Depressed -

[Connor Bible]

I can barely bring myself to type this. I can't even find words to describe how horrible I feel. I feel like I'm a nuisance, a burden to everyone around me. For others, I'm a target, or a means to an end. I've been this way since freshman year in high school. I am currently twenty, and going to a community college. I'm pushing 250 lbs. Exercise is pointless. It is exploited by charlatans to sell pills and cosmetic surgery. Since 2009, I have attempted suicide twice. I fail to see the point of killing myself. There is no point. At the same time, life is meaningless. All we can do while we live is wait to die, and succumb to eternal darkness. Nothingness. When we die, our friends and families will forget about us, if not celebrate our demise to cover for their own denial of the pointlessness of it all. When the nukes finally go off, and when the Earth is reduced to ash, the Universe at large will not care. When this Universe goes, the others will follow. And then, nothing.

 

[Trickie]

1) Don't exercise to lose weight, exercise to feel better. Exercising is a great anti-depressant, but if you're only doing it because you're expecting pounds to come off, you're going to lose every time, and what little ground you gain will be lost when you eventually give up due to a lack of progress. Do it because doing it improves your quality of life, and the weight will go down on its own time.

2) Yes, when the earth is dust and all is dead and gone there won't be anything meaningful left of you here, but then is not now; NOW is now, and right now you have the choice between accepting that your suffering will never end or fighting for happiness while you're still able. The desire to have something of yourself last beyond your own conscious existence is itself pointless, because you won't be there to experience it. Concentrating on making your life better now while you still have it makes much more sense.

3) You're not alone. Everyone has their dark times, and you're not the first person in existence to become nihilistic. There is nothing shameful about having these feelings, but you should recognize that they are just that: feelings. They are not your doom, and you do not have to suffer them forever. Don't be afraid to seek help, whether professional or otherwise. If you feel like you're a nuisance to people, maybe try to remain mindful about how often you're relying on friends and family, or you could try to make sure their needs are being met before asking them for help. Whatever you do, don't bottle it in and don't hide from your support network, nothing good will come of that.

That's about all the advice I can think of right now.

EDIT: One last thing, actually, I find that when it feels like I'm just a nuisance to people, it helps to express this concern to them, and make sure they know that I want to help them too if they need help. Sure, they might lie through their teeth and say you don't bother them that much, but I find more often than not that if you ask them directly for an honest answer they'll give it to you, you just have to be open to them.

 

[LM 697]

Life is wonderful. It's a gift to be alive, to see the sun and breathe the air. And there isn't really anything else.

 

[cypocraphy]

 

[Chikinballs]

Tell me your diet plan and workout routine.

 

[The Hunter]

This isn't that kind of hugbox.