DSP's Hair Mega-Hyper-Ultra Thread - Patchy goatee talk included

Perpetual Outrage

kiwifarms.net

How can something look like such an obvious hairpiece while also looking greasy and sad at the same time?

At best it's a disgusting, greasy comb back that still seems to break the laws of physics but he's clearly rocking a massive, massive combforward these days, so what the hell are we going to see if we ever see the back of his head in current era?
 

FalsePositive

True Positivity
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Just saying, Phil's idol and comedy inspiration Howard Stern has been in radio since 1986. Wearing headphones every day. Not balding.

Construction workers wear ear protection identical to headphones. They don't just go bald.

Air traffic controllers wear headphones for hours a day. Don't go bald.

McDonald's and other similar places have workers wear a headset their entire shift. Not bald.


Phil wears headphones 6 hours a day. Has a landing strip in his dome.
Howard Stern is actually bald as fuck, he's been wearing some configuration of wigs and weaves since at least the mid 90s.
 

Immortal Technique

©™
kiwifarms.net
New sightings with the oil rat nest. A widow's peak coming from the temple and the other temple's hair decided to leave for good.
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Molester Stallone

Trust me, I'm a doctor.
kiwifarms.net
I don't think head shaving would work for Phil. With his dark hair and pale complexion, he would have to keep up with it everyday. I can't see Phil spending upwards of 10 minutes a day making himself look more presentable.
 

That Hedonist Nerd

Pig Whisperer & Boomer
kiwifarms.net
Has he ever mentioned going to the doctors? He talks about his $400/mo health insurance enough. If he only showers once a week and the rest of the time he takes a whore's bath then you know those teeth have to be shit too.
And dental plans are so fucking cheap considering what you get:
DeltaDental.png


Delta Dental, the best dental plans you can get in the US
 

That Hedonist Nerd

Pig Whisperer & Boomer
kiwifarms.net
I'd be willing to bet some of those "appointments" are the doctor. Back when he did his "tours", you could see pill bottles in the kitchen. Some could have been Leanna's, but there were like...4 or 5, so it's doubtful all were hers.
Plus, knowing Dave, there's no way he'd pay for insurance unless he was using it. So he either has meds that without insurance cost overt $400/mo or he requires a lot of services every year. There's also the possibility that he has it because hes a bigf man adult and thats what adults do, but I don't think he'd be paying if he didn't need it.
 

Prince Lotor

I'm not an eldritch horror! I'm a human being!
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Has he ever mentioned going to the doctors? He talks about his $400/mo health insurance enough. If he only showers once a week and the rest of the time he takes a whore's bath then you know those teeth have to be shit too.
And dental plans are so fucking cheap considering what you get:
View attachment 1016684

Delta Dental, the best dental plans you can get in the US
I believe he says he flat-out cannot go to the doctor ever, even for a yearly physical because the last time he set foot in a doctor's office it cost him $2,000 even with insurance. You're right about how much he says his payments are, just makes me wonder what kind of jacked-up plan he got for himself. Like something that doesn't cover doctor's visits, routine screenings, etc Do such plans even exist? It's like he got disaster insurance for his health with no routine maintenance care. I've heard of people travelling to America taking out a kind of supplemental emergency insurance so they don't get fucked if they end up needing the services of an American hospital, when it comes to purchasing decisions with Phil there's just no telling how stupid what he decided actually is.
 

Schmeckel

Silver Shamrock
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I don't think head shaving would work for Phil. With his dark hair and pale complexion, he would have to keep up with it everyday. I can't see Phil spending upwards of 10 minutes a day making himself look more presentable.
He spends about that same amount of time brushing that disgusting possum of a scalp to get that perfect greasy sheen.

At most, he'd have to run a sorta decent set of hair clippers over his dome MAYBE 7 minutes every 3 days just to maintain the private Pyle look. If a lazy schmuck like me can do something like that and not ruin schedules....clearly Phil isn't capable of doing it, because it's easy for one other person in the world, so it clearly just wouldn't work for him.
 

That Hedonist Nerd

Pig Whisperer & Boomer
kiwifarms.net
I believe he says he flat-out cannot go to the doctor ever, even for a yearly physical because the last time he set foot in a doctor's office it cost him $2,000 even with insurance. You're right about how much he says his payments are, just makes me wonder what kind of jacked-up plan he got for himself. Like something that doesn't cover doctor's visits, routine screenings, etc Do such plans even exist? It's like he got disaster insurance for his health with no routine maintenance care. I've heard of people travelling to America taking out a kind of supplemental emergency insurance so they don't get fucked if they end up needing the services of an American hospital, when it comes to purchasing decisions with Phil there's just no telling how stupid what he decided actually is.

So, this is what I find for right around $400/mo:
2019-11-20_4-31-03.png


Not the best, but certainly not $2000 just for stepping in the door. Hell, if you spend an extra $17/mo you get basically the same plan except no deductible.

In your 20s all the way to mid 30s health insurance is almost superfluous, especially if you have to pay for all of it. Smarter choice is to bank that amount and invest it. If he would have done that for just 5 years he'd have an extra $24,000 kicking around.
 

Sparkletor

kiwifarms.net
This admitted by him or just (believable) speculation?

Cos if he admitted this...fuckin ew. Vile.
He has also described "washing himself" in the terms of taking a wet towel and just wiping himself down a little; if you needed further credence to the theory.
Phil has directly said he does not shower every day. Some days he only has time to use a wet wash cloth to wipe up.

Phil has zero time to take a shower. I know guys who served in submarines. You only get 15 seconds of water. They still shower daily.

For a source, there was the video right after the wedding where Phil didn't have his ring on. Chat asked about his ring. Phil said he rarely takes his ring off, only on days that he showers.

Phil showed up for a vlog with poofy hair. He apologized and said his hair was pooch because he had to take a shower.

Showering is hard work. He has a stool in the shower so he can sit down.

Phil goes multiple days without bathing. At most he wets a washcloth and rubs his armpits. He also admits he has bad night sweats. And we are to believe Kat sleeps in the same bed as him.
 

PieceofShet

kiwifarms.net
Phil has directly said he does not shower every day. Some days he only has time to use a wet wash cloth to wipe up.

Phil has zero time to take a shower. I know guys who served in submarines. You only get 15 seconds of water. They still shower daily.

For a source, there was the video right after the wedding where Phil didn't have his ring on. Chat asked about his ring. Phil said he rarely takes his ring off, only on days that he showers.

Phil showed up for a vlog with poofy hair. He apologized and said his hair was pooch because he had to take a shower.

Showering is hard work. He has a stool in the shower so he can sit down.

Phil goes multiple days without bathing. At most he wets a washcloth and rubs his armpits. He also admits he has bad night sweats. And we are to believe Kat sleeps in the same bed as him.

If you autistic enough and you attend every pre, you can make a shower calendar, marking a few days every month.

Because when he showers, he always says it.
 

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