Skitzocow Dana Marie Cain / Oracle of Venus / The Scorpion - Divorced Unlovable Batshit Space Demon Waitress with NPD, Gangstalked by Alphabet Agencies, "Pretending to be Rеtarded", #SaveJoelIrish, running from the long arm of the law

  • Registration closed, comedy forum, Internet drama, Sneed, etc.

CrazyAsHell

Tami Hess
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Mar 23, 2019
i'd absolutely roll her an organic "cancer stick" with a swan filter from UK Amazon prime (vintage 2007 stamp on pack) and listen to aaaaannything she'd want to tell me with those birds in the air at whatever feds tailed her from her location to San Diego. but i'm driving

knowing how to drive stick is an exceptional skill to have

so is natural wisdom and the ability to scare little queenie bird faggots on the internet who are jealous of her pearl necklace that cost less than their latte but still looks cute AF cos she's ur favourite "old maid" to beat up and remind how to drive in America


go to bed, England

u jealous little twats
Go lay down somewhere ya cow. FYI: that piece of shit she drives is not a stick. No one is jealous of her or you but you keep mooing....go stink up your own thread.

She has decided the second coming is happening in Feb. Now, if her predictions stay as they usually are, not one fucking thing will happen and it will not be mentioned again. LOL....DD....find your fucking van and hit the road.
 

Attachments

  • yt5s.com-pluto returns.mp4
    25.8 MB

SuzyCC

kiwifarms.net
Joined
May 4, 2019
Go lay down somewhere ya cow. FYI: that piece of shit she drives is not a stick. No one is jealous of her or you but you keep mooing....go stink up your own thread.

She has decided the second coming is happening in Feb. Now, if her predictions stay as they usually are, not one fucking thing will happen and it will not be mentioned again. LOL....DD....find your fucking van and hit the road.
I have as much faith in her hitting the road in her van or bus as I do in this second coming. Mike, you are so stuck.
 

SuzyCC

kiwifarms.net
Joined
May 4, 2019
Time to relive when you couldn't stop running your mouth, Dana.

Annnd a new one: "feral and free range, that's what we are, Gen X." Screaming and hurting my head, but at least she stopped spewing about her pussy.
 

Attachments

  • Dana Runs Her Mouth.mp4
    27.6 MB
  • yt1s.com - feral and free range thats what we are Gen X_360p.mp4
    35.8 MB
Last edited:

DuckDuckGo

Just a little creecher situation type deal
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jul 24, 2019
In which Dana attempts to make her previous Crapture 3.0 prediction more clear by heaping more confusion and Banana-verse pantheon crap on it. There are literal apes who communicate more clearly than Dana could ever possibly hope for. Anyway something is happening with Pluto, also Dana incorrectly references an event that already happened to time The Crapture 3.0 as taking place in February. (4/10) Due to Dana's lore needing to serve a new purpose now in response to her recent shitstorm, the plot has now reached critical mass and is rapidly collapsing in on itself because of Dana's inability to plan her copes.
No description or comments, 3 likes.
Another fuggo sweater that looks like a couch even the 70s would have thrown out.
Cruising in the schizomobile.
Saturn and Jupiter are gonna conjunct, you guiz! (It's called the Great Conjunction and it actually happened last year, I think Dana's drunken Wikipedia antics have failed her again.)
Saturn and Jupiter will be aligned with Venus. (They aren't and it's not possible to see both of them at the same time because 3D space.)
The return of Pluto!
Pluto is associated with "The god of the underworld"
Pluto is also associated with "all things mysterious."
Dana dusts off her Scorpio sperging from back when her only defining trait was putting the ass in astrology.
Pluto was in a house in 1776.
Apparently the US was founded because of Pluto? (Wut?)
Dana parks and then shifts gears again to Cousin Jesus.
Thoth was the original Cousin Jesus?
Thoth taught humans how to write. (I don't remember entirely, but I'm decently sure that was on Dana's long list of Banana's stolen shit, or in one of her rants a long while back.)
Thoth was immortal in the same way Dana apparently is.
Thoth was an Atlantean.
Thoth = Hermes to the Greeks, Enoch to the Jews, Mercury to the Romans, Jesus to Christians and Cousin Jesus to Dana
Somehow trying to connect this to astrological signs.
Thoth saved Banana from prison and Ereshkigal, also saved Isis from Horus. (Yes, Isis was part of her "every goddess is actually Banana" sperging in the past.)
Isis/Banana was beheaded by Horus.
"That's why she isn't known as a gooooooddessss~ of motherhood." - Dana "Goddess of Sobriety" Marie
Banana is still totally the goddess of love, sex and wisdom. (Owing to the recent Mike issue, Dana now has none of these things.)
"Something I think the world needs a whole fuckin' lot more of right now." - Dana, not being specific as to what one of the 3 things we need more of
Thoth is totally gonna let Dana's Banana out of prison again, or something.
Dana clarifies that she meant wisdom.
"More like Lemuria..." - Dana "Spirit Science" Marie
Atlantis sunk under the weight of it's massive ego, or something.
Cousin Jesus is totally returning in February.
"How's it gonna look, I dunno..." - Dana's usual level of writing skills
Nobody can deny the return of Cousin Pluto! (Boy, it sure will be funny when Dana is wrong again...)
Cousin Jesus and the angels are gonna come from the clouds.
"Can I predict what actual events are gonna happen? No." - Dana, the world's shittiest psychic
Dana is looking forward to The Crapture 3.0.
"I'm fuckin' stoked for this, are you kidding me? This is the greatest thing I've ever realized." - Dana "The Lamest Story Ever Told" Marie
(Imagine being this much of a loser that you just have to cope and seethe and constantly wish everyone else was dead.)
Dana ain't fraid' of Cousin J-man!
"Feels like a reunion." *Smug face*
Fin.

In which Dana drives without looking at the road for a solid 20 minutes, wants a rebellion of the gen-xers she saw on TikTok and gives a ridiculous rant about how offended everyone is using points that apparently don't apply to her. (When they totally do.) (6/10) Some of the most blatant narcissism I've ever seen from our girl, just, wow...
No description or ratings.
Someone in the comments compares Dana to John Battaglia, who murdered his daughters as a way to get revenge on his wife.
Dana just shoots back with: "That's all you got, demon?"
Rolling in a different fuggo sweater.
"I'm watchin' all these videos about gen-x..." (Called it!)
Dana still doesn't understand TikTok, but the image of her honorary boomer rebellion is too funny to pass up.
Dana's generation is totally awesome, you guiz! (Funnily enough most of the people she's alienated are probably also gen-x.)
"I saw someone refer to us as feral." - Dana "Rabies" Marie
Dana and her self-promotion thing that she does now means that everything is filtered through the royal "we".
Gen-x was the last unindoctrinated gen, you guiz!
Dana attempts to fix her shakycam.
The only evidence of Dana's hard knock life is the lack of sunscreen and hand sanitizer.
Everyone can totally relate to Dana's childhood. (Which just makes it even more pathetic with how she still hasn't accomplished anything in 51 years.)
Dana was a latchkey kid. (I'd have gone with locked-in-the-cellar kid, but that's just me.)
Dana is a free-range psycho.
Blames the boomers.
The only restrictions on Dana's behavior was not bringing the cops home (Mission failed.) and saying no to drugs. (Again, brilliant logic there, Dana.)
The boomers wrote 80s rebel teen movies.
"We were goin' to keggers in cornfields and runnin' from the cops." - Dana "Farmhand's Rake" Marie
Nobody could cancel you in the 80s!
Glowie was yet to perfect the Big Brother thing. (Disregarding the fact that Dana records herself up to an hour each day because she's unable to make real friends.)
Dana got on the internet sometime in the mid-90s.
Dana isn't a boomer because she apparently knew how to use DOS.
"I had to speak code, I had to know code." - Dana "The Matrix" Marie
Dana apparently knows HTML because there was nothing on the internet until she made a webpage.
Dana knows how to install RAM, you guiz!
Millenials don't have Dana's tech-wizard skills, you guiz!
(Ya, because absolutely nobody builds their own computers these days...)
Dana grants honorary gen-x status to "millennials raised on a farm".
Sperging about her mother's divorce.
Tinnervin crap again.
Dana cites spending time with her mother's side of the family. After having a pity party about her mother not having any support.
(Should also be noted that Dana's mother was also the village bicycle as Dana has mentioned at least 2 stepfathers.)
"Feral and free-range are two adjectives used to describe... Gen-x!" - Dana "Ugly and Unpleasant" Marie
Dana ain't a slacker, you guiz!
"We were adults by age 9." - Dana, in the midst of another childish tantrum
Cooking and cleaning make you an adult. (Two more things Dana has utterly failed at.)
Boomers told gen-x to FIGURE IT OUT.
Gen-x is "probably smarter" than whoever Dana has as her target audience.
Glowie was afraid of gen-x having children and thus the government glow-spiracy was born.
The internet was invented to fuck with gen-x.
The boomer-spiracy gets off to a confused start.
It's called gen-x because the boomers put an X on them and didn't give a fuck.
"Specially' when you meet somebody like me... who is not only, free-range, feral, but was raised by, a single, Irish, redheaded mother." - Dana "Redheaded Stepchild" Marie
Dana has been through things, you guiz!
Everyone but Dana is constantly offended by things. So says Dana, who is offended.
Gen-x is numb, or that's just Dana's borderline flat affect talking...
"You think you have the right to, control everyone else, and make sure that no one expresses an opinion or has a thought, that might make you feel, less valid in your life!" - Dana "Hipocrite" Marie
(Are you fucking kidding me, Dana? That's literally all you fucking do regarding the thread and everyone else who calls you on your shit!)
Dana explains the "spirit of offense", which is apparently a literal living thing because Dana doesn't understand abstract concepts.
"To, morally, appease, your inflated sense of entitlement..." - Dana "Glass Houses" Marie
Everyone else is totally projecting, you guiz!
Literal demons and shit.
Dana continues her attempt to nag people into not nagging about things.
Dana fixes the shakycam again. (Probably meaning she isn't looking at the road whilst driving, real smart choice there, Dana!)
Energy sperging.
The universe fucks with angry people. (Again, no reason why this doesn't apply to Dana other than her being Dana.)
Dana continues channeling her impotent rage.
"Because you feel helpless in your own life!" - Dana "Dr. Phil" Marie
Stalking is bad! (Unless it's Dana stalking her ex-husband for the last 10 years, then it's perfectly fine.)
(This rationalization is priceless as it 100% applies to Dumpsters here. Literally if someone gave Dana this exact speech, she'd act the part of the strawman she's currently building up.)
Dana gets stuck on pronouns. (I guess Holly-Mike told her to fuck off recently.)
White guilt and BLM won't make you any happier, shitbags!
Dana talks about the Black community, with all the nuance of someone who probably hasn't met anyone darker than Mike in literal years.
(This is the most basic bitch speech ever given, Dana is still able to completely tank it with her awful delivery.)
"40 year-old you, can't even reach, 2 year-old you!" (Wut?)
You can't fix the past, you guiz! So says Dana, who still bitches about how her adult children were terrible.
"And fix any of the problems that cau-, made, that, that turned you, into this, paranoid, neurotic, depressed, anxious... mess, that you have become as a result of the world..." - Dana, regarding that shitbag, Dana
Dana read books, shitbags!
There are certain terrible truths that children shouldn't know about, despite Dana's bragging about being sexually active at 14...
"People who think Tide pods look delicious!" - Dana, having finally met her intellectual match
(LOOK AT THE ROAD, YOU FUCKING DOLT!)
"People who get off on destroying people's lives!" - Dana, who is just much worse at it
Keyboard warrior stock speech #12.
Dana trolled people IRL with implied near-fatal results.
Dana warns of bullying people IRL who turn out to be "secret badass[es]".
Dana sawshit go down, haters!
Dana accidentally disagrees with her dystopian view of the 80s.
Dana assumes all the millennials will just instantly die if the power goes out.
"You guiz, have mental meltdowns, if, yer' parents take away yer' cellphones!" - Dana, who prefers to have her mental breakdowns in the company of her smartphone
Dana took away Spencer's Xbox that one time.
Spencer punched a hole in a door, this makes him unable to survive Dana's oddly tame apocalypse.
"Let's go get high under the fuckin' railroad bridge and drink some Boone's Farm." - Gen-x's and by extension Dana's response to literally any crisis
"WE'RE GONNA BE FINE!!!"
(Dana is still the apex consoomer, just saying.)
Dana is as mad as Hell and hopes someone else won't take it anymore so she can keep up her daydrinking schedule.
"I'm startin' to hear from more gen-xers..." - Dana "Boomer Rebellion" Marie, implying she has friends
Dana still blames her parents. At the young age of fucking 51.
"Wasn't no scars on them from me, but I was covered in fuckin' stretchmarks!"
Dana continues to fail at parenting. Blames her children for this.
Dana's disowned children totally need to learn about gen-x.
Dana totally gave her kids a lot! (Real winner of the genetic lottery she is...)
"I'm tougher than any of my kids!" - Dana, who once lost a fight to a Burger King hashbrown
Dana is tough, you guiz!
Unsurprisingly Dana's kids don't want to waste the effort to tell her she's an idiot IRL.
Dana used her death-glare on her kids.
Dana's long history of psychological abuse is something she's proud of.
Dana threatened the spoon.
"This is how I parent! Cause I'm a gen-xer!" (No, it's because you're a mentally unstable idiot.)
"Bring it!"
Fin.
 

Batshit

Cock a doodle doo, Dumpster, I'm coming for you!
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Mar 28, 2019
Her TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@danamariecaindaug? 4 followers, 2 likes, 13 following. No comments on any tiktoks & abt 45 views on 3 of the 4 videos, 1 of those being the latest Gen X Apocalypse. 0 on a dad joke one that's the 4th.

She just figured out a joke he made about feeling the 'pain'/pane of the window if she touched it. Said it took her 20 years but she did it, Pops! 2 things there....for someone who claims to be intelligent & hyperaware, why does it always take 2/3 or even 4 decades to figure her life shattering revelations out? Secondly, her father died when she was 12. 20 years ago would make her 32. She's 19 years short.
 

CrazyAsHell

Tami Hess
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Mar 23, 2019
I was just about ready to say the very same thing. What she experienced (or didn't) is certainly not my experience. My mother wasn't a shitbag who thought it ok to just treat strep throat with bed rest only. I was not a "latch key kid" either. Nor did I ever think my parents put an "X" over me and didn't give a fuck. All of my gen X's friends did not experience any of the bullshit this waste of sperm sperges about.

ETA: new vid. More Gen X shit and how Gen X is totally NOT Karens. Gex X is the "slacker generation". OK...that explains her but I sure the fuck have never been a slacker. Gen X kids are idiots. More bitching about her kids and how spoiled they were. What does she actually considered spoiled? Cause being raised with this nutty bitch does NOT scream spoiled. Says all of Gen X raised their kids wrong. You will excuse me, DD, when I decide NOT to take parenting advice from an fugly, nasty, whore of a woman who ABANDONED all four of her kids.

What is it with this new kick on generational shit? Drops the "we had to fight for our right to party". Wow.......I didn't fight for shit. She is sick of all the other generations. Bitches that gen X lived in constant fear of the Russians. LOL.......where the fuck did this bitch grow up? She is all about the TikTok now. Calls Biden a boomer. Says Biden is expecting "mass casualties" in a war with Russia. She heaps praise on Putin. Please go move there sweets. The US doesn't like you.

There is gonna be mass drafts. Flexes on the younger generations and how they won't be able to hack war. They will all be sent out to "get shot". All of Russia is Gen x. LOL.......sit down, Karen, you are a fucking twat who does NOT speak for this generation.
 

Attachments

  • yt5s.com-Gen X and her daughter, Karen.mp4
    24.1 MB
Last edited:

SuzyCC

kiwifarms.net
Joined
May 4, 2019
I was just about ready to say the very same thing. What she experienced (or didn't) is certainly not my experience. My mother wasn't a shitbag who thought it ok to just treat strep throat with bed rest only. I was not a "latch key kid" either. Nor did I ever think my parents put an "X" over me and didn't give a fuck. All of my gen X's friends did not experience any of the bullshit this waste of sperm sperges about.

ETA: new vid. More Gen X shit and how Gen X is totally NOT Karens. Gex X is the "slacker generation". OK...that explains her but I sure the fuck have never been a slacker. Gen X kids are idiots. More bitching about her kids and how spoiled they were. What does she actually considered spoiled? Cause being raised with this nutty bitch does NOT scream spoiled. Says all of Gen X raised their kids wrong. You will excuse me, DD, when I decide NOT to take parenting advice from an fugly, nasty, whore of a woman who ABANDONED all four of her kids.

What is it with this new kick on generational shit? Drops the "we had to fight for our right to party". Wow.......I didn't fight for shit. She is sick of all the other generations. Bitches that gen X lived in constant fear of the Russians. LOL.......where the fuck did this bitch grow up? She is all about the TikTok now. Calls Biden a boomer. Says Biden is expecting "mass casualties" in a war with Russia. She heaps praise on Putin. Please go move there sweets. The US doesn't like you.

There is gonna be mass drafts. Flexes on the younger generations and how they won't be able to hack war. They will all be sent out to "get shot". All of Russia is Gen x. LOL.......sit down, Karen, you are a fucking twat who does NOT speak for this generation.
She's as wrong and obnoxious and hateful on this subject as she is all the other ones. I guess obsessing about this keeps her from planning her move from Mike's house. Good luck, Mike.
 

Dirty Harry

Sperger Watchdog
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Aug 23, 2018
Yup, we sure did. Drills at school, yellow "bomb shelter" signs and stuff. The thing about schizo women like this is they are usually unbelievable in bed, but then you got to put up with their shit for 23 hours a day.
 

DuckDuckGo

Just a little creecher situation type deal
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jul 24, 2019
In which Dana attempts to threaten the "Karen generation" with a nuclear war with Russia, clearly not ready yet to send her latest high horse to the glue factory, Dana hates every generation but her own because it fulfills her need to flex on people. The closest Dana gets to geopolitics was that time she wanted to move to Holland NY and unsurprisingly Dana gets seemingly all her news from TikTok. (3/10) Basically just 10 minutes of "No U!" as Dana continues to wage hypothetical war from in front of Mike's dresser of misery.
No description or ratings, October Wraith still being a total tard.
Blue tanktop Dana in front of the dresser she keeps Mike's balls in.
"You know what's funny?" (Let me guess, Dana 20% of the time?)
Most Karens (With finger quotes!) are apparently millennials.
Gen-z blames gen-x as the "Karen generation".
It's totally those millennial shitbags, you guiz!
Dana's inconsistency in marriages leads to her 2 sets of kids being from 2 generations. (Mostly because Dana's narc-brain can't comprehend abstract or indefinite concepts.)
"My generation aren't fuckin' Karens." - Dana "Anti-Karen" Marie
Breaks out the stupid "Free-range and feral" line again. (Maybe Dana can get a mug that says that, because 2 ugly mugs on screen just ain't enough.)
Dana initially blames the rest of gen-x, but then includes herself in the mix because she can blame her kids more directly.
Dana just tried too hard as a parent. (Much like how she tried too hard at her sobriety.)
"I mean, these kids don't even know what gender they are, the fuck?" - Dana, who still thinks gays are icky despite her lesbian pseudoreligion
Dana also hates gen-z because of Alex and Kevin.
"I guess I shoulda' been more like my mom..." - Dana "Stepfather of the Week" Marie
Dana continues to resent what she thinks her parenting style was, because narc.
*Smug snort*
Dana's idyllic childhood consists of having stay at home parents who do laundry.
(Whereas before Dana blamed this on working single mothers, I guess she was too lazy to even be a proactively shitty parent.)
"They didn't have to do shit, and it shows." - Dana, who has done every man in the county, and it shows
Alex and Kevin were raised mostly by Gary.
Gary was also a boomer.
"Ya, I married a boomer the first time..." - Dana "Ok, Coomer" Marie
(Dana looks like a fucking gargoyle when she points her head down.)
Dana ballparks millennials at the age of 40. (Which is the absolute upper age range, the proper one is 25-40.)
Anyone born after 1980 who has asked to speak to the manager and has the meme-haircut is a Karen.
(Because Dana's lack of self-confidence that leads to her threatening people after the fact is totally not the Karen way.)
"Gen-x doesn't like authority, gen-x always avoided authority figures..." - Dana, ignoring her weird uniform fetish that will someday lead her to fucking the postman
"We had to fight for our right to party." - Dana "MLK" Marie
Dana can't relate to people who aren't arbitrarily born in certain years. (Either due to her social disorder or just the fact she doesn't want to relate to anyone.)
Gen-x is starting to FIGURE IT OUT!
(Should be noted that Dana is only 5 years past when gen-x was a thing, thus explaining her honorary boomer psychology.)
Dana is sick of it! (No real plan here, just more daydrinking and seething to come.)
Sperging about a hypothetical war with Russia.
Dana lived during the red scare, you guiz!
Dana is tough because she survived a nuclear war that never happened.
Dana gets her news from TikTok.
Dana offers the depth of her insight as to the Russia-Ukraine issues going on right now.
This quickly runs dry and Dana cites random clips of Joe Biden.
Biden = "A fuckin' tool. He's a fuckin' boomer, piece a' shit."
Sperging about "mass casualties", because apparently Dana knows a lot about psychology and speech. (Another one of her many talents, as she would doubtless lie...)
The draft is coming back, you guiz!
Dana undermines her previous point by saying the cold war wasn't shit compared to "an actual war".
Dana loves Putin.
"No matter what you think of his politics..." - Dana, who hasn't read a book that wasn't about a magical vagina in years
Dana is too old for the draft. (And completely insane, so there's that...)
All the Karen generations will be drafted, you guiz!
(Given recent shifts in military development have been towards things like ICBMs and jets, I don't think it'll play out like it does in Danaland.)
"You like to play Xbox, you like to live in your little sandbox games and pretend that you're masters of the universe in a video game world?" - Dana "He-Man" Marie
"Well, how about an actual battlefield?"
Russians are scary, you guiz!
Somehow Dana implies this is a threat when it's really more phrased as an inevitable thing, because Dana is shit at negotiation.
"You want to speak to the manager?" - Dana "Call of Karen" Marie
"They'll just send you out to get shot..." - Dana "Military Strategist" Marie
(In WW2, apparently half of those drafted got exempted for reasons mostly being failing a medical exam or being illiterate, but that wasn't in Dana's History Channel binging, so it doesn't come up.)
"And the Russians are scary..." - Dana "Nuclear Banana-caust" Marie
Everyone in Russia is gen-x. (Although a country of Dana's would be a much funnier image.)
Russia gives no fucks.
"Yer' gonna get the karma, for votin' Biden in..." - Dana, unaware that wartime rationing would probably result in her death from boxed wine withdrawal
"Good luck..."
Fin.

@SeniorFuckFace I found another match for Dana's hands.

seinfeld-man.gif