Skitzocow Dana Marie Cain / Oracle of Venus / The Scorpion - Divorced Batshit Space Demon Waitress with NPD, Gangstalked by Alphabet Agencies, "Pretending to be Rеtarded", #SaveJoelIrish


Tami Hess
She all a sudden put the first imagine listed on her FB saying this is the real ring and that it wasn't available until now. Reverse look-up 194479752_120472076860655_1083586518781914224_n.jpgScreenshot 2021-05-31 193026.png is the second image. That website is to a landscaping place?


Tami Hess


I'm going to unlock all the achievements.
Delusional Dana Marie will be back any day, might not be tomorrow but she'll be back.
The cope in the comment section is retarded, he's cheating on her how could he not tbh being with Dana In any capacity must be rough.


Tami Hess
Re: Joel Irish. Wow....literally almost 30 mins. of how Joel is totally is and was in love with her. Hey, RNGM, THIS is what you are marrying. LOL says Joel can "make it right" by writing a confession here, on KF. She has spies and friends who monitor her thread. Dana, you actually look like a fucking white trailer trash whore with a sunk-in face and crazy as fuck. She starts fucking going on a pastoral rant and the garden of Eden bullshit. As she raises her RIGHT hand with her wine glass, you see the "engagement ring". Hummmm DD....that shit goes on the LEFT hand. Cue tears talking about how RNGM has become her healer and there to make up for all the horrible things other men have done to her. At any rate, don't hold your breath waiting for Joel to come on here and make some big apologies to you. He didn't do anything. You? You leave destruction no matter what or where you are.

Constant state of awe: Drunk. Talking about how to tell Michael about the cameras? I am thinking she thinks the house is bugged? RNGM is clearly out of town for work leaving DD with her crazy thoughts.



Fucking Fuck Fuck


This scenario is absolutely going to unfold in exactly the way we think it will.
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naught sock account 1

In which Dana has some exciting(boring) news to not tell us, wants Joel back to TOTALLY NOT HAVE SEX WITH and just generally just drones on and on for 27 minutes without major events, God, their fake marriage sucks. (3/10) Really sedated, I guess she's back on the oxys.

No description, comments or ratings.
(More like "REEEEEEE, JOEL IRISH!", amirite?)
Back in the crack shack, Dana has her usual pulled back hair and black sweater look going on, looking like a failed artist.
"God some good news today, but I'm not at liberty, to, divulge, not yet, but it's very good news." - Dana, being cryptic and smug
Dana breaks out her usual candle holder of wine and a ciggie.
"And when the time is right, I will make the announcement, and it has to do with Michael, so, we'll be making the announcement together..."
(I have to say, the Danaverse has gone downhill in terms of sequel hooks.)
Someone named Niles Heron/Haron? Disappeared?
Oh, from Dana's psychic musical playlist, right.
"I don't know what happened to him, but I suspect it's not good..." - Dana "Optimism" Marie
"And, that makes me sad..."
(Dana's sad face looks exactly like her drunken-smug face.)
"But, there's just nothing I can do about it." - Dana "I'm The Literal Goddess" Marie
"I really did, care a great deal about Niles..." - Dana "You're The Psychopath" Marie, trying to gambit another mentally ill man she once fucked.
"And I would have helped him. I could have helped him." - Dana "There's Just Nothing I Could Do" Marie
Niles doesn't want help. (Correction: Niles doesn't want Dana's help.)
(Getting Dana to help you with substance abuse is like getting Bill Clinton to help you with a sex addiction.)
"But you know who's still showin' up hot? Joel." - Dana, casting a wide net...
Dana's phone is still magical. (Read about SEO, you dumb fucking whore!)
"And, the sense I get, is a great deal of regret..." - Dana, who must get that A LOT
"His life was ruined by this and not by me." - Dana, a useless side-character in her own bullshit story
Dana really cared about Joel.
Dana wishes Joel actually fucked her.
Dana considers Joel "a boy pretending to be a man" because he didn't want to go down on a drugged out lunatic twice his age
Fake tears over Joel's life being ruined.
"And he feels really sorry..." - Dana, telling people how to feel despite her having the emotional range of a doorstop
Joel doesn't know how to make it up to Dana.
Dana does a think on how to "help Joel... heal". (Read: Have him as a piece of ass on the side now that she successfully manipulated one idiot into believing her, gotta start franchising!)
Dana loves Mike.
"That's a given, there's literally no shot for Joel, not with me. But, not being with me, well, that does not have to be the end of Joel's life." (Holy fuck!)
Joel deserves a second chance.
Joel's second chance is contingent on doing shit even Dana thinks is retarded.
Dana derails and talks about something much more important than Joel's hypothetical death, her rotten teeth are getting replaced in 3 weeks.
(Bitch, didn't you say it took 6 months?)
"And I'll be able to eat and speak normally again!" - Dana, who might have accidentally booked a lobotomy instead of dental surgery
The entirety of Dana's IRL problems were caused by her fucked up teeth, or something.
"It's fucking horrible." (YA, I'LL SAY!)
Teeth sperging.
The worst part of Dana's glowie conspiracy was "losing her smile".
Dana seems more legitimately sad about her meth mouth than Joel's situation (Which totally isn't a threat!)
Everything falls on Joel now.
"Joel wanted to be my hero, I think that's what fucked me up so bad." - Dana, blaming Joel for the fact she turned out like Dana
"I was actually in his home..." - Dana "The Thing That Would Not Leave" Marie
"Our words lie, but our energy doesn't." - Dana "Tiger Blood" Marie
"And I read energy..." - Dana, who is now illiterate in two ways
"And, Joel, was really in love with me." - Dana, telling people what they're feeling, 8 YEARS AFTER THE FACT
Joel liked Dana too much for Dana to handle it. (Right...)
(So, Dana has kind of walked back on Joel being a glowie spy?)
Back to Mike and how they met at 7/11.
Mike is a stalker.
"And, in his head he was fantasizing about me."
So, Joel was awkward for Dana to supposedly love that much, but Mike wanted to marry her whilst stalking her and that was fine?
Dana, regardless of her position, was always a shit judge of character.
Michael has been with "double-fucking-digits of women".
Mike has gone downhill since his youth given the only thing he could threaten is a 20 dollar bar tab.
"He was hot as fuck, I've seen pictures! This man got laid... whenever he fuckin' wanted."
Polish Mike is the real Italian Stallion.
"He loves to fuck... and he loves pussy..."
Polish Mike is allegedly a bigger whore than Dana. (You wish, ho!)
Dana uses Mike's poor decision making as a way to shore up her fragile ego.
Mike is a simp.
"And I think Joel, Benjemin, Irish, can absolutely relate, to Michael..." (Judging by how you never even had sex.)
Dana is mad that Joel wouldn't make her put out whilst still married.
Fuck the conspiracy, Dana just wanted to get laid.
Dana inspires "a reaction in men". (Syphilis, yes.)
"Even now, imagine having 17 government agencies, all with godlike powers to spy on you, as given, at a drop of a hat." - Dana, "BoringCow" Marie
Dana was spied on because Skip was somehow high ranking. (Bitch, he wasn't even in the navy when you left him!)
"I was innocent..." (Was?)
Dana wishes she was in the paper for being such a sublime whorebag.
Dana pretends she's a lot hotter than she is. (1/10)
Every manwhore Dana attracts (Read: None) are aware of her arbitrary magic bullshit.
More empty threats. (Unless Dana goes full wignat, she's a lying whore.)
"You know I have a permanent Twitter ban, don't you?" - Dana "TOS" Marie
Dana operates on the three-strikes rule on the Secret Service. (Guess none of them wanted to fuck her.)
Dana hates the election.
Dana is visibly angry that she's a stupid cunt who gets visited by glowie.
Dana pretends she's a pundit.
Back to what Dana says Joel wants...
Threatens Joel to submit to the Bananalore, or else he dies.
"So, I have a way, for Joel, to do this, if he's willing..." - Dana "There's Just Nothing I Could Do" Marie
Joel has to dox himself so Dana will simp for him.
Dana's offer: confess to something and post it on KF
Dana has spies on KF. (MEANING YOU, YOU DUMB HOBAG!)
"Anything that I need to see..." (Or Jacob, whatever...)
Dana has friends! (Even her imaginary friends cucked her, so...)
Glowie is watching Dana's thread and Dana wants Joel to tell everyone "the truth" (Read: Placating Dana's persecution complex, not what a bad lay she was.)
Dana seems to imply Joels was simping after her.
"I need you to take a page from Michael." (Guess there's trouble in paradise after Dana found out her ring practically came out of a cereal box.)
"Michael fucked up real bad recently..." - Dana "Side Bitch" Marie
"And he spent a couple days in agony! Worrying he was gonna lose me, knowing that he deserved to lose me." - Dana "Psychopath" Marie
Mike used to have leverage over Dana before the Shandy incident? (You meet a roof and a driver's license?)
Dana is never wrong, ever.
"Do you remember, my lesson on the garden of Eden?" - Dana "Bible Stories" Marie
Joel and Dana = Adam and Eve (TrashMaster is gonna love this vid, Dana...)
(I think even Dana knows this relationship is a shitshow, Polish Mike doesn't show up in her Bananarama fantasy larps anymore.)
Dana goes down the rabbit hole.
"They realized they were naked, and they hid in shame... well I didn't hide in shame!" - Dana, in one of her rare videos where she actually has a shirt on
Nobody hides from God, Joel thinks he can because Dana hates Mormons and doesn't consider them Christian.
Joel did what Adam did.
Dana does Bible trivia.
Adam is a terrible liar, SOUNDS FAMILIAR, HUH?
Eve was the designated pre-civillization kitchen bitch.
Dana finds a plot hole with not knowing anything and being responsible for your actions.
Dana blames Joel by saying Joel blamed her.
Eve was rewarded for being a colossal idiot, never stop with that feminist retcon of the Bible, Dana.
(Where was Banana when all of this was happening?)
Dana explains where babies come from.
"And here's the deal. A man who does not own his behavior, and his actions, and blames anybody but himself for his behavior? Is not a man at all, and will not be allowsed to live on this planet." - Dana, who might be leaving us soon
Dana is the only person who knows the true meaning of Adam and Eve! (How many bottles of wine did that one take, Dumpsters?)
All other preachers are fraudulent, the only religion is Bananadom.
"It's not my fault, they didn't tell you the truth, I do!"
Dana only goes for people who go absolutely off the deep end of conspiracy shit.
Glowie is trying to hide the truth, that babies come out of vaginas. 😱
Dana is mad nobody has crushed any serpents for her. (NO, NOT THAT...)
"You're not made of dust, you're flesh and bone." - Dana "BAC" Marie
"You came out of a woman, you're the offspring of Eve..." - Dana, inadvertently saying that Joel doesn't have to do anything
"Admit that it wasn't just a hug!" - Dana "Incel" Marie
"If they put a bullet in your brain right now, Joel, they would be putting you out of your misery because the dead know nothing." (And somehow Dana knows even less.)
"They can't really hurt you now..." - Dana "Bullet In Your Brain" Marie
Dana knows, that Joel knows, that Dana knows, that Joel knows something. (No.)
Joel needs to be a complete schizo like Dana to be a real man/woman.
Dana denies that she wants to fuck Joel, this is less than convincing.
Dana don't care that Mike is terrible.
Mike has a pet demon.
"He's a real man, and you could all learn a lesson from him, on what it means to be a real man."
"And the fact that he likes his bitches a little on the crazy side really helps me!" - Dana, being honest
Dana and Mike have similar "demons". (Read: Alcoholism)
Dana breaks out some fake tears.
Dana tried to scare Mike away.
"He treats me like the goddess, that he believes me to be."
Mike is perfect, yadda yadda, bullshit tears.
"He's a good example..." (Of what, a 400 FICO score?)
Dana is so happy the brainwashing worked on Mike.
"That I'm trying to get you to like, call me, so we can go on a date, where I can suck your dick." - Dana "Negotiation" Marie
Dana will never stop simping and pretending that Joel wanted to fuck her.
"You recognized me Joel, and you were the first..." (I thought the Illinois court system was the first one to notice you, Dana.)
Joel is too much a scared boy to fuck Dana. (Or has standards.)
Ambiguous good things to come from Dana's "healing".
Dana breaks out the tears, I wonder if this is what got Mike to start simping.
Joel is safe from glowie because of Dana's undefined "mark". (Syphilis?)
"Here's what you have to know about the mark of Cain..." - Dana, getting back to Bible sperging
"And I don't have the mark of Cain, Joel. I am, the mark of Cain..." - Dana, working on her one-liners
Everyone has demons, Dana likes threatening Joel's with his, you know, because she's the good guy.
"This is your one shot at redemption, Joel, I suggest you take it.." - Dana, who said something similar last time
Dana looks like complete shit.

In which Dana talks about how glowie is spying on everyone (Read: Mostly just Dana), says they sent helicopters after her when she ran off into the woods, trys to float this as some kind of new conspiracy theory, which is completely DOA as even Dana has to admit she's completely useless. (3/10) Tepid, Dana is absolutely terrible with making creative content.

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Dana looks like a cadaver that's been stored under a hamburger heat lamp.
Just drinking something on the couch. Either drunk or stoned.
Still has her crappy ring on.
"There's like something on my lip, right here, I dunno what it is..." - Dana "Herpes" Marie
(Or maybe her mustache is coming in.)
(Honestly don't care to look, I'm just going to guess that Dana's crackpipe broke.)
Dana's new ring is so poorly made she's cut herself with it at least twice already.
Dana is too retarded to operate a wedding ring and wears it to bed.
"But, I dunno how to tell Michael... about the cameras..." - Dana, who apparently has a more trusting relationship with the haters than her TrashMaster husband
Dana did a think. (Which never ends well.)
Miracle upon miracles, Dana seems to be drinking water! (Or she's graduated to hard liquor.)
(I have no clue what this BS theory is...)
Dana is too busy to give a shit about Mike's conspiracy.
"There are cameras involved, at every level..." - Dana, possibly reintroducing Drone Guy into the Danaverse
Dana gets into hacking. (Oh, this is going to be fun.)
"They're ninjas..." - Dana "Matrix" Marie
Dana spergs about purposeful security backdoors, IDK, maybe.
"And, it's a very exclusive club, understand, not everybody's supposed to be able to do this..." - Dana, who can barely operate a smartphone
"And I still don't know how to tell him..." - Dana, having to finally write her own conspiracy theory and already having fucked it up
"It's a tough gig... This is a tough gig." - Dana, still bumming around the house
"I'm, in, deep, I'm in very deep, oh this is deep, deep water..." - Dana, the most shallow woman to have ever lived
This ain't a larp or a joke!
Dana is once again having to remind everyone that she's doing fine.
"This is delicate work." - Dana "Sledgehammer" Marie
(God, she's fucking slow tonight...)
"I have to know what I'm doing, and I clearly do..." - Dana "Geek Squad" Marie
Dana seems to be trying to find a way to just break Mike enough to where he'll do schizo larps with her, but won't actually grow a spine and leave.
"I ditched my cellphone, once..."
Dana is right because the cops didn't try and track her down when she left Texas after dumping her phone. (Or just because they don't really have the resources to care about a low-rung felon like her.)
"They were tracking me through my cellphone." - Dana, making a video on her phone and saying she's safe
Dana's car was bugged. (Terry was better than you, Dana!)
"And this all sounds wildly, science-fiction and totally untrue, but..." - Dana, who can't even put up the effort to lie anymore
Dana regales us with having heard about other schizos that the government watched for some reason. (Maybe an early precursor to lolcows?)
"Honestly, all I know is my own experience..." - Dana "I LITERALLY DIED" Marie, who doesn't even know that
Dana dumped her phone in a Habitat For Humanity mailbox, I'm sure they appreciate the plug, Dana.
This was in 2017, Dana went to spaz out in the Olympic Mountains.
Dana prefaces this by saying she can't provide evidence.
Dana mentions "an increase in air traffic" after ditching her phone. (Ya, those glowies at American Airlines are coming for you.)
"I noticed an increase in helicopters..." (
Only true schizos can see when there's a helicopter in the sky.
For some reason search and rescue helicopters operate on a schedule, this is or isn't strange.
"And they were very worried, about my whereabouts..." (No they weren't, nobody was.)
If glowies actually cared about Dana, they would have sent a babysitter for her stupid ass.
Dana found the truth via Scientology.
"It's a great story, worth a lotta money..." - Dana, still too retarded to write a script to her conspiracy theories or for her boring ass life story
Smug Dana ensues.
Dana is a 24/7 livestream for glowie.
Dana can't even justify why anyone would care about her, because they don't.
Dana isn't paranoid, she just has several dozen agencies, some of which don't exist, trying to invade her brain with microwaves.
(I wonder if there'll be a conspiracy about the coming dental surgery...)
Dana talks to the people she assumes are listening\voices in her head, and somehow isn't crazy.
"It's weird, I get results." - Dana, who lives with a garbage man and still has no justification for her psychosis not being a psychosis
*Whispers* "That's the weird thing is I get results..." (Another twice told lie, from out benevolent crack addict.)
New character? "Somebody" (The imaginary glowie in Dana's head that does some things sometimes.)
"I talk and shit happens." - Dana "Constipation" Marie
Smug bitch stare and point.
Dana embraces the possibility that she's wrong, insists it isn't harming anyone. (Despite the fact she tried driving Mike to suicide already?)
"Here's my chance to shine!" - Dana, who looks worse than if they ever found Jimmy Hoffa's body now
Dana only lives for the haters, much like a clown, but more corpselike.
Dana pretends she's talking directly to a hater.
Poor rationalization for Dana's schizophrenic bullshit.
Dana isn't paranoid, she just thinks the Illuminati is watching her fuck her liver completely on the couch 24/7.
"Because it either has a manmade, or a supernatural cause, because it can't be..." - Dana "Process of Elimination" Marie
(What about your hermetic, alchemy sperging?)
Dana breaks out a title drop, which I assumes refers to how often she pulls her o-faces.
Dana has to negotiate with the voices in her head or else glowie will kill her, or something.
Even in the confines of the Danaverse, Dana is easily the dumbest and most clueless character.
Dana has to groom Mike into becoming a schizo.
"And he's no threat to me, that I feel..." - Dana "Happily Married" Marie
Dana can't keep her eyes on the camera.
(God, where the fuck is Hunter when she's drunkenly sperging on the couch? That kid is so fucked...)
"I don't care if he's a little rough around the edges, I like it a little rough..." - Dana "Butt-Stuff" Marie
"He'll figure it out..."
"He seems like he kinda likes being in front of the camera..." (I've seen happier beheading videos than that crossover you two did...)
Polish Mike is passable in Danaland.


Tami Hess
Oh geez....we got drunk RNGM, in his waste management shirt, admitting the only reason he is with DD is that he thinks she is hot. He was "captivated" by her beauty and her sparkle. In the background, all you hear is her fucking with her dry mouth and her ill-fitted teeth. He is just as fouled-mouthed as DD is. He dumbed another "hot" woman for DD. Most of the vid is of him singing her praises. How hot she is, how beautiful her eyes are. Nice job, DD. You FINALLY found a man who you can manipulate into thinking you are a goddess. For now. Soon, you will fuck it up because that is your MO.

He admits he has had tons and tons of pussy. Her's is so much better. Admits he has been married 4 times. Says he is looking for a wholesome woman. OMG.....wrong bitch, RNGM! He is going to buy her a motorcycle. LOL>...that should be fun. This bitch rolled a fucking ATV......a motorcycle?

They have earth-shattering sex. Dana, you are such a cow. Putting vids out here like that makes you look like a whore. Of course, we all know you are, but why don't you think about your fucking kids you self-absorbed bitch? FYI: Steph and Skip don't fucking watch your shit so I don't know who you are trying to impress. Us? Oh, no. Trust me....even WE think less of you when you do shit like that.

Says she was analyzing her YT channel and figured out that the bulk of her viewers are females from KF. LOL... I am thinking you are gonna have a hard time proving that there, DD, since there is NO way you can make that claim. But....if it is true, how fucking sad is that for you? We are so worried about what she is doing. @Batshit special mention to you. She still thinks you are some Shawna chick. Apparently, DD is the Judge as to which women "deserve" good men. You skanky fucking dumpster fire.....if that were true, it would NOT be you. She has big plans now. She is gonna force everyone to watch her enjoying her life. For someone who loves the spotlight so much, she is sure butthurt that we watch her. Oh...wait. Only if that spotlight is of glowing love for her.


Donne was wrong.Some people are islands
True & Honest Fan
I'm so confused. I thought we were all nerdy gamer guys living in our mom's basements. Has this changed? Google analytics says it must be so, and so it must be. Not like anyone has ever lied on a Gmail sign up or anything.
The absolutely not skanky Dana makes a big deal about another woman being overweight. Several times. Because obviously Dana has never been in that position, and used the free income and health care of the ex husband she so lightly maligns to pay for WLS, then claimed that the government was trying to kill her because it worked exactly like it was supposed to. Yes Dana, I know " your spies" are reading. No one gives a fuck. This is public. Anyone can read it including you, and we all know you do. We've all seen how smitten he is when your back is turned. He can play you with pretty words all day. But you know deep down that you'll be the next "hot chick" he's with while he's jerking it to the latest scrawny blonde behind the gas station counter. Did you tell him about the cameras yet? Did he call you a dumb bitch?

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In which Dana films a drunken Mike on the couch, Mike recounts the "hundreds and hundreds" of women he's had sex with, Dana is by far the cheapest, or something. I assume the "Unplugged" in the title refers to Mike who looks like someone who wants to be taken off life support. (5/10) Mike is a little more entertaining than Dana these days, but the two only play well together when they're actively fighting.

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Dana is just pointing a camera in Mike's face for 18 minutes.
Mike is still wearing his work shirt, drinking Coors Light, looking like he wants to die in the most painful but sure way possible.
(The Waste Management logo really seems apt with our girl Dumpster over here...)
"Before I met you, I was dating this smokin' hot girl..." - Mike, recounting the days before he had to fight off secret agents and Dana's alcoholic rage
Mike really misses his ex-wife, the one with the tits.
Dana keeps on making retarded noises with her mouth, drink some water, bitch!
Rocco makes an appearance.
Mike is "a physical person", whatever the fuck that means, he still hasn't smacked Dana upside the head for making her shitty videos.
(What the hell is with the disparity between backgrounds these days, sometimes the house looks nice, here there isn't even sheetrock on the walls.)
Mike's ex-wife was younger than Dana.
(Is her head really that far up her own ass that she can't tell Mike is so going to cheat on her again?)
"I was cranky as FUUUUCK!" *Smoker laugh* - Dana, beating down Mike even more
"4 AM, get your coffee and get the fuck out!" - Dana "Customer Service" Marie
Dana has a "sparkle". (Read: She's easier than jaywalking in Wyoming)
Mike doesn't have words to explain, possibly because Dana smells as bad as she looks.
Mike was thinking about Dana while screwing some other woman? (So, not the ex-wife?)
"I'm bangin' her, I'm fuckin' daydreaming about, you're under my fuckin'... dick... gettin' fuckin' railed..." - Mike "TrashMaster" Halgas
Dana does a title drop and another smoker laugh.
Mike does a lot of fuckin'
"I coulda ended up with her, I coulda married her..." - Mike "Costume Jewelry" Halgas
Mike still can't think of a reason he wants anything to do with Dana.
Mike loved Dana since he got to stare at her ass for the first time.
"This is the most perfect piece of ass I think I've ever seen in my life..." - Mike "Horndog" Halgas
(I don't think Mike's last girl is real, just something he made up because Dana would never be interested in someone who wasn't in a relationship.)
Mike is at the age where he "wants a committed partner". (Well, Dana should have been committed a lot earlier, so, fair game?)
Mike is sensitive, or vaguely paranoid and afraid of dying alone. (Or her can't afford a hooker.)
(God, this house is a fucking mess...)
Dana is drinking off-camera.
"That beautiful smile you have..." - Mike, in the vain hope he doesn't have to drop 24k on Dana's new veneers
"You're incredibly sexy..." - Mike, with all the joy in his face of a Vietnamese POW
Dana is the best wife Mike has had since 1990, which Mike thinks is 40 years ago.
"Ya, 30..." - Dana, who finally managed to find someone worse at math than her
90's wife cheated on Mike, no wonder she reminds him of Dana.
"She's dead now, she's dead..." - Mike "Plinkett" Halgas
I think Mike just picked up on Dana's subtle eyefucking. (Or saw her blow a dude by the slurpie machine.)
"It was almost like, an uncontrollable obsession..." - Mike, using very similar terms to Dana when describing this kind of thing
"And I'm so grateful I get to have you..." - Mike "Sad Clown" Halgas
(I've never seen a man this fucking joyless and uninterested.)
Mike didn't have a reason to look forward to coming home before Dana. (Hey asshat, you have a kid, a dog and apparently friends.)
Mike has dated "hundreds and hundreds" of girls.
"I've had pussy from California, to fuckin' New York, to Florida, all the way to Canada, and, almost everywhere in between..." - Mike "Pussy Pass" Halgas
Ain't no pussy like Dana's tuna salad.
Mike can't remember the last time he had good pussy.
"ME!" - Dana, who is mentally about 6 years old
Mike was uninterested in getting married again.
Mike has been divorced 3 times, Dana will make number 4.
Mike had a 100k home in Florida, a 150k home in New York, a second 100k home in central NY.
(Given that Florida was on of the places he got pussy from, safe to say it was Mike's fault for losing that home.)
Mike says he had to rebuild his life 3 times, Dana has to chime in with a "ME TOO!"
Dana keeps trying to one up Mike's story of how much he fucked up his life, Mike finally starts drinking his beer.
Mike likes waking up next to Dana "Corpse Bride" Marie.
Mike invents the word "Realatization"
Mike and Dana met in a parking lot recently? (One of them is stalking the other, IDK which.)
Mike is an experienced stalker, used to stalk random bars for women.
Mike at one point had 40 to 50 booty calls lined up.
"And I had their pictures to prove it..." - Mike "Chad" Halgas
"I don't want people to get the wrong idea of me... I'm not this kinda self-absorbed asshole..." (Mission Failed)
Mike is a superior whore to Dana.
"That's not how I want to live my life anymore..."
"Me neither." - Dana "5 Dollar Foot Long" Marie
"Too bad we can't have kids, I'd fuckin' knock ya up ten times..." - Mike, on really thin ice, possibly confirming that Dana is now infertile
"I'm gonna take you mini-golfing..." - Mike "Happy Gilmore" Halgas
"We're gonna get you a motorcycle!" - Mike, who now knows that an ATV isn't fast enough to kill on impact
Mike promises Dana an exciting life where she gets what she wants, this is being said while Mike sits on a couch covered in crap in an unfinished room.
Rock of Love.
Mike is jealous of men who can afford trophy wives that don't look like a swamp hag.
Dana is classy, according to Mike, who looks like he's sitting on a pile of dirty laundry.
Dana makes weird squeaking noises when someone compliments her?
Mike had to learn everything about Dana. (But not about the cameras, right, Mike?)
"I mean, it is earth-shattering sex..." - Mike, being gross as Dana moans off-camera
Mike and Dana have orgasms that could break windows.
Dana defies all adjectives, moreover she's cheap.
Mike has already had oral sex with Dana once tonight.
Yadda, yadda, Dana is so dreamy.
"Since I've been married to my son's first mom..." - Mike "Family Matters" Halgas
"You know, I consider living on Earth, Hell." - Mike "Suicidal Ideation" Halgas
"This is my personal Hell..." - Mike
"Not for much longer..." - Dana "Foreboding" Marie
"That's all about to change, honey..." - Dana
(Plinkett origin story, Dana finds Mike cheating, again... and goes all Tonya Harding on Mike, leading him to be stuck in a wheelchair, reviewing movies on the internet.)
"Do you know, there is a 1, in 20 billion chance, of catching a dream?" - Mike "Mathematician" Halgas, who couldn't remember that 1990 was 3 decades ago, not 4
"You know how many times I whacked off to you?" - Mike, managing to edge out Dana in being gross
Mike is a coomer and can't count that high.
I think he implied he jerks off whilst driving?
Mike is lucky.
Mike wishes he was more experienced at stalking to have found out more sooner.
Mike's friend told him about Dana.
Mike checks his text messages whilst having sex.
(WTF is up with Mike pretending to drink his beer?)
(Jesus, look how dirty Mike's hands are!)
Dana pans the camera over to Rocco.
The video cuts out. (THANK GOD!)

In which Dana claims to have insights into the demographics of her haters, says everyone on the thread is a Karen, hates @Batshit, pledges that all will be jealous when her next shitty project drops, which she already revealed by accident, possibly (The comedy show.) (3/10) Dana calling people whores triggers seething jealousy that she's terrible at hiding.

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Typical "trendy" clothing for women pushing 60.
Hair appears recently degreased.
Dana looked at her channel analytics. (Ya right...)
"And I found some interesting correlations..." - Dana, whom has the most boring correlations
Dana's primary viewership is 81% female? (Sources, ho!)
"Ages 45 to 54..." (That would be you, Dana.)
Dana's primary traffic is from KF, allegedly. (Can someone with more experience with Youtube analytics tell me exactly how big a load this is?)
"So let's just put it all together, shall we?" - Dana, who couldn't be trusted to assemble a set of Lincoln Logs
"Basically, a bunch of middle-aged women, have taken over, that thread on KiwiFarms." - Dana "My Own Biggest Fan" Marie
Everyone else on the thread is a middle-aged woman threatened by Dana for reasons of fuck you.
The KarenFarms is born.
So, Dana is making this video, knowing 81% of her viewers won't like it?
Dana's conspiracy life has now been downgraded from glowies to Karens.
"The Google Analytics, Youtube Analytics, don't lie!" - Dana, who does
(Dana, the thread has like 6 active posters on it, you're completely making shit up.)
Still thinks people are trying to get her arrested.
"Now, I know two of them, one of them's Stephanie..." - Dana, regarding how pathetic her views actually are
Batshit = Shauna Wrathbone.
VASCOR story again.
"She's like, 250 pounds, got a big old gut, big saggy tits and she's as plain as dirt, this woman is not attractive." (So she's Dana, pre gastric bypass?)
(Didn't she imply Batshit was in healthcare by accusing them of violating HIPAA?)
"This bitch was a phone sex operator, because, she had to be a phone sex operator because, nobody'd pay to fuck this bitch." - Dana "IRL Sex Operator" Marie
"When she worked at Mitsubishi, she went around fucking all the married guys." - Dana, contradicting her last statement, clearly jealous
"Adultery is okay as long there's no kids involved." - Shauna, allegedly
"And, she's been in mental hospitals." (SO WERE YOU!)
Shauna set someone on fire because she was drunk and her friends thought it would be funny. (It actually is kinda funny...)
"She worked for the IRS..." - Dana "Taxation Is Theft" Marie
Shauna was a glowie plant.
Dana is jealous of Andy, Shauna's rich boyfriend.
"And I'm like, bitch, you make 10 dollars an hour and drive a shitty, beater car?" (Still more than Dana probably made, she's 50 and still making minimum wage.)
Dana is jealous of Shauna's possibly fake boyfriend.
Dana had a bad feeling about Shauna.
"So, Shauna, has it out for me..."
Shauna = "Official demon moderator at KiwiFarms"
Dana has to pander to her haters to try and convince people her videos aren't scripted. (They aren't, just incredibly forced, you inauthentic ho.)
Polish Mike gets drunk and rambles about pussy all the time.
"Because, here's what I know about women..."
Every woman wants a trashman, not every woman deserves a trashman!
"Just because you have a vagina doesn't mean you deserve to have some guy, be that into you." - Dana, who couldn't shut up about the magic of vaginas a couple months ago
"You might be a skanky whore!" - Dana, who we're marginally more sure is
Struggles to say "internal"
Everyone who posts on the thread is a middle-aged hag.
"Well, I have a project in the works..." - Dana "Unabomber" Marie
Dana plans to take over the world soon, or something, IDK.
Mike will do anything for Dana. (Yawn...)
"Could not ask, for anything more..." - Dana, dejected she couldn't be a gold digger to someone half her age
"But, I got a new idea for a channel..." (Your comedy show? The only thing laughable about that is the concept.)
Dana's entire new channel is created for the purposes of wasting the time of the haters.
Haters don't have lives, unlike the woman who screams in the back of her car most days.
Smug Dana ensues, her khantent sucks.
"So by all means, keep watching! Ladies... and I use that term in the loosest possible way..." - Dana, a loose woman
Dana threatens people with her continuously deteriorating khantent.
Everyone is mentally ill.
Steph is an attention seeking 14 year old girl.
Dana's ranting is so confusing I think she just said her own opinion doesn't matter.
(Ladies of KF, please send Mike topless photos, this saga needs some drama.)
Says that Skip loves his job more than Steph. (Isn't Skip retired?)
"He doesn't love any woman as much as he loves his job and being offshore." (No, that's just you, Dana.)
Dana wishes Steph was jealous, her life was always one breakdown away from being terrible.
Dana was always an attention and literal whore.
Dana was so ronery...
Video cuts out randomly, I think the car door opens? (Probably Mike dragging her stupid ass out for making more videos.)


Tami Hess
Back to Inanna. FFS. Claims Inanna was the first gay icon. All Inanna's slaves had to fuck men. You seriously can not make this shit up (well, clearly SHE can). Jesus is/was Damozi (spelling). Russians have already been to Venus and that is why they noticed her. DD......the only one who has "noticed" you is RNGM. Claims there is no way she can make this up cause........sorry, not clearly answered.

Back to Inanna. Then back to Joel who her sources say is cruising gay bars. She has ALWAYS thought he was gay (so why were you trying to jump on his dick so badly?). Bitching about the Mormon church and Imagine Dragons has been trying to get the church to change their ways (I can hardly keep up with this shitstorm). Joel wanted to marry her. Then, she started to "come into her power" so that idea was moot; she won't be "allowed" to marry a gay man. There. Now the whole why can't Joel love me saga has been explained. Of course, she never addresses the restraining order he had on her. Her mother can turn gay men straight to and that ability is in her genes (along with about 100 different dick).

Back to Inanna. Then.....back to Joel. Hey, RNGM, in case you are reading all this shit or watching the vids, are you starting to get a REAL pic about the "love of your life?" Says that Joel can approach her. She is making Michael a King cause she is Inanna. Says that we have seen the Mike vids and we are gonna sit down and shut up. Of course, we aren't but......

She thinks Steph would prefer Michael over Skip. LOL....holy shit....delusions upon more delusions. Tell ya what DD. If all this awesome talk of Michael how all your love for him, why are you making vids professing your love? Tell him. We don't give 2 shits other than waiting for the dumpster fire this is sure to be. She threatens Joel with RNGM. Gays love the goddess. I cannot with this shit today. Says that Joel should pray to "the goddess" (i.e. HER) and ask for help to accept he is gay. Once he does, then he will be no threat to Michael and it will be safe to approach her. Tells HIM to stop drinking (LOL). Joel beat his wife because he is gay and because of what went down between them (not ONE fucking thing).

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