doing my makeup|grwm 05/13/20 -

Diet Coke 4 Life

When I peek, it is in the line of duty.
16 minutes? Sure, I hate my life enough to watch this.

Now for something I couldn’t care less about!

0:00 ‘Hey guise!’ Hey Amber.

0:03 ‘So for this video, you’re going to do your makeup with me.’ Uh, nope. Not happening. Even if I did do the makeup thing, I wouldn’t want ( a ) tacky wings, ( b ) horrid eyebrows or ( c ) a non-contoured ham planet face.

0:07 ‘Wait, no. I’m going to do my makeup with you.’ Still nope. And I managed to pause this on the most retarded face.

Screen Shot 2020-05-13 at 17.20.08.png

0:11 ‘So I haven’t worn makeup like at all this year’ LAAAAAAAHHHHHHHSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! SO many lahs! GORL. You have a fucking Instagram flooded with your shitty makeup pictures. You have LIVES that are archived here with your shitty makeup. Why you tell such blatant lies, you lying liar who lies?!

0:30 She’s rambling on about how if you’re new to her channel you may think she doesn’t like makeup and it’s not her jam (nah, we know your jam is strawberry hur her) except she’s worn makeup and is too fucking stupid to remember.

0:40 Talking about how she used to wear makeup daily.

1:00 Now blaming
for her lack of makeup from her ‘I used to wear it every time I left the house’ days.

1:11 Used ELF face primer with her grimy beetus fingers smearing it all over her face. Shows it off. I am clueless and give no fucks.

1:25 Having violently shaken the container, she professes it’s Porcelain Rebecca luminous foundation. Or something along those lines. Says she doesn’t do her makeup like the average Joe. Which is expected, because most people don’t apply makeup to the moon.

1:45 Goes on and on about how she does makeup her way, boo boo. ShE kNoWs WhAt WoRkS fOr HeR (Damn, I need to make this into glitter text). She’s blotting this crap foundation on her face with a small brush, leaving little dollops all over her rotund flushed face. And then rubs it all over the place with the brush.

1:56 Going for a ‘light look’ because she doesn’t want to use eyeshadow or anything like that. Then talks about how she loves a winged eyeliner, but she’s not feeling that either.

2:28 The more she smears that crap, the more her face doesn’t match her chest. Chest is brilliant red. Neck is predictably yellowed, because her face blocks sunlight from reaching it. Now her face is a pasty white/pink shit.

3:07 Talking about breaking out a lot. Says her least favorite part of makeup is (tangent to blather about her brush being something she got from one of her subscriptions, possibly IPSY - and back on topic) definitely eyebrows or concealer. Because she has no clue what she’s doing with either.

3:56 Professes she’s not a beauty guru, she just likes makeup.

4:04 Showing off her concealer. It’s ELF 16 hour camo concealer in fair beige. She uses an enormous sponge to blot it all over her beetus eye dark patches. Says she hasn’t been doing concealer for very long, but she makes it far too bright white whenever she applies it. Sure enough, she looks like an inverse panda.

4:51 She looks like a fucking clown. Jump cut where she obviously added more foundation, as she’s using her foundation-laden brush to rub along where she put that concealer stuff.

5:23 Professes that concealer makes her skin look super dry, and she has super dry skin to begin with (LOLZ NOPE UR GREASY AS FUCK) and waaaahs about that for a bit.

5:33 Breakin’ out more ELF shit. She says ‘it’s in the shade dark. I don’t know what else to call it’. She’s going to mash this into those few hairs she has above her eye sockets to form some brows. To my shock, she uses a brush.

5:48 Says that Becky likes to play games - to draw/write on her enormous skin-canvas, pillow fight and tickle her.

6:06 Now AL is talking about her changing tickle spots and I’m pondering if I’m going to taste my beer a second time before this stream of words is done.

6:14 Looks at the camera and starts cackling because some self-realization may have struck that her head looks like a pasty balloon attached to a sunburnt albino manatee.

6:18 Singsongs ‘I look crazy!’ I am barely holding myself back from walloping my own laptop with a thesaurus.

6:40 Says that if she could only have one makeup item for her whole life, it’d be mascara. I am still clueless and still give no fucks.

6:45 Shows off ELF eyeliner in jet black. All-time favorite, as we know. So she is doing a line on her upper lid. Says she’s running out of eyeliner, so she’s not doing a wing.

7:20 Says she’s known for her wings, but she’s not feeling it and it’d be fucked up because she’s running out of eyeliner.

7:29 Now goes on talking about how she’s getting a lot of new subscribers (paid bots don’t count, AL) and how they may not know what she’s talking about with her wings. PICK ONE. We either know your crappy lopsided makeup wings or we don’t, you vapid bitch!

7:33 ‘Absolute crazo’ Pardon me while I smash my face onto my table. Thank you. Carrying on.

7:43 Still going on about how she’s the Queen of Wings. Maybe bingo wings.

8:00 Realizes she’s been doing shit eyeliner for 17 years and that she’s old. ‘When did that happen?’ Fuck you.

8:24 Now she’s waxing on about time going by slowly when you’re young but then it flies when you’re older and blah blah blah shaddup.

8:44 Shows off her Better than Sex mascara. Doesn’t say ‘Sex’ because fuck it, she’s a child despite ‘being so old’ and can’t. Recommends, 10/10. I don’t care.

9:02 Says she works on her mascara for a solid 5 minutes, but she doesn’t want to bore us so she’s just going to hope she gets it right. It’s rather comedic that she does this by propping her elbow on her table, lowering her face to her hand and then wiggling her fingers to apply the shit. There, mystery solved about how she does this shit with her enormous turkey-arms. The table supports the weight.

9:16 Most awkward segue into ‘I have a TikTok’ ever. WTF.

9:20 Says she wanted her TikTok to be ‘like weightloss moment, but I’m not really sure’ and then goes on about how she loves her a weightloss TikTok, and she’s on a weightloss journey and she’s lost over 70 lbs and it’s like ‘wat is happening’ and shaddup.

10:10 Goes on to talk about her stupid mirror. Again. Says it’s touch screen but she doesn’t, like, use that because she’s stupid.

10:31 Looks to the side of her mirror and goes ‘Woah!’ And gasps. Professes ‘Ew, I’m ugly! I’ve never looked on this side!’ Gorl, you’re finally seeing what we all see.

We get the best dumbfounded wonk-eye, though.

Screen Shot 2020-05-13 at 17.43.32.png

10:49 Apparently that side of the mirror zooms in really well lol

11:04 Now she whines about how she misses having the most perfect skin and how she never broke out (it was very rare).

11:20 Still going on with her mascara. Then realizes we can’t see what she’s doing because it’s masked by the mirror. Professes the video sucks, and she apologizes.

11:47 Eyefucks herself majorly, then proclaims, ‘I’m loveeeen the look, actually.’ GORL, I thought you just said you’s ugly as fuck.

12:07 Oh fuck, I ain’t typing’ all the stupid shit she just said. It’s a highlight ‘moment’ that she’s currently obsessed with. She says it’s ‘beyond incredible.’ But then she goes on to talk about how her foundation has highlight ‘because it’s luminous’.

12:30 Uses her giant finger to smear highlight on her face. Does it on the eyelids and her enormous cheeks.

12:50 Still going for more product. Marble light dusk blush now. With her damned finger, because ‘I feel like it looks better’. It doesn’t cover up the highlight, I guess.

13:13 She looks like a damned clown now.

Screen Shot 2020-05-13 at 17.48.19.png

It looks like I was able to slap her with my thesaurus across her cheeks. Hard. If only that were reality, and it’d stop her from saying ‘crazy’ all the fucking time.

13:26 She whines that blush makes her face look fatter. Acknowledges it.

13:43 Using a contour lip pencil thing because she didn’t choose a lipstick or something. I’m shocked she doesn’t eat the damned thing.

14:10 ‘Sometimes that’s all you need, boo boo. BOO BOO.’ Punch yourself since I can’t punch you, Amber. For fuck’s sake. Break time - getting more alcohol.

Ah, back at it. Here we go. Only 2 minutes of this shit remaining.

14:12 AH FUCK. She did that rapid lip-smack thing she does when she’s about to inhale sugar. GAH.

14:22 Now going to add just the tiniest bit of Floss lipgloss. It’s her new favorite as she stares at it like she’s never seen lip gloss before. Or like she’s pondering if it’s edible. She got it in one of her bags.

14:36 More lip smacking as she smears a ton of this shit all over her lips.

14:39 Fuckin’ perfection.

Screen Shot 2020-05-13 at 17.52.29.png

Pardon me while I laugh.

14:46 Blathers about the lipgloss having no color (NO SHIT). ‘Alls I did was add some contour. It makes my natural lips look so like good.’ No it doesn’t. Dream on. They’re still tiny lopsided slivers of colored flesh on the surface of the moon.

15:05 Fuck, now it’s time for some skin mist shit or something. I don’t care enough to transcribe what it is.

15:11 Foundation is expensive, mascara is somewhat pricy, but her face mist ‘costs some money boo boo.’ You’re a boo boo.

15:46 Wishes she had somewhere to go, but she’s stuck at home. Like that’s stopped you from seeing your friends.

16:06 Has to go film another video, so fuck off so she can go eat.
Last edited:


Mama, nobody sends you a turd and expects to live.
True & Honest Fan
Are they trying to make the room look like a Yankee Candle stock room? I don’t think I’ve ever see someone use straight-up stacked inventory as home decor.

I wonder if she gets her inspiration for interior design from Bath and Body Works catalogs. Maybe she walks into the BBW (lol) stores and dreams of making her living room look just like the left side of the store and her bedroom the right side.

What a weird thing to hoard. I know death fatties smell bad but it’s still weird af.

Peetz's Bank Account

Anyone else notice the skin around her eyes is a weird brownish-green color? She looks like she's rotting from the inside out- a bloated corpse found on a 95 degree day in the woods below an overpass. Only a mortician could even attempt to hide those dark circles; Albert might want to head to the hardware store to see if they can find a matching exterior paint color to cover them up. God knows she'd leave her house during a pandemic for such a menial task even if she's "afraid to touch the Amazon boxes." Maybe tell her Density is coming to visit to speed up the process.

Floppy Baby

This is not America's Next Top Best Friend!
Well that was a slough to get through.

The lack of editing she does in her videos is astonishing. And no, saying throughout the video "this is such a bad video you guise" is not the same as editing the video to make it less long and boring. As much as she's out for money given the ads she puts in every two minutes she can't be bothered to do the most basic things to make more people want to voluntarily view her content.

Honey Blossom
First off her thumbnail makes her look exceptional lol.

Secondly, she starts the video out on a lie, saying she has not worn makeup like at all this year. Meanwhile in her last few videos and daily livestreams she's been wearing makeup. Why lie about stupid things??
This video is old. Her look matches with her first TikToks and that was weeks ago.

edit: oops just saw ChubbyChaser posted while I was verifying this on her TikTok.

a llama weighs 450lbs

amber's hump #1 fan
what's the point of wearing a choker if it's not going to hide your prediabetic neck discoloration am i right gorls??
Screen Shot 2020-05-13 at 4.54.21 PM.png
her fat ears will never cease to amaze me
Screen Shot 2020-05-13 at 4.46.44 PM.png
does she drag her knuckles on the ground as she walks? that is not a dainty look
Screen Shot 2020-05-13 at 4.49.35 PM.png
she says it's a known fact wearing blush makes her face look fatter. she's correct, because she applies it like a re'tard with her fingers at the widest points of her face.
Screen Shot 2020-05-13 at 4.54.43 PM.png
it must be hard to grip onto a lip pencil with those hooves
Screen Shot 2020-05-13 at 4.58.01 PM.png
completed lewk. i guess she's trying to match her red eyebrows to her red tard blush. revolutionary!
Screen Shot 2020-05-13 at 4.58.49 PM.png
if your arm is fatter than your head it's time to have becky roll you into the ocean.
Screen Shot 2020-05-13 at 5.00.03 PM.png