Skitzocow Dana Marie Cain / Oracle of Venus / The Scorpion - Divorced Batshit Space Demon Waitress with NPD, Gangstalked by Alphabet Agencies, "Pretending to be Rеtarded", #SaveJoelIrish

nanashi

KILL COUNT: 3
kiwifarms.net
(Damn it, I was one day off of my prediction regarding the next season, I said 3, turns out it was 4.)

In which Dana allegedly has a network of spies and moles, has found Batshit's real name, was too stupid to find an address and does some fine projection regarding her impression of Batshit to be a much better whore than Dana ever was to the point of jealousy. (6/10) Some decent smugness, the video is short enough that Dana doesn't have as much time to loop.

No description.
The latest season of Dana begins in a car, how Dana got there without a license, fuck you.
Black sweater, dry hair, knee length skirt from the look of the reflection in her stolen fake aviators. (HIIIGHWAAAY TO THE, DANAZONE...)
Batshit's name is "Shauna ?Wrathbone?"
Smug Dana ensues as she still can't function without making videos because of penis withdrawal.
"You're a disgusting, fat, cow!" - Dana, who gives more than one meaning to a liquid lunch
Dana will remember that!
More of Dana's usual non-threats of not forgiving, much like the staff at the Burger King that gave her food poisoning.
"Ya' fucked up, didn't ya', bitch?"
Hannibal smile ensues as Dana's gears turn.
Dana has an address.
"And you're a disgusting cow who fucks a rich old man for his money." - Dana, worried about a new rival for the title of goddess
"That's what ya' did..." (And what Dana utterly failed at.)
Rich dude is named Andy.
"You look like a fuckin' cow! You're fat, you're ugly, I don't know how you get any man to fuck you."
Everyone but Dana is a gold digging whore. (Perhaps because her shovel broke years ago.)
Gold digging whores gotta stick together, so says Dana "Forever Alone" Marie.
"God, yer' fuckin' gross..." - Dana, who talks about eating pussy on the Internet
Dana still has no proof of anything, she probably just randomly stalked one of Steph's friends until the voices told her to stop.
"You think I don't know, you think I don't have my own spies and my own moles over there?" (No. I don't, amazing, isn't it?)
(So if Dana did have spies and moles, why did it take them 8 years to not find a name!? Your plot holes are larger than your withered snatch, Dana!)
Dana is immortal in New York, or something.
"I shoulda' fuckin' beat your ass when I was back in Illinois and we were working together." - Dana, who uses death threats as a security blanket
"I really should have just followed my gut and beat the fuck outta' you!" - Dana, regarding the voices telling her to be a violent retard, again...
Polish Mike is great. Dana is so happy to have him as a manservant.
Last supper line again, our old unfavorite...
"He'd take one look at a bitch like you... and he'd puke, before he'd ever get near your pussy! Ya' dumb whore."
(Is Dana pimping out Polish Mike in her own mind because her self-esteem is that bad? Yes.)
More "stupid cunt"s and "dumb bitch"es to follow.
Evil laugh as Dana confirms she's entirely out of insults.
Dana is unaware that her thread is about her.
"Fuck rich old men for their money, that's what you do!" (I remember Mercedes Man, Dana...)
"Worked at Mitsubishi, you ain't got no power here, bitch!" - Dana "7/11" Marie
"Give it up, whore! Give it up."
Dana still wishes someone would.
Dana's address that she found is "She lives in Illinois, she lives in... somewhere..."
Batshit is public enemy number one to Dana.
"She needs to be dealt with!"
"Bitches like this, have to be taught, hard lessons. Is all I'm sayin'..."
"Bye Shauna! Good luck!"
(I can imagine this rant is far funnier if it took place in a McDonald's drive thru.)
 

Batshit

Kiwi Deathsquad & Fries
kiwifarms.net
I was polluting a few brain cells with why Dumpster is so obsessed with @CrazyAsHell & I & methinks I've stumbled upon it.

Everyone else is a nameless faceless troll so they don't count. They don't know me, they can't judge, etc.

Then we come along & really do know her irl. We know exactly what happened contrary to her lies & made up fantasies of her being well liked or even competent. She can't wave us away as easily & we must be shut down so her delusions can roam free.

She attaches the names & faces of women who showed her exactly what having a professional rep or being a self-reliant bitch really is like & she's jealous....hard to believe amirite?

I sincerely hope every retired staff emails her with the scoop next time she goes into hibernation mode. Considering the info came from the same person who told her my name was Mai & Crazy's is Sandra, I must concede to the effectiveness.

Otherwise, for someone planning a wedding in June, she chooses to break her silence with more baseless speculation? No boasting about the venue, progress on colors, flowers, or menus? No promotions at the 7-11? No updates on packing? She can't even entertain properly.
 

CrazyAsHell

Tami Hess
kiwifarms.net
I was polluting a few brain cells with why Dumpster is so obsessed with @CrazyAsHell & I & methinks I've stumbled upon it.

Everyone else is a nameless faceless troll so they don't count. They don't know me, they can't judge, etc.

Then we come along & really do know her irl. We know exactly what happened contrary to her lies & made up fantasies of her being well liked or even competent. She can't wave us away as easily & we must be shut down so her delusions can roam free.

She attaches the names & faces of women who showed her exactly what having a professional rep or being a self-reliant bitch really is like & she's jealous....hard to believe amirite?

I sincerely hope every retired staff emails her with the scoop next time she goes into hibernation mode. Considering the info came from the same person who told her my name was Mai & Crazy's is Sandra, I must concede to the effectiveness.

Otherwise, for someone planning a wedding in June, she chooses to break her silence with more baseless speculation? No boasting about the venue, progress on colors, flowers, or menus? No promotions at the 7-11? No updates on packing? She can't even entertain properly.
If she has a mole here and I am thinking she does, then she is still not getting the right intel. Yes, I knew her in real life, and @Batshit nails it that she hates us most because we have a huge sledge hammer that destroys her little dreams of the past. Whoever is trolling the trolls.....cheers!
 

Toasty

I'm the Smurfette of this thread and we all know i
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Looking particularly haggard. The glow of being in lurve apparently can't do much for this reanimated corpse. Cider cans on the table make their usual cameo in this piece of the usual "you'll all be sorry" drivel.

Edit: there was one we missed late last night. I wasn't able to archive it. It was a drunken, light rager against that bitch who down rates her videos. Again. She said that they will be found, because after all, they found Osama bin ladin. Because a thumbs down is equivalent to mass murder and international terrorism. She now claims that polish Mike was an army ranger. And that the army always wanted her, and was butthurt that the navy got her and she married two sailors. Being married to a service man doesn't mean that you are in the service. She states that she is basically married to polish ranger garbage sicilian iti Mike about a dozen times, drunken rambling, says she's in his house, then a door opens and closes in the background and her tone changes drastically and she turns off the camera abruptly.
She wiped everything too fast for me to grab it.
But as is obvious. Crypt keeper can't keep her mouth shut. See you soon, DD.
 
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CrazyAsHell

Tami Hess
kiwifarms.net
Looking particularly haggard. The glow of being in lurve apparently can't do much for this reanimated corpse. Cider cans on the table make their usual cameo in this piece of the usual "you'll all be sorry" drivel.

Edit: there was one we missed late last night. I wasn't able to archive it. It was a drunken, light rager against that bitch who down rates her videos. Again. She said that they will be found, because after all, they found Osama bin ladin. Because a thumbs down is equivalent to mass murder and international terrorism. She now claims that polish Mike was an army ranger. And that the army always wanted her, and was butthurt that the navy got her and she married two sailors. Being married to a service man doesn't mean that you are in the service. She states that she is basically married to polish ranger garbage sicilian iti Mike about a dozen times, drunken rambling, says she's in his house, then a door opens and closes in the background and her tone changes drastically and she turns off the camera abruptly.
She wiped everything too fast for me to grab it.
But as is obvious. Crypt keeper can't keep her mouth shut. See you soon, DD.
I didn't grab it quick enough either. The only navy man she married was Skip. Gary was not in the service that I know of. She does look like shit, tho. If she is in GM home, it won't last too long. Her drunken bullshit will eventually make him run; if he is a smart man.
 

nanashi

KILL COUNT: 3
kiwifarms.net
I guess season 2 of the rekhaps begins now, sadly I didn't get to the last video from Dana "Lost Media" Marie, it sounds like a pleasingly drawn out hostage situation, at least domestic abuse allows Dana to imagine she has a functional domestic relationship, soooo... progress?

In which Dana seems to have moved into Polish Mike's shed, the house is in a sad state despite our domestic goddess' best effort to make it even worse, ranting 2 ciders in. Dana's weird threats are getting even more tepid, WE WANT MIKE TO CAMEO! (3/10) Completely bog standard narc BS, although even Dana realizing how much her relationship sucks in a low key way is kind of a sign of fun times to come.
No description.
Live from Polish Mike's basement/creepy shed! (Seriously what is with that fucking wall? It looks like the house already burned down.)
Classic pink grandma sweater, ponytail pulled back so far Dana has her goddamned sixhead out at this point.
"I'm going to give him everything..." - Dana, overdue for getting laid off from another blowjob
"You should probably ?give? make nice to him..." - Dana, creating a war between her fake Green Beret and the TOTES REAL YOU GUIZ KF Deathsquad
Dana considers Polish Mike "Well worth [our] investment". (What the fuck does that even mean?)
"The more I learn, the more I love him..." - Dana, still holding out for a pair of new tits
"I don't give a fuck about KiwiFarms anymore" *Fake laughter*
(Dana is seriously really hard to translate into English, I guess the acoustics in this crackhouse aren't too good...)
"I've leveled up..." - Dana "Final Fantasy" Marie
Polish Mike is proof that Dana has increased her level of slutiness, or something.
"He is everything, I could ever want, everything I need..." (Because you retconned him as a mafia trashmaster, you fucking narc.)
"There's no bounds... I want to put him in charge, of everything..." - Dana, asleep at the switch, now and forever
"He belongs to me now, guys..." (So much for being in charge, huh?)
Alcoholic harpy laugh ensues.
"This is great, oh it's fantastic..." - Dana, who doesn't even have a table to serve as a camera stand anymore
(Engagement rings are supposed to be worn on the left hand, so, jury is still out on if Dana is still getting fucked over again...)
Flexes over being a massive slutbag, Polish Mike is the best of the seemingly hundreds of men she fucked who didn't have a name or a penis worth talking about.
Polish Mike isn't suicidal anymore. (Press X to doubt.)
(Really couldn't get past 2 minutes without implying that Polish Mike would/should be dead if he leaves her.)
Dana is getting all hot and bothered, I want to vomit if this wasn't so fucking vanilla it's obvious Dana is looking to sleep around again.
Dana preps us for rewriting more of Polish Mike's story with a "who he really is". (Let me guess, Illuminati trashmaster?)
Dana is back to her MC Hammer fantasies.
Creepy whispering ensues all throughout, as if Dana has a secret that someone would give a shit about. (YAWN!)
"He is the reason why it never worked out with anyone else..." - Dana "Homewrecker" Marie, speedrunning her next divorce
Dana is happy.
"Can you see my face?" (Sadly.)
"My enemies would be really afraid right now." *Snort laugh* - Dana "Fuck The DMV" Marie
Everyone else is a dipshit waiting for truth.
Dana realizes she's too unreliable to be feared by anyone, but we'll be scared in the future, you guiz!
"Well, you're gonna be so afraid... that you might actually kill yourselves to escape..." - Dana, foreshadowing a possible alibi for when she fatally stabs Polish Mike
The serious levels have never been more serious!
Haters = Judas
Dana really wishes someone would kill themselves over her bullshit, this is usually how her depressive phases go.
Hard cider makes a possible background cameo.
Please kill yourselves because Dana is slowly realizing she's a loser.
Dana promises good things for her friends, realizes she doesn't have any and just settles on anyone who hasn't fucked her over.
"I'm not fuckin' with small time, and I'm definitely not tryin' to hurt people..." - Dana, who tells Youtube commenters to kill themselves if they aren't in torturing range
"But there are people out there who entertain, very bad ideas about me..." - Dana, who entertains her own delusions
Still not letting the Deathsquad delusion die.
(Hey Dana, your truth would be self-evident if you could actually complete a sentence in your native language that made sense!)
Dana demands respect for her ability to... Wait, what the fuck has she done? Even in the lore, it's basically nothing!
Dana's passive aggressive death threats continue. Presumably because Polish Mike doesn't want her screaming in the house.
"I'm not making threats, I'm just telling you..." - Dana, making threats
Dana knows the truth because she lives in a rundown shack.
"I've always known the truth..." - Dana, who can't assemble a couch correctly
Dana has always known the the truth, but now knows it even more. (I guess the only person Dana has left to flex on is her own stupid ass.)
"Oh, it's been confirmed..."
Dana ain't leaving! (Ironically she would remove this video less than 12 hours later.)
"The proof of your ill intent, proof of yer', immoral... behavior... Well you can't hide from that and you will be tagged and bagged..." - Dana "BTK" Marie
I think Dana is almost going to cry again, or she has heartburn, whatever.
It's too late to apologize for all the stuff Dana imagines happened to her.
Dana's "do good even when nobody's watching" morality kicks in, Dana is too retarded to know that using her own "something is coming" larp, she's also doomed to be a shitbag forever.
(Waiting on the hater genocide.)
Never forgive, never forghetti. From Dana Marie, who fucked up spaghetti...
Dana wishes everyone was neurotic and unhinged as her as she projects her own irredemable shitbag nature on the literal nobody watching.
Dana's brain can't come up with a smart remark; perish the thought, so the video just ends with Dana pulling a confused smug bitch face.
Fin.
 

SeniorFuckFace

Fucking Fuck Fuck
kiwifarms.net
TFW :

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Toasty

I'm the Smurfette of this thread and we all know i
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I have a feeling that this was the first time she'd been left alone in his house, and was feeling so smug about it that she absolutely had to make a few videos to prove that she had " leveled up."
But she was afraid that (insert descriptor here) Mike would see the army ranger and marriage lunacy, and had to sneak the videos down, the way she snuck them up.
The only thing that has leveled up is her BAC.
 

SuzyCC

kiwifarms.net
I have a feeling that this was the first time she'd been left alone in his house, and was feeling so smug about it that she absolutely had to make a few videos to prove that she had " leveled up."
But she was afraid that (insert descriptor here) Mike would see the army ranger and marriage lunacy, and had to sneak the videos down, the way she snuck them up.
The only thing that has leveled up is her BAC.
Oh man, if he marries her, he's even dumber than I already think he is. Our very powerful trashman. So Mikey,, why'd you make her take her Facebook down?
 

SeniorFuckFace

Fucking Fuck Fuck
kiwifarms.net
Gotchu frens

The Cunt Who Keeps Downgrading All My Videos
View attachment 2106644
Imagine coming home to that wreck...god damn...

Edit : The Marriage is a non-starter

Notice she states, "Very soon to be my husband, as SOON AS POSSIBLE..."

Soon is not a date.

And also, "I am already his wife..."

Garbage Mike shut that shit down and she is walking it mother fucking back...
 
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SuzyCC

kiwifarms.net
Geezzz...no "hey baby I am home?" I know, personally, I would LOVE to come home to some fucking drunk bitch slurring her words and shit. Can she get any LESS attractive?
LOL, first he hauls trash all day and then has to come home to a trashed woman. Too bad she can't stop the drink and drugs, she's really looking unhealthy, too.
 

nanashi

KILL COUNT: 3
kiwifarms.net
Credit to @Batshit for archiving this one, saving it from Dana "DFE" Marie.

In which Dana decides her and Mike are already married because of her desperation, is completely wasted presumably by about 5PM, decides Polish Mike will kill for her if she has a good reason to (Fuck you, haters!) (5/10) Almost a cameo from our resident trashmaster, high hopes that shit is going to get interesting soon, possibly another cooking video, or Dana having to flex on someone in real time. Dana's retardation goddess powers know no bounds!
Unknown description. (Dana had this one up for like under a couple hours.)
Selfie angle Dana, live from the dirty bedroom, or wherever the fuck this is. (Buy a tripod, already!)
Same pink grandma sweater as last time, lookin' like Megamind with this horrible angle shot.
Dana is on the lookout for her mortal enemy, someone who downrates her shit! (Oh noes!)
Haters understand where they're at. (Not Dana's newfound crackshack, clearly.)
Dana is so thoroughly plastered she can no longer emote.
Youtube drama ensues, sadly given Dana's 2 modes of boring-smug and screaming-larping-harpy (LARPy?). She picked the boring one.
"Do you think they can't find you? Do you think they can't find you?" - Dana "Double Denial" Marie
Whoever the fuck "they" are can track down the haters.
"They found Osama Bin Laden..." (What, was he hiding in your fucking Facebook feed?)
"You're in deep shit right now... You are in deep shit..." - Dana, live from the septic tank she calls someone else's house
The cops are fine with murder as long as they don't have to break out the mop and bucket.
"So long as... your dispoodal... Is clean..." - Dana "Domestic Goddess" Marie, who has probably had some experience bleaching brain matter out of the cumsofa
"You understand the police have a whole lot of of leeway here..." (Because unsolved murders/disappearances are low-priority cases in Danaland...)
"Because of what level we are at..." - Dana "BAC" Marie, too plastered to be indicted
Y'all ain't on Dana's level, haters!
"And, I'm not even worried about a speeding ticket, or... being pulled for any reason..." - Dana, who prefers that she do the pulling
(You don't have a license, shitbag.)
"I'm not worried about the local police..." - Dana "ACAB" Marie
The local cops love Dana's videos, presumably. (Maybe they're the evil downraters!)
The Trashman Mafia is the law in these here parts, let me tell you...
Dana is trying to speedrun getting married.
"Oh, he is definitely, going to be my legal husband..."
"Legal! Im going to take his name." - Dana Halgas (I wonder what magic Bananafucker BS she's going to come up with for THAT name...)
The cops are afraid of the Trashmaster Guild, or whatever the fuck this fantasy looks like in Dana's drunken dome...
"The wife, of this man..." - Dana "Bride of Trashmaster" Marie
Polish Mike is bragging about Dana being his wife. (Press X to doubt on that one.)
Dana desperately needs protection from her stupid ass.
None will be seated for the wedding of Dana "Stockholm Syndrome" Marie to Mike "Lima Syndrome" Halgas, or something.
Dana is the best imaginary waifu.
"In his mind, I am already his wife..." (And in your mind you're a hooker space goddess, retardation is a poor source of facts.)
Dana considers getting married as "bullshit", I'm guessing Polish Mike already shitcanned her wedding delusions and she's trying to get a common law marriage. (Which NY doesn't have.)
"I am this man's wife, I'm sitting in his house!" - Dana "Breaking and Entering Me" Marie
"I've made him dinner..." (And he somehow survived the crunchy Hell lasagna?)
(You can't cook shit, Dana, prove that statement wrong.)
(Funny, what Dana mentioned, living together, agreeing to marry and acting as if you're married, is generally how common law marriages work, but NY doesn't have that.)
"I am the love of his life, he will kill for me, he will die for me..." - Dana "Mariticide" Marie
"Your, move, Sparky!" - Dana "Spergy" Marie
Polish "Meatshield" Mike is now the target of anyone's disrespect of Dana. (I don't fucking know.)
"And, I promise you, it's not a fuckin' larp! You have now left, larp territory! And now you're in the real world..." - Dana, whose vagina is probably the preferred larp territory
Polish Mike is expected to protect Dana from the haters and downraters.
Mentions "me and mine", which is odd, because Dana has no friends or family so she's just putting dramatic words together.
"And he has a very... long, reach..." - Dana "Reach-Around" Marie
Drunkenness hits Dana like a ton of bricks.
Polish Mike will only kill people when necessary. (Read: Dana has pestered him about this before and evidently he didn't tell her off hard enough.)
Polish Mike will presumably kill "anyone who desires to cause unnecessary problems for [Dana]"
(Which is such a useless catch-all descriptor that means Dana won't ever stop this bullshit.)
Polish Mike is a former (pronounced "farmer") Army Ranger, at least Dana managed to keep this lore going for over a week.
"And I think it's funny because, I know the army, wanted me..." (What, did they have a couch they wanted assembled incorrectly? Fuck off.)
"The army wanted me..." - Dana, with her patented 'lie twice in a row so everyone believes you' strategy
"And they were always bitter that they lost me to the navy..." (Bitch, 7/11 didn't want you!)
Dana fucked a lot of sailors.
Smug flexing over the army finally winning one? I don't know, Dana's vagina is more of a sharps container than a trophy, isn't it?
"And that training? Well that doesn't go away..." - Dana, whom despite her corporate training larp, is unable to even negotiate her next bowel movement
Dana Marie and the things you'll never quite unsee...
Polish Mike's love for Dana is "more than any man, has ever loved a woman, in the history of love."
"I've never felt so loved in my life..." (What about all your "the love of a mother for her child" shit?)
"So protected, I have nothing to fear." *Door opening somewhere in the background*
Dana freezes up completely when she hears it, this is seriously like a fucking ISIS video at this point.
"So let's all just be friends, now..." - Dana "Stockholm Syndrome" Marie
Dana's tone ends on her usual creepy level of diplomacy, probably scared of incurring the wrath of someone already tired of her shit.
Fin.
 

SuzyCC

kiwifarms.net
I wonder if she's quit or lost her jobs yet. I suspected she'd be off her jobs as soon as she got this schmuck to support her. She'd appreciate being able to stay loaded 24/7. Apparently he's not concerned about her substance abuse. Oh to be a fly on the wall. And he probably brings home plenty of flies.
 

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