Skitzocow Dana Marie Cain / Oracle of Venus / The Scorpion - Divorced Batshit Space Demon Waitress with NPD, Gangstalked by Alphabet Agencies, "Pretending to be Rеtarded", #SaveJoelIrish

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Just a little creecher situation type deal
kiwifarms.net
In which Dana won't shut up for 43 minutes, tries reading The Bible, has to make everything about the Bananalore and wants to save the haters. (1/10) Fucking Hell, this was a slog, there were some good lines, but fuck if this wasn't the bottom of the barrel in terms of genuine joy.

No description, blocked comments and ratings.
43 MINUTES!!!
Still trapped in the crackshed, I imagine Mike just slides Pop-Tarts under the door once a week, that's the only reason she's still kicking.
Dana is in full crack Golum mode with her usual pink top and no ring.
(Oh God, it's a Bananalore video...)
(Dana fucked up the audio again, it's really hard to hear exactly how retarded she's being at any given moment.)
(Editor's Note: I think Dana is trying to say Ereshkegal in the Banana rants, but she keeps on saying "Erik-esh-eagle", IDK if she fucked it up or I did, but I can't confirm that spelling.)
(I'm going to have to gloss over some shit here, but this seriously has to be a record for Dana.)
The gang's all here, you guiz! (All of Dana's imaginary friends.)
"I was a Sunday school teacher." (HAHAHAHAHAHA, I really wanna see that...)
"I was a radio Christian DJ." - Dana "BJ" Marie
Dana continues to describe her religious life in the past tense, totally not considering the fact that she might end up in Hell because of how downhill she went.
Dana designed the website for the church she used to go to. (Read: Told someone it looked good and then took full credit for doing nothing.)
"I, am, an, ordained minister." - Dana, who still isn't married
Dana pretends to be a Christian.
Shows off her Bible.
"And I know how to use it too!" (What, are you hitting Mike with it whenever Satan tells him to kill himself?)
"I can find my way around this book, how many of you judging me can say the same?" (Dana so hid a comic book in there.)
(I wonder how many wine stains there are on that Bible.)
Dana wants an alien Aryan boyfriend.
Dana struggles to count to 3. (I can't tell if her fingers are clubbed or not, but boy does her hygiene suck.)
Dana is trying to make all of religion justify her schizo canon.
Babylon bullshit... Sumerian sperging...
Banana was a whore who put the city of Uruk on the map, fitting that it was abandoned 1,300 years ago...
More about Banana's many names.
"She was a maiden... and, she realized that she was beautiful, and perfect..." - Dana "Mary Sue" Marie
"Divine lin-age"
Gods only get god powers when they do some arbitrary test. (I wonder what Dana's test is? Get drunk on the couch again?)
More about Banana having a drinking contest that one time, because Dana is so insecure she can't even talk about her imaginary friend having sex at length.
Enki is a complete simp in the Banaverse. (I think we know who she's going to say Mike is!)
(Good God, this is so boring... If Banana is real, I hope for one of us to get hit by lightning.)
Dana waves her Bible around.
Only 1/4 of The Bible is in The Bible.
(Dana seems really out of it with her hand gestures and how awkward and stiff they are.)
Dana searches her drunken brain for the missing pages of The Bible that say she isn't a boring shitbag.
"But, most of you have no clue what I'm talkin' about..." - Dana, who doesn't either
Smug flexing over Dana's pseudospiritual crap, ya, you flex those emerald tablets, Dana!
The cult of Banana has been slandered in recent years, they totally aren't okay with child sacrifice, you guiz!
All other cults of Banana are fake and gay.
Dana is trying to guess at character motivations in a book she hasn't read in years. (If ever.)
Banana doesn't like sacrifice because of her inferiority complex with Ereshkigal.
(Because being the goddess of the dead means you require sacrifice to have a population? Because nobody ever dies of anything else in Danaland.)
Banana Goes to Hell: The Final Fellatio
Banana doesn't require sacrifice. (But Dana still thinks it sounds cool, so get out those ceremonial daggers, gents!)
Government and freedom didn't exist until Banana fucked some dudes.
Banana invented everything ever, fuck the haters!
All of Dana's haters are Christians.
"You think it's not, contained in this book and I promise you it is." - Dana "Illiteracy" Marie, reading between the lines (of coke)
(Alright bitch, what motel room did you steal that Bible out of?)
Dana can only remember that Marduk was mentioned in The Bible, no clue what he did.
Y'all haters ain't ready for Dana's knowledge bombs on the church of Bananarama!
Dana is really aggressive with that Bible when she flops it around, there is no way this isn't a new book that Dana is just using as a prop.
"I studied this book my whole life." - Dana, who can't name a single thing that actually happened in The Bible because of her alternative canon ruining it
Dana has found Jesus. (Presumably at a truck stop bathroom.)
Dana knows the truth, you guiz!
"Since most of you aren't there yet..." - Dana, hoping for a much younger schizo to fuck
Everything is a lie unless it comes from Dana's weird extended biblical canon of whores and simps.
(Fuck, she looks like something we found in a shipwreck...)
"There's a lotta money to be made, in death." - Dana "Undertaker" Marie
Dana is now literally Banana, because she refers to Ereshkigal as "[her] sister".
More about Dana's "lin-age"
Dana's got the power, or something.
Dana is still trying to come up with a personal conspiracy that allows her to have never been at fault for anything ever.
Dana annoyed people with her interpretation of The Bible.
Dana is going to read to us. (Oh dear fuck...)
More entitlement, if you think Dana is an alcoholic whore, it's only because you don't love Jesus enough.
More hand gestures, Dana looks like an animatronic with Parkinson's.
Want the haters to make videos.
"Ya really wanna die, you really... are part of my sister Ereshkigal, kingdom..."
Everyone is obsessed with death, says the woman making a 43 minute video about it.
God only exists from a subjective point of view in Danaland.
Dana starts reading Genesis 3. Dana is using the New Living Translation (NLT) Bible.
(This is funny because prior Dana appeared to be using either the New International or King James' versions, so, yes, Dana bought/stole that Bible to use as a prop.)
Dana can't keep her commentary in her stupid face for more than 30 seconds.
Eve wasn't property.
More about Dana's theory on why women are the master race because Eve was made of a bone.
Dana's theory on human evolution was that men were created so women could be created.
"Then he put ALL the power... to sustain life and create life, within her womb..."
Everything is Adam's fault despite the fact it really wasn't.
Dana speedruns the Bible so she can get to the important part, her completely fucking up the Bible story with her irrelevant lore.
"Adam was like the first pancake. You know what I'm talkin' about, right?" - Dana "Breakfast Sausage" Marie
Dana screws up and calls Adam the second pancake because metaphors hurt her sloth brain.
Dana still thinks that knowing where babies come from means nobody can question her retardation.
(Okay Dana, explain mitosis from your Bible biology perspective.)
More vaginal magic.
Back to the Bible. (Sike! Fuck you!)
"They were primitive, they were naked, didn't even realize, didn't even know how to clothe themselves..." - Dana, who clearly doesn't know how clothing works either.
(Noticing now that Dana now has a phone charger set up in the crackshack, indicating she's spending a lot more time out here.)
"And you wouldn't give a 5 year-old the keys to the minivan and send them down to buy beer." - Dana, who totally would
Eve is an idiot, Dana gives away the ending to the story early, because reading is hard.
Dana Marie and the things you'll never unsee...
Everyone is afraid of glowie to say things half as retarded as Dana does.
Everyone else is a liar.
Everyone should live like Dana.
This reminds Dana of the Bananaverse.
Enki is still a simp.
"She was literally a virgin!" (I'm not convinced Banana was ever a virgin.)
(Ugh, look at Dana's flabby arms!)
(What is it with schizos mentioning the Large Hadron Collider? Maybe Dana thought it was a hard-on collider?)
Dana lumps herself into the group of "we" when talking about the LHC, given this bitch can't even use an oven correctly... I can see why "we" doesn't like her very much.
Dana steals the Promethius story to explain some vague level of technology.
Back to The Bible!
Dana continues the minivan-liquor store analogy.
"Let's figure out how to, make stuff..." - Adam, presumably assembling the first cumsofa
(How does the idea of being "civilized" even exist when there are only 2 living people?)
Dana doesn't like seeing nudity on the internet, because you're the one who's self-conscious!
"If I want to see a naked body, well, I, take off, my clothes and look in the mirror..." - Dana "Autosexual" Marie
If Dana wanted to look at penises, she'd call Mike over.
Dana is mad that society shoves penises in her face.
"There's nothing wrong with being modest." - Dana, who doesn't know what that word means
Trying to hide from God in the trees, much like hiding from your fake fiance in the crackshed.
Respect the goddess, you guiz!
Dana "Venom" Marie describes another useless wish fulfillment scenario where "the big boss" comes down to watch her work.
God/Banana are the big boss of the Bananaverse, but clearly not the Danaverse.
Sometimes God just fucks with people. (Mostly schizos.)
Dana wants her haters to feel the fear of God.
"You're gonna meet The Lord, whether you want to or not, you can't escape that!" - Dana, worried that her imaginary freinds are going to kill her, again
Back to The Bible. (FOR ALL OF 5 FUCKING SECONDS)
Dana points at the camera when talking about other people being more powerful than you. (Because everyone should fear Dana for some reason.)
Dana's brain sputters out a bit more.
Back to The Bible. Dana sucks at delineating things.
Dana found a flaw in The Bible or something.
"So, the moral of this take is. Adam... not only blamed the woman, for his actions... but also blamed God, who gave him the woman." - Dana, surprisingly not using this to flex on Skip
(Funny, given that all of this shit was her fault the way Dana "Girl Power" Marie describes it.)
Being a man means taking accountability for any retarded thing a random woman (whom you don't own) does.
"Don't blame your woman, and don't blame God..." (Most importantly, don't blame Dana, who thinks she's both at this point.)
Dana gets to decide who is and isn't a man.
(So wait, NOT being a man, but being a man is how you get Dana's weird curse?)
Dana tells everyone to be a man, especially any men who are watching.
Woman are unfixable?
On to Eve, who had an even worse excuse than Adam.
"She could have blamed Adam, but she didn't." (No, she couldn't have because it was her stupid ass who told him to eat from the tree!)
Everything is the serpent's fault, God is kind of a temperamental dick, to hear Dana tell it.
Snakes had feet before God got mad at Lucifer.
Somehow all this shit relates to child sacrifice and Ereshkegal.
Dana's life was destined to be a clusterfuck.
Screw Adam, that dusty motherfucker.
Dana projects all her man-hating strawman traits onto Adam.
More reading...
Everyone came from a vagina, therefore Dana is special because she owns one, alongside 50% of the population.
Eve got fucked over in the deal she made by having to do what her husband told her.
"Ya well, I saw that play out..." (I KNEW IT, SHE DID IT!)
Goes on to lie twice in a row.
Child sacrifice is normal, you guiz!
More about Dana's bull being a WMD.
People have no future in the real world? So women shouldn't have kids?
Dana blames the low birth rate on the fact that death exists. (Because it totally hasn't at any other point in history...)
Heaven is "bullshit".
Dana is mad she doesn't have a legacy because she's a fucking failure.
The curse of Adam is just being alive.
The truth was redacted, presumably by glowie.
The goddess is back (Dana).
Cites Revelations 20:18 to spite, presumably Steph?
"So I'm not worried, are you, you shouldn't be, unless you should be." - Dana, who TOTALLY ISN'T, YOU GUIZ!
"Depends on where you are on the scale." - Dana "Autism Spectrum" Marie
(Stop fucking pointing!)
Back to the Bible, whole, dust to dust sperging.
People aren't actually children of Adam, but will be blamed regardless.
(God, this is all a huge cope...)
Get woke to adults like Dana! She ain't fraid of shit!
Embrace your origins as a space Aryan.
The gang's all here, despite the fact Dana referrenced a Bible that doesn't contain them.
You gotta be SMORT like Dana and watch Youtube videos about shit you don't understand, then write a fanfic.
Breaks out the "study this stuff at Oxford and Harvard" line again.
Cites some schizos on Youtube.
Everyone who doesn't watch schizo-Youtube will face the wall.
The guilty parties have been punished, but everyone else must suffer because Dana is somehow better than people who can make rent.
Dana uses the term "prison planet", when even Alex Jones would find her nuttier than squirrel shit.
Dana looks for the meaning of life, Heaven is just you.
"As a matter of fact, you won't go to Heaven if you die." (So wait, didn't Banana die? Is your imaginary friend dead, Dana?)
Dana goes full narc, really wants her face on the dollar bill, or some shit.
Dana will be recognized for her weird ranting someday. (Do want a mountain with her O-face to exist somewhere, though...)
"I deserve it..." - Dana "Mounted" Marie
Dana totally saved lives you guiz.
Denies her genocidal fantasties.
Everything is in the Bible, even though Dana said that it wasn't.
Dana thinks one drunken Bible verse proves the entire world wrong.
Religion is a scam, unless it's the church of Banana, which has never made money, therefore it can't be a scam!
Dana hates Catholics.
Dana is the only way to become immortal.
Dana flexes on the imaginary people who know immortality exists, but keep it a secret anyway.
(Dana's nails are absolute trash.)
Dana just wants the haters to not hate her.
Still keeping up with her death threats.
Dana hints at the deathsquad delusion, still sucks at negotiation.
Dana rationalizes her cope.
Abraham Lincoln quote, even though Dana doesn't have any friends.
Dana could have killed everyone with goddess powers, but didn't, despite the fact she said she did when it didn't work.
(Alright Dana, try and magic me a death!)
Dana is totally caring, you guiz!
Dana can't accept that she's shit at negotiating and is about as personable as a cactus.
Dana tries to take the moral highground, implies God likes her over the haters.
"You get right with him by getting right with me, and that's a fact..." - Dana "Narcissism" Marie
Fin.

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CrazyAsHell

Tami Hess
kiwifarms.net
In which Dana won't shut up for 43 minutes, tries reading The Bible, has to make everything about the Bananalore and wants to save the haters. (1/10) Fucking Hell, this was a slog, there were some good lines, but fuck if this wasn't the bottom of the barrel in terms of genuine joy.

No description, blocked comments and ratings.
43 MINUTES!!!
Still trapped in the crackshed, I imagine Mike just slides Pop-Tarts under the door once a week, that's the only reason she's still kicking.
Dana is in full crack Golum mode with her usual pink top and no ring.
(Oh God, it's a Bananalore video...)
(Dana fucked up the audio again, it's really hard to hear exactly how retarded she's being at any given moment.)
(Editor's Note: I think Dana is trying to say Ereshkegal in the Banana rants, but she keeps on saying "Erik-esh-eagle", IDK if she fucked it up or I did, but I can't confirm that spelling.)
(I'm going to have to gloss over some shit here, but this seriously has to be a record for Dana.)
The gang's all here, you guiz! (All of Dana's imaginary friends.)
"I was a Sunday school teacher." (HAHAHAHAHAHA, I really wanna see that...)
"I was a radio Christian DJ." - Dana "BJ" Marie
Dana continues to describe her religious life in the past tense, totally not considering the fact that she might end up in Hell because of how downhill she went.
Dana designed the website for the church she used to go to. (Read: Told someone it looked good and then took full credit for doing nothing.)
"I, am, an, ordained minister." - Dana, who still isn't married
Dana pretends to be a Christian.
Shows off her Bible.
"And I know how to use it too!" (What, are you hitting Mike with it whenever Satan tells him to kill himself?)
"I can find my way around this book, how many of you judging me can say the same?" (Dana so hid a comic book in there.)
(I wonder how many wine stains there are on that Bible.)
Dana wants an alien Aryan boyfriend.
Dana struggles to count to 3. (I can't tell if her fingers are clubbed or not, but boy does her hygiene suck.)
Dana is trying to make all of religion justify her schizo canon.
Babylon bullshit... Sumerian sperging...
Banana was a whore who put the city of Uruk on the map, fitting that it was abandoned 1,300 years ago...
More about Banana's many names.
"She was a maiden... and, she realized that she was beautiful, and perfect..." - Dana "Mary Sue" Marie
"Divine lin-age"
Gods only get god powers when they do some arbitrary test. (I wonder what Dana's test is? Get drunk on the couch again?)
More about Banana having a drinking contest that one time, because Dana is so insecure she can't even talk about her imaginary friend having sex at length.
Enki is a complete simp in the Banaverse. (I think we know who she's going to say Mike is!)
(Good God, this is so boring... If Banana is real, I hope for one of us to get hit by lightning.)
Dana waves her Bible around.
Only 1/4 of The Bible is in The Bible.
(Dana seems really out of it with her hand gestures and how awkward and stiff they are.)
Dana searches her drunken brain for the missing pages of The Bible that say she isn't a boring shitbag.
"But, most of you have no clue what I'm talkin' about..." - Dana, who doesn't either
Smug flexing over Dana's pseudospiritual crap, ya, you flex those emerald tablets, Dana!
The cult of Banana has been slandered in recent years, they totally aren't okay with child sacrifice, you guiz!
All other cults of Banana are fake and gay.
Dana is trying to guess at character motivations in a book she hasn't read in years. (If ever.)
Banana doesn't like sacrifice because of her inferiority complex with Ereshkigal.
(Because being the goddess of the dead means you require sacrifice to have a population? Because nobody ever dies of anything else in Danaland.)
Banana Goes to Hell: The Final Fellatio
Banana doesn't require sacrifice. (But Dana still thinks it sounds cool, so get out those ceremonial daggers, gents!)
Government and freedom didn't exist until Banana fucked some dudes.
Banana invented everything ever, fuck the haters!
All of Dana's haters are Christians.
"You think it's not, contained in this book and I promise you it is." - Dana "Illiteracy" Marie, reading between the lines (of coke)
(Alright bitch, what motel room did you steal that Bible out of?)
Dana can only remember that Marduk was mentioned in The Bible, no clue what he did.
Y'all haters ain't ready for Dana's knowledge bombs on the church of Bananarama!
Dana is really aggressive with that Bible when she flops it around, there is no way this isn't a new book that Dana is just using as a prop.
"I studied this book my whole life." - Dana, who can't name a single thing that actually happened in The Bible because of her alternative canon ruining it
Dana has found Jesus. (Presumably at a truck stop bathroom.)
Dana knows the truth, you guiz!
"Since most of you aren't there yet..." - Dana, hoping for a much younger schizo to fuck
Everything is a lie unless it comes from Dana's weird extended biblical canon of whores and simps.
(Fuck, she looks like something we found in a shipwreck...)
"There's a lotta money to be made, in death." - Dana "Undertaker" Marie
Dana is now literally Banana, because she refers to Ereshkigal as "[her] sister".
More about Dana's "lin-age"
Dana's got the power, or something.
Dana is still trying to come up with a personal conspiracy that allows her to have never been at fault for anything ever.
Dana annoyed people with her interpretation of The Bible.
Dana is going to read to us. (Oh dear fuck...)
More entitlement, if you think Dana is an alcoholic whore, it's only because you don't love Jesus enough.
More hand gestures, Dana looks like an animatronic with Parkinson's.
Want the haters to make videos.
"Ya really wanna die, you really... are part of my sister Ereshkigal, kingdom..."
Everyone is obsessed with death, says the woman making a 43 minute video about it.
God only exists from a subjective point of view in Danaland.
Dana starts reading Genesis 3. Dana is using the New Living Translation (NLT) Bible.
(This is funny because prior Dana appeared to be using either the New International or King James' versions, so, yes, Dana bought/stole that Bible to use as a prop.)
Dana can't keep her commentary in her stupid face for more than 30 seconds.
Eve wasn't property.
More about Dana's theory on why women are the master race because Eve was made of a bone.
Dana's theory on human evolution was that men were created so women could be created.
"Then he put ALL the power... to sustain life and create life, within her womb..."
Everything is Adam's fault despite the fact it really wasn't.
Dana speedruns the Bible so she can get to the important part, her completely fucking up the Bible story with her irrelevant lore.
"Adam was like the first pancake. You know what I'm talkin' about, right?" - Dana "Breakfast Sausage" Marie
Dana screws up and calls Adam the second pancake because metaphors hurt her sloth brain.
Dana still thinks that knowing where babies come from means nobody can question her retardation.
(Okay Dana, explain mitosis from your Bible biology perspective.)
More vaginal magic.
Back to the Bible. (Sike! Fuck you!)
"They were primitive, they were naked, didn't even realize, didn't even know how to clothe themselves..." - Dana, who clearly doesn't know how clothing works either.
(Noticing now that Dana now has a phone charger set up in the crackshack, indicating she's spending a lot more time out here.)
"And you wouldn't give a 5 year-old the keys to the minivan and send them down to buy beer." - Dana, who totally would
Eve is an idiot, Dana gives away the ending to the story early, because reading is hard.
Dana Marie and the things you'll never unsee...
Everyone is afraid of glowie to say things half as retarded as Dana does.
Everyone else is a liar.
Everyone should live like Dana.
This reminds Dana of the Bananaverse.
Enki is still a simp.
"She was literally a virgin!" (I'm not convinced Banana was ever a virgin.)
(Ugh, look at Dana's flabby arms!)
(What is it with schizos mentioning the Large Hadron Collider? Maybe Dana thought it was a hard-on collider?)
Dana lumps herself into the group of "we" when talking about the LHC, given this bitch can't even use an oven correctly... I can see why "we" doesn't like her very much.
Dana steals the Promethius story to explain some vague level of technology.
Back to The Bible!
Dana continues the minivan-liquor store analogy.
"Let's figure out how to, make stuff..." - Adam, presumably assembling the first cumsofa
(How does the idea of being "civilized" even exist when there are only 2 living people?)
Dana doesn't like seeing nudity on the internet, because you're the one who's self-conscious!
"If I want to see a naked body, well, I, take off, my clothes and look in the mirror..." - Dana "Autosexual" Marie
If Dana wanted to look at penises, she'd call Mike over.
Dana is mad that society shoves penises in her face.
"There's nothing wrong with being modest." - Dana, who doesn't know what that word means
Trying to hide from God in the trees, much like hiding from your fake fiance in the crackshed.
Respect the goddess, you guiz!
Dana "Venom" Marie describes another useless wish fulfillment scenario where "the big boss" comes down to watch her work.
God/Banana are the big boss of the Bananaverse, but clearly not the Danaverse.
Sometimes God just fucks with people. (Mostly schizos.)
Dana wants her haters to feel the fear of God.
"You're gonna meet The Lord, whether you want to or not, you can't escape that!" - Dana, worried that her imaginary freinds are going to kill her, again
Back to The Bible. (FOR ALL OF 5 FUCKING SECONDS)
Dana points at the camera when talking about other people being more powerful than you. (Because everyone should fear Dana for some reason.)
Dana's brain sputters out a bit more.
Back to The Bible. Dana sucks at delineating things.
Dana found a flaw in The Bible or something.
"So, the moral of this take is. Adam... not only blamed the woman, for his actions... but also blamed God, who gave him the woman." - Dana, surprisingly not using this to flex on Skip
(Funny, given that all of this shit was her fault the way Dana "Girl Power" Marie describes it.)
Being a man means taking accountability for any retarded thing a random woman (whom you don't own) does.
"Don't blame your woman, and don't blame God..." (Most importantly, don't blame Dana, who thinks she's both at this point.)
Dana gets to decide who is and isn't a man.
(So wait, NOT being a man, but being a man is how you get Dana's weird curse?)
Dana tells everyone to be a man, especially any men who are watching.
Woman are unfixable?
On to Eve, who had an even worse excuse than Adam.
"She could have blamed Adam, but she didn't." (No, she couldn't have because it was her stupid ass who told him to eat from the tree!)
Everything is the serpent's fault, God is kind of a temperamental dick, to hear Dana tell it.
Snakes had feet before God got mad at Lucifer.
Somehow all this shit relates to child sacrifice and Ereshkegal.
Dana's life was destined to be a clusterfuck.
Screw Adam, that dusty motherfucker.
Dana projects all her man-hating strawman traits onto Adam.
More reading...
Everyone came from a vagina, therefore Dana is special because she owns one, alongside 50% of the population.
Eve got fucked over in the deal she made by having to do what her husband told her.
"Ya well, I saw that play out..." (I KNEW IT, SHE DID IT!)
Goes on to lie twice in a row.
Child sacrifice is normal, you guiz!
More about Dana's bull being a WMD.
People have no future in the real world? So women shouldn't have kids?
Dana blames the low birth rate on the fact that death exists. (Because it totally hasn't at any other point in history...)
Heaven is "bullshit".
Dana is mad she doesn't have a legacy because she's a fucking failure.
The curse of Adam is just being alive.
The truth was redacted, presumably by glowie.
The goddess is back (Dana).
Cites Revelations 20:18 to spite, presumably Steph?
"So I'm not worried, are you, you shouldn't be, unless you should be." - Dana, who TOTALLY ISN'T, YOU GUIZ!
"Depends on where you are on the scale." - Dana "Autism Spectrum" Marie
(Stop fucking pointing!)
Back to the Bible, whole, dust to dust sperging.
People aren't actually children of Adam, but will be blamed regardless.
(God, this is all a huge cope...)
Get woke to adults like Dana! She ain't fraid of shit!
Embrace your origins as a space Aryan.
The gang's all here, despite the fact Dana referrenced a Bible that doesn't contain them.
You gotta be SMORT like Dana and watch Youtube videos about shit you don't understand, then write a fanfic.
Breaks out the "study this stuff at Oxford and Harvard" line again.
Cites some schizos on Youtube.
Everyone who doesn't watch schizo-Youtube will face the wall.
The guilty parties have been punished, but everyone else must suffer because Dana is somehow better than people who can make rent.
Dana uses the term "prison planet", when even Alex Jones would find her nuttier than squirrel shit.
Dana looks for the meaning of life, Heaven is just you.
"As a matter of fact, you won't go to Heaven if you die." (So wait, didn't Banana die? Is your imaginary friend dead, Dana?)
Dana goes full narc, really wants her face on the dollar bill, or some shit.
Dana will be recognized for her weird ranting someday. (Do want a mountain with her O-face to exist somewhere, though...)
"I deserve it..." - Dana "Mounted" Marie
Dana totally saved lives you guiz.
Denies her genocidal fantasties.
Everything is in the Bible, even though Dana said that it wasn't.
Dana thinks one drunken Bible verse proves the entire world wrong.
Religion is a scam, unless it's the church of Banana, which has never made money, therefore it can't be a scam!
Dana hates Catholics.
Dana is the only way to become immortal.
Dana flexes on the imaginary people who know immortality exists, but keep it a secret anyway.
(Dana's nails are absolute trash.)
Dana just wants the haters to not hate her.
Still keeping up with her death threats.
Dana hints at the deathsquad delusion, still sucks at negotiation.
Dana rationalizes her cope.
Abraham Lincoln quote, even though Dana doesn't have any friends.
Dana could have killed everyone with goddess powers, but didn't, despite the fact she said she did when it didn't work.
(Alright Dana, try and magic me a death!)
Dana is totally caring, you guiz!
Dana can't accept that she's shit at negotiating and is about as personable as a cactus.
Dana tries to take the moral highground, implies God likes her over the haters.
"You get right with him by getting right with me, and that's a fact..." - Dana "Narcissism" Marie
Fin.

View attachment 2284037
God you have a strong stomach. No way I could sit thru that one. Though it did bring back memories of vids from years ago where she "preached" her word in a bra and panties while drinking wine.
 

AngryTreeRat

Meds aren't working. Better get new ones.
kiwifarms.net
In which Dana won't shut up for 43 minutes, tries reading The Bible, has to make everything about the Bananalore and wants to save the haters. (1/10) Fucking Hell, this was a slog, there were some good lines, but fuck if this wasn't the bottom of the barrel in terms of genuine joy.

No description, blocked comments and ratings.
43 MINUTES!!!
Still trapped in the crackshed, I imagine Mike just slides Pop-Tarts under the door once a week, that's the only reason she's still kicking.
Dana is in full crack Golum mode with her usual pink top and no ring.
(Oh God, it's a Bananalore video...)
(Dana fucked up the audio again, it's really hard to hear exactly how retarded she's being at any given moment.)
(Editor's Note: I think Dana is trying to say Ereshkegal in the Banana rants, but she keeps on saying "Erik-esh-eagle", IDK if she fucked it up or I did, but I can't confirm that spelling.)
(I'm going to have to gloss over some shit here, but this seriously has to be a record for Dana.)
The gang's all here, you guiz! (All of Dana's imaginary friends.)
"I was a Sunday school teacher." (HAHAHAHAHAHA, I really wanna see that...)
"I was a radio Christian DJ." - Dana "BJ" Marie
Dana continues to describe her religious life in the past tense, totally not considering the fact that she might end up in Hell because of how downhill she went.
Dana designed the website for the church she used to go to. (Read: Told someone it looked good and then took full credit for doing nothing.)
"I, am, an, ordained minister." - Dana, who still isn't married
Dana pretends to be a Christian.
Shows off her Bible.
"And I know how to use it too!" (What, are you hitting Mike with it whenever Satan tells him to kill himself?)
"I can find my way around this book, how many of you judging me can say the same?" (Dana so hid a comic book in there.)
(I wonder how many wine stains there are on that Bible.)
Dana wants an alien Aryan boyfriend.
Dana struggles to count to 3. (I can't tell if her fingers are clubbed or not, but boy does her hygiene suck.)
Dana is trying to make all of religion justify her schizo canon.
Babylon bullshit... Sumerian sperging...
Banana was a whore who put the city of Uruk on the map, fitting that it was abandoned 1,300 years ago...
More about Banana's many names.
"She was a maiden... and, she realized that she was beautiful, and perfect..." - Dana "Mary Sue" Marie
"Divine lin-age"
Gods only get god powers when they do some arbitrary test. (I wonder what Dana's test is? Get drunk on the couch again?)
More about Banana having a drinking contest that one time, because Dana is so insecure she can't even talk about her imaginary friend having sex at length.
Enki is a complete simp in the Banaverse. (I think we know who she's going to say Mike is!)
(Good God, this is so boring... If Banana is real, I hope for one of us to get hit by lightning.)
Dana waves her Bible around.
Only 1/4 of The Bible is in The Bible.
(Dana seems really out of it with her hand gestures and how awkward and stiff they are.)
Dana searches her drunken brain for the missing pages of The Bible that say she isn't a boring shitbag.
"But, most of you have no clue what I'm talkin' about..." - Dana, who doesn't either
Smug flexing over Dana's pseudospiritual crap, ya, you flex those emerald tablets, Dana!
The cult of Banana has been slandered in recent years, they totally aren't okay with child sacrifice, you guiz!
All other cults of Banana are fake and gay.
Dana is trying to guess at character motivations in a book she hasn't read in years. (If ever.)
Banana doesn't like sacrifice because of her inferiority complex with Ereshkigal.
(Because being the goddess of the dead means you require sacrifice to have a population? Because nobody ever dies of anything else in Danaland.)
Banana Goes to Hell: The Final Fellatio
Banana doesn't require sacrifice. (But Dana still thinks it sounds cool, so get out those ceremonial daggers, gents!)
Government and freedom didn't exist until Banana fucked some dudes.
Banana invented everything ever, fuck the haters!
All of Dana's haters are Christians.
"You think it's not, contained in this book and I promise you it is." - Dana "Illiteracy" Marie, reading between the lines (of coke)
(Alright bitch, what motel room did you steal that Bible out of?)
Dana can only remember that Marduk was mentioned in The Bible, no clue what he did.
Y'all haters ain't ready for Dana's knowledge bombs on the church of Bananarama!
Dana is really aggressive with that Bible when she flops it around, there is no way this isn't a new book that Dana is just using as a prop.
"I studied this book my whole life." - Dana, who can't name a single thing that actually happened in The Bible because of her alternative canon ruining it
Dana has found Jesus. (Presumably at a truck stop bathroom.)
Dana knows the truth, you guiz!
"Since most of you aren't there yet..." - Dana, hoping for a much younger schizo to fuck
Everything is a lie unless it comes from Dana's weird extended biblical canon of whores and simps.
(Fuck, she looks like something we found in a shipwreck...)
"There's a lotta money to be made, in death." - Dana "Undertaker" Marie
Dana is now literally Banana, because she refers to Ereshkigal as "[her] sister".
More about Dana's "lin-age"
Dana's got the power, or something.
Dana is still trying to come up with a personal conspiracy that allows her to have never been at fault for anything ever.
Dana annoyed people with her interpretation of The Bible.
Dana is going to read to us. (Oh dear fuck...)
More entitlement, if you think Dana is an alcoholic whore, it's only because you don't love Jesus enough.
More hand gestures, Dana looks like an animatronic with Parkinson's.
Want the haters to make videos.
"Ya really wanna die, you really... are part of my sister Ereshkigal, kingdom..."
Everyone is obsessed with death, says the woman making a 43 minute video about it.
God only exists from a subjective point of view in Danaland.
Dana starts reading Genesis 3. Dana is using the New Living Translation (NLT) Bible.
(This is funny because prior Dana appeared to be using either the New International or King James' versions, so, yes, Dana bought/stole that Bible to use as a prop.)
Dana can't keep her commentary in her stupid face for more than 30 seconds.
Eve wasn't property.
More about Dana's theory on why women are the master race because Eve was made of a bone.
Dana's theory on human evolution was that men were created so women could be created.
"Then he put ALL the power... to sustain life and create life, within her womb..."
Everything is Adam's fault despite the fact it really wasn't.
Dana speedruns the Bible so she can get to the important part, her completely fucking up the Bible story with her irrelevant lore.
"Adam was like the first pancake. You know what I'm talkin' about, right?" - Dana "Breakfast Sausage" Marie
Dana screws up and calls Adam the second pancake because metaphors hurt her sloth brain.
Dana still thinks that knowing where babies come from means nobody can question her retardation.
(Okay Dana, explain mitosis from your Bible biology perspective.)
More vaginal magic.
Back to the Bible. (Sike! Fuck you!)
"They were primitive, they were naked, didn't even realize, didn't even know how to clothe themselves..." - Dana, who clearly doesn't know how clothing works either.
(Noticing now that Dana now has a phone charger set up in the crackshack, indicating she's spending a lot more time out here.)
"And you wouldn't give a 5 year-old the keys to the minivan and send them down to buy beer." - Dana, who totally would
Eve is an idiot, Dana gives away the ending to the story early, because reading is hard.
Dana Marie and the things you'll never unsee...
Everyone is afraid of glowie to say things half as retarded as Dana does.
Everyone else is a liar.
Everyone should live like Dana.
This reminds Dana of the Bananaverse.
Enki is still a simp.
"She was literally a virgin!" (I'm not convinced Banana was ever a virgin.)
(Ugh, look at Dana's flabby arms!)
(What is it with schizos mentioning the Large Hadron Collider? Maybe Dana thought it was a hard-on collider?)
Dana lumps herself into the group of "we" when talking about the LHC, given this bitch can't even use an oven correctly... I can see why "we" doesn't like her very much.
Dana steals the Promethius story to explain some vague level of technology.
Back to The Bible!
Dana continues the minivan-liquor store analogy.
"Let's figure out how to, make stuff..." - Adam, presumably assembling the first cumsofa
(How does the idea of being "civilized" even exist when there are only 2 living people?)
Dana doesn't like seeing nudity on the internet, because you're the one who's self-conscious!
"If I want to see a naked body, well, I, take off, my clothes and look in the mirror..." - Dana "Autosexual" Marie
If Dana wanted to look at penises, she'd call Mike over.
Dana is mad that society shoves penises in her face.
"There's nothing wrong with being modest." - Dana, who doesn't know what that word means
Trying to hide from God in the trees, much like hiding from your fake fiance in the crackshed.
Respect the goddess, you guiz!
Dana "Venom" Marie describes another useless wish fulfillment scenario where "the big boss" comes down to watch her work.
God/Banana are the big boss of the Bananaverse, but clearly not the Danaverse.
Sometimes God just fucks with people. (Mostly schizos.)
Dana wants her haters to feel the fear of God.
"You're gonna meet The Lord, whether you want to or not, you can't escape that!" - Dana, worried that her imaginary freinds are going to kill her, again
Back to The Bible. (FOR ALL OF 5 FUCKING SECONDS)
Dana points at the camera when talking about other people being more powerful than you. (Because everyone should fear Dana for some reason.)
Dana's brain sputters out a bit more.
Back to The Bible. Dana sucks at delineating things.
Dana found a flaw in The Bible or something.
"So, the moral of this take is. Adam... not only blamed the woman, for his actions... but also blamed God, who gave him the woman." - Dana, surprisingly not using this to flex on Skip
(Funny, given that all of this shit was her fault the way Dana "Girl Power" Marie describes it.)
Being a man means taking accountability for any retarded thing a random woman (whom you don't own) does.
"Don't blame your woman, and don't blame God..." (Most importantly, don't blame Dana, who thinks she's both at this point.)
Dana gets to decide who is and isn't a man.
(So wait, NOT being a man, but being a man is how you get Dana's weird curse?)
Dana tells everyone to be a man, especially any men who are watching.
Woman are unfixable?
On to Eve, who had an even worse excuse than Adam.
"She could have blamed Adam, but she didn't." (No, she couldn't have because it was her stupid ass who told him to eat from the tree!)
Everything is the serpent's fault, God is kind of a temperamental dick, to hear Dana tell it.
Snakes had feet before God got mad at Lucifer.
Somehow all this shit relates to child sacrifice and Ereshkegal.
Dana's life was destined to be a clusterfuck.
Screw Adam, that dusty motherfucker.
Dana projects all her man-hating strawman traits onto Adam.
More reading...
Everyone came from a vagina, therefore Dana is special because she owns one, alongside 50% of the population.
Eve got fucked over in the deal she made by having to do what her husband told her.
"Ya well, I saw that play out..." (I KNEW IT, SHE DID IT!)
Goes on to lie twice in a row.
Child sacrifice is normal, you guiz!
More about Dana's bull being a WMD.
People have no future in the real world? So women shouldn't have kids?
Dana blames the low birth rate on the fact that death exists. (Because it totally hasn't at any other point in history...)
Heaven is "bullshit".
Dana is mad she doesn't have a legacy because she's a fucking failure.
The curse of Adam is just being alive.
The truth was redacted, presumably by glowie.
The goddess is back (Dana).
Cites Revelations 20:18 to spite, presumably Steph?
"So I'm not worried, are you, you shouldn't be, unless you should be." - Dana, who TOTALLY ISN'T, YOU GUIZ!
"Depends on where you are on the scale." - Dana "Autism Spectrum" Marie
(Stop fucking pointing!)
Back to the Bible, whole, dust to dust sperging.
People aren't actually children of Adam, but will be blamed regardless.
(God, this is all a huge cope...)
Get woke to adults like Dana! She ain't fraid of shit!
Embrace your origins as a space Aryan.
The gang's all here, despite the fact Dana referrenced a Bible that doesn't contain them.
You gotta be SMORT like Dana and watch Youtube videos about shit you don't understand, then write a fanfic.
Breaks out the "study this stuff at Oxford and Harvard" line again.
Cites some schizos on Youtube.
Everyone who doesn't watch schizo-Youtube will face the wall.
The guilty parties have been punished, but everyone else must suffer because Dana is somehow better than people who can make rent.
Dana uses the term "prison planet", when even Alex Jones would find her nuttier than squirrel shit.
Dana looks for the meaning of life, Heaven is just you.
"As a matter of fact, you won't go to Heaven if you die." (So wait, didn't Banana die? Is your imaginary friend dead, Dana?)
Dana goes full narc, really wants her face on the dollar bill, or some shit.
Dana will be recognized for her weird ranting someday. (Do want a mountain with her O-face to exist somewhere, though...)
"I deserve it..." - Dana "Mounted" Marie
Dana totally saved lives you guiz.
Denies her genocidal fantasties.
Everything is in the Bible, even though Dana said that it wasn't.
Dana thinks one drunken Bible verse proves the entire world wrong.
Religion is a scam, unless it's the church of Banana, which has never made money, therefore it can't be a scam!
Dana hates Catholics.
Dana is the only way to become immortal.
Dana flexes on the imaginary people who know immortality exists, but keep it a secret anyway.
(Dana's nails are absolute trash.)
Dana just wants the haters to not hate her.
Still keeping up with her death threats.
Dana hints at the deathsquad delusion, still sucks at negotiation.
Dana rationalizes her cope.
Abraham Lincoln quote, even though Dana doesn't have any friends.
Dana could have killed everyone with goddess powers, but didn't, despite the fact she said she did when it didn't work.
(Alright Dana, try and magic me a death!)
Dana is totally caring, you guiz!
Dana can't accept that she's shit at negotiating and is about as personable as a cactus.
Dana tries to take the moral highground, implies God likes her over the haters.
"You get right with him by getting right with me, and that's a fact..." - Dana "Narcissism" Marie
Fin.

View attachment 2284037
I swear she's aging a month a day. Just look at her.

This was a wild one to read through. I hope your liver is ok after watching that because no way in hell you didn't need a drink once you were done to spare your braincells her stupidity.
 

CrazyAsHell

Tami Hess
kiwifarms.net
I did not watch all of this shit. She does, however, admit his family thinks she is pretty much just another hump. She actually thinks that it's a good thing BBM has had 100's of women! LOL FFS Dana, I didn't think it was possible but he is a bigger whore than you!
 

SuzyCC

kiwifarms.net
I got, will update this post...

GarbageMike's family is on to her; confirmed.
they're not as dumb as he is. She goes on about not caring about money blah blah blah. But she's not the one paying for the new teeth. If he winds up actually doing that .Doesn't seem to be happening yet. All this belching. If she's not wrecking her liver, there goes her remaining stomach.
 

DuckDuckGo

Just a little creecher situation type deal
kiwifarms.net
In which Dana rants for 41 minutes, says money doesn't really matter, then spends 3 times longer flexing on the haters about how much of Andy and Skip's money she pissed away on useless shit. Seems to have roped Hunter into conspiring against Mike, or just has an unrealistic outlook on their relationship in general. (4/10) Dana tries to prove she isn't a bimbo by recounting all the money she spent that wasn't hers, failing miserably to do anything of note and her quest to unfuck her teeth revealing coof as a plan from the goddess so that nobody has to look at her methed up grill.

No description, blocked comments and ratings.
41 MINUTES!!!
Trapped in the crackshed, Dana is too exceptional to use the adjacent couch, prefers to lean against the insulation.
Dana is bumming around in her fucking pajamas with her emotional support mug.
Smoking a ciggie, looking like her usual level of shitty.
(WTF is that title, I don't think we get a title drop in this one at all?)
Dana has been accused of being a bimbo.
"Just another, piece of ass..." - Dana "Jerky" Marie
Dana is addressing the obvious problem that she's trying to gold-dig Mike/whoever shows up next at Big Lots?
Or, not? She's using this to shit on Mike for supposedly having bimbos.
Dana appreciates Mike's family being skeptical, also Dana is a shitty liar.
Dana is clearly too special, so Mike's family doesn't like her.
More about Mike sleeping around.
"He's been really honest with me..." - Dana "4th Cumming" Marie, less than a month out from the affair
Dana gauges honesty by catching someone in a lie and then seeing how scared they are after.
"It's never been about money for me..." - Dana, who plans to pay for her motorcycle with blowjobs
"I don't do shit for money!" - Dana "20 Bucks For 20 Minutes" Marie
Money is a tool, Dana is a rake.
Some dreams cost money, money isn't a god. (What?)
"If you give a shit about money, except as much as you need to..." - Dana, who still needs her wine budget
Economics Dana comes around.
"Ass, gas or grass, nobody rides for free..." - Dana, seemingly forgetting that money exists when using her folksy catchphrases
Sometimes money isn't good.
Dana pretends to be a moral person to make up for the fact that the doesn't have money.
"What will be asked of you, there are, certain things... certain, precious, items, that exist, in the world." - Dana, who is trying to get out of her rut as a 20 dollar hooker
It's possible to have more money than God, IDK how that interacts with the omnipotence paradox, whatever.
You can't buy crazy like Dana.
Money is useless, because Dana fucked her life.
The church doesn't instill any morality in people, only a drunken psycho like Dana knows what Jesus was all about.
Dana is a bit behind the times, seems to be operating on a Catholic understanding that predates fucking Protestantism.
"I miss having money..." - Dana, who wishes she could have saved someone richer than the trashmaster
Dana really misses the money.
Dana had a 300k house outside of Seattle? (Was she actually a hooker? Or did she get fucked with a mortgage? I thought Seattle was post-Skip.)
Dana's dream home only costs 300k.
Dana runs down the list of a bunch of crap, presumably from Andy?
Dana wishes Mike would stop being a cheap asshole.
Dog borking.
Dana blew 12K a month...
Dana has spent more time bragging about how much money she wasted, than explaining her weird moral system.
"I was a fantastic cook." (Because that just isn't possible when you have money... Also, lies.)
"I could cook and entire meal, entirely from scratch." - Dana "Beefaroni" Marie
"I had a rose garden, I raised orchids." (So, it wasn't a fucking rose garden, you dolt!)
Dana was complete dead-weight in her relationship.
"Oh, a 600 dollar trip to Costco was not unusual." - Dana, who really needs that 40 lb tub of KY Jelly
Dana is a consumerist/regular whore.
Target is high class, you guiz!
Dana flexes what a bad shopper she is.
Dana's cowboy fetish didn't exactly pan out when she wasted 300 dollars on boots she never wore again.
Everyone in Texas has to own gratuitous fake cowboy shit, it's the law, or something.
(God, I really wish Dana would move to Ireland and dress like a fucking leprechaun all day.)
"I tastes the flavor of the local flavor..." - Dana "Blowie" Marie
Dana was so unlikable she couldn't make any friends and tried to flex on people with Skip's money. (Sounds familiar to hear morality sperging...)
Dana wasted shitloads of money on Tiffany lamps.
Dana seriously expects people to believe that she went to museums in her college days back in Norfolk.
Dana has been to a lot of museums, which is why her knowledge of history is worse than your average middle-schooler.
"I love history, I love connecting with the past." - Dana, wishing she was 20 again
"It was like church to me." - Dana, loitering in a museum looking at lamps
"Got to know the security guards!" - Dana "Mall Cop" Marie
"There was a 3,000 year-old Etruscan sarcophagus just sitting there." (What, did they think the mummified corpse escaped and ask you about it?)
"Anybody coulda walked up to it, so I did!" - Dana, explaining how museums work
Dana, the eternal 5 year-old that she is, started touching all the artifacts.
Dana seriously asked the security guard why she couldn't touch the 3,000 year-old artifacts.
"But I was like, I had to touch it..." - Dana, aged 50
Dana used to try and buy lamps on Ebay. (I wonder how many fakes she ended up with...)
Dana cites one time she spent $300 on a Tiffany lamp. (Given they now run the range of value from 4K to literal millions, safe to say Dana got fucked and bought a cheap knockoff.)
Dana bought 8 lamps.
Spend 7K on stainless steel appliances and threw out the old appliances, which were actually brand new.
Dana uses her poor money management skills to prove that she isn't "Some low-rent, white-trash bimbo."
(Dana costs too much to be a cheap whore. THAT'S SERIOUSLY THE FUCKING ARGUMENT!)
"I went to college, got a business degree..." - Dana "DarkSydeBanana" Marie
Dana isn't sure if she made the dean's list or the president's list. (Although I'm pretty sure she's lying again.)
Dana allegedly had a 3.8 GPA, which would be around the 93rd percentile.
Andy was Polish, Kutlars? sperging.
Dana sadly doesn't know any Polish stereotypes, so the Kutlars just get willful ignorance.
Dana doesn't talk to Andy's family, blames Andy, wishes his family would pay for shit.
Sperging about Skip's family being well-off.
Dana has a habit of picking losers.
Dana has now been flexing about money for twice as long as her "money doesn't matter" rant.
Tinnervin spergery, I really want to see Dana fail at mini-golf.
"And every Tinnervin, is related to every other Tinnervin!" - Dana "Geneology" Marie, with another useless statement
Dana's cousin runs the golf tournament.
Dana is the worst of the family, has alienated everyone else from the sounds of it.
Dana cites hearing that her grandfather was a drunk, then describes it as if she saw it.
Dana's family has a proud lineage of alcoholism, is determined to be a wino because she doesn't speak French.
Dana is flexing a family that abandoned her seemingly unilaterally.
Dana recounts the story, denies that her family is in organized crime.
Getting mad that people know she's a bimbo.
"I talk about, ancient history, I watch documentaries about ancient history..." - Dana "History Channel" Marie, still looking for Bigfoot after all these years
"I practice an extremely, ancient, perhaps the oldest religion, in the world, I am a follower, of what arguably, is the mo-, oldest, continuous religion..." - Dana, who gets to make shit up because nobody else follows the big Banana in the sky
(What Dana is saying is impossible to prove, and very unlikely to possibly be true, given shit like animism and other crap that literally predates agriculture.)
Dana is a "high-ranking" member of the fake religion she made up. (So wait, who outranks you?)
The Banana cult life chose Dana.
Dana knows the true name of Banana because she's high-ranking, and not because she googled it.
People who may or may not exist probably maybe believe in Dana. (Even your imaginary friends find you tedious.)
Quotes Hoizer - Take Me To Church.
The winner of the They Game this round is: People who believe in Dana's big Banana.
Dana's imaginary friends don't call her a bimbo, you guiz!
Dana offending people and just being a cunt is proof she's like Banana.
Dana is the religious equivalent of a hipster, because Banana is an old cunt and every other religion is just a fanfic of Bananadom.
Lights up another ciggie.
"You have to be born to this!" - Dana "No Girls Allowed" Marie, claiming copyright on a religion that has been dead for like 2,000 years
"If this doesn't resonate with you, on a soul level, on a molecular level..." - Dana "Bible Biology" Marie
"Well, then you're not one of us..." - Dana "Dying Alone" Marie
Dana gets to arbitrarily excommunicate people from the cult of Banana.
Back to money being bad.
Gives the camera death glare, or she's expecting the battery to die again.
Dana's job is to know The Bible like only a jobless schizo who hasn't showered can, and then tell everyone else to fuck off when they call her out on being wrong.
Dana saw the beginning of time, whilst considering her dental surgery.
The goddess won't fix Dana's fucked up grill.
"and I couldn't let my ego and my vanity, get in the way." (Mission failed.)
Dana was "divinely beautiful".
Dana seriously thinks it's her teeth that are the reason nobody likes her now, not the fact she looks like a lumpy corpse.
(To rekhap, Dana said she needs to not be vain, and is now going on a minute long tangent about her teeth. Okay...)
Part of the goddess' journey is severe drug abuse leading to meth mouth.
It took Dana literal years of throwing up to see a dentist.
Dana starts crying over losing her teeth due to sheer retardation.
Thank the coof for Dana not being able to get new plates, but also nobody can see the full extent of her fuggo face.
People have to wear masks "because [Dana] lost [her] smile". (So, what was that about not letting ego get in the way?)
Everyone must suffer because of Dana's fucked up grill.
Dana burdens her family with the teeth? But, wait, this timeline makes no sense!
Dana still pretending that she gave it up, vs her just fucking up her life because she's dumb.
Paraphrases Kenny Rogers - The Gambler.
Dana wants to be rewarded for how many terrible life decisions she made.
Nothing is ever Dana's fault, says she tried to be normal?
Nobody can escape Dana's radiant aura. (Presumably smelling like piss.)
Dana was a nerd, unsurprisingly she didn't have any friends when she was a child.
Dana smiles whilst recounting that time she got date raped at 14.
Dana doesn't know how this works, the beginnings of her shut-in life start here.
The suicide story is back where Dana mixed 2,000 mg of lamotrigine (The LD50 of which is about 245 mg/kg in mice, so that's a bad decision) and 3 BOTTLES OF WINE.
There was nothing Dana could do, dood!
Mike is the best man ever, says Dana, probably still smiling from the rape story.
Mike is spiritually destined or some shit, yadda, yadda.
Dana wishes she stayed in NY in the 80s and met Mike 30 years early.
Dana sees herself in Mike (fucking narc), seems to put down Mike for being born poor.
Mike keeps Dana in wine and cigarettes, so she's happy to use him as a stepping stone.
Hunter loves Dana, fuck off, ho. (I guess her plan to turn Hunter against Mike actually worked? Because Hunter probably hates Mike enough.)
Hunter has undefined problems that Dana is fixing by doing jack shit.
Dana and her Oedipus complex fantasies see a great opportunity to dump more shit on Mike.
(No news on if Hunter watches these videos.)
Dana breaks out the fake tears, probably worried that Mike will chose his disliked family over the wine-soaked wishful bimbo.
Breaks out the dead father story and the step-father being a pedo story.
Skip is a bad parent because Spencer supposedly was put in prison for something by Steph? What?
Spencer is the favorite son because he can bilk Dana for commissary money in prison or jail.
Duncan is a bitch who gets willful ignorance from Dana for not dying on that hill.
"He's not dead and he's not in jail." - Dana "Motherhood" Marie, who sets a high bar for her kids
Spencer is bilking money from Dana because she's always going to buy her way out of her smoothbrain.
Dana seems to accuse her kids of using her.
(Thank fuck Dana never had a girl...)
Dana seems to hint that Hunter isn't ready for the Bananalore?
Miks has such a small emotional range that Dana needs to act as an intermediary.
"I raised four sons, they all had issues at some point... I managed to keep them all alive..." - Dana, with her exceedingly low standards, as per usual
Spencer presumably taught Dana how to handle bear attacks.
Dana still can't reconcile that she's been the 3 time loser in 3, going on 4, families which abandoned her drunken ass.
Dana isn't a bimbo by anyone's definition. (Because nobody else gets a vote in Danaland.)
"Yes, I drink a lot, so does Michael!" - Dana "Meatshield" Marie
"I got a plan..." - Dana "Tommy Boy" Marie
Video cuts off before Dana can storm the gates of Hell/Walmart/I don't fucking know.
Fin.
 
Last edited:

CrazyAsHell

Tami Hess
kiwifarms.net
She was still with Skip in Seattle. They moved from there to TX for Skip's work and that's when the dumpster fire that is Dana's life started. Also, I don't know who Andy is but if you mean her first husband, his name is Gary.

She claims to have "raised" 4 sons. She did not. When she and Gary were divorced, Gary retained custody and the boys were fairly young still. Gary raised them. I love how she goes on and on about Gary's wonderful family. Her ass did nothing but trashed not only his family but Skip's too for YEARS. Now all of a sudden they are awesome and Gary and Skip were the only shit bags. She went so far as to make a video calling Gary's family part of the mob ffs.

I noticed she uploaded another video around 2 am but then deleted it. I hope someone grabbed it.
 

SuzyCC

kiwifarms.net
She was still with Skip in Seattle. They moved from there to TX for Skip's work and that's when the dumpster fire that is Dana's life started. Also, I don't know who Andy is but if you mean her first husband, his name is Gary.

She claims to have "raised" 4 sons. She did not. When she and Gary were divorced, Gary retained custody and the boys were fairly young still. Gary raised them. I love how she goes on and on about Gary's wonderful family. Her ass did nothing but trashed not only his family but Skip's too for YEARS. Now all of a sudden they are awesome and Gary and Skip were the only shit bags. She went so far as to make a video calling Gary's family part of the mob ffs.

I noticed she uploaded another video around 2 am but then deleted it. I hope someone grabbed it.
Oh man I hope someone got that, made at 2 a.m. and then deleted -- it must have been classic!
 

Toasty

Donne was wrong.Some people are islands
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I saw some of it, but it was late and I was lazy, sorry guys. She looked like absolute death. Really, really bad. Winestained and drunk, in the shed. She was going on about how her whole married life with skip was documented on Facebook, and the was admissible in court, and it showed how perfect her life was and how devoted she was to her family. And how unfair it was that one night, with no warning, for no reason at all, skip took it all away with that cursed phone call, forced drugging, slander, etc. It sure didn't take long for her to get tired of garbage Mike and go right back to obsessing over Joel, Skip, and Niles. She also mentioned that Mike was sleeping on the blue couch, because apparently he doesn't have his own furniture. She says that he has it in his "man cave" and he is sleeping by a fire. It's nearly July. Who TF has a fire in that part of NY? Unless she means the ever present dumpster fire that is their life.
In her fantasy about her Facebook she forgets that everyone makes their social media look perfect, and there was plenty of crazy on there.
 

SeniorFuckFace

Fucking Fuck Fuck
kiwifarms.net
LOL she just had to tell us about what he told her in his trancelike state lol. Of course they'r ein trances, they're drunk all the goddamn time.
I bet GarbageMike's family loves the dirty laundry of his demonic possession is on the internet forever...
 

SuzyCC

kiwifarms.net
I bet GarbageMike's family loves the dirty laundry of his demonic possession is on the internet forever...
LOL. The King and Queen of Trash in every way.

"a house swept clean"

Mike's demon and us demons (we are confessed demons because of Batshit's Head Demon). Dana if you'd stop drinking for one second you might be able to think halfway normally. This woman never stops drinking. I doubt very much she's sober at work. How's her DUI situation these days? P.S. Approach her? Who the hell would approach her, can you imagine what her breath must be like with the constant wine, the cigarettes, and the toxic belching? Ugh.
 
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CrazyAsHell

Tami Hess
kiwifarms.net
LOL GARBAGEMIKE IS FROM HELL....LOL....WTF
Actually, it all kind of makes sense. Her tired, old, already written "stories" are no longer working. Now, she has to write a new one, and what better an opportunity than now since she has a new beau who seems to be just as mentally ill as she is. If he has an alcohol problem as she does, and I think he probably does, it won't be long before he loses his job and family because of her. There is no way this is gonna end well; for either of them. My concern though is that she will eventually get violent again. Either with Mike or his son or someone else in his family.

I remember a vid a bit ago where she mentions meeting Barb on the 25th. That's two days away so that should be interesting. Maybe Barb will "curb stomp" DD like DD is always threatening to do!
 

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