DarksydePhil / TheyCallMeDSP / Phil Burnell - General Discussion

What is the "behind the scenes" money stress?

  • Bank/Lender won't allow the foreclosure or short sale of the CT condo and may use legal actions

    Votes: 85 20.6%
  • Credit card compan(y/ies) won't drop monthly payment amounts

    Votes: 31 7.5%
  • Phil has realized the federal tax monthly payment is not accounted for because he doesn't budget

    Votes: 30 7.3%
  • Combination of all 3

    Votes: 267 64.6%

  • Total voters
    413

flatsoda

TACTICAL ESPIONAGE ACTION
kiwifarms.net
12/6/18 Prestream - Indie Games Opportunity to Contribute Stream: The Hardcore Begging Season Continues

Some notable moments:

"What I have today is a Total Tips Counter. I usually never do this, okay? Usually I have, y'know, cheers, subs, tips up there; but I usually do not do a Total Tips Counter. HOWEVER! Ladies and Gentlemen, for those, who have not been paying attention of the past two weeks, I'm pretty much in financial trouble here! Uhm, coming up next year, I have a big chunk of taxes due, and if I can't pay them, I basically only have one way to pay them: and that's to sell my house. And that's kind of messed up! Considering the fact that, the reason that I have this issue is because of so many things, financially, that have been screwed up for me because of fucking trolling and dumb shit that I can't control! You know, like trolls costing me my partnership with Curse this year! Which cost me thousands and thousands of dollars of ad revenue, that I've never recovered from, on Youtube. You know, various things like that. And, it's really messed up that this is the situation I'm in. Obviously, I hate being in it and I don't like having to bother you guys with it. But, just being very honest with all of you, you know, if I can't raise enough funds, uhhh, to pay these taxes next year, I-I'm losing my house. J-j-ju-just being honest! There's nothing else I can do about it! That's going to be horrible, because that means the streams aren't going to be consistent anymore, because I'll have to spend tons of time trying to sell this house, uhm, and moving and all of that. I can't even afford to move! So, I'm going to have to try to find some way to finance the move and shit. It's just not going to be a good time! It's basically going to make 2019 a pretty awful year for me, and all for reasons that I can't control or I didn't do anything to deserve it! It's just a bunch of shitheads who love to fuck with me! And there's no recourse I can take against these pieces of garbage! They just continuously do it, and I do my best to ignore it! I do my best to stay positive and put out as much daily fun gameplay as I can, on a daily basis. But, these HEMORRHOIDS have attached themselves to my ass and refuse to be removed. Uhm, and It Is What It Is, right? So it sucks! REALLY, at this point, anything you guys contribute helps! But, in particular, what we're doing on today's stream - and by the way, there will be three other opportunities to do things like this during this month, three other events coming up that I'm going to talk about in a moment - where YOU can CONTRIBUTE via TIPS! And what I'm going to do is keep a running tally of tips today, to see how much headway we make. I'm hoping that some people will come out to watch the Indies Marathon and contribute, and help out! Because, I really need the help right now! Just being honest with all of you. I need the help, as soon as possible. If I make a payment to taxes by the end of this year, it actually helps out. Although, at this point, I don't know if I'm going to be able to."

"My knee is shot, I screwed it up last night. It's a funny story. So, last night, well, yesterday it was my day off, and Kat and I went out and had a nice day together. We went out and did all kinds of things: ran errands, and you know, some shopping we had to do, and all kinds of stuff. We do all this stuff and we got home, and Kat's really tired! She's just completely drained, she's like, 'I kind of want to go to sleep. I know it's a little early, but I'm shot!' I said, 'Okay! Go right ahead! I'm not tired yet! Go ahead! Get to sleep and I'll join you later.' So, she goes to sleep. I'm downstairs, I'm basically getting caught up on my wrestling and stuff for the week. Actually, we had just gotten Hulu, 'cuz Kat got a free trial of Hulu to see how it was. And so, we did this Hulu, I'm watching Smackdown on Hulu and enjoying it. I'm like 'Wow! This is pretty good! I'm probably going to get rid of PSVue, 'cuz it's too expensive.' Which I did, by the way, I got rid of it. Hulu was $45 a month, excuse me, PSVUE was $45 a month! Hulu was, like, $12! And I'm like, 'Hulu has all the shit I watch on, anyway.' So, I dumped PSVue to save money. Okay? So, anyway, I'm watching wrestling, and all of a sudden, I fall asleep! On the couch, okay? I pass out on the couch. And it's the middle of the night, Kat had woken up and realized that I had never come upstairs to bed. She comes down to get me, and so I jump up. 'Cuz, I realize now, oh my God, it's the middle of the night, I had fallen asleep on the couch! So, I jump up off my couch, and I say, 'Oh, man! I screwed up! I fell asleep! Let me get up, let's go quickly together and let's go to sleep!' But, I jumped off the couch too fast, 'cuz I had just woken up. And immediately I got hit with a wave of dizziness, and I fell backwards, back onto the couch, on top of my right knee. And EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN MUSCLE IN MY RIGHT KNEE PULLED SIMULTANEOUSLY AT THE SAME TIME! It just went 'R-I-I-P-P-P-P!' And, I was like, '*Orgasm moan* This sucks! This pain out the ass!' and I was like, 'This really stinks!' So, yes it was a botch! Yes, Coverse, it was a botch. I watch wrestling all night then I have my own botch! So, then I limped upstairs! *hyena laugh* Got to sleep, woke up this morning, okay? And I'm like, '*orgasm moan* My fucking knee! This sucks!' So, anyway, the reason I'm bringing this up, if I'm a little bit on the slower side today, moving around and getting stuff set up. For example, when I move from console to PC and back, with the webcam and the microphone and everything. I'm going to be a little bit on the slower side, I'm hobbling around the house today. My knee is killing me. But I'm hoping that within a couple of days here, my fucking knee will be better! Usually it does! Usually, when I hurt my knee, it hurts real bad for like one day and then it gradually gets better. It takes around 3-4 days. It sucks, 'cuz I have weak knees! I've had things happen to my knees, in my life before. And in this particular case, I literally said, 'R-I-I-I-P!' pulled every muscle in the knee at once! And it's pretty bad. But, it's alright, I'm here streaming everyday for the next four days anyway! Good thing this happened last night, and not like yesterday, when I needed to be out and about all day. This is actually a good timing for it to happen"

"Right now, guys, financially, things are not good for me. I need to raise a lot of money in a few months. So, in particular, I figured this month is the season of giving, and a lot of people might want to be generous. Which is why I'm doing special events to try to raise funds to help out, and pay as many taxes as I can and the like. The best way, right now if you want to contribute, and you want to help out, is to tip me! You might be saying, 'But, why? 'Cuz you could cheer, you could sub, you could do all these things! Why is tipping the best way?' Because, tipping, I get those funds IMMEDIATELY! Okay? IMMEDIATELY!! I get those funds, and I could put those towards bills, towards taxes, whatever I need to do. Right now in particular, is the worst time of the month for me. All my bills come due within two weeks, and then I don't get paid by Twitch until the middle of the month. So, my bank account goes from like FULL to ZERO, and then it gets replenished, but sometimes it doesn't make up for the fact that, uh, there's not enough funds in there to pay everything! And then it gets replenished too late. So, tipping me is the best way to help me out, okay? Now, I appreciate any other way that you guys can contribute as well, but tipping me will help me out the most. Which is why we're doing a Top Tips Tally on the stream today. So, that being said, please consider it."

[2018-12-06 19:17:06 UTC] sunsetheat12: dansgame100 Please keep in mind that most people donate to streamers so they can upgrade their stream or have a nice night out. People don't want for it to go directly to uncle sam.
"Okay, so, you would rather donate to a streamer, so they can go out and frivolously spend that money on, like, drinking. Rather than being able to stay in their house. *Condescending laugh* OKAY! Well, maybe that's you, and if that's the case, fine on you! For me, I have OVER TEN YEARS that I've been on a daily basis putting out hours and hours of content. I'VE BUSTED MY ASS! I did it for two and a half years before I ever got paid for it! I fell into doing it for a living, never meant to do it. It's 'cuz I got laid off from my office job. People know the shit I've been through! The ups and downs, all the fucking horrendous things that have happened to me, and the trolling that I've suffered, and the reason that I am in this situation I'm in is because of the trolling that I've suffered! Not because of my decisions! Even though, I will take some responsibility, and say 'Yeah, definitely I could have maybe done some things differently over the years.' To not spend as much money or incur as much debt as I have. At the same time, the reason that I am financially in the place I am, is because of the shitheads who regularly fuck things up for me! Making me lose a partnership! False copyright claims! Ruining my Youtube channel! Making me lose sponsorship opportunities! Constantly - you know, all the things that everyone else gets, because they don't have completely toxic idiots following them around, uhm, I don't get! So, all those opportunities that I should have, that would make everything fine, I lose constantly! Because of these people! There's probably a reason why I haven't had an offer on Twitch to do a sponsored stream since early October. I'm just saying! Probably because these fuckers spam everyone who I do sponsored streams for! No one wants to deal with that shit! So they BLACKLIST ME! This is what I mean, this happens ALL THE FUCKING TIME! So, that's the situation I'm in. Yeah, if things were all rainbows, and fucking unicorns, and this was the best case ever, and this wasn't REALITY! Absolutely, it would be great to raise funds to be able to go out on a vacation with Kat, and vlog it, and share that with all of you! Or to put it towards new equipment. My reality is: I just want to keep what I got, I just want to stay in the house that I'm in and keep doing what I do for a living, and enjoy all the things that I have. While also building a life with my girlfriend, and also continuously putting out High Quality Fun Streams for you guys on a daily basis. Period! I'm not looking to get anything more than what I already have. I don't want - I'm not going to extravagantly spend money on anything. I just need to pay what I owe, so I can fucking stay here! And the reason I can't is because of these shitheads! SO, if you don't understand the reality of that, sunsetheat, then maybe you're in the wrong place. And you should just go check out some, some fucking streamer who's already rolling in dough, and can go, you know, 'Oh, I'm going to raise funds so I can go on vacation! C'mon, guys!' Go ahead, check them out, you know? If that's really what you want, GO AHEAD! I can't stop ya! And I'm not going to criticize you. Well, my reality is my reality! And I do the best I can on a daily basis to get through it, and if I need to appeal to the viewers to help out in a situation like this, I will! And it's not your place to criticize!"

camnotthecomedyman: cheer100 You have your opinion of popular youtubers/streamers, but what would you do in their shoes with a bigger channel/stream presence? Do you think you would make mistakes like Pewdiepie and such? I think making mistakes like that would be a bigger concern than taxes in a hypothetical sense.
"Listen, I am not a perfect human! Holy shit! And listen, back in the day when I was popular, you know, WHITE-HOT POPULAR on YouTube. We're talking, every video I put out was getting tens of thousands of views MINIMUM! Some videos would hundreds of thousands of views, MILLIONS OF VIEWS! I didn't have a filter and I certainly wasn't anywhere near as mature as I am now. To the point where, I know for a fact that I probably would have said and done some things that-that pissed some people off, which is why some people hate me to this day. I did stupid shit! But, at least I never got to the point, where it was like front page news! *gross chuckle* You know what I mean? *PIG SNORT* It Is What It Is, though. If I were, GINORMOUS, if I had an audience like *mocking voice* 'NINJA', I'd probably make horrible mistakes people would constantly be criticizing me for. Let me put it this way: I do not envy those people! I don't want to be those people! And I wholeheartedly mean that, you guys! I love doing what I do, I love the audience I have! I love being able to interact with you guys personally, because I don't have 50 thousand people on stream, I can actually interact with you guys. I recognize your names, I have personal interaction with you, because I know you guys. I can play a game, like Dragon Quest XI for 80-plus hours, spanning 3 months, and we have a small intimate type streams with only a couple of hundred people watching, and we can have a ton of fun with that. That's what I want! Okay? Understand, like I just said I don't want anything more than what I have now! I just want to be happy doing what I do at the level I do it now. PERIOD. Okay? That's all I want! I have no aspirations to grow. I have no aspirations to get anything, to make tons of money. You know what I mean? I just want to keep what I've got, because I'm happy doing what I'm doing. The problem is, things keep coming up that are out of my control, that I do not create, that end up trying to take the shit away from me again. Again and again, every year! Whether it's, 'Oh! Look your tax attorney screwed you over and didn't do your taxes properly for four fucking years!' 'Oh look, here's 15 thousand dollars of new debt you have to figure out how to pay!' Where I was, 'What the fuck is this?!' You know? 'Oh, everything was going swimmingly, but the trolls behind the scenes harassed the shit out of your partnership company, and now the partnership company has to drop you because of it.' Oh, gee, thanks! Again, shit that I don't do! Has nothing to do with me! And this is the thing that keeps happening to me! I have no aspirations to be some BIG-ASS, POPULAR, FILTHY RICH STREAMER! I don't! I just want to keep what I got! That's kind of the attitude I have."

[2018-12-06 19:39:41 UTC] sunsetheat12: pride100 My uncle used to be the chef/owner of a successful restaurant. But he took the takings of every night and went straight to the casino. Be honest Phil, do you have a gambling addiction? Where is all the money going?
"sunsetheat being completely stupid! I'm not going to respond to that!"

[2018-12-06 19:57:06 UTC] tehpwncake: cheer50 VR is only good for porn nowadays :)
"I certainly wouldn't know that! I have no aspirations to ever know about that"

Two observations I had:
1. Phil pretty much confirms, what I've suspected for a while, that he got blacklisted from the Twitch Bounty program. Either officially, where Twitch booted him out and he's too prideful to admit it; or unofficially, where his Twitch dashboard just doesn't have any bounty offers. I was surprised he didn't blow the dust off his lemon PCs and take any and every PC game bounty that Twitch offered when he started this Hardcore Begging Season, because that would seem to me to be an easy way to get some quick money, no matter how much he hates PC gaming. Of course, he blames the trolls and not his toxic online reputation for this setback.
2. No matter what sob story DSP pulls out, the fact of the matter is, the reason he is financially so behind the 8-ball is because he borrowed a shitload of money in order to move across the country to a house in a gated community that was financially out of his range. Before he moved from Connecticut he had paid off his student loans and previous credit card debt, and had so much money burning a hole into his pocket that he pissed it away on statues, figurines, trinkets that cluttered his small 1 bedroom condo to make it almost uninhabitable. Rather than rent a larger place in Connecticut and try to save up money to pay for the down payment on a new condo and moving expenses, he took out a bunch of loans and sunk himself financially. His earnings declined because of stuff outside his control, you could make an argument for that, but the reason that an unmarried adult with no dependants needs a monthly income of over $8k to break even is entirely his fault. And him not setting aside any of his earnings to pay for his federal taxes and now needing to come up with a years worth of tax payments in 5 months is also entirely his fault.
 
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Hungrymandinner

kiwifarms.net
I’m half watching the Game Awards and realize just how outmoded Phil is. He looks like a fucking warthog, kind of like an obese Bebop (or is it Rocksteady?). He has nothing interesting to say, and when he does say anything it’s in a nasally voice punctuated by burps and snorts. He refuses to play the popular games (all of the nominated streamers at the VGAs were shown playing Fortnight), and what games he does play is at a low level. Hope he talks shit about Ninja tomorrow.
 

ZehnBoat

here comes dodo
kiwifarms.net
"My knee is shot, I screwed it up last night. It's a funny story. So, last night, well, yesterday it was my day off, and Kat and I went out and had a nice day together. We went out and did all kinds of things: ran errands, and you know, some shopping we had to do, and all kinds of stuff. We do all this stuff and we got home, and Kat's really tired! She's just completely drained, she's like, 'I kind of want to go to sleep. I know it's a little early, but I'm shot!' I said, 'Okay! Go right ahead! I'm not tired yet! Go ahead! Get to sleep and I'll join you later.' So, she goes to sleep. I'm downstairs, I'm basically getting caught up on my wrestling and stuff for the week. Actually, we had just gotten Hulu, 'cuz Kat got a free trial of Hulu to see how it was. And so, we did this Hulu, I'm watching Smackdown on Hulu and enjoying it. I'm like 'Wow! This is pretty good! I'm probably going to get rid of PSVue, 'cuz it's too expensive.' Which I did, by the way, I got rid of it. Hulu was $45 a month, excuse me, PSVUE was $45 a month! Hulu was, like, $12! And I'm like, 'Hulu has all the shit I watch on, anyway.' So, I dumped PSVue to save money. Okay? So, anyway, I'm watching wrestling, and all of a sudden, I fall asleep! On the couch, okay? I pass out on the couch. And it's the middle of the night, Kat had woken up and realized that I had never come upstairs to bed. She comes down to get me, and so I jump up. 'Cuz, I realize now, oh my God, it's the middle of the night, I had fallen asleep on the couch! So, I jump up off my couch, and I say, 'Oh, man! I screwed up! I fell asleep! Let me get up, let's go quickly together and let's go to sleep!' But, I jumped off the couch too fast, 'cuz I had just woken up. And immediately I got hit with a wave of dizziness, and I fell backwards, back onto the couch, on top of my right knee. And EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN MUSCLE IN MY RIGHT KNEE PULLED SIMULTANEOUSLY AT THE SAME TIME! It just went 'R-I-I-P-P-P-P!' And, I was like, '*Orgasm moan* This sucks! This pain out the ass!' and I was like, 'This really stinks!' So, yes it was a botch! Yes, Coverse, it was a botch. I watch wrestling all night then I have my own botch! So, then I limped upstairs! *hyena laugh* Got to sleep, woke up this morning, okay? And I'm like, '*orgasm moan* My fucking knee! This sucks!' So, anyway, the reason I'm bringing this up, if I'm a little bit on the slower side today, moving around and getting stuff set up. For example, when I move from console to PC and back, with the webcam and the microphone and everything. I'm going to be a little bit on the slower side, I'm hobbling around the house today. My knee is killing me. But I'm hoping that within a couple of days here, my fucking knee will be better! Usually it does! Usually, when I hurt my knee, it hurts real bad for like one day and then it gradually gets better. It takes around 3-4 days. It sucks, 'cuz I have weak knees! I've had things happen to my knees, in my life before. And in this particular case, I literally said, 'R-I-I-I-P!' pulled every muscle in the knee at once! And it's pretty bad. But, it's alright, I'm here streaming everyday for the next four days anyway! Good thing this happened last night, and not like yesterday, when I needed to be out and about all day. This is actually a good timing for it to happen"
holy shit does this guy not know how to talk
here, let me trim the fat

" So, yesterday, Kat and I went out and had a nice day together. ran errands, some shopping, and all kinds of stuff. we got home, and Kat's really tired! she's like, ' I know it's a little early, but I'm shot!' I said, 'Okay! Get to sleep and I'll join you later.' So, she goes. I'm downstairs, getting caught up on wrestling and stuff. I fall asleep On the couch. Kat had woken up and realized that I had never come upstairs to bed. She comes down to get me, and so I jump up. But, I jumped off the couch too fast,And immediately I got dizzy, and I fell backwards, back onto the couch, on top of my right knee. And EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN MUSCLE IN MY RIGHT KNEE PULLED SIMULTANEOUSLY AT THE SAME TIME! and I was like, 'This really stinks!' . I'm going to be a little bit on the slower side, I'm hobbling around the house today. My knee is killing me. But I'm hoping that within a couple of days here, my fucking knee will be better!
181 words compared to 659 words
almost 1 out of ever 4 words he says is not needed
 

thebonesauce

The North American Jape
kiwifarms.net
When baited, he will rant and rave about Ninja any chance he gets. He absolutely hates it when people namedrop him, but he can do it to some of the most popular content creators on the fucking planet.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Coin Ops

Commander Keen

in GOODBYE GALAXY!!!
kiwifarms.net
I’m half watching the Game Awards and realize just how outmoded Phil is. He looks like a fucking warthog, kind of like an obese Bebop (or is it Rocksteady?). He has nothing interesting to say, and when he does say anything it’s in a nasally voice punctuated by burps and snorts. He refuses to play the popular games (all of the nominated streamers at the VGAs were shown playing Fortnight), and what games he does play is at a low level. Hope he talks shit about Ninja tomorrow.
Rocksteady is the rhino:
 

Heckler1

kiwifarms.net
When baited, he will rant and rave about Ninja any chance he gets. He absolutely hates it when people namedrop him, but he can do it to some of the most popular content creators on the fucking planet.
Whenever Phil says "funny story" it is immediately followed by some mundane description that no one would care about. I think while he may not say it as much as "real talk" it might be more obnoxious.
 

Coin Ops

Kenny Rogers being maced. Watercolor.
kiwifarms.net
Was Swagginz a mod before he cheered anything?
He cheered in January 2018, so pretty sure he was modded after that.
DSP announced swagginz as a trial mod on March 10. So the PUBG chronicles tell us.

"Right behind you, idiot." -WOLFGIRL_666

PUBG - March 10, 2nd stream commentary

SHOUT-OUTS!

CAREER CHOICES
"I didn't choose to do this for a living. There was no decision." ???

THE CRAFT
"I'll be honest with everyone, just making an edited YouTube video is VERY EASY. Doing live improv reactionary commentary is TOUGH."

CHARITY
"People don't realize this because - as I said - I never made charity public, but for those couple years that I actually did make a lot of money on YouTube I actually did do some pretty charitable things but I don't talk about it and I won't." You just talked about it.


The Road to PUBG
It's been 10 days of shenanigans since the last PUBG stream. Since then we've seen:
  • A 24 hour Twitch suspension.
  • A direct point of contact made at Twitch.
  • The word "fundraiser" stricken from all texts in the realm.
  • An 11 year-old who is part wolf. Deal with it.
  • A record-setting 30 minute Darkest Dungeon ragequit.
  • A not-a-fundraiser with an unreasonable goal of 110+ Twitch subs AND $2,000 in tips.
  • A single workday's worth of tax paperwork that left him with a headache, dehydrated, stressed, and nearly blind.
  • BOLD ALL CAPS TAX UPDATES added to the gaming schedule and pinned on Twitter.
  • ELPRESADOR.
The salt is going to flow tonight.


Pregame
  • Prestream starts with talk of the "Tax Accountant/Attorney." I guess he's multi-classing now.
  • 2 new "trial mods"
    • @MrSwagginz and @infinite_55
  • "Let's see how they do."

Match 1
  • After an under thirty minute prestream we're off to the races.
  • This is the longest he's been away from PUBG since he started playing it.
  • I daresay he's excited to play this. Cool.
  • First cheer is from Derich via proxy.
  • Lands at the Prison. Immediately in the same house as someone else. Gets an M16, sprays wildly, and gets a kill.
  • Gets killed out of nowhere. It catches me by surprise too, but I'm also 5 beers in.
  • Parting shot: "Oh! Wow."
  • Place: 52
  • Killed by: M4
  • Guns at time of death: M16, Mini14, Stun Grenade
  • Number of kills: 1

Match 2
  • "Hopefully this time I don't land next to a million people." He landed by one person. And he killed him. With his lover, the M16.
  • Chat is talking about Fortnight vs PUBG. He doesn't like it because of how unrealistic it is. Doesn't say he likes PUBG, though. Won't go that far.
  • Says people were bored during Heavy Rain. That disappointed him. He is hoping the upcoming influx of new releases at the end of March will bring more people to check out the streams.
  • And we're talking about taxes again.
  • Runs across the landscape. Takes fire. Takes cover. Reads cheers. Runs and takes fire. Gets away. Reads cheers. Oh fuck! Takes more fire. Runs and successfully flees yet again.
  • 36 players left and his controller batteries are low. Will they last the final 15 minutes of laying prone in the grass?
  • Spots a guy in the distance and gets a long range kill with the M4.
  • Gets in a close range firefight with another guy. Everyone but Phil hears the pin pulled, see the guy throw the grenade, and hears the grenade hit the ground. Phil dies.
  • Parting shot: "Oh! Frag Grenade! It just showed up out of nowhere?! It made no noise or nothing!"
  • Place: 4
  • Killed by: Frag Grenade
  • Guns at time of death: M4, AKM, Stun Grenade
  • Number of kills: 1

Match 3
  • @infinite_55 gets his green cheer badge for a tithe of 75,000 bits.
  • Lands in the wilderness and complains about the lack of guns. This from the guy that shits on Fortnight because it's not realistic yet is unhappy with the gun distribution on the totally realistic PUBG Battle Royal Murder Island.
  • Gets killed while trying to loot buildings while reading cheers.
  • Parting shot: "Oh. I'm dead. Nothing I could do." Goes back to reading cheers without missing a beat.
  • Place: 73
  • Killed by: Micro UZI
  • Guns at time of death: S686
  • Number of kills: 0

Match 4
  • Chat is talking about the average consumer overspending and it elicits this response:
"The 'overspending' that I have done honestly was not overspending. It was spending that if I had kept maintaining the amount of revenue that I was making at that time - when I spent that money and incrued that debt - I would be fine.​

The problem was I moved across the country in 2014 making a certain amount of money, and then immediately in 2014 YouTube changed the search algorithms so that people who have shorter videos like me, their stuff tanked. So immediately I had a big dip in income in 2014.​

Then in 2015, I had the false copyright strikes, I had to delete a bunch of prestreem videos from my channels resulting in millions of views deleted meaning that my-my-my channel was completely obliterated in this YouTube search renderings [???]​

So between the years of 2014 and 2016 my income went down by about FIFTY PERCENT, and that's not an exaggeration. It went down about FIFTY FUCKING PERCENT within two years.​

I don't know anyone living on a budget making a certain amount of money, and then in two years have half as much and not have a hardship, know what I mean?​

Like, it wasn't overspending if I was still making the amount of money I was making when I spent that and incrued [I think he's mixing the words 'accrued' and 'incurred'] that debt. That's the problem. It's that year after year, after year, my income went down, went down, went down, because of all the things that happened on YouTube that were negative. So, you know, it sucks."
  • Chat asks something about video editing and we're treated to another word salad that contradicts what he's previously said about edited videos:
"I'll be honest with everyone, just making an edited YouTube video is VERY EASY. Doing live improv reactionary commentary is TOUGH.​

I've been telling people this for years and years. When people criticize me and said 'Phil, all your videos on YouTube suck because you don't sit there in front of a video editor for hours to edit it and make it look spiffy, and put in effects and transitions, and cut out the dead parts.'​

You guys realize that's easy shit? The hard shit is sitting here playing the raw games. That's the hard part. Streaming is WAY harder than editing videos for YouTube, okay? It is! Real Talk™!"
  • Gets a car. Flips it up and onto the drivers-side. It eventually falls back onto its tires. The complains about his car being a piece of junk and hanlding like crap.
  • We get to see one of my favorite endings, where he drives a smoking, flaming vehicle while taking fire. He's forced out of the vehicle and is immediately sniped.
  • Parting shot: "What an amazing game."
  • Place: 26
  • Killed by: Kar
  • Guns at time of death: M16, Mini14
  • Number of kills: 0
Match 5
  • Stares at his crotch.
  • Parachuting onto Military Island, his hated foe.
  • Flips out while landing because he thinks someone else will be landing on the same roof as him. Then they don't so he's cool.
  • Walks out of a building and is maybe 20 feet behind another guy. Despite his proximity, he takes a close range shot with the Kar single-shot sniper rifle, which goes wide. The guy turns around and Phil dies with both a revolver and a frag grenade in his possession.
  • For all his bitching about the game's lack of good gunplay, it's his decisions that are the cause of the game's percieved poor gunplay. He chose the worst weapon for the situation. The revolver would have worked much better than a sniper rifle at that range AND given him 6 shots. An underhand, cooked grenade would have been beautiful. But no, it's the game's fault.
  • Parting shot: "Well! Here's a full automatic SCAR. I have a single shot Kar98. I wonder who is going to win that exchange?"
  • Place: 68
  • Killed by: SCAR
  • Guns at time of death: Kar, R1895 (revolver), Frag Grenade
  • Number of kills: 0

Match 6
  • "Already the frame rate's in the toilet." Kat scoff.
  • Accidentally sprays with the M16.
  • Talking with chat about wrasslin'
  • Catches a guy coming out of a house. Sprays all around the guy, who runs behind a building. Phil reloads. "What a great game."
  • Phil starts to circle the building and I'm hopefull he's going to find the guy and finish it. Nope. He takes the guy's jeep and runs away. "See you later asshole. I stole your car."
  • He goes off on Ronda Rousey and his perspective on her UFC career is uninformed nonsense. This is one of those moments when Phil runs his mouth at something you're knowledge about and you realize just how much of what he says are knee-jerk opinions at best and outright lies at worst.
  • While driving the dune buggy a jeep crashes into him. They both stop. They other guy gets out. Phil backs up while the other guy shoots him. Phil gets the other guy to run after him, and once he's too far away from his jeep, Phil guns it and runs the guy over. Credit where credit is due, that was a good move.
  • After driving around in circles forever, runs another guy over.
  • Tries to run over a third guy but he's hugging a tree and Phil can't get close enough. The guy and the circle are both chipping away at him.
  • Parting shot: "What the fuck?! Was that?!"
  • Place: 15
  • Killed by: Whatever you call this:
  • Guns at time of death: M16
  • Number of kills: 2
Match 7
  • I notice his two new mods both still tip and cheer to talk to Phil. Maybe that's normal? I can't keep the natural laws of the Chaos Realm straight anymore.
  • He misses the fan art that people do for him. He says he hasn't received much of it recently and it's dissapointing. He's hoping that will change with the influx of new games soon.
  • Flips a jeep.
  • 38 players left. Game crashes.
  • Parting shot: "Oh noooooooooo!"
  • Place: ?
  • Killed by: the game
  • Guns at time of death: M16, M4, Frag Grenade
  • Number of kills: 0

Postgame
  • Real Talk™: 2
  • Wrasslin' discussions: 3
  • Asshole Attorney mentions: 3
  • Tax explanations: 4
  • Kat scoffs: 1
 

Kermit the Frog

kiwifarms.net
Dark's story about how he hurt his knee is so beyond absurd it's hilarious because it reveals so much about him. He's sleeping on the goddamn couch while his soulmate is alone in bed, which come on nothing even needs to be said. Like a wild animal that's been startled from their hibernation, he immediately jumps up and runs in any random direction to get away from the perceived threat. In his bestial confusion, he manages to fall backwards onto the couch and somehow hurts his knee, to the point where he's hobbling around the house (like it even matters since he walks 100 steps at most in a day). So not only does Dark sleep on the couch like a cuck, he becomes easily frightened, he's uncoordinated and has fragile muscles/bones, his life is so dull that accidentally falling on the couch is a story that he just has to tell his viewers like it's some important life event rather than some mundane shit that you forget about 10 minutes after it happens.
Get a life, Dark. And exercise a little while you're at it, for fuck's sake.
 

Destro1986

kiwifarms.net
Dark's story about how he hurt his knee is so beyond absurd it's hilarious because it reveals so much about him. He's sleeping on the goddamn couch while his soulmate is alone in bed, which come on nothing even needs to be said. Like a wild animal that's been startled from their hibernation, he immediately jumps up and runs in any random direction to get away from the perceived threat. In his bestial confusion, he manages to fall backwards onto the couch and somehow hurts his knee, to the point where he's hobbling around the house (like it even matters since he walks 100 steps at most in a day). So not only does Dark sleep on the couch like a cuck, he becomes easily frightened, he's uncoordinated and has fragile muscles/bones, his life is so dull that accidentally falling on the couch is a story that he just has to tell his viewers like it's some important life event rather than some mundane shit that you forget about 10 minutes after it happens.
Get a life, Dark. And exercise a little while you're at it, for fuck's sake.
I prefer the narrative where his twig legs were too weak from slumber to support his Mr. Potatohead form.
 

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