Dove Reviews - Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children?

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MysticMisty

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ln18

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My favorite thing I've seen from this sort of thing is Movieguide's review for Rob Zombie's Halloween 2
https://www.movieguide.org/reviews/halloween-2.html

(HH, AbAb, OO, Ho, B, LLL, VVV, SS, NN, AA, D, MM) Strong humanist worldview overall that implicitly attacks the family and Christian/biblical concepts of love with strong occult content where two insane people seeing ghost of their mother and some homosexual and transsexual references in homage to THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW, but with a weak attempt to generate moral sympathy for teenager girl and her new adoptive father who’s a sheriff; at least 142 mostly strong obscenities (including many “f” words), 11 strong profanities and 13 light profanities, plus a vomiting scene; extreme, almost constant bloody violence includes multiple, repeated brutal stabbings with large knife, impalings, killer stomps repeatedly on man’s head, man hits killer with baseball bat, killer flings people heads against objects, shots of bloody wounds, bloody hospital scene, man eats flesh of dead dog, car explodes, etc.; depicted sex scene, kissing, teenagers make out in van before getting killed, murders in strip joint; multiple shots of upper female nudity and a couple shots of upper male nudity; alcohol use and teen “heroine” gets drunk; smoking; and, greed, psychosis, insanity, psychological references, a reference to dream psychology, teenage rebellion, talking back to parent, tattoos, and vegetarianism.
and vegetarianism.
 

Phil Ken Sebben

The Potato Whisperer.
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If I remember correctly the CAP review for it actually did. And I wouldn't be surprised if they got around to Team America, too.
http://www.capalert.com/capreports/southpark.htm
http://www.capalert.com/capreports/teamamerica-worldpolice.htm
He actually did.
I love how they include something like "vomiting" as Impudence / Hate. It's there for comic purposes and it's over the top because, lets face it, it's coming from the South Park guys. But this part in their review just astounds me:
Some asshat said:
In another scene, Gary experiences an episode of vomiting clearly exaggerated for effect after drinking himself into a stupor. I momentarily thought the exaggerated vomiting scene was put there for the "benefit" of the CAP Ministry since 1) we have apparently built a name for ourselves in Hollywood, at least that is what we are told, 2) several email attacks of our analysis of South Park: BLU flamed us for including vomiting in the listing of findings and 3) since the CAP Ministry is an enemy of many South Park: BLU lovers and apparently of Stone and Parker, the exaggerated vomiting scene made me wonder whether this second excessively exaggerated scene was just to express recognition of the CAP service. By the viciousness and vulgarity of the email attacks, I would almost believe this to be true ... Nah! Not a chance. Why would a megabuck pair of Hollywood cinematic whiz kids take notice of a church mouse poor grassroots ministry?
I don't know which is worse if it's the fact that they think Parker & Stone actually care about this group and what they think or more importantly the absolute amount of smug generated at the end.

But seriously, these guys have their panties in a twist when some rather innocent examples are seen as being a jab at Christians and Christianity as a whole. I'm just glad I don't know anybody that believes this stuff as they do.
 

Jaiman

pink pastel equine enthusiast
True & Honest Fan
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Even though it isn't a family movie, even the Grown Ups 2 review is pretty ridiculous.

Sex: Man doesn't know he has a grown son
Language: Fricken-1
Drugs: man drinks three five hour energy drinks in a row; man asks daughter if she wants to take some Nyquil to go to sleep.
Other: older teenage boy has tattoos and carries a switch-blade; woman has a leash on a child; homosexual gym trainer.
 

SamTheEagle

What if the true lolcow is inside us?
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Language: Fricken-1
Now I'm curious how they'd react to Napoleon Dynamite. Luckily, CAP has a review:

http://www.capalert.com/capreports/napoleondynamite.htm
The only uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary I could find in the cut I saw was the conversational snippet of being angered and the use of the name of eternal fire as an expletive in a background song. But there were several uses of the euphemism of the most foul of the foul words which where treated not as the most foul of the foul words but the same as one of the three/four letter words.
I wonder what the consequences are if you snicker in Sunday School with these people.
 
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MysticMisty

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I love how they include something like "vomiting" as Impudence / Hate. It's there for comic purposes and it's over the top because, lets face it, it's coming from the South Park guys. But this part in their review just astounds me:
I don't know which is worse if it's the fact that they think Parker & Stone actually care about this group and what they think or more importantly the absolute amount of smug generated at the end.

But seriously, these guys have their panties in a twist when some rather innocent examples are seen as being a jab at Christians and Christianity as a whole. I'm just glad I don't know anybody that believes this stuff as they do.
Best part if how they think they've "built a name for themselves" in Hollywood. Because the biggest directors and studio CEOs totally care about how some guy with a fucking redwood up his ass thinks virtually nothing is perfectly suitable for kids. Second favorite part is:
Some uptight fundie said:
If the projection of this film is anti-left, it makes no sense why Stone and Parker had to throw vulgarity at Jesus.
As if it was somehow sort of acceptable before then (also completely missing the point).
 
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