Daniel "Dan" Johnston, now known as "Caitlin Spice" but identified as his trans persona of "Cate Spice" by his followers or "Dan The Man" by his detractors, is a post-op MtF drama magnet based in Wellington, New Zealand who is most known by his observers for his insane takes regarding biology and transgenderism, his incessant need to pick arguments with random people while blocking anyone who dissents (even when he was the one who instigated them), his tendency to fall into fits of sheer rage seemingly at random, and multiple reports of stalking and harassing his detractors. His poor understanding of the sciences, need to constantly and consistently vanity search himself in between bouts of picking fights, and his involvement with an extremely tumultuous community has led to Dan become a primary source of unintentional hilarity, as his sheer presence reverberates across multiple Twitter lolcows known to Kiwifarms.
Special thanks goes to users @Real Mutha For Ya, @Your Local Neko Girl GF, @Apteryx, and @stupid fuck for their efforts in archiving Dan's shenanigans. Additional thanks goes to @OttoWest for Dan's more intimate details.
While Dan seems to avoid divulging much about his personal life, what he has shared (and the ways he chose to unwittingly share it) are rather amusing. Living in Wellington, New Zealand, Dan takes the latter half of the namesake "Cait Spice" from his spouse, an FtM poet by the name of "Ankh Spice."
Although the veracity of the following claim is questionable, Dan says he had been willfully put up for adoption by his father but was reclaimed by his father when he remarried. Given this rocky family history, Dan has daddy and mommy issues that would make Sigmund Freud do a backflip and an Oedipus complex the size of a relatively large gas giant.
Starting with his father, a comedy of errors ensued after his passing. Deciding to share this now instead of before or ever again, Dan claims to have been beaten by his father and that the last words Dan had heard from him were, quote, "I'm going to fucking do you, boy!" In his father's obituary, Dan is identified by his birthname and, unaware of the Streisand Effect, he prompty threw a trantrum and insulted his adoptive mother until it was changed, kindly confirming his original name presumably so nobody else had to bother searching for it. These tantrums give helpful insight to Dan's typical approach to most situations, being to stomp and whine until things go his way, and shame any who oppose him into complying, all while making a mockery of himself.
Yet Dan's daddy issues pale in comparison to its opposite of mommy issues, which he has an abundance of. Apparently holding resentment towards his biological mother, Dan dubiously claims to have been "abandoned" by her with no further elaboration. As for his stepmother, Dan often likes to portray her as an irredeemable Disney villian, with Dan rarely mentioning her in anything other than a negative context. Reflecting this, the concept that he would be inexplicably punished for reading fantasy novels (a trope common to fantasy novels) is a reoccurring theme in the complaints of his childhood.
Perhaps a cigar is sometimes just a cigar, but this fixation and hatred of both of his mothers could serve as a catalyst of Dan's apparent "mommy" fetish, as the idea of being a "glam soccer mom" is a regular component of his random tweets.
Following the more unnerving stereotypes of MtF post-ops, Dan takes things a step beyond conventional mommy issues by bemoaning how, as a biological male, he'll never properly be a mother. Even more stereotypically, this fact spurs him into growing an active dislike of biological women which borders on the edge of misogyny, especially those who are or have been pregnant, as demonstrated below where he calls the women questioning him, quote, "utter cunts." This could serve as an explanation for Dan's propensity towards picking needless fights with random women on Twitter, on top of generally complaining about them.
Outside of the family (and himself), Dan's work experience was allegedly quite treacherous. According to him, he was often the victim of transphobia by both his coworkers and the people he met on the job. Curiously, Dan had never brought this topic up before, and proceeds to never bring it up again. When people questioned why somebody so vocal against discrimination chose to remain silent about a slam-dunk legal case until it was useful as a talking point, Dan went dark, claiming to be "tired of comments from random bigots." This all serves as a wonderful example for how Dan likes to operate in online discussions: lie to prove a point, get angry when questioned, and go silent.
BAD TAKES AND BEING CREEPY
Equally as entertaining as his personal life, Dan's interactions online are extremely bizarre and, frankly, stupid. When he isn't picking fights, which will be explored later, Dan enjoys yelling the most incomprehensible or insane stances into a void, opting to filter or disable any replies he receives to maintain his world views unchallenged. The most amusing is his obsession with uterine transplants into MtF's, which he believes is possible. Given his limited exposure to dissent, Dan is completely unaware that men do not have the biology, musculature, or genetic makeup to maintain a uterus, let alone gestate a child within one. This leads to rather amusing posts from Dan where he denotes people "transphobes" for believing this is as impossible as it actually is, and that it's only fair that such a risky procedure with a high risk of rejection (as with any transplant surgeries) should be done on MtF's when such a thing would most likely kill or severely harm them, treating these individuals as lab rats.
As his understanding of uterine transplants would lead one to believe, Dan has an incredible grasp of biology and genetics. Here Dan claims that he is "phenotypically" 90% female as he does not have a beard nor produce sperm. "Phenotypes," for those unaware, are traits that are physically observable. Ignoring that Dan can be clocked as male on sight alone, his limited criteria for "male" conveniently excludes facial structure, musculature, skeletal structure, height, fat distribution, and various hormone levels, which are nearly every method of identifying sex outside of direct observation of the genitals. However, if one were to remove the factors of Dan's sharp cheeks and jawline, broad shoulders and beefy arms, skinny hips, absurd height, gut, and the need for him to take synthetic estrogen, it's still questionable if Dan would pass as female in any form.
When biology lessons fail, however, Dan can always own the TERFs and transphobes with technicalities, such as here, where he claims not "every cell" in his body contain the male sex chromosomes, as blood cells do not; a given truth as blood cells don't have any DNA to begin with. When all else fails, Dan further "proves" he's female because bone marrow transplants exist.
Realizing that biology might not be his strong suit, Dan decides the legal route would be the best. Thus to prove his femininity, Dan points to his legal documentation. After all, TERFs and transphobes can't argue with the New Zealand government, and they will never be able to take his identity away from him. Even if this approach seems absolutely desperate, Dan has a counter for people claiming that as well: being a woman is like being a United States citizen or something.
Double-checking Dan's claim, an unknown user went through the effort of taking up Dan's challenge to look at his legal documentation. Eventually, this paper trail led his medical documentation referring to him as male along with pictures of him before his sexual reassignment. Luckily, Dan had the ultimate checkmate for such a thing, being calling the cops because he lost an argument.
Still, when all else fails, Dan still has a safe fallback for his unusual fascination with proving he's a woman. His ultimate trump card? He's absolutely female because women haven't tried to kill him yet.
Demonstrably, Dan's obsession with womanhood leads to rather absurd statements from him. But when he isn't trying to prove a point, Dan is the source of many tweets which become highly popular and shared in the trans Twitter community. As with his argumentation, however, these tweets are either insane, unnerving, or both.
This freakish insanity isn't reserved exclusively for "joke" tweets, however, as Dan's genuine tweets are equally creepy. As an example, Dan is highly prone to grooming other users, as can be seen below. In this instance of grooming, he claims that taking female hormones and transitioning leads to "mood smoothing" (absolute nonsense), "breast growth" (leading to what is colloquially known as "tube moobs"), a "libido increase" (a questionable claim), and "easier orgasms" post-op (and absolute lie, as the operation causes destruction of the nerves). Following this, and tying into his "mommy" obsession, Dan once again complains about never being a mother, but celebrates the accomplishment of convincing others to transition.
Naturally, Dan also proves a MtF Twitter user can't exist without some pleasant dilation talk.
But besides dilation, Dan's favorite past times is and may always be complaining about evil "TERFs," no matter how inane or pointless. When there aren't any around for him to squabble with, however, Dan is content to simply conjure his own. It's often easy to identify when Dan is making up a boogieman to fight, as he'll otherwise directly confront or name the people he wants to argue with, such as here where he creates a scenario in which TERFs are torn between the Covid-19 pandemic and transgender people, specifically to complain about this issue of his own creation.
All these serve as an example to how when Dan isn't simply arguing over nothing, he's just as unpleasant as always. This, of course, leads to many of his more entertaining but stupid points which are to the amusement of many of his observers.
At times when grooming random people and yelling into a void isn't enough, Dan attempts forays into public discourse. Naturally, he does so in the most abrasive way possible, as Dan goes out of his way to pick fights with random users in conversations which do not involve him. It's common for Dan to do "callout posts" where he chooses a person specifically to "debate" them. Often times this person isn't even aware of Dan's existence until then, and so his challenges fall on deaf ears. Regardless, Dan will still set the win conditions for his argument and declare himself the winner when he doesn't receive acknowledgement.
There are times when making a callout post is a bit too much effort for Dan, though, so instead he'll choose to butt into arguments which do not involve him directly. This is best demonstrated here, where he decides to post on some random woman's tweet regarding disallowing MtF's into female sports. Forever the narcissist, however, Dan couldn't stay on topic long enough to stop himself from constantly celebrating his womanhood and bringing up his nonsensical "I'm a woman on legal documentation" point again.
Apparently, Dan's habit of choosing who to randomly argue with has become quite an issue in some communities, with a group which gained his ire allegedly calling him a "stalker" for constantly harassing them on their posts. Enraged by this, Dan chooses to double down and set a senseless ultimatum, apparently seeing him ceasing being obnoxious a valuable bargaining chip against an entire organization. To accentuate this accusation of being a stalker, one of Dan's targets interestingly claimed that Dan has multiple police reports of harassment to boot.
As demonstrated, Dan likes to argue at complete random. Given this, it was only a matter of time before he picked a fight with the wrong person, leading to a massive and indecipherable slap fight ending in Dan leaving the platform for about ten or so picoseconds. The catalyst for such an event? A pre-natal woman was arguing with a "Native" MtF, and Dan took the former's side. Since he was listening to their words instead of paying attention to their identity, Dan's followers believed he had betrayed them, branding Dan as a transphobe and racist because he did not blindly support a transgender person who is part of an ethnic minority. As Dan is confronted, it's worth noting that he eventually submits to his verbal lashing before arguing about little nitpicks when the main argument was already over, proving his habit of missing the forest for the trees dies hard.
Soon after, Dan is confronted be Devourer Rose, a boyfriend of Kevin Gibes, showing that Dan had been branded a "racist" by the trans hivemind.
His pride completely shattered, Dan accepts his new label of "racist" with shame in this now-deleted apology to the people antagonizing him. Proving that nothing is ever good enough for this community which willfully eats their own, his apology is promptly rejected as he is lambasted further.
Dan soon "deleted" his account, but returned not too long after. Regardless, many of his "fans" regretted his brief hiatus, which spurred an additional, smaller slapfight as to whether or not he was deserving to kiss their boots.
Needless to say, Dan soon returned as his all-too-common Twitter addiction took over, and he continues to post his deranged ramblings to this day, vanity searching himself and picking fights with random people in between making revolting comments about his neovagina. Between his personal life, online interactions, and the community he partakes in, to say "drama" follows in Dan's wake is an understatement. Dan himself is "drama" personified, as he goes out of his way to stir himself into a frenzy on a daily basis. Given this, he has and presumably will be a source of great entertainment for days to come.
Daniel "Dan" Johnston
Wellington, New Zealand
Alt Twitter (archive)