Skitzocow Dana Marie Cain / Oracle of Venus / The Scorpion - Divorced Batshit Space Demon Waitress with NPD, Gangstalked by Alphabet Agencies, "Pretending to be Rеtarded", #SaveJoelIrish

nanashi

KILL COUNT: 3
kiwifarms.net
In which Dana decides that Alex is her least favorite child, decides Polish Mike isn't actually Polish. (Okay he might be, but Dana doesn't know any Polish stereotypes, so he's Sicilian!) Announces that she's moving in with Polish Mike, who has now decided she has to stop making videos, which is like asking Phil to stop wasting money on sweaty man gacha... (5/10) Interesting non-news and some fun anger of Dana screaming at her kids whom she decided now owe her.
No description.
Dark shirt Dana, I guess she finally broke down and bought something that wasn't pink.
Wind Walker egging on Dana's murder by proxy fantasies.
(Although from the voice clip of Mike we saw, he's only dangerous to a 6 pack of Budweiser.)
"He is so good to me, I mean, better than any man... has ever been to me." - Dana, slightly more subtle than Timothy McVeigh in her revenge plans
Everything is all about Dana, she needs a tard wrangler these days...
"I really, lack for nothing, nothing at all." - Dana, and her weird ass phrasing
"And by the way, KiwiFarms... I'm just gonna say this, because I, I don't care if you believe me or hear me or not..." (That's all you've ever fucking wanted, you wet!)
Dana gets all pissy about calling her fiance Polish Mike.
"You're calling him Polish, Mike? Darlings, he is Sicilian. He has a Sicilian mother... and, this is important." - Dana "Prostytutka" Marie
Nobody fucks with the Polish Italian Sicilian German man!
"You wanna insult this man? Well, he's got a, he comes from a really good family. Comes from a really good family!" - Dana "Debate Club" Marie
Polish Mike is very well respected, this is the most confusing threat Dana has ever made.
Dana wants Polish Mike undoxed.
Dana divides the Kiwi Deathsquad delusion between herself and Polish Mike, because clearly he doesn't have enough to be paranoid about, having to look at Dana's Eye of Sauron every night.
Polish Mike asked Dana to show him the thread.
"And by the way, Alexander, Louis, ?Cutlars?, you wanna get on that fuckin' thread, and bash, your, own, mother?"
"I'm not the one who abused you, Alex. I'm not the one who beat you and neglected you when you were growing up." - Dana, who was too busy tweaking to abuse her children
Blames Gary. Wishes the thread was more about Gary.
Dana still resents Alex.
"I'm done! I don't give a fuck what you think about me, Alex!" *O-face* - Dana "Motherhood" Marie
"You came out of me! I did not come outta you." - Dana "Birds and the Bees" Marie
"And I don't require your approval, Alex!" - Dana, who can't even get her own approval for all her retarded actions over the years
Hard cider cameo!
"And if you don't wanna defend and stand by your mom? If, if you're so embarrassed?" - Dana, most famous for streaking through the Vegas airport
KiwiFarms is the cool table. Dana is a nerd!
Dana abandons Alex for at least the 2nd time.
"I don't give a fuck, anymore!" (Did you ever?)
"Do you understand, Alexander? I am always going to be your mom! And you can't escape that!" - Dana "Don't Forget: You're Here Forever" Marie
"And, bashing me on KiwiFarms, isn't going to change a single fuckin' thing. But it is going to, show the kind of man you became, and you're clearly more like your father!"
(Dana saying someone is nothing like her might be the highest praise she can accidentally give.)
(But Jesus Christ are these dark implications, you don't like me, therefore you are the abusive father I abandoned you with. Fucking psycho.)
"Because your dad didn't respect me either!" - Dana, on why 100% of the population, minus Dana, are child-abusers
Dana doesn't need someone who might disagree with her.
"I raised you to be independent individuals." - Dana, exploring abandonment as a parenting style
(Isn't her own children calling her out on her narc bullshit a good sign of independence?)
Dana has always been proud and supportive of Alex, in the past tense anyway...
Alex got musical talent from Dana. (What, did you rhythmically chuck wine bottles at him?)
Dana wishes at least one of her kids didn't actively hate her stupid ass.
Dana considers threatening her own son, completely draws a blank with a "well... fine."
"If my sons, do not want to honor their mother, well that's on them, it's between you and God." - Dana, surprisingly not breaking out the lore sperging to damn her children to Banana-Hell
Polish Mike loves Dana more now that he saw the thread. (and totally didn't laugh when Dana left the room.)
"He loves me the way I shoulda' been loved, this whole time! By the people who claim to fucking love me!"
Dana is grossly overvaluing the value of her respect...
Almost invents a new Danaism of "hater bandwagon", which sounds like a bitchin' kart racing game.
Back to Polish Mike being Sicilian...
(You know, Dana. We call him Polish Mike because you described him as Polish!)
"And that's the side of his family, that actually matters in this case!" - Dana "50% Relevant" Marie
"And I suggest you assholes do your goddamned HOMEWORK! On this matter."
Dana ain't playin' and neither is Polish Mike.
Dana loses the plot mid death glare.
Dana and Polish Mike are moving in!
"And he has asked me, to not make any more videos... once I move in..." (I give it 3 days before Dana tells Polish Mike to fuck himself on that one...)
Namedrops her children, almost forgets Spencer's name.
Dana is totally over it, you guiz!
"And you wanna, disown me?" - Dana, who beat them to the punch by at least 8 years
"Alex, you brought drugs into my home, STOLEN, DRUGS! Into my home, son!" - Dana "Adderall" Marie
Says Alex put them all at risk by doing this. (Despite the fact that Dana was still in her tweaker days at this point in time.)
Dana accuses Alex of being a drug dealer.
Alex went to jail for 4 months?
"And then after you got outta jail, I let you come back into my house, and you refused to get a fuckin' job!" (He was probably still a minor at this point, soooo...)
Dana uses her usual projection of her low self-esteem to pretend that Alex has no legitimate reason to not like her.
"Because I refused to let you fuckin' sit on your ass and get high, and play guitar all day!" - Dana, who always supported Alex's musical aspirations
When Dana is too retarded to follow her probation, she's a rebel. When Alex didn't he's scum.
"So, ya know, if you want to be pissed at me, for being an, a good parent!" - Dana, finding the one thing she was never guilty of
Alex was 20 at the time he went to jail, so, this was the Skip era?
"And, I'm the bitch?" (When you're trying to blackmail someone, yes, Dana.)
Dana owned a truck with no headlights?
(So, did Alex steal the truck or did Dana actively aid a fugitive?)
Dana isn't going to name what it was, keeps on keying in on "a stolen, controlled substance."
Dana confirms this was in the Skip era.
"We were living on a federal installation, Alex!" (And you were fine with letting your son stay there, honestly, if anyone is the retard in this situation, it's the woman whose always the retard in these situations.)
"The rules are very different." - Dana "Code of Honor" Marie
"You're 30 years old, Alex! Grow the fuck up!" - Dana, who is 50
Says Kevin was a methhead. Ain't no thing to Dana, she let him shack up for two years!
Takes Alex's word on Kevin not giving a shit about her.
"And you got clean, Kevin, while you were staying with me!" - Dana, who isn't clean by any meaning of the word
"You were on meth, Kevin, and you were homeless!" - Dana, who totally loves that in a man
(I really hope Dana asks for her 600 dollars back...)
Kevin is doing fine, unlike his Cryptkeeper mother over here.
Seems to wish Kevin was dead, because the idea of anyone not thinking she's the greatest thing ever for spending Skip's money just tears her apart.
"But I'm a bad mom! Go fuck yourselves, Alex and Kevin!"
"Seriously, go fuck yourselves! You... ungrateful little shitheads! Fucking assholes..." - Dana, who is totally moving on, honest!

In which Dana thinks she came across CAH via her constant stalking of Steph, accuses Steph of everything she actually did and just generally makes usual threats which she implies take place against herself via her information being on KF. (4/10) Dana keeps on repeating how stupid Steph is, to the point where she literally runs out of words for it.
No description.
Black shirt Dana on the cumsofa.
Dana is here to address her accusations of Steph trying to find husband #6 from her pipe smoking group.
Dana now thinks that Steph is trying to spite her by having a Zoom meeting with her female friends.
"Exposing their faces and their names..." - Dana, getting those angry tard gears turning!
Steph is stupid because she's a normal person and Dana imagines her as an evil overlord of trolling.
Steph shouldn't make videos because Dana is a belligerent retard.
"She should not be exposing herself, giving her, giving away information, that can be... used." - Dana, regarding that idiot hobag Dana
Steph is an idiot because she did exactly what Dana did, even in her own interpretation of her rants!
"And how arrogant, she is..." (Not like you, self-branded trash goddess...)
Yadda, yadda, so dumb...
Dana's irrational paranoia leads her to believe that anything Steph does is to spite her, like breathing!
Dana is probably just butthurt that Steph has friends.
Dana "Double Exposure" Marie, uses that word FAR too much!
Dana's paranoia has a direction, she thinks CAH was on Steph's call.
"There's only one way to find out. There's only one way to find out!" (Please promise me it'll be something stupid, Dana!)
(Dana would be more deserving of her mastermind-sona if she started making yo-mama jokes.)
Dana has run out of synonyms for stupid.
Dana breaks out her seriously serious face!
(This is a fucking trainwreck of poorly conceived narc plans for revenge, even Dana is fucking clueless as to what this means.)
Dana will continue to stalk Steph until the day one of them dies. (And even that might be selling it short...)
Dana has so heavily bought into the KF Deathsquad delusion that she's using her weirdly passive murder plot against Steph.
"You think being married to Skip is some sort of protection, it's not. Not anymore~!"
Psycho staring at the ceiling ensues.
"You gonna call a cop and say I'm threatening you?" - Dana, who could conceivably be convicted of stalking at this point
Unsurprisingly Steph has filed harassment charges against Dana in the past.
Won't let the Steph = MATIfangirl sperging go.
"You don't have a leg to stand on, Stephanie. I am defending myself and I have a right to confront my accusers." - Dana, as she literally films herself doing something she considered tantamount to murder
"According to the constitution..." (THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS AND EVEN YOU KNOW THAT, YOU NARC BITCH!)
"So, ya know, I am well within my rights to do this..." - Dana "Lolbert" Marie
Dana implies her usual brand of meth-fueled vigilantism, thereby meaning she can definitely be charged with threatening...
Dana goes full Hannibal as she implicitly threatens Steph and all her friends.
"Keep running your stupid ugly trap..." - Dana, possibly giving hints towards her future videos
Dana has a very bizarre standard for proof.
"I'm playing you like a fuckin' fiddle, bitch." - Dana "Diamond Dog" Marie
Dana continues to literally threaten people while sperging about how innocent she is...
"And that's just a fact..." - Dana, whenever she lies
Random edgy comments and we're out.
Fin.

In which Dana continues her war against Alex, Gary sucks now, wants Alex to call her so she can scream her fucking head off. Oh and apparently Polish Mike is fucking Banana using Dana as a proxy. (Totally not a bid to position herself above criticism, you guiz!) (6/10) A new delusion is always fun.
No description.
Black shirt Dana and her cumstained wall.
Dana debated whether or not to make this video. (Ya, like she plans these things in advance...)
Dana is still butthurt about Alex. Time to attempt to ruin his life, because that's how love works!
Demands an apology from Alex after presumably getting rebuffed over the phone.
"The clock is ticking, son." - Dana, being as diplomatic as ever
As usual, Dana's only definition of repenting is worshiping her drunken scorpion-hole, or whatever the fuck.
Literally only offended because what Alex supposedly did pissed her off, not because it was a shitty thing to do.
"Alex, they had to cut me out of you!" - Dana, who somehow managed to get childbirth backwards
"I bear a permanent scar." - Dana "Crawling In My Skin" Marie
Gary sperging, Dana accuses Gary of owning several judges and that being the reason she was denied custody.
Dana says she fought for custody, Gary was a "fuckin' psycho"
Still not letting the KF Deathsquad delusion go!
Dana's angry jaw comes out, when she's in a pissy mood, her jaw kind of hangs off kilter.
Everything continues to not be Dana's fault.
"Well, I didn't raise a fuckin' coward so what the fuck is the matter with you?" (Technically speaking you didn't raise him at all.)
Dana continues to be a dumbass in distress.
"YOU CAN'T DEFEND YOUR MOM?!" - Dana "Immortal" Marie
Unsurprisingly Alex switched sides, I cannot imagine why...
(I still have no clue what she's trying to say with Alex's last name, whatever, drunky needs to be mad!)
Dana is like a really depressing Sith lord.
Dana refers to Gary as Alex's "sire", which I thought was a term Dana only used for half-children's non-biological parents?
(Whatever probably has something to do with Gary being dead to her...)
Dana doesn't deserve betrayal, despite all the people she betrayed, yelled at for no reason or just out and out told to kill themselves.
Dana wants that fucking phonecall!
Demands Alex apologize on KF.
Dana's interpretation of motherhood is that she can tell Alex to do a flip if she wants, but Alex still owes her his life.
"You are not going to DISRESPECT ME! In front of my enemies."
(It's alright, Alex, Dana does a much better job of disrespecting herself than even I, or anyone else can do.)
"Don't think I can't make you ANSWER! From all the way over here." - Dana, who probably has much the same reaction when McDonalds fucks up her order
The Constitution has nothing about disrespecting your mother, therefore Dana has a license to kill on this one, or something...
Banana visited Polish Mike!
"I wasn't even there..." - Dana, recounting the only times her relationship doesn't suck
Banana possibly date raped Polish Mike. (Because even Dana's imaginary friends are psychopaths.)
Dana might have actually been there, from her weird phrasing?
Banana met with Niles in the past, Dana was there.
Banana traumatized Dana.
Even Dana's imaginary friends know she's a retard.
Banana possibly date raped Dana.
"I was with Michael, but, that wasn't me." - Dana, laying the ground for an insanity plea?
"And Michael testifies that, there was, it was, I... The woman he was with wasn't me at all." (Did Dana get cheated on before she could fuck another trashman?)
Banana told Michael who she was. (Read, Dana did roleplaying.)
Banana sucks like a Dyson. (Dana getting cucked by her imaginary friend is the funniest image in a while.)
Dana caps out at fucking a trashmaster. Unless she wanted to do some imaginary rugmunching, I guess...
Polish Mike is a stud. Much like Dana is a blight.
Dana can still only comprehend getting fucked in the ass as a meaningful relationship.
Dana doesn't want to have her sons hear her sexcapades.
"So, you may leave the room, boys. Turn away." - Dana, talking to nobody
"And I wasn't there, but Michael was and his recall is excellent." - Dana, who regularly gets so drunk she can't remember having sex
Banana is the superior waifu.
Dana pretends to be a prude, or Polish Mike just wanted something on Dana's only-after-marriage list of sexual favors.
(Either way, Dana's imaginary friend pimped her out.)
Dana compares her state to being on Midazolam for surgery.
(Granted, Dana could just have a rape fetish...)
Polish Mike probably won't ever talk about this. (THANK FUCK FOR THAT!)
Dana is too shy to talk about it.
O-face ensues as Dana imagines getting plowed by Polish Mike.
(Take a guess, what's Dana Banana's secret fetish?)
Dana prefers vanilla sex. (Although I find it hard to believe Dana never fucked a black dude.)
This is so fucking gross...
"I don't remember I wasn't there." (Apparently Polish Mike fucked a ghost?)
After fucking Dana's phantom vagina, Polish Mike is totally loyal, you know, like he already was.
Polish Mike has the blessing of Banana. (Probably the clap.)
Polish Mike will get unlimited Banana power if he doesn't leave Dana. (Nice job, you narc.)
Dana is about to stipulate how much sex they have before backtracking to "honors the agreement".
Nobody can comprehend what Banana can provide! (Hint, nothing.)
Video cuts off mid-rant, possibly because Dana's phone is so full of schizo-crap she's out of space.
Fin.

In which Dana does some mild Bible sperging, followed by major whore sperging, typical turf for our goddess of the trashen king. Demands respect for some fucking reason. (5/10) Entitlement abound, a pretty lighthearted Dana, all things considered.
No description.
Same setup as last time.
"Sorry, my phone ran outta storage, I had to, qu-, make some room." (I KNEW IT!)
Oh, God, Bananalore...
Sargon, Caesar, everyone else. (Dana sucks at history.)
King David too, can't forget him! (Unless your name is Dana.)
The star of David relates to Banana, because fuck you!
"Solomon loved women..."
Solomon had 300 wives and 700 concubines. Polish Mike has Dana. (Boy if that ain't incentive to stop waffling on your suicide attempts...)
More sex sperging, because Dana has this wild assassination plot that involves me puking my skeletal system out.
Dana is a goddess because she owns a vagina.
(Thank fuck Dana never had a daughter...)
Dana is the goddess, because saggy pussy.
(Dana's had more men than the draft did in WWII.)
Banana loves Polish Mike. (Or maybe she's just easy, as easy as any of Dana's imaginary friends are...)
Dana is literally jealous of her imaginary friend!
Dana prepares Polish Mike for dull sex.
(I'm unsure of who's manipulating who at this point, all I know is Dana got laid, so clearly Polish Mike is the loser here...)
Polish Mike is the biggest simp who ever lived.
(When is he gonna put a tracker up her stupid ass?)
Skip hated Dana. (Thereby making him at least D tier in terms of sanity for the Danaverse cast.)
Polish Mike and Sockness are clearly E tier...
Dana had a wonderous adventure grocery shopping. (Did you see the hot glowie in aisle 3, Dana?)
"He did my laundry for me." - Dana, already a failure as a "domestic goddess"
Dana sat on her lazy ass and made Polish Mike to the laundry.
The cost of sex is one load of laundry.
Dana is paranoid that Banana will take her place.
(Given that Banana is a Dana that doesn't talk, you should be fucking worried, Dana!)
Banana sent Polish Mike a text message. (Via Dana, thereby confirming this is all a larp. Because that was so hard before...)
(I really want to see Banana versus a telemarketer...)
Dana uses her dissociative identity disorder to reaffirm her non-existent self-esteem.
Dana is threatening Polish Mike with Banana!
"If you fail, I will return and this time, I will make your mother sorry she didn't swallow." - Banana "The Goddess of Inanity"
(Yes, Dana is threatening Polish Mike's allegedly dead mother!)
(Funny how the terminology is exactly the same one Dana has been using... Oh, sorry, I'm just a hater...)
Banana is also a complete psychopath.
Dana references Revelation 2 (Which is the origin story of Banana, according to Dana.)
Dana considers the ultimate power to be tantamount to sitting on your couch, complaining about dicks.
(Jesus, Dana, just get an iron dildo and be done with this shit already.)
"That's a fuckton of power!" - Dana, who gets fucked a ton
Dana is overjoyed at her success in gelding Polish Mike.
"He's got the goddess in his pocket!" - Dana "Hot Pocket" Marie
Polish Mike can do no wrong unless Dana says so.
Banana agrees with all of Dana's retarded machinations. (How convenient!)
Dana subtly seems to imply glowie will come after Polish Mike if he leaves her.
"I'm not his bodyguard, he's mine. He's my protector." - Dana, unable to hold down a fake job
Banana is "[Polish Mike's] protection", is this Dana's way of trying to shit out a kid whilst pushing 50?
"He is the new darling of Venus, Rome, the rise of Rome, the rise of the Roman empire..." (WTF?)
Polish Mike is the new emperor of Dana's fake Roman empire.
"I'm not kidding you." - Dana, failing to convince even herself
Polish Mike is the new king of all mafias.
Nobody will challenge Polish Mike's rule because, fuck you, Dana says so!
THAT FUCKING KNITTING SKILLS LINE AGAIN! ARGHH!
Everybody needs to learn about what a stupid whore Banana was.
(Is Dana's shitty fake marriage already falling apart? Does she need secondary simps that badly?)
Banana sees everything you do.
"And I come from a long line of kingmakers..." (No, you don't.)
(Okay Dana, personal challenge, trace your lineage back to an emperor, if you can, I'll stop the rekhaps.)
Celt and French sperging, because Dana is easily bored and history sees her wrong regardless.
Can't forget the Germans!
And the Jews!
Oh and the Sumerians.
Because these people had nations, Dana latches onto her 1st grade understanding of history.
(Dana, you couldn't manage a fucking Denny's, you're a poor showing if people are supposed to take your bullshit on faith.)
Dana feigns ignorance on the Bananafucking so she has a dumping ground for her lore.
When you disgrace Dana, you disgrace her imaginary whore!
Legend tells of Polish Mike's Italian sausage, or something.
"Based on, my, recent, research an- and interest in this particular subject, because I am marrying a Sicilian..." - Dana, who hasn't done enough research on penis to know that she isn't marrying a Sicilian
Dana admits she knows nothing about Sicilians.
(It would be kind of funny seeing Dana say these exact same things if she met a Black guy...)
Dana's imaginary friend will protect her, you guiz!
"And she fucked his brains out..."
(All this Bananafuckery gives me the image that Dana is in fact very bad at sex.)
Polish Mike was paralyzed in an accident years ago. (Doubtless Dana still reminds him of this when she's considering ways to threaten him...)
"He fucks like a 25 year old. He can fuck like a 25 year old." - Dana, whose vag resembles the Dead Sea Scrolls
"He's amazing, he's real smart. Oh, he's very intelligent and... he's just scary enough that you just..."
Polish Mike has serial killer energy.
"That is just unFUCKINGbelievably sexy because there's an edge."
Dana is still perfectly content to keep trying to manipulate someone she characterizes as a psychopath.
Polish Mike's serial killer energy demands respect. (Which is why Dana made him fold fucking laundry...)
Everyone respects Polish Mike. (Read: Polish Mike has friends and Dana can't comprehend not immediately offending someone.)
Banana likes the idealized Polish Mike.
"And, so long as he's good to me..." - Dana, bracing for impact with her usual cat 3 shitstorm of a relationship
Polish Mike is the garbageman of our Dumpster's dreams.
(How long until Polish Mike finally gets tired of Dana telling him to murder Steph and her least favorite sons?)
"And he knows he's with a very righteous woman..." (Well then he's definitely cheating, you couldn't be the center of morality at a fucking AA meeting, Dana.)
Dana is totally righteous, you guiz!
Polish Mike would never abuse his fake goddess powers.
"I also have a really strong moral code of conduct." - Dana "Assault and Battery" Marie
Dana gives her usual "If you need the promise of Heaven..." sperging.
"Even when you gotta kick some ass, even when you gotta bust some heads..."
"Well, you don't just walk up to some old lady and slap her across the face, no. If you're gonna fuck somebody up, they better deserve it." - Dana "Dexter Sex Dreams" Marie
Dana reaffirms that her opinion is basically the word of God. (Yep, one of these two is probably going to end up in jail inside of 3 months...)
The laws of men < the laws of the trashmen
The laws of men are negotiable, this presumably gives Dana carte blanche to do whatever the fuck she wants. (Or what she wants to twist Polish Mike into doing for her, as someone who might be more retarded.)
The word of the day that Dana doesn't know: Jurisprudence (Which Dana takes to mean that any form of review invalidating actual laws in favor of Banana-law.)
"So long as you are following those commandments..." (Do I really need to bring up that list again, Dana?)
Connects the 7 Hermetic principles to 7 commandments. Oh wait, there are 10 commandments. (Yes, Dana seriously forgot how many commandments there are.)
This is all easy to understand, if your name is Dana and you have an absolutely room temperature IQ.
Dana and Banana endorse Polish Mike.
"And if you don't endorse him, well, the goddess is gonna find out about it, and she's gonna be super pissed." - Dana, establishing herself as the 3rd wheel in any relationship
Dana wants everyone to read about that time Banana was a rapey psychopath who killed a living mountain,
Lists more of Banana's greatest hits, ending in the rape story. (Because she wants in on some of that, let me tell you...)
(Damn, she's really upping her game with the "Polish Mike is my meatshield" shit, isn't she?)
Dana would like to wish everyone a happy Easter. (Although frankly a giant rabbit that leaves everyone eggs is more plausible than Banana.)
Dana has the inside scoop into the goings on of her increasingly failing mind.
"You understand, this is some Biblical shit..."
"This is Revelation shit..."
Lotta shit! We fucking get it Dana, you're just full of it!
Don't call the cops, nobody stops Ms. Marie's Wild Ride!
Dana goes all "Don't call anyone!"
Dana is unfirable because she has an imaginary friend.
(How lucky that Dana's bosses believe in the Bananalore, but somehow nobody else?)
"How I was done, the cops in Texas did me dirty." - Dana "Rubbed Raw" Marie
Dana almost threatens the Texas cops.
Nobody will touch Dana. (If we're being incredibly literal here, sure.)
"And, you can't touch this, to quote MC Hammer..." *stifled laughter* - Dana, confirming that even she finds the rekhaps funny
Fin.
 

SuzyCC

kiwifarms.net
In which Dana decides that Alex is her least favorite child, decides Polish Mike isn't actually Polish. (Okay he might be, but Dana doesn't know any Polish stereotypes, so he's Sicilian!) Announces that she's moving in with Polish Mike, who has now decided she has to stop making videos, which is like asking Phil to stop wasting money on sweaty man gacha... (5/10) Interesting non-news and some fun anger of Dana screaming at her kids whom she decided now owe her.
No description.
Dark shirt Dana, I guess she finally broke down and bought something that wasn't pink.
Wind Walker egging on Dana's murder by proxy fantasies.
(Although from the voice clip of Mike we saw, he's only dangerous to a 6 pack of Budweiser.)
"He is so good to me, I mean, better than any man... has ever been to me." - Dana, slightly more subtle than Timothy McVeigh in her revenge plans
Everything is all about Dana, she needs a tard wrangler these days...
"I really, lack for nothing, nothing at all." - Dana, and her weird ass phrasing
"And by the way, KiwiFarms... I'm just gonna say this, because I, I don't care if you believe me or hear me or not..." (That's all you've ever fucking wanted, you wet!)
Dana gets all pissy about calling her fiance Polish Mike.
"You're calling him Polish, Mike? Darlings, he is Sicilian. He has a Sicilian mother... and, this is important." - Dana "Prostytutka" Marie
Nobody fucks with the Polish Italian Sicilian German man!
"You wanna insult this man? Well, he's got a, he comes from a really good family. Comes from a really good family!" - Dana "Debate Club" Marie
Polish Mike is very well respected, this is the most confusing threat Dana has ever made.
Dana wants Polish Mike undoxed.
Dana divides the Kiwi Deathsquad delusion between herself and Polish Mike, because clearly he doesn't have enough to be paranoid about, having to look at Dana's Eye of Sauron every night.
Polish Mike asked Dana to show him the thread.
"And by the way, Alexander, Louis, ?Cutlars?, you wanna get on that fuckin' thread, and bash, your, own, mother?"
"I'm not the one who abused you, Alex. I'm not the one who beat you and neglected you when you were growing up." - Dana, who was too busy tweaking to abuse her children
Blames Gary. Wishes the thread was more about Gary.
Dana still resents Alex.
"I'm done! I don't give a fuck what you think about me, Alex!" *O-face* - Dana "Motherhood" Marie
"You came out of me! I did not come outta you." - Dana "Birds and the Bees" Marie
"And I don't require your approval, Alex!" - Dana, who can't even get her own approval for all her retarded actions over the years
Hard cider cameo!
"And if you don't wanna defend and stand by your mom? If, if you're so embarrassed?" - Dana, most famous for streaking through the Vegas airport
KiwiFarms is the cool table. Dana is a nerd!
Dana abandons Alex for at least the 2nd time.
"I don't give a fuck, anymore!" (Did you ever?)
"Do you understand, Alexander? I am always going to be your mom! And you can't escape that!" - Dana "Don't Forget: You're Here Forever" Marie
"And, bashing me on KiwiFarms, isn't going to change a single fuckin' thing. But it is going to, show the kind of man you became, and you're clearly more like your father!"
(Dana saying someone is nothing like her might be the highest praise she can accidentally give.)
(But Jesus Christ are these dark implications, you don't like me, therefore you are the abusive father I abandoned you with. Fucking psycho.)
"Because your dad didn't respect me either!" - Dana, on why 100% of the population, minus Dana, are child-abusers
Dana doesn't need someone who might disagree with her.
"I raised you to be independent individuals." - Dana, exploring abandonment as a parenting style
(Isn't her own children calling her out on her narc bullshit a good sign of independence?)
Dana has always been proud and supportive of Alex, in the past tense anyway...
Alex got musical talent from Dana. (What, did you rhythmically chuck wine bottles at him?)
Dana wishes at least one of her kids didn't actively hate her stupid ass.
Dana considers threatening her own son, completely draws a blank with a "well... fine."
"If my sons, do not want to honor their mother, well that's on them, it's between you and God." - Dana, surprisingly not breaking out the lore sperging to damn her children to Banana-Hell
Polish Mike loves Dana more now that he saw the thread. (and totally didn't laugh when Dana left the room.)
"He loves me the way I shoulda' been loved, this whole time! By the people who claim to fucking love me!"
Dana is grossly overvaluing the value of her respect...
Almost invents a new Danaism of "hater bandwagon", which sounds like a bitchin' kart racing game.
Back to Polish Mike being Sicilian...
(You know, Dana. We call him Polish Mike because you described him as Polish!)
"And that's the side of his family, that actually matters in this case!" - Dana "50% Relevant" Marie
"And I suggest you assholes do your goddamned HOMEWORK! On this matter."
Dana ain't playin' and neither is Polish Mike.
Dana loses the plot mid death glare.
Dana and Polish Mike are moving in!
"And he has asked me, to not make any more videos... once I move in..." (I give it 3 days before Dana tells Polish Mike to fuck himself on that one...)
Namedrops her children, almost forgets Spencer's name.
Dana is totally over it, you guiz!
"And you wanna, disown me?" - Dana, who beat them to the punch by at least 8 years
"Alex, you brought drugs into my home, STOLEN, DRUGS! Into my home, son!" - Dana "Adderall" Marie
Says Alex put them all at risk by doing this. (Despite the fact that Dana was still in her tweaker days at this point in time.)
Dana accuses Alex of being a drug dealer.
Alex went to jail for 4 months?
"And then after you got outta jail, I let you come back into my house, and you refused to get a fuckin' job!" (He was probably still a minor at this point, soooo...)
Dana uses her usual projection of her low self-esteem to pretend that Alex has no legitimate reason to not like her.
"Because I refused to let you fuckin' sit on your ass and get high, and play guitar all day!" - Dana, who always supported Alex's musical aspirations
When Dana is too retarded to follow her probation, she's a rebel. When Alex didn't he's scum.
"So, ya know, if you want to be pissed at me, for being an, a good parent!" - Dana, finding the one thing she was never guilty of
Alex was 20 at the time he went to jail, so, this was the Skip era?
"And, I'm the bitch?" (When you're trying to blackmail someone, yes, Dana.)
Dana owned a truck with no headlights?
(So, did Alex steal the truck or did Dana actively aid a fugitive?)
Dana isn't going to name what it was, keeps on keying in on "a stolen, controlled substance."
Dana confirms this was in the Skip era.
"We were living on a federal installation, Alex!" (And you were fine with letting your son stay there, honestly, if anyone is the retard in this situation, it's the woman whose always the retard in these situations.)
"The rules are very different." - Dana "Code of Honor" Marie
"You're 30 years old, Alex! Grow the fuck up!" - Dana, who is 50
Says Kevin was a methhead. Ain't no thing to Dana, she let him shack up for two years!
Takes Alex's word on Kevin not giving a shit about her.
"And you got clean, Kevin, while you were staying with me!" - Dana, who isn't clean by any meaning of the word
"You were on meth, Kevin, and you were homeless!" - Dana, who totally loves that in a man
(I really hope Dana asks for her 600 dollars back...)
Kevin is doing fine, unlike his Cryptkeeper mother over here.
Seems to wish Kevin was dead, because the idea of anyone not thinking she's the greatest thing ever for spending Skip's money just tears her apart.
"But I'm a bad mom! Go fuck yourselves, Alex and Kevin!"
"Seriously, go fuck yourselves! You... ungrateful little shitheads! Fucking assholes..." - Dana, who is totally moving on, honest!

In which Dana thinks she came across CAH via her constant stalking of Steph, accuses Steph of everything she actually did and just generally makes usual threats which she implies take place against herself via her information being on KF. (4/10) Dana keeps on repeating how stupid Steph is, to the point where she literally runs out of words for it.
No description.
Black shirt Dana on the cumsofa.
Dana is here to address her accusations of Steph trying to find husband #6 from her pipe smoking group.
Dana now thinks that Steph is trying to spite her by having a Zoom meeting with her female friends.
"Exposing their faces and their names..." - Dana, getting those angry tard gears turning!
Steph is stupid because she's a normal person and Dana imagines her as an evil overlord of trolling.
Steph shouldn't make videos because Dana is a belligerent retard.
"She should not be exposing herself, giving her, giving away information, that can be... used." - Dana, regarding that idiot hobag Dana
Steph is an idiot because she did exactly what Dana did, even in her own interpretation of her rants!
"And how arrogant, she is..." (Not like you, self-branded trash goddess...)
Yadda, yadda, so dumb...
Dana's irrational paranoia leads her to believe that anything Steph does is to spite her, like breathing!
Dana is probably just butthurt that Steph has friends.
Dana "Double Exposure" Marie, uses that word FAR too much!
Dana's paranoia has a direction, she thinks CAH was on Steph's call.
"There's only one way to find out. There's only one way to find out!" (Please promise me it'll be something stupid, Dana!)
(Dana would be more deserving of her mastermind-sona if she started making yo-mama jokes.)
Dana has run out of synonyms for stupid.
Dana breaks out her seriously serious face!
(This is a fucking trainwreck of poorly conceived narc plans for revenge, even Dana is fucking clueless as to what this means.)
Dana will continue to stalk Steph until the day one of them dies. (And even that might be selling it short...)
Dana has so heavily bought into the KF Deathsquad delusion that she's using her weirdly passive murder plot against Steph.
"You think being married to Skip is some sort of protection, it's not. Not anymore~!"
Psycho staring at the ceiling ensues.
"You gonna call a cop and say I'm threatening you?" - Dana, who could conceivably be convicted of stalking at this point
Unsurprisingly Steph has filed harassment charges against Dana in the past.
Won't let the Steph = MATIfangirl sperging go.
"You don't have a leg to stand on, Stephanie. I am defending myself and I have a right to confront my accusers." - Dana, as she literally films herself doing something she considered tantamount to murder
"According to the constitution..." (THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS AND EVEN YOU KNOW THAT, YOU NARC BITCH!)
"So, ya know, I am well within my rights to do this..." - Dana "Lolbert" Marie
Dana implies her usual brand of meth-fueled vigilantism, thereby meaning she can definitely be charged with threatening...
Dana goes full Hannibal as she implicitly threatens Steph and all her friends.
"Keep running your stupid ugly trap..." - Dana, possibly giving hints towards her future videos
Dana has a very bizarre standard for proof.
"I'm playing you like a fuckin' fiddle, bitch." - Dana "Diamond Dog" Marie
Dana continues to literally threaten people while sperging about how innocent she is...
"And that's just a fact..." - Dana, whenever she lies
Random edgy comments and we're out.
Fin.

In which Dana continues her war against Alex, Gary sucks now, wants Alex to call her so she can scream her fucking head off. Oh and apparently Polish Mike is fucking Banana using Dana as a proxy. (Totally not a bid to position herself above criticism, you guiz!) (6/10) A new delusion is always fun.
No description.
Black shirt Dana and her cumstained wall.
Dana debated whether or not to make this video. (Ya, like she plans these things in advance...)
Dana is still butthurt about Alex. Time to attempt to ruin his life, because that's how love works!
Demands an apology from Alex after presumably getting rebuffed over the phone.
"The clock is ticking, son." - Dana, being as diplomatic as ever
As usual, Dana's only definition of repenting is worshiping her drunken scorpion-hole, or whatever the fuck.
Literally only offended because what Alex supposedly did pissed her off, not because it was a shitty thing to do.
"Alex, they had to cut me out of you!" - Dana, who somehow managed to get childbirth backwards
"I bear a permanent scar." - Dana "Crawling In My Skin" Marie
Gary sperging, Dana accuses Gary of owning several judges and that being the reason she was denied custody.
Dana says she fought for custody, Gary was a "fuckin' psycho"
Still not letting the KF Deathsquad delusion go!
Dana's angry jaw comes out, when she's in a pissy mood, her jaw kind of hangs off kilter.
Everything continues to not be Dana's fault.
"Well, I didn't raise a fuckin' coward so what the fuck is the matter with you?" (Technically speaking you didn't raise him at all.)
Dana continues to be a dumbass in distress.
"YOU CAN'T DEFEND YOUR MOM?!" - Dana "Immortal" Marie
Unsurprisingly Alex switched sides, I cannot imagine why...
(I still have no clue what she's trying to say with Alex's last name, whatever, drunky needs to be mad!)
Dana is like a really depressing Sith lord.
Dana refers to Gary as Alex's "sire", which I thought was a term Dana only used for half-children's non-biological parents?
(Whatever probably has something to do with Gary being dead to her...)
Dana doesn't deserve betrayal, despite all the people she betrayed, yelled at for no reason or just out and out told to kill themselves.
Dana wants that fucking phonecall!
Demands Alex apologize on KF.
Dana's interpretation of motherhood is that she can tell Alex to do a flip if she wants, but Alex still owes her his life.
"You are not going to DISRESPECT ME! In front of my enemies."
(It's alright, Alex, Dana does a much better job of disrespecting herself than even I, or anyone else can do.)
"Don't think I can't make you ANSWER! From all the way over here." - Dana, who probably has much the same reaction when McDonalds fucks up her order
The Constitution has nothing about disrespecting your mother, therefore Dana has a license to kill on this one, or something...
Banana visited Polish Mike!
"I wasn't even there..." - Dana, recounting the only times her relationship doesn't suck
Banana possibly date raped Polish Mike. (Because even Dana's imaginary friends are psychopaths.)
Dana might have actually been there, from her weird phrasing?
Banana met with Niles in the past, Dana was there.
Banana traumatized Dana.
Even Dana's imaginary friends know she's a retard.
Banana possibly date raped Dana.
"I was with Michael, but, that wasn't me." - Dana, laying the ground for an insanity plea?
"And Michael testifies that, there was, it was, I... The woman he was with wasn't me at all." (Did Dana get cheated on before she could fuck another trashman?)
Banana told Michael who she was. (Read, Dana did roleplaying.)
Banana sucks like a Dyson. (Dana getting cucked by her imaginary friend is the funniest image in a while.)
Dana caps out at fucking a trashmaster. Unless she wanted to do some imaginary rugmunching, I guess...
Polish Mike is a stud. Much like Dana is a blight.
Dana can still only comprehend getting fucked in the ass as a meaningful relationship.
Dana doesn't want to have her sons hear her sexcapades.
"So, you may leave the room, boys. Turn away." - Dana, talking to nobody
"And I wasn't there, but Michael was and his recall is excellent." - Dana, who regularly gets so drunk she can't remember having sex
Banana is the superior waifu.
Dana pretends to be a prude, or Polish Mike just wanted something on Dana's only-after-marriage list of sexual favors.
(Either way, Dana's imaginary friend pimped her out.)
Dana compares her state to being on Midazolam for surgery.
(Granted, Dana could just have a rape fetish...)
Polish Mike probably won't ever talk about this. (THANK FUCK FOR THAT!)
Dana is too shy to talk about it.
O-face ensues as Dana imagines getting plowed by Polish Mike.
(Take a guess, what's Dana Banana's secret fetish?)
Dana prefers vanilla sex. (Although I find it hard to believe Dana never fucked a black dude.)
This is so fucking gross...
"I don't remember I wasn't there." (Apparently Polish Mike fucked a ghost?)
After fucking Dana's phantom vagina, Polish Mike is totally loyal, you know, like he already was.
Polish Mike has the blessing of Banana. (Probably the clap.)
Polish Mike will get unlimited Banana power if he doesn't leave Dana. (Nice job, you narc.)
Dana is about to stipulate how much sex they have before backtracking to "honors the agreement".
Nobody can comprehend what Banana can provide! (Hint, nothing.)
Video cuts off mid-rant, possibly because Dana's phone is so full of schizo-crap she's out of space.
Fin.

In which Dana does some mild Bible sperging, followed by major whore sperging, typical turf for our goddess of the trashen king. Demands respect for some fucking reason. (5/10) Entitlement abound, a pretty lighthearted Dana, all things considered.
No description.
Same setup as last time.
"Sorry, my phone ran outta storage, I had to, qu-, make some room." (I KNEW IT!)
Oh, God, Bananalore...
Sargon, Caesar, everyone else. (Dana sucks at history.)
King David too, can't forget him! (Unless your name is Dana.)
The star of David relates to Banana, because fuck you!
"Solomon loved women..."
Solomon had 300 wives and 700 concubines. Polish Mike has Dana. (Boy if that ain't incentive to stop waffling on your suicide attempts...)
More sex sperging, because Dana has this wild assassination plot that involves me puking my skeletal system out.
Dana is a goddess because she owns a vagina.
(Thank fuck Dana never had a daughter...)
Dana is the goddess, because saggy pussy.
(Dana's had more men than the draft did in WWII.)
Banana loves Polish Mike. (Or maybe she's just easy, as easy as any of Dana's imaginary friends are...)
Dana is literally jealous of her imaginary friend!
Dana prepares Polish Mike for dull sex.
(I'm unsure of who's manipulating who at this point, all I know is Dana got laid, so clearly Polish Mike is the loser here...)
Polish Mike is the biggest simp who ever lived.
(When is he gonna put a tracker up her stupid ass?)
Skip hated Dana. (Thereby making him at least D tier in terms of sanity for the Danaverse cast.)
Polish Mike and Sockness are clearly E tier...
Dana had a wonderous adventure grocery shopping. (Did you see the hot glowie in aisle 3, Dana?)
"He did my laundry for me." - Dana, already a failure as a "domestic goddess"
Dana sat on her lazy ass and made Polish Mike to the laundry.
The cost of sex is one load of laundry.
Dana is paranoid that Banana will take her place.
(Given that Banana is a Dana that doesn't talk, you should be fucking worried, Dana!)
Banana sent Polish Mike a text message. (Via Dana, thereby confirming this is all a larp. Because that was so hard before...)
(I really want to see Banana versus a telemarketer...)
Dana uses her dissociative identity disorder to reaffirm her non-existent self-esteem.
Dana is threatening Polish Mike with Banana!
"If you fail, I will return and this time, I will make your mother sorry she didn't swallow." - Banana "The Goddess of Inanity"
(Yes, Dana is threatening Polish Mike's allegedly dead mother!)
(Funny how the terminology is exactly the same one Dana has been using... Oh, sorry, I'm just a hater...)
Banana is also a complete psychopath.
Dana references Revelation 2 (Which is the origin story of Banana, according to Dana.)
Dana considers the ultimate power to be tantamount to sitting on your couch, complaining about dicks.
(Jesus, Dana, just get an iron dildo and be done with this shit already.)
"That's a fuckton of power!" - Dana, who gets fucked a ton
Dana is overjoyed at her success in gelding Polish Mike.
"He's got the goddess in his pocket!" - Dana "Hot Pocket" Marie
Polish Mike can do no wrong unless Dana says so.
Banana agrees with all of Dana's retarded machinations. (How convenient!)
Dana subtly seems to imply glowie will come after Polish Mike if he leaves her.
"I'm not his bodyguard, he's mine. He's my protector." - Dana, unable to hold down a fake job
Banana is "[Polish Mike's] protection", is this Dana's way of trying to shit out a kid whilst pushing 50?
"He is the new darling of Venus, Rome, the rise of Rome, the rise of the Roman empire..." (WTF?)
Polish Mike is the new emperor of Dana's fake Roman empire.
"I'm not kidding you." - Dana, failing to convince even herself
Polish Mike is the new king of all mafias.
Nobody will challenge Polish Mike's rule because, fuck you, Dana says so!
THAT FUCKING KNITTING SKILLS LINE AGAIN! ARGHH!
Everybody needs to learn about what a stupid whore Banana was.
(Is Dana's shitty fake marriage already falling apart? Does she need secondary simps that badly?)
Banana sees everything you do.
"And I come from a long line of kingmakers..." (No, you don't.)
(Okay Dana, personal challenge, trace your lineage back to an emperor, if you can, I'll stop the rekhaps.)
Celt and French sperging, because Dana is easily bored and history sees her wrong regardless.
Can't forget the Germans!
And the Jews!
Oh and the Sumerians.
Because these people had nations, Dana latches onto her 1st grade understanding of history.
(Dana, you couldn't manage a fucking Denny's, you're a poor showing if people are supposed to take your bullshit on faith.)
Dana feigns ignorance on the Bananafucking so she has a dumping ground for her lore.
When you disgrace Dana, you disgrace her imaginary whore!
Legend tells of Polish Mike's Italian sausage, or something.
"Based on, my, recent, research an- and interest in this particular subject, because I am marrying a Sicilian..." - Dana, who hasn't done enough research on penis to know that she isn't marrying a Sicilian
Dana admits she knows nothing about Sicilians.
(It would be kind of funny seeing Dana say these exact same things if she met a Black guy...)
Dana's imaginary friend will protect her, you guiz!
"And she fucked his brains out..."
(All this Bananafuckery gives me the image that Dana is in fact very bad at sex.)
Polish Mike was paralyzed in an accident years ago. (Doubtless Dana still reminds him of this when she's considering ways to threaten him...)
"He fucks like a 25 year old. He can fuck like a 25 year old." - Dana, whose vag resembles the Dead Sea Scrolls
"He's amazing, he's real smart. Oh, he's very intelligent and... he's just scary enough that you just..."
Polish Mike has serial killer energy.
"That is just unFUCKINGbelievably sexy because there's an edge."
Dana is still perfectly content to keep trying to manipulate someone she characterizes as a psychopath.
Polish Mike's serial killer energy demands respect. (Which is why Dana made him fold fucking laundry...)
Everyone respects Polish Mike. (Read: Polish Mike has friends and Dana can't comprehend not immediately offending someone.)
Banana likes the idealized Polish Mike.
"And, so long as he's good to me..." - Dana, bracing for impact with her usual cat 3 shitstorm of a relationship
Polish Mike is the garbageman of our Dumpster's dreams.
(How long until Polish Mike finally gets tired of Dana telling him to murder Steph and her least favorite sons?)
"And he knows he's with a very righteous woman..." (Well then he's definitely cheating, you couldn't be the center of morality at a fucking AA meeting, Dana.)
Dana is totally righteous, you guiz!
Polish Mike would never abuse his fake goddess powers.
"I also have a really strong moral code of conduct." - Dana "Assault and Battery" Marie
Dana gives her usual "If you need the promise of Heaven..." sperging.
"Even when you gotta kick some ass, even when you gotta bust some heads..."
"Well, you don't just walk up to some old lady and slap her across the face, no. If you're gonna fuck somebody up, they better deserve it." - Dana "Dexter Sex Dreams" Marie
Dana reaffirms that her opinion is basically the word of God. (Yep, one of these two is probably going to end up in jail inside of 3 months...)
The laws of men < the laws of the trashmen
The laws of men are negotiable, this presumably gives Dana carte blanche to do whatever the fuck she wants. (Or what she wants to twist Polish Mike into doing for her, as someone who might be more retarded.)
The word of the day that Dana doesn't know: Jurisprudence (Which Dana takes to mean that any form of review invalidating actual laws in favor of Banana-law.)
"So long as you are following those commandments..." (Do I really need to bring up that list again, Dana?)
Connects the 7 Hermetic principles to 7 commandments. Oh wait, there are 10 commandments. (Yes, Dana seriously forgot how many commandments there are.)
This is all easy to understand, if your name is Dana and you have an absolutely room temperature IQ.
Dana and Banana endorse Polish Mike.
"And if you don't endorse him, well, the goddess is gonna find out about it, and she's gonna be super pissed." - Dana, establishing herself as the 3rd wheel in any relationship
Dana wants everyone to read about that time Banana was a rapey psychopath who killed a living mountain,
Lists more of Banana's greatest hits, ending in the rape story. (Because she wants in on some of that, let me tell you...)
(Damn, she's really upping her game with the "Polish Mike is my meatshield" shit, isn't she?)
Dana would like to wish everyone a happy Easter. (Although frankly a giant rabbit that leaves everyone eggs is more plausible than Banana.)
Dana has the inside scoop into the goings on of her increasingly failing mind.
"You understand, this is some Biblical shit..."
"This is Revelation shit..."
Lotta shit! We fucking get it Dana, you're just full of it!
Don't call the cops, nobody stops Ms. Marie's Wild Ride!
Dana goes all "Don't call anyone!"
Dana is unfirable because she has an imaginary friend.
(How lucky that Dana's bosses believe in the Bananalore, but somehow nobody else?)
"How I was done, the cops in Texas did me dirty." - Dana "Rubbed Raw" Marie
Dana almost threatens the Texas cops.
Nobody will touch Dana. (If we're being incredibly literal here, sure.)
"And, you can't touch this, to quote MC Hammer..." *stifled laughter* - Dana, confirming that even she finds the rekhaps funny
Fin.
hahahaha, a tracker up her ass. . .you slay me!
 

SuzyCC

kiwifarms.net
No way she stops YouTube:

View attachment 2061255
Another one about how she doesn't care about Kiwi Farms but Polish Mike will fuck everyone up. She feels secure with him,even though he doesn't publicly acknowledge her anywhere. Calling people "bitch" is supposed to be real scary. She's moving in with Mike in a couple weeks and then she will stop making videos. I doubt both of those things. There she goes with the "jealous" accusation again. Because everyone wants her glamorous life and a drunken delusional mind. We all want the garbage man. How can she not see the humor in that? lol
 
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Batshit

Kiwi Deathsquad & Fries
kiwifarms.net
@death of chans in honor of your exquisite recaps despite the tremendous pain they must bring you, I'm changing my title. That Kiwi Deathsquad line was 2 cute for me to ignore.

Having trouble accessorizing though, which do you prefer:

Kiwi Deathsquad 2077
Kiwi Deathsquad & Fries
or
Kiwi Deathsquad & the Rondells
???
 

SuzyCC

kiwifarms.net
If I were Bethany, my first thought upon opening this video wound be " MEEEE!" " I'M AN IGNORANT CUNT MEEE" way to play into your troll Dana. Dumbass.
Now Bethany, please go to Polish Mike's Facebook and congratulate him on his engagement. Let's see him stand up for his Goddess -- we haven't seen that yet.
 
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The Oldest

kiwifarms.net
In which Dana decides that Alex is her least favorite child, decides Polish Mike isn't actually Polish. (Okay he might be, but Dana doesn't know any Polish stereotypes, so he's Sicilian!) Announces that she's moving in with Polish Mike, who has now decided she has to stop making videos, which is like asking Phil to stop wasting money on sweaty man gacha... (5/10) Interesting non-news and some fun anger of Dana screaming at her kids whom she decided now owe her.
No description.
Dark shirt Dana, I guess she finally broke down and bought something that wasn't pink.
Wind Walker egging on Dana's murder by proxy fantasies.
(Although from the voice clip of Mike we saw, he's only dangerous to a 6 pack of Budweiser.)
"He is so good to me, I mean, better than any man... has ever been to me." - Dana, slightly more subtle than Timothy McVeigh in her revenge plans
Everything is all about Dana, she needs a tard wrangler these days...
"I really, lack for nothing, nothing at all." - Dana, and her weird ass phrasing
"And by the way, KiwiFarms... I'm just gonna say this, because I, I don't care if you believe me or hear me or not..." (That's all you've ever fucking wanted, you wet!)
Dana gets all pissy about calling her fiance Polish Mike.
"You're calling him Polish, Mike? Darlings, he is Sicilian. He has a Sicilian mother... and, this is important." - Dana "Prostytutka" Marie
Nobody fucks with the Polish Italian Sicilian German man!
"You wanna insult this man? Well, he's got a, he comes from a really good family. Comes from a really good family!" - Dana "Debate Club" Marie
Polish Mike is very well respected, this is the most confusing threat Dana has ever made.
Dana wants Polish Mike undoxed.
Dana divides the Kiwi Deathsquad delusion between herself and Polish Mike, because clearly he doesn't have enough to be paranoid about, having to look at Dana's Eye of Sauron every night.
Polish Mike asked Dana to show him the thread.
"And by the way, Alexander, Louis, ?Cutlars?, you wanna get on that fuckin' thread, and bash, your, own, mother?"
"I'm not the one who abused you, Alex. I'm not the one who beat you and neglected you when you were growing up." - Dana, who was too busy tweaking to abuse her children
Blames Gary. Wishes the thread was more about Gary.
Dana still resents Alex.
"I'm done! I don't give a fuck what you think about me, Alex!" *O-face* - Dana "Motherhood" Marie
"You came out of me! I did not come outta you." - Dana "Birds and the Bees" Marie
"And I don't require your approval, Alex!" - Dana, who can't even get her own approval for all her retarded actions over the years
Hard cider cameo!
"And if you don't wanna defend and stand by your mom? If, if you're so embarrassed?" - Dana, most famous for streaking through the Vegas airport
KiwiFarms is the cool table. Dana is a nerd!
Dana abandons Alex for at least the 2nd time.
"I don't give a fuck, anymore!" (Did you ever?)
"Do you understand, Alexander? I am always going to be your mom! And you can't escape that!" - Dana "Don't Forget: You're Here Forever" Marie
"And, bashing me on KiwiFarms, isn't going to change a single fuckin' thing. But it is going to, show the kind of man you became, and you're clearly more like your father!"
(Dana saying someone is nothing like her might be the highest praise she can accidentally give.)
(But Jesus Christ are these dark implications, you don't like me, therefore you are the abusive father I abandoned you with. Fucking psycho.)
"Because your dad didn't respect me either!" - Dana, on why 100% of the population, minus Dana, are child-abusers
Dana doesn't need someone who might disagree with her.
"I raised you to be independent individuals." - Dana, exploring abandonment as a parenting style
(Isn't her own children calling her out on her narc bullshit a good sign of independence?)
Dana has always been proud and supportive of Alex, in the past tense anyway...
Alex got musical talent from Dana. (What, did you rhythmically chuck wine bottles at him?)
Dana wishes at least one of her kids didn't actively hate her stupid ass.
Dana considers threatening her own son, completely draws a blank with a "well... fine."
"If my sons, do not want to honor their mother, well that's on them, it's between you and God." - Dana, surprisingly not breaking out the lore sperging to damn her children to Banana-Hell
Polish Mike loves Dana more now that he saw the thread. (and totally didn't laugh when Dana left the room.)
"He loves me the way I shoulda' been loved, this whole time! By the people who claim to fucking love me!"
Dana is grossly overvaluing the value of her respect...
Almost invents a new Danaism of "hater bandwagon", which sounds like a bitchin' kart racing game.
Back to Polish Mike being Sicilian...
(You know, Dana. We call him Polish Mike because you described him as Polish!)
"And that's the side of his family, that actually matters in this case!" - Dana "50% Relevant" Marie
"And I suggest you assholes do your goddamned HOMEWORK! On this matter."
Dana ain't playin' and neither is Polish Mike.
Dana loses the plot mid death glare.
Dana and Polish Mike are moving in!
"And he has asked me, to not make any more videos... once I move in..." (I give it 3 days before Dana tells Polish Mike to fuck himself on that one...)
Namedrops her children, almost forgets Spencer's name.
Dana is totally over it, you guiz!
"And you wanna, disown me?" - Dana, who beat them to the punch by at least 8 years
"Alex, you brought drugs into my home, STOLEN, DRUGS! Into my home, son!" - Dana "Adderall" Marie
Says Alex put them all at risk by doing this. (Despite the fact that Dana was still in her tweaker days at this point in time.)
Dana accuses Alex of being a drug dealer.
Alex went to jail for 4 months?
"And then after you got outta jail, I let you come back into my house, and you refused to get a fuckin' job!" (He was probably still a minor at this point, soooo...)
Dana uses her usual projection of her low self-esteem to pretend that Alex has no legitimate reason to not like her.
"Because I refused to let you fuckin' sit on your ass and get high, and play guitar all day!" - Dana, who always supported Alex's musical aspirations
When Dana is too retarded to follow her probation, she's a rebel. When Alex didn't he's scum.
"So, ya know, if you want to be pissed at me, for being an, a good parent!" - Dana, finding the one thing she was never guilty of
Alex was 20 at the time he went to jail, so, this was the Skip era?
"And, I'm the bitch?" (When you're trying to blackmail someone, yes, Dana.)
Dana owned a truck with no headlights?
(So, did Alex steal the truck or did Dana actively aid a fugitive?)
Dana isn't going to name what it was, keeps on keying in on "a stolen, controlled substance."
Dana confirms this was in the Skip era.
"We were living on a federal installation, Alex!" (And you were fine with letting your son stay there, honestly, if anyone is the retard in this situation, it's the woman whose always the retard in these situations.)
"The rules are very different." - Dana "Code of Honor" Marie
"You're 30 years old, Alex! Grow the fuck up!" - Dana, who is 50
Says Kevin was a methhead. Ain't no thing to Dana, she let him shack up for two years!
Takes Alex's word on Kevin not giving a shit about her.
"And you got clean, Kevin, while you were staying with me!" - Dana, who isn't clean by any meaning of the word
"You were on meth, Kevin, and you were homeless!" - Dana, who totally loves that in a man
(I really hope Dana asks for her 600 dollars back...)
Kevin is doing fine, unlike his Cryptkeeper mother over here.
Seems to wish Kevin was dead, because the idea of anyone not thinking she's the greatest thing ever for spending Skip's money just tears her apart.
"But I'm a bad mom! Go fuck yourselves, Alex and Kevin!"
"Seriously, go fuck yourselves! You... ungrateful little shitheads! Fucking assholes..." - Dana, who is totally moving on, honest!

In which Dana thinks she came across CAH via her constant stalking of Steph, accuses Steph of everything she actually did and just generally makes usual threats which she implies take place against herself via her information being on KF. (4/10) Dana keeps on repeating how stupid Steph is, to the point where she literally runs out of words for it.
No description.
Black shirt Dana on the cumsofa.
Dana is here to address her accusations of Steph trying to find husband #6 from her pipe smoking group.
Dana now thinks that Steph is trying to spite her by having a Zoom meeting with her female friends.
"Exposing their faces and their names..." - Dana, getting those angry tard gears turning!
Steph is stupid because she's a normal person and Dana imagines her as an evil overlord of trolling.
Steph shouldn't make videos because Dana is a belligerent retard.
"She should not be exposing herself, giving her, giving away information, that can be... used." - Dana, regarding that idiot hobag Dana
Steph is an idiot because she did exactly what Dana did, even in her own interpretation of her rants!
"And how arrogant, she is..." (Not like you, self-branded trash goddess...)
Yadda, yadda, so dumb...
Dana's irrational paranoia leads her to believe that anything Steph does is to spite her, like breathing!
Dana is probably just butthurt that Steph has friends.
Dana "Double Exposure" Marie, uses that word FAR too much!
Dana's paranoia has a direction, she thinks CAH was on Steph's call.
"There's only one way to find out. There's only one way to find out!" (Please promise me it'll be something stupid, Dana!)
(Dana would be more deserving of her mastermind-sona if she started making yo-mama jokes.)
Dana has run out of synonyms for stupid.
Dana breaks out her seriously serious face!
(This is a fucking trainwreck of poorly conceived narc plans for revenge, even Dana is fucking clueless as to what this means.)
Dana will continue to stalk Steph until the day one of them dies. (And even that might be selling it short...)
Dana has so heavily bought into the KF Deathsquad delusion that she's using her weirdly passive murder plot against Steph.
"You think being married to Skip is some sort of protection, it's not. Not anymore~!"
Psycho staring at the ceiling ensues.
"You gonna call a cop and say I'm threatening you?" - Dana, who could conceivably be convicted of stalking at this point
Unsurprisingly Steph has filed harassment charges against Dana in the past.
Won't let the Steph = MATIfangirl sperging go.
"You don't have a leg to stand on, Stephanie. I am defending myself and I have a right to confront my accusers." - Dana, as she literally films herself doing something she considered tantamount to murder
"According to the constitution..." (THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS AND EVEN YOU KNOW THAT, YOU NARC BITCH!)
"So, ya know, I am well within my rights to do this..." - Dana "Lolbert" Marie
Dana implies her usual brand of meth-fueled vigilantism, thereby meaning she can definitely be charged with threatening...
Dana goes full Hannibal as she implicitly threatens Steph and all her friends.
"Keep running your stupid ugly trap..." - Dana, possibly giving hints towards her future videos
Dana has a very bizarre standard for proof.
"I'm playing you like a fuckin' fiddle, bitch." - Dana "Diamond Dog" Marie
Dana continues to literally threaten people while sperging about how innocent she is...
"And that's just a fact..." - Dana, whenever she lies
Random edgy comments and we're out.
Fin.

In which Dana continues her war against Alex, Gary sucks now, wants Alex to call her so she can scream her fucking head off. Oh and apparently Polish Mike is fucking Banana using Dana as a proxy. (Totally not a bid to position herself above criticism, you guiz!) (6/10) A new delusion is always fun.
No description.
Black shirt Dana and her cumstained wall.
Dana debated whether or not to make this video. (Ya, like she plans these things in advance...)
Dana is still butthurt about Alex. Time to attempt to ruin his life, because that's how love works!
Demands an apology from Alex after presumably getting rebuffed over the phone.
"The clock is ticking, son." - Dana, being as diplomatic as ever
As usual, Dana's only definition of repenting is worshiping her drunken scorpion-hole, or whatever the fuck.
Literally only offended because what Alex supposedly did pissed her off, not because it was a shitty thing to do.
"Alex, they had to cut me out of you!" - Dana, who somehow managed to get childbirth backwards
"I bear a permanent scar." - Dana "Crawling In My Skin" Marie
Gary sperging, Dana accuses Gary of owning several judges and that being the reason she was denied custody.
Dana says she fought for custody, Gary was a "fuckin' psycho"
Still not letting the KF Deathsquad delusion go!
Dana's angry jaw comes out, when she's in a pissy mood, her jaw kind of hangs off kilter.
Everything continues to not be Dana's fault.
"Well, I didn't raise a fuckin' coward so what the fuck is the matter with you?" (Technically speaking you didn't raise him at all.)
Dana continues to be a dumbass in distress.
"YOU CAN'T DEFEND YOUR MOM?!" - Dana "Immortal" Marie
Unsurprisingly Alex switched sides, I cannot imagine why...
(I still have no clue what she's trying to say with Alex's last name, whatever, drunky needs to be mad!)
Dana is like a really depressing Sith lord.
Dana refers to Gary as Alex's "sire", which I thought was a term Dana only used for half-children's non-biological parents?
(Whatever probably has something to do with Gary being dead to her...)
Dana doesn't deserve betrayal, despite all the people she betrayed, yelled at for no reason or just out and out told to kill themselves.
Dana wants that fucking phonecall!
Demands Alex apologize on KF.
Dana's interpretation of motherhood is that she can tell Alex to do a flip if she wants, but Alex still owes her his life.
"You are not going to DISRESPECT ME! In front of my enemies."
(It's alright, Alex, Dana does a much better job of disrespecting herself than even I, or anyone else can do.)
"Don't think I can't make you ANSWER! From all the way over here." - Dana, who probably has much the same reaction when McDonalds fucks up her order
The Constitution has nothing about disrespecting your mother, therefore Dana has a license to kill on this one, or something...
Banana visited Polish Mike!
"I wasn't even there..." - Dana, recounting the only times her relationship doesn't suck
Banana possibly date raped Polish Mike. (Because even Dana's imaginary friends are psychopaths.)
Dana might have actually been there, from her weird phrasing?
Banana met with Niles in the past, Dana was there.
Banana traumatized Dana.
Even Dana's imaginary friends know she's a retard.
Banana possibly date raped Dana.
"I was with Michael, but, that wasn't me." - Dana, laying the ground for an insanity plea?
"And Michael testifies that, there was, it was, I... The woman he was with wasn't me at all." (Did Dana get cheated on before she could fuck another trashman?)
Banana told Michael who she was. (Read, Dana did roleplaying.)
Banana sucks like a Dyson. (Dana getting cucked by her imaginary friend is the funniest image in a while.)
Dana caps out at fucking a trashmaster. Unless she wanted to do some imaginary rugmunching, I guess...
Polish Mike is a stud. Much like Dana is a blight.
Dana can still only comprehend getting fucked in the ass as a meaningful relationship.
Dana doesn't want to have her sons hear her sexcapades.
"So, you may leave the room, boys. Turn away." - Dana, talking to nobody
"And I wasn't there, but Michael was and his recall is excellent." - Dana, who regularly gets so drunk she can't remember having sex
Banana is the superior waifu.
Dana pretends to be a prude, or Polish Mike just wanted something on Dana's only-after-marriage list of sexual favors.
(Either way, Dana's imaginary friend pimped her out.)
Dana compares her state to being on Midazolam for surgery.
(Granted, Dana could just have a rape fetish...)
Polish Mike probably won't ever talk about this. (THANK FUCK FOR THAT!)
Dana is too shy to talk about it.
O-face ensues as Dana imagines getting plowed by Polish Mike.
(Take a guess, what's Dana Banana's secret fetish?)
Dana prefers vanilla sex. (Although I find it hard to believe Dana never fucked a black dude.)
This is so fucking gross...
"I don't remember I wasn't there." (Apparently Polish Mike fucked a ghost?)
After fucking Dana's phantom vagina, Polish Mike is totally loyal, you know, like he already was.
Polish Mike has the blessing of Banana. (Probably the clap.)
Polish Mike will get unlimited Banana power if he doesn't leave Dana. (Nice job, you narc.)
Dana is about to stipulate how much sex they have before backtracking to "honors the agreement".
Nobody can comprehend what Banana can provide! (Hint, nothing.)
Video cuts off mid-rant, possibly because Dana's phone is so full of schizo-crap she's out of space.
Fin.

In which Dana does some mild Bible sperging, followed by major whore sperging, typical turf for our goddess of the trashen king. Demands respect for some fucking reason. (5/10) Entitlement abound, a pretty lighthearted Dana, all things considered.
No description.
Same setup as last time.
"Sorry, my phone ran outta storage, I had to, qu-, make some room." (I KNEW IT!)
Oh, God, Bananalore...
Sargon, Caesar, everyone else. (Dana sucks at history.)
King David too, can't forget him! (Unless your name is Dana.)
The star of David relates to Banana, because fuck you!
"Solomon loved women..."
Solomon had 300 wives and 700 concubines. Polish Mike has Dana. (Boy if that ain't incentive to stop waffling on your suicide attempts...)
More sex sperging, because Dana has this wild assassination plot that involves me puking my skeletal system out.
Dana is a goddess because she owns a vagina.
(Thank fuck Dana never had a daughter...)
Dana is the goddess, because saggy pussy.
(Dana's had more men than the draft did in WWII.)
Banana loves Polish Mike. (Or maybe she's just easy, as easy as any of Dana's imaginary friends are...)
Dana is literally jealous of her imaginary friend!
Dana prepares Polish Mike for dull sex.
(I'm unsure of who's manipulating who at this point, all I know is Dana got laid, so clearly Polish Mike is the loser here...)
Polish Mike is the biggest simp who ever lived.
(When is he gonna put a tracker up her stupid ass?)
Skip hated Dana. (Thereby making him at least D tier in terms of sanity for the Danaverse cast.)
Polish Mike and Sockness are clearly E tier...
Dana had a wonderous adventure grocery shopping. (Did you see the hot glowie in aisle 3, Dana?)
"He did my laundry for me." - Dana, already a failure as a "domestic goddess"
Dana sat on her lazy ass and made Polish Mike to the laundry.
The cost of sex is one load of laundry.
Dana is paranoid that Banana will take her place.
(Given that Banana is a Dana that doesn't talk, you should be fucking worried, Dana!)
Banana sent Polish Mike a text message. (Via Dana, thereby confirming this is all a larp. Because that was so hard before...)
(I really want to see Banana versus a telemarketer...)
Dana uses her dissociative identity disorder to reaffirm her non-existent self-esteem.
Dana is threatening Polish Mike with Banana!
"If you fail, I will return and this time, I will make your mother sorry she didn't swallow." - Banana "The Goddess of Inanity"
(Yes, Dana is threatening Polish Mike's allegedly dead mother!)
(Funny how the terminology is exactly the same one Dana has been using... Oh, sorry, I'm just a hater...)
Banana is also a complete psychopath.
Dana references Revelation 2 (Which is the origin story of Banana, according to Dana.)
Dana considers the ultimate power to be tantamount to sitting on your couch, complaining about dicks.
(Jesus, Dana, just get an iron dildo and be done with this shit already.)
"That's a fuckton of power!" - Dana, who gets fucked a ton
Dana is overjoyed at her success in gelding Polish Mike.
"He's got the goddess in his pocket!" - Dana "Hot Pocket" Marie
Polish Mike can do no wrong unless Dana says so.
Banana agrees with all of Dana's retarded machinations. (How convenient!)
Dana subtly seems to imply glowie will come after Polish Mike if he leaves her.
"I'm not his bodyguard, he's mine. He's my protector." - Dana, unable to hold down a fake job
Banana is "[Polish Mike's] protection", is this Dana's way of trying to shit out a kid whilst pushing 50?
"He is the new darling of Venus, Rome, the rise of Rome, the rise of the Roman empire..." (WTF?)
Polish Mike is the new emperor of Dana's fake Roman empire.
"I'm not kidding you." - Dana, failing to convince even herself
Polish Mike is the new king of all mafias.
Nobody will challenge Polish Mike's rule because, fuck you, Dana says so!
THAT FUCKING KNITTING SKILLS LINE AGAIN! ARGHH!
Everybody needs to learn about what a stupid whore Banana was.
(Is Dana's shitty fake marriage already falling apart? Does she need secondary simps that badly?)
Banana sees everything you do.
"And I come from a long line of kingmakers..." (No, you don't.)
(Okay Dana, personal challenge, trace your lineage back to an emperor, if you can, I'll stop the rekhaps.)
Celt and French sperging, because Dana is easily bored and history sees her wrong regardless.
Can't forget the Germans!
And the Jews!
Oh and the Sumerians.
Because these people had nations, Dana latches onto her 1st grade understanding of history.
(Dana, you couldn't manage a fucking Denny's, you're a poor showing if people are supposed to take your bullshit on faith.)
Dana feigns ignorance on the Bananafucking so she has a dumping ground for her lore.
When you disgrace Dana, you disgrace her imaginary whore!
Legend tells of Polish Mike's Italian sausage, or something.
"Based on, my, recent, research an- and interest in this particular subject, because I am marrying a Sicilian..." - Dana, who hasn't done enough research on penis to know that she isn't marrying a Sicilian
Dana admits she knows nothing about Sicilians.
(It would be kind of funny seeing Dana say these exact same things if she met a Black guy...)
Dana's imaginary friend will protect her, you guiz!
"And she fucked his brains out..."
(All this Bananafuckery gives me the image that Dana is in fact very bad at sex.)
Polish Mike was paralyzed in an accident years ago. (Doubtless Dana still reminds him of this when she's considering ways to threaten him...)
"He fucks like a 25 year old. He can fuck like a 25 year old." - Dana, whose vag resembles the Dead Sea Scrolls
"He's amazing, he's real smart. Oh, he's very intelligent and... he's just scary enough that you just..."
Polish Mike has serial killer energy.
"That is just unFUCKINGbelievably sexy because there's an edge."
Dana is still perfectly content to keep trying to manipulate someone she characterizes as a psychopath.
Polish Mike's serial killer energy demands respect. (Which is why Dana made him fold fucking laundry...)
Everyone respects Polish Mike. (Read: Polish Mike has friends and Dana can't comprehend not immediately offending someone.)
Banana likes the idealized Polish Mike.
"And, so long as he's good to me..." - Dana, bracing for impact with her usual cat 3 shitstorm of a relationship
Polish Mike is the garbageman of our Dumpster's dreams.
(How long until Polish Mike finally gets tired of Dana telling him to murder Steph and her least favorite sons?)
"And he knows he's with a very righteous woman..." (Well then he's definitely cheating, you couldn't be the center of morality at a fucking AA meeting, Dana.)
Dana is totally righteous, you guiz!
Polish Mike would never abuse his fake goddess powers.
"I also have a really strong moral code of conduct." - Dana "Assault and Battery" Marie
Dana gives her usual "If you need the promise of Heaven..." sperging.
"Even when you gotta kick some ass, even when you gotta bust some heads..."
"Well, you don't just walk up to some old lady and slap her across the face, no. If you're gonna fuck somebody up, they better deserve it." - Dana "Dexter Sex Dreams" Marie
Dana reaffirms that her opinion is basically the word of God. (Yep, one of these two is probably going to end up in jail inside of 3 months...)
The laws of men < the laws of the trashmen
The laws of men are negotiable, this presumably gives Dana carte blanche to do whatever the fuck she wants. (Or what she wants to twist Polish Mike into doing for her, as someone who might be more retarded.)
The word of the day that Dana doesn't know: Jurisprudence (Which Dana takes to mean that any form of review invalidating actual laws in favor of Banana-law.)
"So long as you are following those commandments..." (Do I really need to bring up that list again, Dana?)
Connects the 7 Hermetic principles to 7 commandments. Oh wait, there are 10 commandments. (Yes, Dana seriously forgot how many commandments there are.)
This is all easy to understand, if your name is Dana and you have an absolutely room temperature IQ.
Dana and Banana endorse Polish Mike.
"And if you don't endorse him, well, the goddess is gonna find out about it, and she's gonna be super pissed." - Dana, establishing herself as the 3rd wheel in any relationship
Dana wants everyone to read about that time Banana was a rapey psychopath who killed a living mountain,
Lists more of Banana's greatest hits, ending in the rape story. (Because she wants in on some of that, let me tell you...)
(Damn, she's really upping her game with the "Polish Mike is my meatshield" shit, isn't she?)
Dana would like to wish everyone a happy Easter. (Although frankly a giant rabbit that leaves everyone eggs is more plausible than Banana.)
Dana has the inside scoop into the goings on of her increasingly failing mind.
"You understand, this is some Biblical shit..."
"This is Revelation shit..."
Lotta shit! We fucking get it Dana, you're just full of it!
Don't call the cops, nobody stops Ms. Marie's Wild Ride!
Dana goes all "Don't call anyone!"
Dana is unfirable because she has an imaginary friend.
(How lucky that Dana's bosses believe in the Bananalore, but somehow nobody else?)
"How I was done, the cops in Texas did me dirty." - Dana "Rubbed Raw" Marie
Dana almost threatens the Texas cops.
Nobody will touch Dana. (If we're being incredibly literal here, sure.)
"And, you can't touch this, to quote MC Hammer..." *stifled laughter* - Dana, confirming that even she finds the rekhaps funny
Fin.
I was wondering how long it was gonna take her to figure out I’ve got an account on here.

to be honest, I don’t even really feel like I talked shit about her on here. I gave my honest take on this whole thing. Maybe I shouldn’t have, at this point I don’t really give a fuck. I completely understand why this page exists in the first place........ it’s to document people who act foolish on the internet. She acts foolish as fuck..... on the internet. literally the only people watching her videos are other foolish people and you guys.

she will spend her whole life bitching about this page....... and not one thing is gonna be done about it, you’d think she would except the inevitable. But nah. She’s just gonna keep making more videos and keep getting kiwifucked.

Least favorite child huh lol

excuse me while I press F on the worlds smallest keyboard
 

SuzyCC

kiwifarms.net
I was wondering how long it was gonna take her to figure out I’ve got an account on here.

to be honest, I don’t even really feel like I talked shit about her on here. I gave my honest take on this whole thing. Maybe I shouldn’t have, at this point I don’t really give a fuck. I completely understand why this page exists in the first place........ it’s to document people who act foolish on the internet. She acts foolish as fuck..... on the internet. literally the only people watching her videos are other foolish people and you guys.

she will spend her whole life bitching about this page....... and not one thing is gonna be done about it, you’d think she would except the inevitable. But nah. She’s just gonna keep making more videos and keep getting kiwifucked.

Least favorite child huh loli

excuse me while I press F on the worlds smallest keyboard
I don't remember you badmouthing your mom at all. You said something about you would have a relationship with her if certain things happened, if she sought treatment, took meds. I don't remember specifically. I thought it would break my heart if my kids didn't want to speak to me. I would do anything in my power. But your mom just gets mad at these suggestions, and it's everybody else that's wrong. You guys didn't deserve this diatribe against you. You may have made mistakes when you were young, everyone does. But hers are continuing and getting worse. I think you've been easy on her in this forum.
 

Toasty

I'm the Smurfette of this thread and we all know i
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I was wondering how long it was gonna take her to figure out I’ve got an account on here.

to be honest, I don’t even really feel like I talked shit about her on here. I gave my honest take on this whole thing. Maybe I shouldn’t have, at this point I don’t really give a fuck. I completely understand why this page exists in the first place........ it’s to document people who act foolish on the internet. She acts foolish as fuck..... on the internet. literally the only people watching her videos are other foolish people and you guys.

she will spend her whole life bitching about this page....... and not one thing is gonna be done about it, you’d think she would except the inevitable. But nah. She’s just gonna keep making more videos and keep getting kiwifucked.

Least favorite child huh lol

excuse me while I press F on the worlds smallest keyboard
Dude I haven't seen you badmouth your mom here, only acknowledge that she is and has been unwell. Which we all pretty much get. Do we get a laugh out of it, sure, but that's what we do .
The only thing that would have made her happy would have been you barreling in here proclaiming to be fucking cupid, the absolute mythical spawn of a goddess adamant on taking our tendons within your teefers and shredding said tendons with said teefers. You and I both know that your teefers can't handle my mighty tendons. I don't even know how many you have. You live in Alaska, so this is in question.
 
Last edited:

The Oldest

kiwifarms.net
Dude I haven't seen you badmouth your mom here, only acknowledge that she is and has been unwell. Which we all pretty much get. Do we get a laugh out of it, sure, but that's what we do .
The only thing that would have made her happy would have been you barreling in here proclaiming to be fucking cupid, the absolute mythical spawn of a goddess adamant on taking our tendons within your teefers and shredding said tendons with said teefers. You and I both know that your teefers can't handle my mighty tendons. I don't even know how many you have. You live in Alaska, so this is in question.
Hahaha yeah that sounds about right.

And for the record I’m happy to say all of my teef (aside from wisdoms) are still in my head lol.
 

Anne Hyroe

effort posting enthusiast
kiwifarms.net
I was wondering how long it was gonna take her to figure out I’ve got an account on here.

to be honest, I don’t even really feel like I talked shit about her on here. I gave my honest take on this whole thing. Maybe I shouldn’t have, at this point I don’t really give a fuck. I completely understand why this page exists in the first place........ it’s to document people who act foolish on the internet. She acts foolish as fuck..... on the internet. literally the only people watching her videos are other foolish people and you guys.

she will spend her whole life bitching about this page....... and not one thing is gonna be done about it, you’d think she would except the inevitable. But nah. She’s just gonna keep making more videos and keep getting kiwifucked.

Least favorite child huh lol

excuse me while I press F on the worlds smallest keyboard
I’m so sorry that you have to hear this bullshit from your mother. You seem like a good person who’s been pretty respectful all things considered. If she ever gets help then she’s going to be devastated that she treated you this way, I hope you get your apology one day :optimistic:
 

SuzyCC

kiwifarms.net
Oh goody, the belching goddess has returned! Michael was an Army Ranger and she helps him with his PTSD. He watches all her videos and loves them. If he watches them, it's hard to believe he doesn't see the comments. But he doesn't respond at all to her on the youtube comments or on Facebook. Are you sure you're engaged, Dana? Anyway, she says he's a highly trained, specialized killer and we should all mind our manners. So far, I don't see his protective side. LOL, he "Might go Ranbo on our ass." Again with the Sicilian mother thrown in a few times. What is his mom's maiden name? That should tell us whether she is Sicilian. Oh she also says she accidentally said "Green Beret" previously, because she thought that's what he told her. She also wants us to feel sorry for Mike obviously, because of his PTSD. Maybe people will leave her alone if we feel sorry for him. Well, I do feel sorry for him, but for a different reason.

She seems to be saying someone has been calling the cops on her. For what? Maybe she's yelling again in her apartment like she did in the tent and a neighbor called. As far as I know, nobody's called cops on her but Spencer and that was ages ago. He was worried about his mother.
 
Last edited:

SeniorFuckFace

Fucking Fuck Fuck
kiwifarms.net
Oh goody, the belching goddess has returned! Michael was an Army Ranger and she helps him with his PTSD. He watches all her videos and loves them. If he watches them, it's hard to believe he doesn't see the comments. But he doesn't respond at all to her on the youtube comments or on Facebook. Are you sure you're engaged, Dana? Anyway, she says he's a highly trained, specialized killer and we should all mind our manners. So far, I don't see his protective side. LOL, he "Might go Ranbo on our ass." Again with the Sicilian mother thrown in a few times. What is his mom's maiden name? That should tell us whether she is Sicilian.

She seems to be saying someone has been calling the cops on her. For what? Maybe she's yelling again in her apartment like she did in the tent and a neighbor called. As far as I know, nobody's called cops on her but Spencer and that was ages ago. He was worried about his mother.
She is baiting by trying to antagonize whoever she feels is in earshot of her video to NOT CALL HER JOB AS THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES!!!

That is purposeful as the reward would be getting fired requiring her not to work, moves into Polish Mike's junk yard, points at the HATERS and reinforces her self-fulfilling prophecy, "SEE MIKE, SEE! THEY ARE JEALOUS, ENVIOUS! SEE!" and gets to ride it out as a stay-at-home do-nothing Dumpster because she is ENTITLED and DESERVES it for being, well, her....

FUCK YOU DUMPSTER. I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL THIS UNRAVELS AND YOU ARE LIVING ON MIKE'S FRONT LAWN IN A TENT.
 

SuzyCC

kiwifarms.net
Dana appears to have just deleted all the videos after "He's head over heels." How come? Well now it looks like she's in the process of deleting more. Hmm. Looks like our Goddess could be in the process of a vanishing act. All gone. Maybe Michael or her bosses didn't like the videos as much as she thought.
 
Last edited:

SeniorFuckFace

Fucking Fuck Fuck
kiwifarms.net
Dana appears to have just deleted all the videos after "He's head over heels." How come? Well now it looks like she's in the process of deleting more. Hmm. Looks like our Goddess could be in the process of a vanishing act. All gone. Maybe Michael or her bosses didn't like the videos as much as she thought.
All gone.

The calm before the storm...
 

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