Day 3 of Jenny Craig....or is it? | March 16, 2021 - Gorl be trolling

The Crawling Chaos

I will tell the audient void
kiwifarms.net
Fashionably late and as I don't really care about her failing again on JG, (it was to be expected and you were a fool if you had any hope) let's concentrate on the last part of the video, the ALR trademark bait & trolling "I got some BIG news, but I'm not telling it!". For shits and giggles, let's tally up the speculations and organize them by plausibility:

Key phrase:
"I got the best news I could've ever wished for. It was something I wanted for sooo looong now[...] I was on an absolute, insane, roller-coaster of emotions, of tears and laughter and a lot of my past was dug up [...] I had emotions and feelings that I had never felt before [...] Jenny Craig was a Jenny bye, bye that day [...] because something else better happened."

Most likely :story:
  • She desperately needs attention, so she concocted some kind of narrative, absolutely nothing major happened. Bottom-line, she's just trolling.
  • She needed an excuse to binge.
Plausible 🤔
  • New luxury villa / buying a house / moving out of KY. Could be, as long as she remains in range of all her favorite fast food joints. Now that she got a "taste" of the big city, I don't see her moving out in the countryside and loosing all those yummy opportunities.
  • Methmommy is joining the party or visiting agin. Somewhat plausible and it would be interesting.
  • Other boring family related stuff.
  • Her brother got paroled.
Optimistic 🌈
  • She got approved for bariatric surgery. Nah, I don't think so. First, what sane doctor would approve it, and second, what kind of a person goes on a binge right after receiving such news? Oh it's Amber, never mind...
  • Some kind of a my 600lbs / 1000-lb sisters show. Eeeh, I don't think so, but please god let it be. :story:
  • ETA: She got a therapy session. A real one. (thanks I call shenanigans)
Lunacy :lunacy:
  • Surrogate / adoption. Holy shit, please no, please god no, anything but that.
Whatever it is, it will not change the status-quo. She'll still weigh almost 600lbs, she'll still be borderline immobile, and until she fixes those faulty wires in that brain of hers, she'll fail every attempt at meaningful and sustainable weight loss.

edit: fucking words, how do they work?
 
Last edited:

I call shenanigans

kiwifarms.net
I still haven't managed to drag myself to watch this one

Key phrase:
"I got the best news I could've ever wished for. It was something I wanted for sooo looong now[...] I was on an absolute, insane, roller-coaster of emotions, of tears and laughter and a lot of my past was dug up [...] I had emotions and feelings that I had never felt before [...] Jenny Craig was a Jenny bye, bye that day [...] because something else better happened."

If these are her words, and assuming as it's in quotation marks it is, it reads like she's finally had a therapy session. Maybe got the phone number off Chantal for her "intuitive eating therapist". That would explain why she can immediately toss her diet out the window and binge to her hearts content.
 

497

kiwifarms.net
Fashionably late and as I don't really care about her failing again on JG, (it was to be expected and you were a fool if you had any hope) let's concentrate on the last part of the video, the ALR trademark bait & trolling "I got some BIG news, but I'm not telling it!". For shits and giggles, let's tally up the speculations and organize them by plausibility:

Key phrase:
"I got the best news I could've ever wished for. It was something I wanted for sooo looong now[...] I was on an absolute, insane, roller-coaster of emotions, of tears and laughter and a lot of my past was dug up [...] I had emotions and feelings that I had never felt before [...] Jenny Craig was a Jenny bye, bye that day [...] because something else better happened."

Most likely :story:
  • She desperately needs attention, so she concocted some kind of narrative, absolutely nothing major happened. Bottom-line, she's just trolling.
  • She needed an excuse to binge.
Plausible 🤔
  • New luxury villa / buying a house / moving out of KY. Could be, as long as she remains in range of all her favorite fast food joints. Now that she got a "taste" of the big city, I don't see her moving out in the countryside and loosing all those yummy opportunities.
  • Methmommy is joining the party or visiting agin. Somewhat plausible and it would be interesting.
  • Other boring family related stuff.
  • Her brother got paroled.
Optimistic 🌈
  • She got approved for bariatric surgery. Nah, I don't think so. First, what sane doctor would approve it, and second, what kind of a person goes on a binge right after receiving such news? Oh it's Amber, never mind...
  • Some kind of a my 600lbs / 1000-lb sisters show. Eeeh, I don't think so, but please god let it be. :story:
  • ETA: She got a therapy session. A real one. (thanks I call shenanigans)
Lunacy :lunacy:
  • Surrogate / adoption. Holy shit, please no, please god no, anything but that.
Whatever it is, it will not change the status-quo. She'll still weigh almost 600lbs, she'll still be borderline immobile, and until she fixes those faulty wires in that brain of hers, she'll fail every attempt at meaningful and sustainable weight loss.

edit: fucking words, how do they work?


she does this often. sometimes it's really bad news, I'm really depressed about something or in this case really good news. I think even one time she used a similar "it's from my past". Us idiots even make whole threads speculating what it could be. We must remember her life is so boring, as boring as our own lives are it's still nothing like sitting inside, literally sitting 24/7, coloring, and reading a few pages of 30 books. So anything that happens to her can seem exciting when it's really not.
 

Billie Ross

Duh
kiwifarms.net
Going to place a bet - if filmed around 15th / 16th Feb, the good news was probably going to be her brother getting out of prison, he would have talked up his chance of parole on Feb 18th, except it was denied.
This make some sense though, he would probably going to live with her, maybe even take his kid, perhaps the reason her room was without the bed. They're maybe moving things around... so who knows.
Hambo lies.
 

Janice Litman

kiwifarms.net
It's the least likely of any possible "news" but holy hell do I want a destiny renaissance. Can you imagine our Big Fat Al with some life in her again?

Renewed vigor for midnight walmart dual-scooter runs with her one true love so they can stock up on plastic shit and binge food?

Toddler bow and grandma shawl resurgence?

Near constant occurrence of some of the most embarrassing things two fat lesbians could possibly say to each other on camera?

Pray to Jenny Craig friends, I want our favorite sped back in the mix.
 

ItsBritneyBitch

kiwifarms.net
Holy shit,for getting approved for a bariatric surgery she needs the approval of a bunch of scientists including a counselor.
Not to mention that she said she couldn’t fit in a PET scan machine so she isn’t going to fit in a MRI machine either.
But we all know even if she gets a therapy ,she won’t listen,maybe even ditch it the mid-sessions.
I’m pretty sure even if she gets it she will die,or at least get in some life-threatening position where she rips her stomach open by the help of binge monster.(:_(

Who knows,maybe it was one of the Ambers LAH’s to get herself out of that Jinny Cregg misery,I don’t blame her,the food looked horrible.
 

John Deeretractor

kiwifarms.net
Fashionably late and as I don't really care about her failing again on JG, (it was to be expected and you were a fool if you had any hope) let's concentrate on the last part of the video, the ALR trademark bait & trolling "I got some BIG news, but I'm not telling it!". For shits and giggles, let's tally up the speculations and organize them by plausibility:

Key phrase:
"I got the best news I could've ever wished for. It was something I wanted for sooo looong now[...] I was on an absolute, insane, roller-coaster of emotions, of tears and laughter and a lot of my past was dug up [...] I had emotions and feelings that I had never felt before [...] Jenny Craig was a Jenny bye, bye that day [...] because something else better happened."
The more I read and reread that key phrase the more convinced I am that this is some kind of documentary or TLC situation type deal. Specifically two parts:

"... a lot of my past was dug up"
That could be therapy, but I find the idea of Big AL going to therapy even more farfetched than a TV show at this point. That passage definitely sounds like an interview/introduction where she's walking some outside party through the details of her life and past. I think that rules out most of your plausible list. Maybe boring family stuff would bring that out, but it doesn't exactly gel with the "something I've wanted for soooooo looooong" thing.

"something I wanted for sooo looong now"
iirc she's been soft recruited for a show twice (but at least once for sure) and she didn't procede with it because, in typical gorl fashion, she self-sabotaged because she had no idea what she wanted. I recall the end of that conversation with the recruiter being that the recruiter would keep her information and continue to suggest AL for future content. In fact, what they wanted her for initially was a show focusing on fat families and the opinion was that she didn't exactly fit the mold for that kind of show. The wedding is actually the perfect angle for a TV one-off series (think Bam's Unholy Union except everyone's Don Vito). So that sets up the "something I wanted for sooooo looooong now" aspect. Maybe a better Hamber Historian than I can dig up where she discussed being recruited, but I remember one of the hangups being that she didn't want to move to where they'd be filming, but if the angle for the show is the wedding planning and ultimately the wedding itself then the show would have to come to her.

The timing fits perfectly, but as always I am prepared for the letdown.
 

497

kiwifarms.net
Assuming she isn’t just being dramatic for views, doesn’t she have a younger brother who was put up for adoption/taken from methy dearest? Finding him (or him finding her ) would cover all the bases for the news bringing up her past and being something she wanted for a long time.

or could be her dad, I think mama reid was talking to him on facebook not too long ago. they were looking for him when she thought she was going to die from cancer.
 

Smoovy Jay

Edibles, sex and livestreaming
kiwifarms.net
Or an uncle died and the Will stipulated she would inherit his manor if she would spend one evening alone in it. And she died at the hands of the spooky ghosts and now Becky is selling all Amber’s garbage.

Or TLC approved A Thousand Pound Wedding and Amber is going to get a million times more sufferable (credit goes to person above who suggested the wedding angle, that makes sense).

But Amber overreacts to everything and a Hallmark commercial is met with tears and emotions she had never felt before (she’s such an idiot) so it’s probably nothing. But at least we know her go to reaction for everything is to gorge.
 

Black-coffee-queen

kiwifarms.net
why does her clothes look so washed out and old?? i dont think she has had this hot topic dress for so longView attachment 2004081
Isn’t this dress on backwards? It just seems weird with the little buttons and the seams going under arm pit.?

it did looked washed out and old. but i guess she gets used to cloth that did fit for once, like the legendary bra.

edit.
as we are on the subject of cloth anyway, can someone please explain to me what that pile of cloth in the middle of her bathroom is supposed to hide? its fucking huge.
View attachment 2006068 if its not a scooter, what is it? suggestions?
Wasn’t there a scooter there with washing on a few threads ago?

Fashionably late and as I don't really care about her failing again on JG, (it was to be expected and you were a fool if you had any hope) let's concentrate on the last part of the video, the ALR trademark bait & trolling "I got some BIG news, but I'm not telling it!". For shits and giggles, let's tally up the speculations and organize them by plausibility:

Key phrase:
"I got the best news I could've ever wished for. It was something I wanted for sooo looong now[...] I was on an absolute, insane, roller-coaster of emotions, of tears and laughter and a lot of my past was dug up [...] I had emotions and feelings that I had never felt before [...] Jenny Craig was a Jenny bye, bye that day [...] because something else better happened."

Most likely :story:
  • She desperately needs attention, so she concocted some kind of narrative, absolutely nothing major happened. Bottom-line, she's just trolling.
  • She needed an excuse to binge.
Plausible 🤔
  • New luxury villa / buying a house / moving out of KY. Could be, as long as she remains in range of all her favorite fast food joints. Now that she got a "taste" of the big city, I don't see her moving out in the countryside and loosing all those yummy opportunities.
  • Methmommy is joining the party or visiting agin. Somewhat plausible and it would be interesting.
  • Other boring family related stuff.
  • Her brother got paroled.
Optimistic 🌈
  • She got approved for bariatric surgery. Nah, I don't think so. First, what sane doctor would approve it, and second, what kind of a person goes on a binge right after receiving such news? Oh it's Amber, never mind...
  • Some kind of a my 600lbs / 1000-lb sisters show. Eeeh, I don't think so, but please god let it be. :story:
  • ETA: She got a therapy session. A real one. (thanks I call shenanigans)
Lunacy :lunacy:
  • Surrogate / adoption. Holy shit, please no, please god no, anything but that.
Whatever it is, it will not change the status-quo. She'll still weigh almost 600lbs, she'll still be borderline immobile, and until she fixes those faulty wires in that brain of hers, she'll fail every attempt at meaningful and sustainable weight loss.

edit: fucking words, how do they work?
Surely even in America no child services will allow someone that fat to adopt a child? 😳
 

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