• “it was channeled to me, probably by my future self, being that's my most trustworthy source.”

DSP's scholastic journey from valedictorian to boiling ramen in a keurig and eating it with a spoon"Look at this. It's empty. There's no brain. Did you lose it somewhere?"

Discussion in 'Phil Burnell / DarkSydePhil' started by Monday Michiru, Sep 5, 2018.

Forum Guidelines
  • Be civil. Don't get angry over DSP. If you need to tell people you're better than someone, you're probably not.
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no one can help you


I expected Dante from Clerks to be further along in life by this point. What happened to his brain?

  1. Alcoholism

  2. Gout

  3. Lack of use/Laziness

  4. Head injury

  1. Questions abound.


    User @Sparkletor has gone above and beyond the call of duty in investigating the claim about DSP's past that has generated the most intrigue -- his status as valedictorian. So it would appear he was indeed valedictorian of Notre Dame High School in Fairfield, Connecticut. I was never quite willing to rule it out... but nice to have confirmation for this ancient, fantastic claim. Hear Phillip himself recall his school days:

    I know many you have questions. And I know some of you have explanations ready. This is the place for them. How did the valedictorian of anything grow up to be DarksydePhil? Or, more cynically, How did DarksydePhil sneak the title of valedictorian from anywhere? Someone enlighten us!

    "I was blessed with intelligence" -- DSP

    http://www.notredame.org ND have more than a bit to say about themselves. Talk of rigor, devotion, faith, and intellect. All qualities essential to the character of our favorite goateed Let's Player. Right? *snort*

    From the Mission Statement:
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    #1 Monday Michiru, Sep 5, 2018
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 17, 2018
    Monday Michiru

    Monday Michiru The Washing of Dishes

  2. Evidence of the decline of public education?
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    OfflineCyberBully Online Only

  3. Even the mightiest titans fall one day, and Phil is no exception. Then again, that would imply that Phil was a titan in some shape or form.
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    REGENDarySumanai Man of excellent taste

  4. No fucking way
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  5. Are we sure it's the same Phil Burnell? Maybe there's a Phillippe Burnell who does yoga and ghostwrote for Stephen Hawking.

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    Pubic Enemy #1

    Pubic Enemy #1 Oi m8 wot if ur mam was an email

  6. What a waste of education.
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  7. You forgot "Was never working with top shelf material to begin with", so I can't vote in this poll. :(
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    Nurse Ratchet

    Nurse Ratchet Q. ARE WE NOT MEN?
    True & Honest Fan

  8. it must have been a special autistic school with 45 kids in the class

    like wtf the nigga cant even say basic shit. Like calling people who charge back pay pals are guilty of "perjury" and not fraud. or instead of called the median that is in between roads he calls it the "meridean" like the prime meridean" just a bunch of shit like that that he is so off about. Or even not being able to complete easy ass puzzles in games
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  9. The fucking games did this to him.
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    JuanButNotForgotten Friendly Mexican Ghost

  10. I did coffee maker ramen, but I was never enough of a douche to buy a Keurig. That shit's overpriced if you drink more than one cup of coffee at a time. And I drink it by the pot.
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    The Shadow

    The Shadow Festive Yuletide Gremlin

  11. No. Unless I see evidence of it. So far there is none.
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  12. That would imply that the valedictorian has to be smart in the first place.
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  13. Honestly, I think that Phil's state of mediocrity and misery fits in quite well with him being a school Valedictorian.

    Most Valedictorians live mediocre and boring lives. A good article on the subject:


    Phil pretty much spent his life in High School working hard and regurgitating information on command. You don't become get there by being inventive or creative. You get there by doing everything you are told on command like a trained monkey. Creativity, intellect, or inventiveness are not even a part of the equation. Compliance, discipline, and hard work are all you need.

    It sums up his channel. He just pumps out videos on a timed basis to meet Youtube's standards with no polish, charm or creativity to meet his quota like a good little trained monkey. If anything, Phil being a Valedictorian explains a lot.
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    SunLightStreak Elite Illuminati Task Force Agent for Cow Control
    True & Honest Fan

  14. I don't know why everyone was so hard in denial about this to begin with. Phil just put in the kind of work that can get you #1 at a Connecticut high school. And then never worked again.
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    Kosher Dill

    Kosher Dill Potato Chips
    True & Honest Fan

  15. Could it be that his luck stat is so high that he can become valedictorian without even trying despite how stupid he is?
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  16. https://www.niche.com/k12/notre-dame-high-school-fairfield-ct/rankings/

    It’s top 300 in “diversity”...but pretty low in other rankings besides sports. I’ll bet you one American dollar that this is one of the Roman Catholic institutions designed to produce athletes. You can find private catholic schools all over the US where all they really care about is sports. Phil getting first isn’t that unbelievable if my hypothesis is true.

    What they do is scout the public schools for stud niggers to ball hard for them and give them scholarships. The white alumni pay through the nose in “donations” because of the sports glory. I should look up basketball champions in CT.

    Edit: ranking correction
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    Commander Keen

    Commander Keen in GOODBYE GALAXY!!!

  17. I think the moral we should be taking from this is that Phil isn't inherently a moron - he made himself into one. And the same could happen to any one of us.
    :powerlevel: My grandmother spent the last decade or so of her life in retirement and didn't know what to do with herself, so she ended up essentially living the Phil lifestyle - watching TV all day in a huge empty house far away from most of her family (including myself). It really was a strong contributing factor to her mental decline in my opinion. Phil is just getting a few decades' head start on the process.
    If you want to stay sharp, stay engaged with the world somehow. Work a respectable job, travel, pick up a hobby, something. Otherwise you may just misplace Italy on the map one day, and there'll be nothing you can do.
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    Kosher Dill

    Kosher Dill Potato Chips
    True & Honest Fan

  18. Just to put it out there I'm not one for debating unless it's something I really give a shit about, but I don't think it's that hard to keep your mind sharp even if you avoid having intellectual debates like most of the internet these days. I usually do by listening to political podcasts, and I go out and talk to people around where i live. Phil shouldn't be that bad off because he's not totally isolated, but it seems like whatever "girlfriend" he lives with doesn't really provide much intellectual stimulation and the stuff he watches... So wait, is Phil like how Huey ended up on the Boondocks when he tried to watch BET for 24 hours? I really don't think netflix would do that to someone but what do I know?
  19. I can't speak for Phil's specific high school, but there are some pretty small schools in CT, especially when it comes to private schools. One of my friends graduated from a class of 20ish students. If Phil had a relatively small class size I don't think it's too out there to believe he was top of the class. Phil is super prideful and cares way too much about titles and achievements, so I could see him trying to game the system to get the highest GPA possible. Even with Phil's minimal critical thinking skills, you can get through high school pretty easily based on memorization and following the instructions teachers lay out in their projects. I wouldn't be surprised if Phil's parents also helped him with any type of project outside the classroom.

    It's also possible, strange as it may seem, that younger Phil put effort into things. I can think of quite a few people who tried really hard in high school, but then when they got into college and suddenly had freedom and less outside pressure to succeed, became super lazy and complacent. Sometimes it is just living away from home, but other times it is also the lack of praise and recognition, especially if you're coming from a smaller school where it is way easier/common for teachers to acknowledge getting a good grade on something.
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  20. So I'm remembering how Phil was talking about having to learn all these things about Catholicism and how he learned it all and could regurgitate it but pretty much immediately forgot all of it as soon as he got to college and it has me wondering how much of Phil's high school curriculum was rote memorization of Catholic dogma? I'm not extremely well versed in it, but from what I remember of Catholic schools in the 90's they were less bastions of academic achievement and higher learning and more indoctrination factories that made damn sure you had the bare minimum required knowledge memorized so they could keep the state Education board out of their hair.

    Also there is a tendency to think of 'Private Schools' as somehow more prestigious or more academically rigorous, but by definition all Catholic schools have to be private schools. That school is in the bottom 35% for 'Best College Prep' and 'Best Private' High Schools in America, and in the bottom 30% for 'Best Catholic High Schools in America'. Meanwhile it's in the top 3% for 'Most Diverse Private High Schools' and in the top 8% for 'Best High School Sports in America'. It doesn't seem like higher learning is a huge focus there. Ranked in just Fairfield county it comes in second to last in academics out of 15, and ranked in Connecticut it's the 3rd from last out of 22 in 'Best Catholic High Schools' and 6th from last out of 61 in 'Best College Prep Private High Schools' and 'Best Private High Schools'.
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    #20 Prince Lotor, Sep 5, 2018
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2018
    Prince Lotor

    Prince Lotor Holidays with the Harem

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