Design the worst dinner party for your lolcow of choice -

[Hambubger]

Tess Holliday

Guests:

• Meme Roth
• @Tesshollidaysflupaknees
• A former fan that lost weight
• 10 non-white Trump supporters
• A registered dietitian
• A personal trainer that is against FA
• 5 male models that aren’t attracted to Tess at all

Theme:

• Health and fitness
• No cellphones allowed
• You are muted if you bring up anything related to social justice
• If you powerlevel, you need to shovel cow manure for half an hour each time you do so
• If you complain, you have to walk 300 feet each time you do so

Venue:

• Barn that has been repurposed

Decor:

• The inside of the barn will look like a cafeteria
• Fancy dishes are present
• Any dish you use, you have to wash by hand and fetch the water from the well
• Bright fluorescent lights designed to wash you out and bring out any imperfection
• Mirrors are everywhere

Attire:

• The only clothes allowed have to be torn, stained and old. In other words, perfect for doing outdoor work
• No makeup allowed
• Hair cannot be straightened, curled or done up in any way besides a simple clip or ponytail
• No nice shoes, tennis shoes only
• No shapewear underneath clothes
• All shirts cannot show cleavage, back or shoulders
• Shorts have to be knee length

Food:

• High fat low sugar
• Appetizer consists of farm fresh creamy tomato soup with no crackers/sandwiches
• Main course is steak and veggies. No extra salt or sauces allowed
• You cannot get seconds if you have hit your daily calorie allotment
• There is no dessert

Drinks:

• No alcohol
• No soda, coffee, juice or tea
• tard cum is allowed, but you have to tard cum the cow first
• Water is from a well

Why not continue the festivities with a roast

 

[Pitere pit]

Phillip Hanskins Delici, aka ADF.
Guests:
. His father.
. His mother.
. Donald Trump.
. Null.
. Hundreds of waspy men and women.
Theme:
. No analchest or commie sperging are allowed.
. You must discuss how being cis and straight is great. No tranny sperging and mentions of the stink ditch will bring you to being kissed in the cheek with a slap
. WASPy theme, celebrate the important things that white people made through history, like inventing the deodorant.
. Will be held on the 4th of July
Venue:
. High class restaurant.
Attire:
. No BSDM gear are allowed.
. You must dress according to your sex, dresses for women and 3 piece suits for men.
. No tattoos must be visible, it is forbidden.
. You just have to take a shower before coming, if you smell like shit you will be cornered in the bathroom and you can't leave until you are clean.
Food:
. Healthy low fat non vegan food.
. Everyone can drink alcohol and have desserts except Phil.
. Also everybody will smoke a joint outside, Phil will stay inside washing the dishes and cleaning the tables, if he won't do it right he will be subjected to go to a MAGA rally.

 

[Hamberlard Raid]

Amberlynn Reid
Guests:
Trisha Paytas (for obvious reasons)
Shane Dawson (to film our gorl)
Kasey and his mother
At least 100 Trump supporters (preferably of an ethnic and or sexual minority, wearing MAGA hats, open carry)
The man that called her a beanbag in a hurry
Donald J. Trump himself

Food:
Side dishes: Optavia pasta, canned green beans with Kielbassa sausage
Main course: Amber's signature veggie tube turkey slop, with extra canned salsa and artichokes
Appetizer: six bacons for each guest and crab rangoon
Dessert: Coldstone ice cream

Venue: the dining hall of the nursing home she was fired from

Dress code: Torrid tarps, kameenos, and cat ears for every guest

Drinks: Optavia smoothies that have been greatly watered down, low pH room temperature water (so basically lemon juice), each guest may use one of Amber's unused water bottles that sat in the basement for years

Theme: Bora Bora, the AC in the building will be shut off completely and the floor will be covered in sand and dirt from outside, the walls will be strung with cheap Wommart decorations

 

[Midlife Sperglord]

Does taking Clawshrimpy to Chick-Fil-A count, or will he scarf down that anti-gay chicken sandwich anyway?

 

[Niggernerd]

Pickle buffet for our CPU goddess.

 

[hope_maeda]

Onision

• Guest list
  • LaineyBot or Kai or whatever they changed their name to
  • Keemstar (For documentative purposes)
  • About 50 divorced conservative social media parents
• Food
  • Steak with Pepto-Bismol
  • Tomato soup with milk in it
  • A cake made with ｡°✩love✩°｡ (and asbestos)
• Venue: Some cheap, sketchy looking rent-out place in a trashy neighborhood with a strip club right across the street
• Drinks: Lemonade that's been left out overnight
• Dress Code: Everyone has to wear clothing according to their birth gender

(Sorry, I'm not too original :/)

 

[Knojkamarangasan_#4]

I think we should make one for our favorite #2 Josh fangirl Virgo rouge/Marissa morris

• Guest list
  • Obviously her biggest crush Joshua Connor Moon and @Smutley along with Rachel flower's mom and some 30+ kf posters
  • Her sister Bethann who looks like a man with a fake nose and her ugly husband with 666 logos in his daffy duck costume
  • Dar in wheelchair dying of dementia
  • Her mom's corpse
  • The dog her mom murdered
  • A collection of the most rednecky types you can find
  • Amberlynn Reid

• Food
  • Dinner: Only the shittiest fast food stuff you can find, preferably yoga mat subways or Amy's baking company, also only fizzy drinks and other non-water beverages allowed
  • Dessert: Deep fried mars bar
  • Appetizer: Bottles of pills everywhere, preferably hidden under beds or sofas
  • Side dishes: Poppers scattered around the place, or hummus

• Venue: Slab city or a farm in Kentucky
• Dress code: Slutty sex worker clothes for every single woman and jockstraps/baby thongs for all the men except dar who's fine wearing just a diaper. Perhaps we can put sunglasses on her moms rotting corpse
• Drinks: Mexican coca cola
• Theme: Celebrating American culture and the glory of narcissism. Speeches on the benefits of psychopathy and how great modern music is, also shitting on curtis institute of music and celebrate satanic disney worship and the 666 symbols of the flying monkeys. Maybe we can talk on how great JOSHUA CONNOR MOON is too.
• Music: Preferably sex with smutley blasting in the background or other Marilyn Manson songs. Hava Nagila works too.

 

[JambledUpWords]

Mermaid Queen Jude

Theme: Jameela Jamil appreciation party
Venue: Desert Botanical Gardens in Arizona during late July
Guests:

• Jameela Jamil
• Ashley Graham
• Camilla Cabello
• Sean Mendez
• Zac Efron
• Donald Trump

Dress code:

• All women have to wear bras
• No sneakers
• Formal dress
• Only neutral toned makeup allowed
• No crazy nails
• Hair has to be in natural hair color
• Hair cannot be messy

Food:

• Freshly sautéed vegetables
• Medium rare steak
• No potatoes
• No bread
• No rice
• Dessert is just a bowl of fruit
  

Drinks:

• If you want water, you have to kindly ask either Trump or Jameela for it
• No sweet drinks

Music/entertainment:

• Music genres for the night:
  • Opera
  • Classical
  • Gregorian chants
• Everyone ignores Jude unless she’s complimenting someone else
• Jude is muted every time she tries to talk about herself
• All of the games played require teamwork and Jude is paired with Jameela and Camilla every time
• Everyone is required to say something they admire about each other
  • Nobody is allowed to say anything they admire about Jude
• No social media allowed
• No phones allowed
• The only way to leave the party is to do something selfless for someone else and you cannot say anything about it afterwards
• In order to go home (in this case a hotel), Jude has to walk there
  • This is the only time comfier shoes are allowed

 

[OttoWest]

Jake Alley

Guests: No one

Food: Homemade meals that he can't eat

Theme: Prohibition era

Venue: A farm in the middle of nowhere

Drinks: Alcohol

Dress code: Clean and formal clothes

No hats allowed.

 

[Captain Communism]

Watch the magic of my brain do its thing...

• Guest list
  • Christian Weston Chandler
  • Stuart Clive Ashen
  • Michael Wayne Rosen
  • George Carlin
  • Joshua Moon
  • Meddling Goanimate Nerds
  • Deviantart Fetishists
  • Sir Mix a Lot
  • Christopher Poole
  • Rebecca Sugar
  • Miley Cyrus
  • Ae-Tan
  • You/A Random Kiwi Farmer/Unwanted Guest
• Food
  • Dinner: Toenail Clippings Inserted into your Belly Button
  • Dessert: Fried Chinese Baby mixed with Caillou's Hair
  • Appetizer: McBeetus French Fries that Cry
  • Side dishes:
    • Raisin Bran
    • Jewish Boogers
    • Swastika and Hammer & Sickle Shaped Cookies
• Venue: A Big Rundown Tool Shed
• Dress code: Towels only
• Drinks
  • Dr. Pepsi
  • Liquid Krokodil
  • Maddox's Urine
  • EZ PZ/Oddguy's Saliva
• Theme: 4Chan Ghetto

• Rules and misc info

You may not diddle the Goanimate Teenagers​

You may not Look at Null's Crotch​

Sir Mix a Lot is not allowed to inflate the Fetish Coomers​

Miley Cyrus is not allowed to Breathe​

Null and Ashens are allowed to Kill anyone for whatever Reason.​

The Raisin Bran is full of Dead Rats​

The Dr. Pepsi is secretly Thicc Cooking Oil​

The Goanimate Teenagers are not allowed to Eat or Drink anything for the rest of their Lives​

Any Offense will be dealt with Wojaks and Pepes swatting the Offender​

Null, Moot, and Ae-Tan will Serve the Dishes​

 

[Weeb Slinger]

Russell Greer enters an unusual dining hall with a sheet of glass horizontally bisecting both the room, and the long table that runs down the centre, at roughly a quarter of the way along its length.

On Russell's side of the partition, the table has been stocked with a variety of partially-set jello-based dishes, each with long-handled serving spoons that have slipped from their resting spots and now lie submerged at the bottom like the sunken treasures of a shipwreck. A stack of laminated paper bowls, decorated with artist-renditions of the classic Disney characters – Rey, Finn and Po Dameron, are on hand nearby to act as receptacles for this multicoloured glop. On the other side of the glass there is no food, however fine bone-china plates and gleaming cutlery are laid out, in the expectation of table service.

Should Mr Greer care to examine the place cards at his end of the table, he will discover that they are for members of his immediate family. His lawyer, Ken, has also been invited. In common with Godot, none of these expected guests ever arrive. In fact, the presumption that they would not wish to attend was so overwhelming that no effort was made to invite them.

The place-setting for Russell is at the foot of the table, the back of his chair facing the door that opens into the room and would present an inconvenience to our guest of honour, had it not been securely locked and bolted from without.

It is now explained to Greer that the partition is one-way mirror glass. Those on the opposite side will be unable to see or hear him. At this point a door at the far end of the room opens. The popular singer/songwriter, Taylor Swift, enters, ahead of a ragged procession of children and young adults, all of whom display pronounced physical and mental disabilities. An air of excitement and happiness fills this brightly-lit space. A girl with down syndrome presents Swift with a macaroni portrait. It is perhaps the worst example of macaroni art ever committed to pasta and paper, however the co-writer of 'You Need to Calm Down' is overcome with joy and announces that this will be the cover art for her next album. A song, improvised on the spot by a child with a sub 80 IQ and a severe speech impediment, is identified by the definitely not in the closet, multi-platinum songstress as her next single. A teenager with severe Lionitis approaches the 2015 Elle Style woman of the year and suggests to her that she wouldn't have to look at him if she was sitting on his face. Taken aback by his bravery and humour, Swift agrees to accompany him to his school prom, adding that it will totally be a date and that she is happy to sign a legally-binding document confirming this.

At this stage, we must reluctantly draw our focus away from these heart-warming scenes and return our attention to Russell, isolated in his bleak quarter-section of the room, pounding his fists against the glass like Dustin Hoffman at the end of The Graduate (spoilers). Gradually his side of the pane begins to fog over until it too is a mirror, casting the desperate, disheveled reflection of Russell, dressed in the only suit he has ever owned, with orange jello dribbling from both sides of his mouth.

The happy voices gradually fade. Russell's self-performed demo version of his Taylor Swift tribute 'I Get You' begins to play at uncomfortable volume through hidden speakers.

It never stops.

 

[DrJonesHat]

I'd write something for Nick Bate, but they don't let convicted child rapists out of prison for parties.

 

[Mad Asshatter]

Amberlynn Reid

Guests: Me and Becky. No E&R, they can be annoying.

Dining Venue: Middle of the woods, in a wood cabin with a wood stove and fire place.

Drinks: Water or Hot Tea with sugar substitute with lemon wedges (Becky and Amber) Coffee with Light Cream and Stevia (Me)

Music: Whatever's on the radio

Dress Code: Beck and Me- Normal clothes. Amber- Full length Muumuu (there's a reason I'll get to later)

Food: 'Hulthy' stuff for both Amber and Becky. Venison seasoned with garlic, pepper (and for Amber) salt. Boiled spinach, pearl onions, baked tomatoes with olive oil and grated parmesan cheese are their vegetables. Fruits such as blackberries, raspberries and wild blueberries are the dessert. All in normal serving sizes.

For me: Raw human flesh. Preferably (re) warmed to a human body temperature. Maybe seasoned, I dunno. Not theirs though, that's not cute boo boo.

Topics of Conversation: Nothing of Youtube. 90s cartoon conversations. Haunted house stuff, ghost stories.

Rules: Cellphones turned OFF, There is also no TV. Amber also has to go outside behind a tree if she has to piss (hence the muumuu) as no normal human toilet can withstand the weight of a quarter-ton gorl ommphing and umphing while trying to do the fat gorl flex. Becky can help her with that business, I don't want to see that. It would like be staring at the fleshy equivalent of the sun.