DSP's Hair Mega-Hyper-Ultra Thread - Patchy goatee talk included

Haunter

Supervisor
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
@Prince Lotor'd asked me to help him put together this thread, cuz his device can't upload images for some reason. Basically, it's a place to "document sightings and Phil's narcsplainations about his bald-spots", as Prince Lotor put it. I'm not totally convinced of the OP's finished state, but given the lull we can expect in the DSPhere as Phil vacations in Connecticut, I figured now was a good a time as any to post it.


(via @AckAckNothingICouldDo)

For Phil, his hair is the sacred idol maintained for the worship of his god, "Self-Image". As great effort has gone into propping up this idol, it will require an autistic level of detail to explain it.

This progression chart posted by @big ups liquid richard illustrates the stages of male pattern baldness



Prince Lotor explains: "Phil actually has 2 bald spots on his head besides the receeding hairline. He not only has the usual circular bald spot on the Crown of his head, he has a 2nd bald spot that is a jagged line running down the top of his head in his Midscalp region that runs from the Forelock region and almost connects with the bald spot on his crown. I would put him as a solid 4.5 on that scale.

The ½ inch jagged line bald spot running along the middle of his Midscalp region is why he wears his hair greased back like that, so the hair fron his Forelock region covers it. He is very self-conscious of this bald spot as can be seen when any part of his Forelock region is draped down on his forehead and he begins constantly smoothing his hair back."

The Circular Crown Bald Spot in 2011

(Posted in December 21, 2017 by @Cipher)


(From @EmperorGoutatine)

The Second Bald Spot noted by Prince Lotor is spotted in those moments when the unaware Phil lowers his head towards the camera, like in this Twitter post that was brought to the Farms by @PieceofShet


And these DSP Tries screengrabs from @Clop

Phil explains in this Pre-Stream from 2017 why he is not in fact balding, and how it isn't his fault that it appears like he is: As a child, Phil's mom would comb his hair. She did that "all throughout Elementary School, into when I entered High School", at which point he finally resisted his mother combing his hair for him. Tragically, he would later come to learn that the hairstyle chosen by his mother had caused irreparable damage to his hairline:

"Basically, the part of where my hair was is where - if you look at my hair now, it looks like: 'Oh! Well, Phil has a receding hairline!' No! That's my hair's - My hair's been like that because my mom used to make a part in my head there, and my hair naturally stopped growing where the hair kept getting torn apart, okay?"

"And the back of my head - 'Oh! Well, there's a bald spot!' No! That's where my part used to end. It used to go from the front of my head to the back, so the two natural spots where she always used to comb the hair away - the hair didn't grow well, okay?"

Phil is adamant that if you review videos of his, you will see that his hair's always been the same. It's only because he's changed hairstyles from the old crew-cut to the current "combed back look" that's there's a noticeable oddity.

Again with his hair only appearing bald because of something out of his control: When Phil wear's headphones, his hair "either gets pushed back or to the sides". Phil brings it up February 2018, seen here during a re-stream from Taiga Aisaka (thanks to @BallBuster for the link.)

This explanation reappeared recently during the March marathon:

(Source: https://twitter.com/DSPArchives/status/1109685539366715392)

To prove his point, he actually left the room to properly comb it back.

This placement of his own failings in appearance and health is common for Phil. For example, his "acid level imbalance" (gout) is "apparently hereditary in my family, because my Aunt had it her whole life and didn't fuck'n tell anybody. Thanks Aunt."

Phil has a "personal hair stylist" that requires a day dedicated for traveling to.

(via @Cipher)

@Sparkletor: "From what I recall, Phil has a "personal hair stylist" who lives in a different city. She is the only person he trusts to cut his hair. His hair is thick, full, and rich, and he is not going bald by the way.

This guy is too sick to stream and has no money to pay bills but can spend an entire day traveling across Washington to a personal stylist for the equivalent of an $8 haircut.

How does Phil get to this other city? He doesn't drive. Does Kat take him or does he pay for a taxi?"

@Raven'sChild: "She used to be local, but moved to a hair salon in a different city, so D$P now travels there to have her cut his hair. This will, of course entail eating one or more meals out. He or Khet drives based of his taxi experience story from his Leanna EmergenReee story."
 

Clop

kiwifarms.net
Heard recently from a hairdresser that if you splat a bunch of shampoo on top of your head before you start spreading, it's acidic enough to cause harm to your hair in that spot on top of your head (but will grow back healthy once you stop doing that shit)

Optimistic, I know. But we all know Phil reads the Farms so if his hair gets miraculously better I'll take it as empirical evidence.
 

gin_nose

kiwifarms.net
Well done, I've been saying for a while that Phillip is very self conscious about his male pattern baldness. Like really really really self conscious. It's definitely an easy way to trigger him if you were to poke him about it the right way. He really doesnt want to accept it, same with his really patchy beard.
 

actually

Supervisor
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Heard recently from a hairdresser that if you splat a bunch of shampoo on top of your head before you start spreading, it's acidic enough to cause harm to your hair in that spot on top of your head (but will grow back healthy once you stop doing that shit)

Optimistic, I know. But we all know Phil reads the Farms so if his hair gets miraculously better I'll take it as empirical evidence.
I think we can safely assume "too much shampoo" isn't Phil's issue :lol:
 

GnomeofDoc

What? I like weird old guns.
kiwifarms.net

Schmeckel

Praise 'til you're hollow
kiwifarms.net
His big greasy dome makes him look so much worse, paired with his weird ass goatee it is just crazy that he can look himself in the mirror and not realise that he would look 10x more normal with a skin head and clean shaven.View attachment 718670
He really looks a lot better with buzzed hair and a clean shave. Kinda Private Pyle-ish with how doughy he is, but his face would be a vast improvement. But, he won't buzz his head again cause it would totally reveal the budding bird's nest on the top of the gout dome.
 
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