when they don't give me enough I borrow it from my parents. Yep family life as a mature adult human male sure is tough."
Just going to cross post this from the Death Stranding Thread. It isn't Dsp Rp in the traditional sense, but it's close enough. the discussion was about Phil's recent trend pushing that he has a "family" now.
 

Slimy Time

Rape Face #4
kiwifarms.net
Okay guys, I have a big reveal about my situation that I will do once I reach my goal of 20 "Winner" rating. You guys need to do it by the end of the week or uhhh, it's not going to be revealed guys.
 
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Reactions: Haunter

Sparkletor

kiwifarms.net
Ok, alotta people said, "where is Sparkletor's DSP Role play?"

I was taking a piss, okay! What do you want me to do? Stand up? Ack ack. Kat sits down when she pees and I agree. Plus I have a bad back so sitting down when I pee is healthy. Okay?

Alright. So... Okay, popKanbong cheered and said, "men who sit when they pee are beta" I don't know what that means. Huhuhu. Alright, moving on.

HoarseWife cheered. Welcome HoarseWife, he's a long time subscriber and contributor. And he said, "Phil can I nominate Mario and Sonic Olympics 2020 for Christmas?" No! HoarseWife is now banned.

Okay, now to the second part of my pre stream. Hold on, SokiDoko cheered and basically said, "No one else has a multi session pre stream. They just play music for 10 minutes and then start." Well, I'm not everyone else. (Snake laugh) other streamers are shills and scammers. They just want to get money from gaming companies and then your money. Disgusting.

Okay. So there are multiple ways to contribute...

Now people are saying I am responsible for everything I put on the internet. "Ooh Phil played a licenced song on stream" fuck off! I paid $60 to buy this game. Everyone should be able to clip it for free and steal that song for free. Thre is no reason to flag me. It's not my fault I host illegal theft and degenerate streams!

Okay I need to take a piss. 10 minute break.

.............

Okay, okay. Welcome, welcome ladies and gentlemen, to a full day of Sudoku. Yes, the multicultural game that has swept the nation in the last year. This now my first attempt. Huhuhu, so there could be some fails. I expect tons of fun
 

Shambler

kiwifarms.net
okay so i see Sparkletor doing these and i think its a good time to try and do something like that sound good?

NOW people are telling me i could just come up with an original idea but that takes effort alright? im busy i sit here all day in my office and i don't have time for ORIGINAL UNCUT content

uhuh mrpoopybutthole just did a 20 bitchhere "its not that hard to come up with original content, just use that downtime you have and think of something creative" uh no? banned, sound good?

Its everyone's job to be creative TO ME not the other way around got it?
 

Leon Breitling

kiwifarms.net
(offscreen click) sigh.... Alright everyone, BrightLing Leon here. And today I have a very serious announcement. As you know, I recently got into trouble with the mods because my stupid spellchecker said it could check spelling on the internet, not just on Microsoft Word, okay? So now, I have to pay back reactions. And the amount I need is.... 17,000 likes. I don't know what I'm gonna do. If I don't get it I lose my house. I worked my ass off to get where I am, and it's all ruined because some fucking idiot didn't do his job. I, I did nothing wrong! I did everything correct!

(moments of silence, reading other posts)

JamFlowMan said "it's time to stop posting on Kiwi and go to other social media sites" I can't! No other social media site will give me as many reactions as I get now. Fucking idiot.
 

Sparkletor

kiwifarms.net
(Chuckles to himself)

Okay people, okay.

These idiots trying to role play Phil are... Uuuurp... Excuse me. They are obtusive morons! Okay?

I have been rping Phil for OVER 10 DAYS! Yes, you mentally ill failures!

"Oooh Sparkletor this and Sparkletor that!" FUCK OFF! You are all no life losers! Ack ack ack! I have more gout in my big toe than you have in your entire body! You can try and hurt me, but you never will.

Moving on *ahem*

GoldenColts cheered overnight thank you GoldenColts. GamerNickOle cheered and asked "remember me?" No I don't.
(Gamer Nicole was a huge DSP fangirl in 2011 and made multiple edited videos for him. When Phil unveiled Panda she mysteriously left his community)

DJChistle cheered and asked "what kind of cigarettes did you mom smoke when she was pregnant?" Well first off, fuck you. You are banned. Second, she rolls her own cigarettes. She buys Tops papers and goes to the Dollar Tree and sifts out butts. Grind them down and get the tobacco. There you go.

NigNog cheered and asks "what is Kat's favorite sushi?" Umm I don't know. Kat actually lives in the other... I mean Kat LOVES the rice, seaweed wrap, and fish. You'll have to ask her what her favorite is

FlatEarthTruther tipped $1 and said "KiwiFarms has a board about you" I don't care! Those sick people make money off my back! All those people are using my good name to make money! It's sick. YouTube pays every KiwiFarmer hundreds of dollars a month to dox me and my family! For some reason they especially dox people who.say they are undoxable! They even doxed Jasper!

Okay, this is the end of the 9th pre stream segment. Time for gratuitous begging...

...to be continued (if I get enough "interaction")
 
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